What's your position about young adults getting married early to avoid premarital sex
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"it takes longer to mature in this day and age." I don't know. I think in ancient cultures and modern day developing countries people got married early partly because their life expectancy was much shorter. Western people are living a lot longer theses day. Therefore, why rush as it relates to making the most important decision you'll ever make other than choosing Christ as your personal Lord and Savior? You said it yourself, "waiting till you find God's best choice for a partner for you should be the way to go!" I totally agree.
M
The Bible says itis better to marry than to burn with passion. That being said I will tell you that youth has nothing to do with the likelihood of marital success. If a marriage starts with sex as the driving force it will be a wreck waiting to happen unless God makes a piracle happen. If the desire is to marry to avoid premarital sex when there is no relationship to bond a couple then the marriage is based upon hormones, lack of self control, and focused on failure.
It is God's will that you keep away from sexual sin as a mark of your devotion to him. 4 Each of you should know that finding a husband or wife for yourself is to be done in a holy and honorable way, 5 not in the passionate, lustful way of people who don't know God. (1 Thess 4:3-4 God's Way Translation).
I'll admit that the God's Way Translations does seem to take certain liberties. Nevertheless, I do agree with the point it makes. Although 1 Cor 7:9 states, "it is better to marry than to burn with passion." Lust shouldn't be the primary factor when it comes to finding or choosing a spouse. In other words, that's the way unbelievers approach marriage.
I'll admit that the God's Way Translations does seem to take certain liberties. Nevertheless, I do agree with the point it makes. Although 1 Cor 7:9 states, "it is better to marry than to burn with passion." Lust shouldn't be the primary factor when it comes to finding or choosing a spouse. In other words, that's the way unbelievers approach marriage.
I heard some sermons by Voddie Bauchum. He encourages young marriage to prevent fornication. I think he's on the right track. I don't agree with telling those who are 'burning' just to read their Bible's alone. The Bible says to prevent fornication, let every man have his own wife and every woman have her own husband.
I think the desire to have sex is a reason to get married early.
But I don't think that just having someone to have sex with is a good criteria for choosing a partner.
If a young man is 'burning', and sex is his only criteria (or her claiming she's a Christian plus sex are his only criteria) he could either marry the first willing woman who is biologically capable of having sex, or else marry the first willing woman he really wants to have sex with. Both scenarios could lead to a really poor choice of spouse.
The same goes with a woman 'burning' looking for a spouse.
Back when people married young, parents were often very involved in the choice of spouse. Parents are usually smart enough to know that their children need to be able to eat after they get married. They may also be able to pick up on warning signs that someone is going to be a difficult spouse.
I hear young marriages don't necessarily have high success rates in this country. I wonder if that has to do with 'shot gun' weddings and I wonder if the rates would be as negative for couples who are virgins at marriage.
I think our culture makes it difficult for people to marry young. One reason is economics. Shacks are pretty much illegal as residences. It's quite expensive for someone on minimum wage to rent a legal place to stay in in a lot of places. In some rural areas, trailer parks are available as a low income housing option. Even so, at minimum wage, it is hard to live.
Through a combination of labor laws and education laws, our culture has rejected the idea of children growing up working hard on economically productive activities. Some kids learn to work hard at football and as cheerleaders-- not economically productive activities-- at least not for themselves. Some immigrant kids grow up working the family business. It is illegal for children to work a lot of jobs. This, combined with video games, TV, entertainment, and an entire culture that promotes late maturity makes it hard for young people to be mature at 18. I think young men probably have a bigger problem with being mature enough for marriage at that age. I also think a young wife can get by being a bit immature if she has a husband whose a bit older and more mature. The other way around is a difficult dynamic.
And for young marriages to work, they need to follow the Biblical model for marriage. Men need to love their wives. They need to be mature. They also need to have a mindset that they need to provide for their wives, something our culture has eroded away at. And women need to embrace the idea of submitting to their husbands, an unpopular concept. Without this, young marriages may face a lot of conflict. Young couples need older couples to help them along in the early years, couples that embrace Biblical values related to marriage.
