C
I am writing because I pray all the time yet I dont have any people to talk to and I need actually responses. I broke my right leg January 27, 2013. I slipped on ice and haven't been able to work since then. Ive had surgury on it and now have metal in it to repair it, but I still cant work. Before this injury I would work everyday and come straight home. I was taking care of myself and my boyfriend. Every request he made was his. I can't say that it has gone both ways because it hasn't. Every time he asked fire anything I gave it to him. if it was money he would promise to give it back or more back, he never actually did though. Every time he ever had money I never saw any of it except for when he was spending the last of his money on bad things. I used to drink with him and I stopped doing anything of the sort. He would get really crazy when he drank. Half the time I would act like I was drinking too just to pour out the alcohol in efforts to end the night. He tells me what to do and I obey. I dont question him because then im an annoyance. Since I met him he told me we were going to get married. When I met him he wasn't always this way. I fell in love with an incredible man. He was loving and seemed like this dream come true. I havent drank or done anything bad ive repented and asked for all my sins to be forgiven. He is also doing the same.i can get around but temporarily limited to crutches getting me places. I think he is ashamed to take me plaves with him because he attends this chirch.or Bible sessions and I dont know where he just says he went to bible study or church. He won't tell any person about me from church and yet my life is open to every one I know. I grew up being religious and was taught not to lie but I wasnt directed on the path I should go on for many years because my father did not enforce the Bible into my head as a child but I truly regret never reading it or seeking understanding sooner. I have faith in the lord make no mistake. Nothing will ever change that now. I feel like im at a loss right now because I am so in love with this man but I am never allowed to say how I feel about anything he doesnt want to hear it. I want to be hugged or held sometimes but hes not the type to even give me that. I feel like I have no onei never leave my apt because I dont own a car. Right now he keeps borrowing ppls vehicles but he wint take me every where with him and tells me its none of my business he dont have to tell me everything. I dont talk to ppl because I never leave this housei cant pay my bills only because im not working. He said he was going to work and take care of it since I cant. I want to cry so bad because theres so much I want to say. he just told me he told someone about me finally but part of me doesn't believe him. I just want to be married to a Christian man who is loving. I dont want to be with a liar. I dont want an unfaithful or controlling man. I don't get it. He puts me down all the time saying when ive lost 100lbs then he we marry me. Or he will say im fat or call me a sinner. When I havent done anything at all. Ive already repented amd asked forgiveness. He never tells me im beautiful and if im crying because he hurt my feelings he just starts saying hes tired of me. before this injury I worked every day I cooked everyday I did his laundry I picked upafter him. Laid his clothes out. I payed all the bills n posted for everything he needed or wanted. And I hear him saying "she cant cook, she aint working, cant do anything for her man why would I want that " as if im not already feeling worthless enough he always makes me feel like absolutely nothing. I feel like im ugly n im fat n I dont have friends cuz hes so Insecure. If he knew I was writing this he would be angry. Ive even been out in public and some people have walked up to him and told him they didnt like how he spoke to me and he got mad saying I must like the attention even though I always stand with my head down in public with him. I dont talk. He doesnt even like me talkin to people when a random person says hi. He said he hates that about me. I am hoping I dont get any more comment s to hurt me posting thisi just don't have no one to talk to so im hoping for decent words. I dint sleep much so im usually awake this late
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