When to give up on Marriage?

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skipper102006

Guest
#1
#1
Ok
I have seen so many of these and thought I would ask. When do you give up?
I have been with my wife for 22 years. We have 2 great sons 22 and 18. 5 years ago she cheated on me and said she wanted a diviorce. I did not want one but signed on the line anyway. Through the process we dicided to stay together and try to work things out. We have always gone to church and are both believers.
In the last 6 months I thought things were going great and we were planing to get remarried. 2 weeks ago she came home and said she needed to work on herself and moved out.
I am not sure what to do now. She doesnt want to be here and is avoiding me. She is not seeing anyone that I know of. But does not want to be here.
I LOVE HER VERY MUCH and do not want to give up. What do I do? God would not tell me to stay and her to go. Who is wrong?
Please Pray for me and her.
My name is Paul and hers is JUILE
 
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SleepyMom

Guest
#2
#2
I'll pray for you, Paul. Please don't ever give up on her. Jesus wouldn't and neither should you. DON'T GIVE HER A DIVORCE! It's not what God wants and it's not really what she wants! Pray, read your bible and surround yourself with God. Not only will He bring your wife back to you but He will transform your marriage into what HE wants it to be. I cannot stress this enough. PRAY FOR HER, pray for you, pray for your children and pray for your marriage and then LET GOD TAKE OVER. Keep telling her you love her and you'll wait forever if you have to for her to come home. Jesus waits on us so patiently, even when we hurt Him, even when we ignore His voice, so don't give up on her just because it looks or feels like she's not listening to you.
 
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skipper102006

Guest
#3
#3
thanks for the encouragement but I just dont think she feels anything for me anymore. Somehow she has twisted everything into being my fault. I am not perfect but NOTHING I did is deserving of the pain of being cheated on. I dont want to give up but fear time is running out. Please keep praying for us both.
 
phil36

phil36

Senior Member
#4
Feb 12, 2009
8,260
2,111
113
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#4
Hi Paul,

I agree with SleepyMom, don't give up your wife. Pray for her and yourself continually. Its not an easy situation infact heartbreaking but don't give up her...prayer Paul.
 
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wolfywolfs

Guest
#5
#5
you need to get the answer from the question you ask her why she is doin this etc cant really help you otherwise

if she says she doesnt love you anymore and what she saying is true then giving up on her is best for both of you

if she says something like shes not right for doesnt want to hurt you then you need to convince her that she wont
 
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Stephen

Guest
#6
#6
Hello Brother, I am sadly in a similar situation in that my wife wants out after 12 years of marriage. I am going to continue to be faithful to our vows and grow closer to God and as difficult as it is I am trying to completely trust Him and have peace. I know I wish I could just fix what ever it is that has caused this but I can't. I have to rely on God. My advise is to focus on God, continue to show your love for her, resist anything that angers her or makes her feel your "pushing her" or "smothering".

I would encourage you to ask her to go to a Christian counselor so that someone can help both of you understand what is happening and possibly identify issues.

I will pray for you and your family.
 
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dmdave17

Guest
#7
#7
When I read threads like this, I am both saddened and angered. Saddened that good people are being put through this kind of misery, and angered that we have sunken so low as a society as to accept and condone it. When I read the phrase "not in love any more", it practically makes me sick to my stomach to think that modern media (with the prompting of the devil, I believe) has planted this notion that "love" should be constant bliss and pleasure.

I obviously don't know, but I have a feeling that God didn't intend for marriage to be a 50-year honeymoon. He knew that here would be bad times as well as good. Otherwise, He wouldn't have said "...at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Unfortunately, in this age of "no fault" divorce, you don't even need a reason. "I just don't want to anymore" is sufficient grounds in many courtrooms these days. According to Matthew 5:32, you have the one legitimate justification for divorce; "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." (emphasis added) It comes down to the question of whether or not you want to exercise it. I take from your original post that you do not.

I don't mean to sound petty or vindictive but I am fairly certain that God does not condone your divorce any more than others. I would urge you to not necessarily make it easy for your wife to get one. So long as you can maintain a loving and forgiving posture, I would recommend that you force her to take the initiative, and contest the divorce with any legal means possible. If you do so, you must be prepared to take her back completely, and work very hard to show her that you still love and cherish her, but I believe very strongly that divorce should not be a foregone conclusion.

God bless you and guide you in your decision.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#8
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#8
Have you tried counseling? It sounds like there may be a breakdown in communication between the two of you. that is often what it boils down to. When people don't know the reasons behind others' behaviors, they will come up with a reason of their own and its usually not to the benefit of the other person.
 