I think the desire to have sex is a reason to get married early.
But I don't think that just having someone to have sex with is a good criteria for choosing a partner.
If a young man is 'burning', and sex is his only criteria (or her claiming she's a Christian plus sex are his only criteria) he could either marry the first willing woman who is biologically capable of having sex, or else marry the first willing woman he really wants to have sex with. Both scenarios could lead to a really poor choice of spouse.
The same goes with a woman 'burning' looking for a spouse.
Back when people married young, parents were often very involved in the choice of spouse. Parents are usually smart enough to know that their children need to be able to eat after they get married. They may also be able to pick up on warning signs that someone is going to be a difficult spouse.
I hear young marriages don't necessarily have high success rates in this country. I wonder if that has to do with 'shot gun' weddings and I wonder if the rates would be as negative for couples who are virgins at marriage.
I think our culture makes it difficult for people to marry young. One reason is economics. Shacks are pretty much illegal as residences. It's quite expensive for someone on minimum wage to rent a legal place to stay in in a lot of places. In some rural areas, trailer parks are available as a low income housing option. Even so, at minimum wage, it is hard to live.
Through a combination of labor laws and education laws, our culture has rejected the idea of children growing up working hard on economically productive activities. Some kids learn to work hard at football and as cheerleaders-- not economically productive activities-- at least not for themselves. Some immigrant kids grow up working the family business. It is illegal for children to work a lot of jobs. This, combined with video games, TV, entertainment, and an entire culture that promotes late maturity makes it hard for young people to be mature at 18. I think young men probably have a bigger problem with being mature enough for marriage at that age. I also think a young wife can get by being a bit immature if she has a husband whose a bit older and more mature. The other way around is a difficult dynamic.
And for young marriages to work, they need to follow the Biblical model for marriage. Men need to love their wives. They need to be mature. They also need to have a mindset that they need to provide for their wives, something our culture has eroded away at. And women need to embrace the idea of submitting to their husbands, an unpopular concept. Without this, young marriages may face a lot of conflict. Young couples need older couples to help them along in the early years, couples that embrace Biblical values related to marriage.
I'm not saying that couples should not be sexually attracted to each other, they should. On your point, if the couple plans to me married in the future, then I would urge them to separate for a few days. I would also advise them to contact their pastor or priest and set up counseling for their wedding. The length of their engagement is not as important as their commitment to each other and God. I'll use myself as an example. I met my wife at the end of February, proposed to her four weeks later, and we were married at the end of May. That was 55 years ago.
Paul says to prevent fornication, let every man have his own wife and every woman her own husband. Telling young people struggling with fornication could be running contrary to what Paul taught. Of course, avoiding fornication is not all the Bible has to say about marriage. There is a lot of advice in there that relates to what kind of spouse to choose.
Like I said earlier, knowing that you are 'burning' is a good reason to decide that you must be married. But that doesn't tell you who to marry. The Bible says a lot about what type of person would make a good spouse. The quarrelsome wife passages come to mind. There are passages warning about an angry man, also, and Proverbs about sluggards and adulteresses.
The Bible does have a lot of other things to say about marriage. And definitely self-control is essential to avoiding sexual sin before and after marriage.
Indeed a dilemma. Self control is truly the best way to avoid sexual sin. Heck, Self control is the best way to avoid all sins. It is just a pity we are talking about young adults. I heard some churches are encouraging early marriage recognizing the danger of fornication among young adults in relationship.
If a believer finds it is too difficult for him to go his entire life without having sex (or even a year or however long) he should marry. Wanting to have sex is a reason to choose marriage over celibacy. Or at least, wanting it so bad that celibacy is too daunting of an option. Some people are fine with celibacy for life.
I was a virgin when I got married, but I knew I wanted to get married, too.
As far as WHO one should marry, having sex isn't the determining factor. Most people are capable of having sex, but grabbing the first person of the opposite sex who walks by and proposing marriage isn't wise. A believer need to marry a believer, and there are a lot of traits to look for and traits to avoid. Proverbs has lots of advice about this, especially for men looking for wives.
