Hi Steve2010...welcome to cc. I am hestitant to answer your post, because I am unsure of certain info, but let me just say that part of me thinks you already KNOW that what your asking is ....not right. I do commend both you and your .... online "friend" for going back to trying to make each of your marriages work, but at the same time, please remember "keeping a door open" to this other relationship puts a strain on all that you are doing to save your marriage(s). What I mean is, in marriage, we should NEVER be saying "well if it doesn't work out....... " We should be thinking "What can I do to make this work,..What should we (spouse and yourself) do together today that might help us renew some perspective/love/happiness??" God is within your marriage(s) if you let Him be, He can restore them......but only with YOUR help!!! You need to let Him!! You came on here asking for advice....starting two threads, so let me say, PLEASE stop the "online affair" COMEPLETELY. With no open doors to go back to her "after a time period". Give yourself comepletely to your own marriage...... You committed to her when you took your wedding vows. Take measures to stay away from the computer (taking away the tempations of renewing your affair.) Think of things your and your wife enjoyed when first in love with each other....and try to do some of those things together again. TALK TO HER. About anything...just TALK, re-get to know her. After three kids I am sure you have both changed.....but under everything should be what started you off in the first place...it's time to build on that. One more thing and then I am done, hahaha...... I too, beleive God put your online friend in your life (and you in hers) for a reason....but the reason wasn't to destroy your marriage(s) or give you a "way out" from your marriage(s). I feel it was to strengthen both marriages, maybe show each of you what it takes to really hold strong to a marriage and a committment. I will pray for all of you........