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B
To me it sounds like an ongoing form of clinical depression. It's real easy to pass off as just having bad moods, but when you look beyond that and see whether or not they are genuinely happy/content with their life or if they have a much more negative perception, it may be worth bringing up to a Dr. There are medications that do help with the chemical imbalances that can attribute to clinical depression that can completely turn things around.
G
I'm not recommending this as a "cure" I am just telling you my experience.
I have anxiety and depression, it runs in my family in a HUGE way. My grandmother, several of my aunts and uncles who have had both anxiety and depression. My uncle was trapped in a mine during Vietnam and for 20 years had agoraphobia extremely bad. I knew something was wrong with me when I was a senior in high school, but I didn't realize what it was until I was about 24. Plus I had some incidents happen while growing up that caused me to panic whenever we would go on a trip or have people visit. Anything out of the norm would cause me to freak out, my heart would race, my hands and toes would tingle. I would get really nervous, sometimes for absolutely no reason.
Finally I went to my general care doctor, he put me on a anti-depression medication(I started out with celexa, now I am on lexapro) to take daily and xanax to take when I really need to mellow out. I have also started talking to a councilor about once a month just to get some perspective on life. Those alone help tremendously, I can function in the real world a lot better. I have also heard just talking to a therapist to get to the root of whatever is causing it will help enough to not even need medicine.
On a spiritual level, when I was in a situation where I would panic(which also caused me to be totally grouchy, and want to bite everybody's heads off), since my roommates and boyfriend knew I needed to calm down they would sit me down and we would say a prayer together.
I remember camping with my boyfriend and a bunch of friends last summer, I just started panicking for no reason(I think when I get cold while camping, I don't have the normal at-home comforts to warm myself back up- bath, heater, a microwave for my rice bag, etc), so I get a little nervous and then more and more until I am literally paralyzed and anyone who tries to help I just want rip their heads off. So on this trip, Jake just sat me and down in our tent, he said a very heartfelt prayer asking that our Father help me calm down and have the spirit guide me and everyone in understanding. It helps, out of the blue after we got back to the camp fire, his brothers wife offered me some chamomile tea, that alone warmed my body and my soul, I almost started crying because someone who didn't know what I was going through saved me that night. I also learned that a warm cup of tea(herbal, not the caffeinated kind, caffeine/soda just makes it worse) really does help.
Anyways, those who knew me before I started taking medicine to balance out the chemicals my body produces, say there was a HUGE difference in my personality after. I would never go back. Also, sleep and eating a healthy diet play a major part in my mood. If I don't eat, I'm crabby as can be and I start panicking, or I withdraw and look really sad, because I am a very private person and I hate it when people know I'm not 'normal'.
Hopefully you'll find something useful in my experience, good luck to you, your wife and your marriage.
I have anxiety and depression, it runs in my family in a HUGE way. My grandmother, several of my aunts and uncles who have had both anxiety and depression. My uncle was trapped in a mine during Vietnam and for 20 years had agoraphobia extremely bad. I knew something was wrong with me when I was a senior in high school, but I didn't realize what it was until I was about 24. Plus I had some incidents happen while growing up that caused me to panic whenever we would go on a trip or have people visit. Anything out of the norm would cause me to freak out, my heart would race, my hands and toes would tingle. I would get really nervous, sometimes for absolutely no reason.
Finally I went to my general care doctor, he put me on a anti-depression medication(I started out with celexa, now I am on lexapro) to take daily and xanax to take when I really need to mellow out. I have also started talking to a councilor about once a month just to get some perspective on life. Those alone help tremendously, I can function in the real world a lot better. I have also heard just talking to a therapist to get to the root of whatever is causing it will help enough to not even need medicine.
On a spiritual level, when I was in a situation where I would panic(which also caused me to be totally grouchy, and want to bite everybody's heads off), since my roommates and boyfriend knew I needed to calm down they would sit me down and we would say a prayer together.
I remember camping with my boyfriend and a bunch of friends last summer, I just started panicking for no reason(I think when I get cold while camping, I don't have the normal at-home comforts to warm myself back up- bath, heater, a microwave for my rice bag, etc), so I get a little nervous and then more and more until I am literally paralyzed and anyone who tries to help I just want rip their heads off. So on this trip, Jake just sat me and down in our tent, he said a very heartfelt prayer asking that our Father help me calm down and have the spirit guide me and everyone in understanding. It helps, out of the blue after we got back to the camp fire, his brothers wife offered me some chamomile tea, that alone warmed my body and my soul, I almost started crying because someone who didn't know what I was going through saved me that night. I also learned that a warm cup of tea(herbal, not the caffeinated kind, caffeine/soda just makes it worse) really does help.
Anyways, those who knew me before I started taking medicine to balance out the chemicals my body produces, say there was a HUGE difference in my personality after. I would never go back. Also, sleep and eating a healthy diet play a major part in my mood. If I don't eat, I'm crabby as can be and I start panicking, or I withdraw and look really sad, because I am a very private person and I hate it when people know I'm not 'normal'.