In the old days, parents might say, "This is who you will spend the rest of your life with." I think we've made getting married a bit hard in our culture. Media presents young people with an ideal of beauty that is hard to attain. Our culture pushes dating on young teens with no expectation that dating is supposed to lead to marriage. At a young age, children are taught by their peers to use rather meaningless criteria for choosing a boyfriend that don't really translate well into good criteria for marriage (popularity, e.g.). Dating and breaking up trains young people for short-term relationships and divorce. In the old days, parents and other relatives might introduce prospective marriage partners. That's considered rather uncool in our culture. Shy individuals can go for decades without marriage without any help from family members. It's hard to find someone.
And people in our culture are programmed with these Disney ideas of what it means to be in love, and that if two people find love that they will magically live happily ever after. And some young people think they are supposed to feel a drug high from hormones in their body for the rest of their life if they are 'in love' and when it subsides, they may decide to look elsewhere.
It is not wrong to marry as long as one marries one who is Biblically eligible and does it in an honorable way. If two Christians meet one day and decide to marry, as long as they don't violate the teaching of Scripture, that's perfectly fine.
Sure we do. But having a spouse to have sex with and have that intimate bond with sure does take the edge off temptation. There is no need to look for someone anymore.
I was a virgin when I got married, but I knew I wanted to get married, too.
As far as WHO one should marry, having sex isn't the determining factor. Most people are capable of having sex, but grabbing the first person of the opposite sex who walks by and proposing marriage isn't wise. A believer need to marry a believer, and there are a lot of traits to look for and traits to avoid. Proverbs has lots of advice about this, especially for men looking for wives.
In the old days, parents might say, "This is who you will spend the rest of your life with." I think we've made getting married a bit hard in our culture. Media presents young people with an ideal of beauty that is hard to attain. Our culture pushes dating on young teens with no expectation that dating is supposed to lead to marriage. At a young age, children are taught by their peers to use rather meaningless criteria for choosing a boyfriend that don't really translate well into good criteria for marriage (popularity, e.g.). Dating and breaking up trains young people for short-term relationships and divorce. In the old days, parents and other relatives might introduce prospective marriage partners. That's considered rather uncool in our culture. Shy individuals can go for decades without marriage without any help from family members. It's hard to find someone.
And people in our culture are programmed with these Disney ideas of what it means to be in love, and that if two people find love that they will magically live happily ever after. And some young people think they are supposed to feel a drug high from hormones in their body for the rest of their life if they are 'in love' and when it subsides, they may decide to look elsewhere.
It is not wrong to marry as long as one marries one who is Biblically eligible and does it in an honorable way. If two Christians meet one day and decide to marry, as long as they don't violate the teaching of Scripture, that's perfectly fine.
Sure we do. But having a spouse to have sex with and have that intimate bond with sure does take the edge off temptation. There is no need to look for someone anymore.
((Sure we do. But having a spouse to have sex with and have that intimate bond with sure does take the edge off temptation. There is no need to look for someone anymore.[/QUOTE]))
I say "need" is hardly the reason behind any temptation. It is more often than not in "want". And in saying so, it MAY be right that marriage is not the answer to fornication among young adults as the danger of it remains even after marriage.
Wondering though, I'm not that convinced myself.
I say "need" is hardly the reason behind any temptation. It is more often than not in "want". And in saying so, it MAY be right that marriage is not the answer to fornication among young adults as the danger of it remains even after marriage.
Wondering though, I'm not that convinced myself.
From reading I Corinthians 7, a desire to have sex that one can't reasonably easily keep under wraps is a good reason for a Christian to choose to marry. It's not the only criteria for choosing a spouse though. A lot more thought and prayer needs to be put into it.
I've only been married about 15 years.
And sex has taken up less than 2% of that time.
I've only been married about 15 years.
And sex has taken up less than 2% of that time.