...abused at a younger age.
Chances are this is the core of the problem.
When it comes to sex there are time we might have it twice a month or none at all.
Thank God for what you are getting. Seriously. Not being funny here. Appreciate what
is happening for you.
She says she wants more sex but is having issues that she is dealing with and refuses counciling or anything.
Yep....fallout from the abuse. That's what this tells me. Sexual abuse victims tend to shoulder the guilt of what the offender did to them. Counseling to them is them opening things up to see how at fault they are. So don't push the counseling thing. Ask if that's an option politely and without pressure of any kind....
even Biblical pressure.
This sounds selfish but this no sex is killing me.
Of course it is. You're a man. God designed you this way. Don't be ashamed of how God glued you together. Shame just leads to guilt. Accept who you are as a man and don't feel selfish for being what God made you. You have legitimate needs. Being selfish is when you start acting like a jerk and hurting others because you can't have what you want/need.
I need some encouragement or advice or something
Honestly, IMO, you're pretty much at the mercy of the situation. It is what it is. That may sound scary at first, but if you have that fear, God wants to liberate you from it so you can live. That may mean experiencing the very thing that grips your heart with fear, so you can overcome it. If you're desperately afraid of a sexless marriage, as if sex is what makes the world go round (it doesn't), then chances are good God wants to heal you of that by allowing this problem to distress you and lead you to healing.
Instead of comforting you with promises your wife will start wanting sex with you, I think the best encouragement you can use right now is that there is life in Christ without sexual fulfillment. Sounds crazy, but it's true. The things of God really can be more satisfying and joyful than a sexual relationship.
A big part of her healing is in seeing you respond correctly to her struggle. She's probably already under loads of guilt because of the abuse. If you respond with pressure, anger, and demands, you're only adding to the load of guilt that's already disabling her. She'll come to you when she knows it's safe, and she can do it COMPLETELY out of her own choice without pressure to 'have' to do it. Even if she comes to you out of an obligation to Paul's instruction to not deprive you it still has to be her choice to do that, not simply because the Bible says so.
