To the married folks

Mooky · Jan 17, 2014

Just wondering if the married people could give some input here.I am wondering if marriage has provided the comfort, sense of security and companionship that you hoped it would.Are there times of lonliness at all?
Also, do you think there is such a thing as marriage material or not. ie. are some people cut out for this endeavour and others not.

Yes, I would like to know for my own sake....but I would also like to be able to form a more enlightened opinion so that I can help other single friends with this.
Thanks alot.

Angela53510 · Jan 17, 2014

I am glad to be married. My husband and I compliment each other in so many ways. We have fun, share common interests, and also have our own personal interests. That means, if I go to the ballet, I go without him. If he goes to the car parts yard, he goes without me. So sometimes, we are alone in our activities, but we do find time to spend with each other. I used to be very lonely, especially when he went away for work, but now I am finding his retirement to be a bit of a challenge without having enough "space." This is something we are working on, and he has been very good about it so far.

My personal opinion though, is that we should always put our ultimate companionship, love, and desire in God. My security comes from God, but I do trust and love my husband. Remember that people fail us, make mistakes and they also can die. Marriage is special, if you do find the "right" person. Meaning someone that you love and are loved in return, serves God, and you can share a life with.

I can't comment on whether some people are not cut out for it or not, since I have been married so long, I barely remember not being married. (33 years!) I think most people are probably "cut out" for marriage, since the majority of people do marry and that was God's plan in the Garden.

But one should marry I think they should seek God's will as to whether this is God's plan for you life. A single person, in my opinion, can do a lot more for God than a married person, and I know Paul says something to that effect. But if a couple wants to serve God together, what a wonderful blessing. Two of my seminary profs have been missionaries together, and I know a few other couples who served together on the mission field. But we can serve God at home, and raising a family, so everyone has that opportunity in Christ.

I don't know if that helps much. Just to tell you, it works for me!

J-Kay-2 · Jan 17, 2014

Mooky: Yes, marriage is all you put into it. Your mate should be
your best friend. Hide nothing, keep everything in the open. If
he or she tells you something in confidence, be trustworthy and
keep that confidence. Share. It is not all about one person. It
is two becoming one. Love one another as Christ loves the Church.
Know you are not going to agree on the same thing all the time.
That got me into a lot of trouble because I thought because I
knew Gods Word, my husband was wrong to the extent, he would
say, "I can't have my own opinion."
We are in our 50th year now. I am just learning, he is capable
of being very wise. Just because he is quiet, I am discovering he
really has more wisdom than I do.
God bless you in your decision and I pray God gives you many years
with a loving wife or husband. J~K~2

Toska · Jan 17, 2014

I love being married. He is my best friend, confidante, lover...............the man I cannot imagine life without. When something happens in my life, He is the first person I want to tell about it. It is not always a walk in the park, there are tough times. But, at the end of the day, it is all worth it.

The only time I feel lonely is when he is gone. I count the hours until he will return to me. He makes me feel secure and loved. For me, marriage is everything I ever dreamed of and more.

I honestly do not know if some people are not cut out for marriage. I pray that everyone will find their true love like I did.

Mooky · Jan 18, 2014

Thanks for the answers so far....it seems like alot of ppl are happily married.

J-Kay-2 · Jan 18, 2014

Mooky said:

Mooky, you have read the good side of my thoughts on marriage.
Let me add, no one can say if you married the most seemingly perfect
mate today, won't change down through the years.

We can't sugar coat marriage. I am older than most you are hearing
from. I can relate to the one Toska wrote. Mine was the same way.
I am blessed to have a faithful husband who puts me first. He is a very
giving person. Perfect ? No.... I deal with a jealous husband. Always
has been that way, and don't laugh, but even still, I must be careful
about talking with other men. Should I feel glad ? No... I forget myself
sometimes and have conversation when we are in waiting rooms, only
to find I was in deep doo doo for having talked to that man. I am just
a people person. Male or Female.... I am a talker. Well, was until
people pull out their Kindle or are texting or playing games. Sort of
safe now, aren't I ?

What I am saying, is .... people change. There usually will be a rough
patch you have to work through. It happened to my family members.
Nothing serious. Just their mates changed. It is a part of life.
Some would just say .... suck it up and deal with it.....

I say, if possible ride the rough patch if you hit it, and trust God to work
it out. Nothing is impossible with God..... Absolutely nothing..... ~J~ K~2

Fenner · Jan 18, 2014

Mooky said:

I've been happily married for 14 years. Like Angela my Husband and I compliment each other in many ways.

It's not all been smooth sailing but we get through life together. I believe we both went into marriage knowing days weren't always going to be rosy sunshine and we took our vows seriously to each other and our promise to God. We've learned a lot about each other along the way, we still are learning. The way we parent our children has been a learning experience for us.

He works a lot and yes I do get lonely sometimes. I do have my kids and of course I love being with them, but adult company would be nice too.

LuxAeterna · Jan 18, 2014

I have been married for more than 30 years. I cannot find the proper words to describe the joy, comfort and security I find in marriage. As others have said, it is not a picnic all the time. It can be frustrating and a lot of hard work, but when it IS a picnic, it's the best picnic ever. When I am praying and I thank God for what has been given to me, at the top of that list is my wife. And get this: she is an atheist. When we were married, I was not a Christian. That happened later. Unfortunately, it has not happened to her (yet - I have hope). But she is very supportive of me in my faith, even though she does not share it. I am a happy guy.

