Wife is emotional bully. .

[Shanerman]

You need to get out of there

 

[Kimmee]

My heart just sunk into my chest as I was reading your post. I agree that your wife truly is the one that is powerless and using you to make herself feel better yet it isn't working. I was with an abusive man for years. I was the one that never could do it right fill in the blank. To this day he still tries to create drama in my life because he is addicted to the conflict. That or he still has feelings for me. Either way I don't care. I ignore his comments to fight. All these people have suggested that you fix her. You can't fix her she has to fix herself and she may never be willing to do that. You have to get help for yourself and move on with or without her. I recommend a book by Mort Fertal. I used it when my marriages was tearing apart at the seems. I tried to save my marriage but I wasn't able to do this but the things in the book helped me so much. I got counseling for myself and hoped it helped my ex too. In the end it helped me and when I walked away I knew I did everything I could to save the marriage it just didn't' work. Separating from her may be the options in the future but it might not be either. You will have to deal with her in a way forever because you have kids together so if your marriage can be saved you might be better off. Work on YOU. Pray for her and fix you. God bless and you will be in my prayers.

 

[SpaceCowboy]

There's ALWAYS two sides to every story. Just seeing the amount of time you put into the post and how much detail is involved with each particular aspect of the wrong side of yalls relationship is disturbing man, I'm just gonna say it. It really looks like your focusing way to much on it. If she's not completley wacked outa her gourd on the level that she needs various medications then my gut instinct is that her reactions are the cause of YOUR actions. The Word says the head of women is man, man Christ, and Christ God. So If you want to salvage your marriage and turn things around then what I would suggest is just being a dependable man for her. Emotionally and all that. Women need that. Men do too, of course, but it's the mans job to tend to the womens needs. It's just the way God made things. You can't be complaining this way about her and expect HER to change things. She reacts to your actions. YOU gotta wear the pants. Period. Get faith and confidence from Christ through faith, and love your wife. Stop complaining about her and just love her. Worship the Lord with her. Lead her. And just see if things don't turn around.

 

[GreenNnice]

I am a christian of several years and have an issue within my marriage. .

This may end up being a long post so I apologise ahead of time. . I will try to keep as short as possible. . ahem. .

It is fair to say I have had my issues. .I have not been the best man in the world. . suffering rejection, anger, jealousy and insecurity along with paranoia blah blah blah. . lots of issues due to no mother growing up and an abusive father. I found my self hiding behind all these masks to justify my behaviour before I came to Christ and sought help. .I feel I am pretty well adjusted now. . walking away from rows rather than engaging them. . trying to mind my tongue where I may have let loose just 18 months ago.

Now I am cleaned up and have clearer vision I relaise my wife is a bully on an emotional level. .she exhibits the following with frequent regularity:

Bullying. If she doesn’t get her way, there’s hell to pay. She wants to control me and resorts to emotional intimidation to do it. She uses verbal assaults and threats in order to get me to do what she wants. It makes her feel powerful to make me feel bad.

Unreasonable expectations. No matter how hard I try and how much I give, it’s never enough. She expects me to drop whatever I'm doing and attend to her needs. No matter the inconvenience, she comes first. She has an endless list of demands that no one mere mortal could ever fulfill. Common complaints include: You’re not romantic enough, you don’t spend enough time with me, you’re not sensitive enough, you’re not smart enough to figure out my needs, you’re not making enough money, you’re not FILL IN THE BLANK enough. Basically, I'm not enough, because there’s no pleasing this woman.


Verbal attacks.This is self-explanatory. She employs schoolyard name calling, pathologizing (e.g., armed with a superficial knowledge of psychology she uses diagnostic terms like labile, paranoid, narcissistic, etc. for a 50-cent version of name calling), criticizing, threatening, screaming, yelling, swearing, sarcasm, humiliation, exaggerating my flaws, and making fun of me in front of others, including our children and other people she’s not intimidated by.


Gaslighting. “I didn’t do that. I didn’t say that. I don’t know what you’re talking about. It wasn’t that bad. You’re imagining things. Stop making things up


Unpredictable responses. What is ok today is not ok tomorrow leavingme on edge as if walking on eggshells.


Constant Chaos. She’s addicted to conflict. She gets a charge from the adrenaline and drama. She may deliberately start arguments and conflict as a way to avoid intimacy, to avoid being called on her rubbish, to avoid feeling inferior or, bewilderingly, as an attempt to avoid being abandoned. She may also pick fights to keep me engaged or as a way to get me to react to her with hostility, so that she can accuse me of being abusive and she can play the victim. This maneuver is, I believe, a defense mechanism called projective identification.



Emotional Blackmail. She threatens to abandon me, to end the relationship, or give me the cold shoulder if I don’t play by her rules.


So my question is what do I do. . the other day I came home to find she had cut up some of my clothes and broke some personal items only because I had taken our 2 boys out on a bike ride she did not want me to take them on as she thought it was unfair for me to take our boys on the bikes leaving her with the 2 girls???


If I seperate from her due to emotional bullying and intimidation as well as criminal damage on my personal items will God hold me in judgement?


I should also say she explained her trashing my stuff and cutting up my clothes as my fault for leaving her in a rage and rejecting her. . I Told her I was rejecting the argument not her. .as it was unhelathy to behave like this in front of the children and as I had promised the boys a bike ride I was not wanting them to be let down as she wanted me to. .she mocked me by saying in a childish whiny voice. . ooh look at me the perfect parent not letting down the boys. . she text me to tell me we were over. . but tells me I am rejecting her?


I have no doubt this relationship is abusive. . but what to do - as she thinks it is ALL me and she is fine!!


Help please.

)()()()()
Lucy said closest to what I see the problem is, Cy. She does need to get under control but the man is supposed to be in control of a relationship and, the Lord leads that to happen. How it happens a lot of times is
A. You taking back control in a polite nice way.
B. You taki.g back control in a firm man way.

God bless, I will be praying for choice , that you aline your BEST-LAID plans after God's presentation in your mind.