Hopefully you'll find something useful in my experience, good luck to you, your wife and your marriage.
P
I have carefully read all the posts in this thread. IMHO, your wife being angry, hypercritical, disrespectful and mean most of the time is NOT just her personality. I repeat, this is NOT just her personality. Partly, ok. It is has become part of her character by choice of her response to things past. She is in emotional pain and anxiety (fear, guilt, frustration over feeling like a failure) to the point that it has negatively effected her health, physically, mentally and spiritually. She can choose to let God change this, but seems like her pride and current health problems are getting in the way. Continue to pray for her, as I'm sure you are. As others have said, proper sleep and nutrition is imperative for her (look into the GAPS healing diet. If she has a mental illness, hormonal imbalance, gut imbalance, other disorder, this can help immensely! ).
Since you said that Words of Affirmation is her 2nd love language, tell her often how much you love her (how beautiful she is...etc) and how much you appreciate who she is as a child of God. That you appreciate what she does... flood her with love, but do give her space, as she needs it.
Please do tell her, with love and respect, but with gentle authority, how she hurts you when she disrespects you and how that is not God's way.
Ask her how you can help her through this. Suggestion: would she be ok with gentle distractions/ hugs / humor (not mockery) when she gets anxious, or wrapped up in anger? I will pray for your wife's physical and spiritual healing and calmness of spirit; for you, patience and wisdom; and for your household, peace and God's presence .
May I share one of my poems with devotional.... perhaps share it with her
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Step into My Heart!
© 1996, 2012 Michele Vidor Krile
Step out from your own world
Step away from your fears
Step out of the old you
Into My world, where it’s clear
Step by step, closer to the Truth!
Step into grace and forgiveness
Into My mercy that heals
Step into My light that
Through you can be revealed
Step into more, I give no less!
Open your heart to My Holiness
Step right into compassion
Step into purposeful life, the best
Step right into the passion
From which I gave you breath!
Step into the Hope only I can give
Skip to the joy of learning who I am
In step with Me, know how to live
Step up to freedom, into Who I AM
One step more, come step into My heart!
Wherever you are in your spiritual walk with the Lord, whatever state your heart or physical body is in right now, God is whispering to your spirit: hope, truth, joy and abundant life in Him. Apart from an intimate walk with our Almighty, yet compassionate God, there is no abundant life. The world sets its sights on things like power, position, possession, wealth, success. And unlike Christ, the world will counsel you to believe in yourself to conquer your fears, that getting even makes us feel better, that there is no absolute truth, so telling little lies and half truths is ok, that you can do anything you want to and on your own strength, that you deserve to have it all.
Hmmm... How inviting, yet how deceiving. Make no mistake, many Christians are sadly deceived into thinking the "abundant life" and blessings is a life full of all the things we want and deserve. How unsatisfying, even for those who do reach their earthly goals! As believers we know our Creator breathed life into us and delights in giving us good things. But many of us have forgotten our first love and have been swayed by things instead of wooed by the voice and grace of God. Has this generation of the Body of Christ gotten so distracted by our busy lifestyles that we have foregone intimacy with God? Do we even seek more of God, more of His Word in our lives? Has America become complacent? Please don't become so sidetracked with anything in this earthly life that you don't yearn to see the face of Jesus. Let yourself fall in love with Jesus, your Redeemer, who is more than a hero and more worthy than any earthly figure to be worshiped. He has your heart in His hand, even while your body is on this earth! In Him we live and only in Him are we are overcomers! Through Him is our salvation and will come our healing and wholeness!
Don't be afraid to run past your comfort zone, deep into the adventure of truth and intimacy with Christ! What satisfying a life it is to have this purpose and to share that purpose with the lost, the hurt and the seeking! Jesus' prayer to the Father in John 17 is a moving example of intimacy with God.
Since you said that Words of Affirmation is her 2nd love language, tell her often how much you love her (how beautiful she is...etc) and how much you appreciate who she is as a child of God. That you appreciate what she does... flood her with love, but do give her space, as she needs it.
Please do tell her, with love and respect, but with gentle authority, how she hurts you when she disrespects you and how that is not God's way.
Ask her how you can help her through this. Suggestion: would she be ok with gentle distractions/ hugs / humor (not mockery) when she gets anxious, or wrapped up in anger? I will pray for your wife's physical and spiritual healing and calmness of spirit; for you, patience and wisdom; and for your household, peace and God's presence .
May I share one of my poems with devotional.... perhaps share it with her
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Step into My Heart!
© 1996, 2012 Michele Vidor Krile
Step out from your own world
Step away from your fears
Step out of the old you
Into My world, where it’s clear
Step by step, closer to the Truth!