Toska · Jan 19, 2014

Mooky said:

Yes, I am happily married. But, there have been some very, very rocky times over the past 16 years. We have had our problems, fights, struggles, etc. There was even a time in the not so distant past that I thought we were heading toward divorce.

But, we both fought for our marriage, refused to give up, refused to be a statistic. Thanks to God, I can say we are happier now than we have been in a very long time. I apologize if I made marriage seem like a piece of cake. There are a lot of ups and downs in most marriages. I try to focus on the ups and try to forget about the downs.

J-Kay-2 · Jan 19, 2014

Toska said:

co
Toska, your message to her was beautiful. I was touched by it. You shared the
good part. As you said you focus on it. And I think too, as I thought of this topic
the other day, Divorce should not even be an option. So many women in past
stuck it out with prayer and living a Godly life. Many husbands got saved ....It
wasn't easy to have an abusive relationship... Only by Gods grace could those
ladies live a life like that.
Just today I was reading divorce notices in my paper. One was the girl was 19,
he was like maybe 23. That is sad. I always say, if there is any doubt at all, no
matter how far they are into the wedding plans... it is best to get out before they
say yes. We told that to our daughter, ( of course she was our 20 yr old baby)
and we told her.. it didn't matter how far we had come.. this was night of rehersal
dinner, she can still say no. She went ahead with it and it has been 25 years ?
Something around there. And same with our Son. The bad part the girls put
so much money....way to much money into an event that last one day.... and
the really important part is the future....
You are an inspiration to the younger generation and your message was good.
I am sorry if I made it sound like you had done something wrong. It just was my
day to make a lot of errors in wording. I am sorry. God bless you ~ J~K~2

Toska · Jan 20, 2014

You have nothing to apologize for, J-Kay-2. I did not feel like you being critical at all, silly girl

I was responding to Mooky because I did not completely answer her question. I told her about the great side of marriage but, I did not tell her about the hard times and I felt like that needed to be said, too. I am not so sure about me being an inspiration, I only try to be honest and helpful when I can. I do appreciate your kind words.

I think that you and I have the same stance on divorce. I know there are times when divorce is the best thing......when there is adultery or abuse (mental or physical)......but, I don't like it when I see people give up because being married is too hard. I could have just as easily given up but, I chose to fight. Even though I was not a Christian when we married, I took the vow I made before God very seriously. Today, I am so grateful that I did fight for my marriage. We are happier than ever, I attribute that to God being in our lives now.

LittleBit1987 · Jan 20, 2014

I have only been married for less than 2 years, but I have been best friends with my husband for almost 7 years. He took the long road to "grow up" you could say, and we had friends asking ME "When are you guys ever getting married?" And I relpied with " you should ask him".. If you ask me, I kinda am glad he waited so long to ask me (4 years of dating) but I can see now that we were nowhere near ready to get married. Marriage has been really tough on me (and him). It seems like God is testing us, and making sure we are faithful to him and to not go on our own. I will admit sometimes I do forget that God is in control, and I cant control some things that go on in my marriage. But I do pray about everything that goes on. I am stronger in my Faith than my husband is... and yet, he's the one that made me WANT to be saved. He is the one who brought me to God, and the one who changed my life for the better. I know marriage is supposed to be happy, glorious, joyful.. But when you have nothing but lemons being thrown at you every which way, it does get hard to see the lemonade being made. I dont know much about marriage, but I am still learning, I am still trying to find myself in this world, and in the process trying to help my husband find his love he has for Christ again. The day I married my best friend, lover, other half, soul mate... He was the happiest I have EVER seen him. Now... I am trying to help him be that same man he was all over again. It's hard to do, but with God on our side, ANYTHING is possible... Cause EVERYTHING is possible With God.

J-Kay-2 · Jan 20, 2014

Your honesty is what makes you an inspiration. Your encouragement
makes those who are young and struggling to make marriage perfect,
helps them understand it can be worked out.
The Lord Bless you... J~K~2

Oak · Jan 20, 2014

as to the part about some people not being cut out for it yes they exist. Some people do not understand what a marriage is even when they are in one for 25 years.

Marriage is work, it is not a natural way for humans to live and this is why you have so many couples separate after years of what was thought of as a decent marriage. You never can tell going into it what you will have in the end.

It is not about the title of being married and some get too wrapped up in this. If you are not "married" in your "heart" then you never will be no matter how many vows or rings you buy.

Toska · Jan 20, 2014

Very well said, Oak. I love what you said about being "married" in your "heart". That is beautiful.

J-Kay-2 · Jan 21, 2014

LittleBit1987 said:

I feel you do have something more going on in your relationship. But, I have to repeat you can't make
him be the same guy he was the day you married him. This is why you are finding this all a struggle.
Believe me, marriage is not a fairy tale. But I can tell you it is possible to have a Christian marriage and
have the joy the Lord gives. I pray you will just let your husband find his way with the Lord and relax,
don't push. You have your own relationship with Jesus too. Then you and your husband will eventually
find yourselves matured and be at peace with one another and glad you have stayed together.

Just remember we are only responsible for our own growth in Christ, and pray and ask Jesus to help
you be the mate that is pleasing to Him. Ask Him to bless your union and start your day asking the
Lord to help you. I pray for you to be happy as you and your husband love one another throughout
your life.

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To the married folks

Mooky

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Angela53510

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J-Kay-2

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Toska

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Mooky

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J-Kay-2

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Fenner

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LuxAeterna

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Toska

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J-Kay-2

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Toska

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LittleBit1987

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J-Kay-2

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Oak

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Toska

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J-Kay-2

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