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dory3

Guest
#9
#9
I am so sorry for your situation. I will pray for you and your family. Please keep praying for yourself and your wife too and stay close to God. Let Him lead and guide you. I wish you the best and hope you are happily back together soon.
 
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Dece81

Guest
#10
#10
skipper102006 said:
Ok
I have seen so many of these and thought I would ask. When do you give up?
I have been with my wife for 22 years. We have 2 great sons 22 and 18. 5 years ago she cheated on me and said she wanted a diviorce. I did not want one but signed on the line anyway. Through the process we dicided to stay together and try to work things out. We have always gone to church and are both believers.
In the last 6 months I thought things were going great and we were planing to get remarried. 2 weeks ago she came home and said she needed to work on herself and moved out.
I am not sure what to do now. She doesnt want to be here and is avoiding me. She is not seeing anyone that I know of. But does not want to be here.
I LOVE HER VERY MUCH and do not want to give up. What do I do? God would not tell me to stay and her to go. Who is wrong?
Please Pray for me and her.
My name is Paul and hers is JUILE
Click to expand...

My logical,non religious opinion is let her go. She cheated on you and now she moved out, it sounds as if she has moved on and you are only going to hurt yourself staying in this and fighting for someone who doesnt respect you. I know it's hard, but you deserve someone who respects and loves you.
 
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spirit

Guest
#11
#11
This is amazing. I have been married 22 yrs two with high school children and was about to leave my husband this year , but he did not agree . I believed God saved me from giving up as he never gave up and both of us don't believe in divorce either ( too traumatic and expensive). Both of us have emotional voids from our parents upbringing and dragged it into our lives. I thought there was no hope for us basically but it is miscommunication and assumptions that would lead to negative conclusions. First of all before anyone gives up, ask her what is she missing from the marriage that would make her give up?? If you don't want her to leave , you must talk ( hard for men I know) but if you open up to her now , it will not be too late and talk , talk , talk and know each other expectations. It is a hard slog of a journey regardless of whether you are married or single and unfortunatley there is no easy solution Good luck.!
 
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Ugly

Guest
#12
#12
spirit said:
This is amazing. I have been married 22 yrs two with high school children and was about to leave my husband this year , but he did not agree . I believed God saved me from giving up as he never gave up and both of us don't believe in divorce either ( too traumatic and expensive). Both of us have emotional voids from our parents upbringing and dragged it into our lives. I thought there was no hope for us basically but it is miscommunication and assumptions that would lead to negative conclusions. First of all before anyone gives up, ask her what is she missing from the marriage that would make her give up?? If you don't want her to leave , you must talk ( hard for men I know) but if you open up to her now , it will not be too late and talk , talk , talk and know each other expectations. It is a hard slog of a journey regardless of whether you are married or single and unfortunatley there is no easy solution Good luck.!
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Hi spirit
A tip for you. If you look in the top left of any post, it tells you when that particular post was put up. In this case, the original post was put up April 19 ... 2011. Also, the person who put up the original post is no longer on the site.
 
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Firstborn

Guest
#13
#13
skipper102006 said:
thanks for the encouragement but I just dont think she feels anything for me anymore. Somehow she has twisted everything into being my fault. I am not perfect but NOTHING I did is deserving of the pain of being cheated on. I dont want to give up but fear time is running out. Please keep praying for us both.
Click to expand...
Paul, I will pray that you find the peace that you need. None of the people here are in your marriage. It takes two people to make a marriage; one can't do it alone. It is clear that you love your wife and want it to work out. I'm sure you've shared those feelings with her. Sustaining a marriage over a long period of time is not easy. We all go through desert times. God will guide you in your path. You will know the way you are meant to go. God bless.
Firstborn.
 
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Tee11

Guest
#14
#14
My friend I feel your pain but in my case my husband cheated on me. Although I didn't leave him it's been difficult at times. God has given you the strength to move mountains and if the mountain is to big he will move it for you. Believe me I feel your pain keep your eyes on the real prize in your life JESUS, he will see you through. Sometimes God will remove the wrong people from your life to send you the right ones and this goes for me too. I know it hurts but there is a light at the end of your tunnel. I will pray for you my friend. Be blessed and be in courage.
 
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lovepurple

Guest
#15
#15
Hi just wanted to say i know what youre feeling. I loved and still love my exhusband to be. He also cheated but isnt sorry for what he did. ..and that hurts more than anything elae...ill pray for you and let god be your guide. Thats what i prayed for since i found out the truth. Hugs xxxx
 
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