Step into grace and forgiveness
Into My mercy that heals
Step into My light that
Through you can be revealed
Step into more, I give no less!
Open your heart to My Holiness
Step right into compassion
Step into purposeful life, the best
Step right into the passion
From which I gave you breath!
Step into the Hope only I can give
Skip to the joy of learning who I am
In step with Me, know how to live
Step up to freedom, into Who I AM
One step more, come step into My heart!
Wherever you are in your spiritual walk with the Lord, whatever state your heart or physical body is in right now, God is whispering to your spirit: hope, truth, joy and abundant life in Him. Apart from an intimate walk with our Almighty, yet compassionate God, there is no abundant life. The world sets its sights on things like power, position, possession, wealth, success. And unlike Christ, the world will counsel you to believe in yourself to conquer your fears, that getting even makes us feel better, that there is no absolute truth, so telling little lies and half truths is ok, that you can do anything you want to and on your own strength, that you deserve to have it all.
Hmmm... How inviting, yet how deceiving. Make no mistake, many Christians are sadly deceived into thinking the "abundant life" and blessings is a life full of all the things we want and deserve. How unsatisfying, even for those who do reach their earthly goals! As believers we know our Creator breathed life into us and delights in giving us good things. But many of us have forgotten our first love and have been swayed by things instead of wooed by the voice and grace of God. Has this generation of the Body of Christ gotten so distracted by our busy lifestyles that we have foregone intimacy with God? Do we even seek more of God, more of His Word in our lives? Has America become complacent? Please don't become so sidetracked with anything in this earthly life that you don't yearn to see the face of Jesus. Let yourself fall in love with Jesus, your Redeemer, who is more than a hero and more worthy than any earthly figure to be worshiped. He has your heart in His hand, even while your body is on this earth! In Him we live and only in Him are we are overcomers! Through Him is our salvation and will come our healing and wholeness!
Don't be afraid to run past your comfort zone, deep into the adventure of truth and intimacy with Christ! What satisfying a life it is to have this purpose and to share that purpose with the lost, the hurt and the seeking! Jesus' prayer to the Father in John 17 is a moving example of intimacy with God.
P
I'm afraid I used to be quite a lot like your wife. 
I'm sure I still am somewhat like her, but I ask the Lord each day for correction and healing and to change my heart.
God blessed me with two good friends in my thirties who, after getting to know me really well and proving their love for me, called me "the nego-queen".
I was sad, but it really opened my eyes, and they loved me so much it was easy to hear from them. And I'm sure it was just the Lord's timing for me to hear that. I began to really look at myself. (which was not easy, as the view was pretty ugly. )
I do agree your wife may need medication, and I r-e-a-l-l-y think some sort of therapy is needed. Whether or not she'll be open to these ideas is another story.
I'm going to ask God every day to make her heart ready to hear the truth about herself. I don't think it's good for your children to hear/see their daddy disrespected in any way. My husband needs to be respected to feel self respect, and I'm not sure he's the only man to feel this way.
You can pour love over this woman (as you should!) but she also has responsibilities in your relationship. I agree with your old fashioned (i.e. Biblical!) ideas of marriage. You are the head of your household, and she has a duty to submit, which does not mean be a doormat...it's just that the buck has to stop with someone, and God elected you. ( I am personally so happy it isn't meeee!! lol)
I'll be praying for you, brother, and your children. And your wife will be in my prayers every day. I hope you're both able to get to the root of the problem, and that she'll allow the Lord to correct it. He is able! and willing! I hope my little story encourages you just a bit. ♥
~ellie
I'm sure I still am somewhat like her, but I ask the Lord each day for correction and healing and to change my heart.
God blessed me with two good friends in my thirties who, after getting to know me really well and proving their love for me, called me "the nego-queen".
I was sad, but it really opened my eyes, and they loved me so much it was easy to hear from them. And I'm sure it was just the Lord's timing for me to hear that. I began to really look at myself. (which was not easy, as the view was pretty ugly.
)I do agree your wife may need medication, and I r-e-a-l-l-y think some sort of therapy is needed. Whether or not she'll be open to these ideas is another story.
I'm going to ask God every day to make her heart ready to hear the truth about herself. I don't think it's good for your children to hear/see their daddy disrespected in any way. My husband needs to be respected to feel self respect, and I'm not sure he's the only man to feel this way.
You can pour love over this woman (as you should!) but she also has responsibilities in your relationship. I agree with your old fashioned (i.e. Biblical!) ideas of marriage. You are the head of your household, and she has a duty to submit, which does not mean be a doormat...it's just that the buck has to stop with someone, and God elected you. ( I am personally so happy it isn't meeee!! lol)
I'll be praying for you, brother, and your children. And your wife will be in my prayers every day. I hope you're both able to get to the root of the problem, and that she'll allow the Lord to correct it. He is able! and willing! I hope my little story encourages you just a bit. ♥
~ellie