Would you hit (or spank) your children?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
J

Jezreel

Guest
#21
I know you said you don't believe in spanking but I can't help but think how my opinion means nothing and we do have an owner's manual with everything from basic to extremely advanced instructions from the manufacturer when it comes to human beings, all things that pertain to life and godliness to be exact (2Pe 1:3). The best thing to do is always to check the manual (the Bible, from Almighty God our Creator) and see what it has to say about a situation. If what we read in God's word doesn't line up with our personal beliefs or opinions about a certain practice then we are at a cross roads between the way that seems right to man (Pro 16:25) and humble obedience to God’s superior knowledge and wisdom as revealed in his eternal Word.

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs 22:15

It’s not merely dealing with a child acting out but a child acting out the sin nature that he was born with as we all were. According to God this foolishness is bound up in the child’s heart, not merely something it turns to on a whim but something veritably chained there. God is very specific on what will break this bondage and drive it out of a child and it seems even among Christians it is increasingly unpopular to do things God’s way. It should be considered that God seems to be saying here that if you use the rod of discipline at a young age it will be much easier and far more likely that this child will get saved when they are old enough to make that decision. Especially in light of all the teens leaving church at the earliest age they can get away with it, could it be a result of the modern Christian family not breaking the bondage and driving out that foolish sinful nature into submission through scriptural discipline at a young age. Someone who has learned discipline and understands authority as something they were raised in from infancy certainly should have a far less difficult time submitting to God and receiving divine chastisement when necessary.

Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge. Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine.
Proverbs 23:12-15

According to God these verses are words of instruction that we should hear and apply our heart to their knowledge. Spanking a child will not kill him. On the contrary, spanking a child could be the very thing that keeps that child from ending up in hell someday. God said if you will listen to his instruction and gain wisdom you will make his heart rejoice. It’s generally a good idea to look at the negative of something when God said “if” before a statement. If obedience to God’s instruction for disciplining children makes us wise and his heart to rejoice, then what does that say about when we decide we have a better way than God? Can we still be considered wise in the eyes of God when we choose the way that seems right to us or the modern world in which we live instead of submitting to God’s wisdom and patterning our lives accordingly? If biblical discipline makes God rejoice over us, how does he feel when we choose another way?

The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Proverbs 29:15

What appears sociable and easy on the conscience in not spanking a child and maybe even gains the approval of the world in general could have grave consequences down the road. As is says in Galatians 6:7, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” If you can raise a child contrary to scripture and be successful then that would mean God was wrong on this matter. He clearly said that foolishness is driven out by the rod of reproof and here states that it gives wisdom to the child. God said if you act contrary to his ordained path in these matters will result in a child that brings shame to its mother. I was just in Wal Mart today and a child was screaming for no reason in while riding in the cart. You could hear it from well across the store and the mother was doing nothing about it. Truth be told there was likely nothing she could do about it. More often than not if a child is properly taught to mind at home they would never have the guts to act out in such a manner in public and the slightest inclination to do so shouldn’t take more than a look or a word to stop such a tantrum before it started. I’m from a family of 12 and I can remember it seemed like nearly every time Mom took us to the store she was complimented on how well behaved we were. Because she had properly used the rod of reproof her children brought her honor. Even now that I’ve been on my own for a long time there are still employees in both Kroger and Wal Mart that have stopped and asked me how my mother is and commented how they are still amazed at how well behaved us children were when she came into the store. We are talking about honorable memories of my mother that have stuck in their minds for over a decade if not two.

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Proverbs 13:24

Last but not least God makes this very sobering statement that every parent should read and take to heart. Those that spare the God ordained rod in discipline, hates their child. How serious is that? No matter how good we might feel about ourselves or our enlightened modern age because we don’t spank our child. No matter how much the world praises us for being sophisticated and keeping with the times. Even if someone says they love their child too much to ever use a paddle. God calls it hatred of your child. That’s why they call it tough love. Sometimes true love is doing something that will seem unpleasant to the other person but is also often doing something that is unpleasant to both individuals but is the best thing for them.

Who among us can claim to be wiser than God? Do we pick up God’s word with a pen to mark out the verses we deem antiquated or inapplicable or makes us too uncomfortable? Or do we pick up the Bible with a pen to underline, a highlighter to mark, a prayerfully open heart, and a notebook to record what God teaches us for the purpose of changing our lives into the pattern he has revealed?

YOU SAID THAT WAY BETTER THAN I COULD!
 
B

broken

Guest
#22
hitting and spanking are not the same thing. I spank my children but rarely. I rarely have to.
 

cookie39

Senior Member
Oct 5, 2009
616
12
18
#23
AMEN... AMEN.. GLORY TO GOD FOR YOU MY BROTHER. MY SONS ARE 16, 19, AND 21 and they do not disrespect me or others. they don't hit women, and all it takes is a look and they " SHUT IT DOWN" my sons to this day believe that God will give me the strength to beat them down. I was as yall call it spanking ( WHOOPING) my oldest son at the age of 15 he start acting like he was having an aseima attact, like he did my mother all the time.. I told him God said beatcha you wont die, and he never tried to pull that again. now all it takes is a look. they they smack their lips, mumble, stomp away, they wont move till I say-so. they are never too grown-up for me and i made them believe it cause I believed God's word.
 
J

Jezreel

Guest
#24
Ah! THE LOOK!! I had that down pat pretty good that my grown children still remember my ability to give "the look" and they laugh about it now but remember that was all I had to do.
 
H

HebrewsTwelve18-24

Guest
#25
..."you say OK now you can get back to your homework or clean the house. And if all else fails...you can bake a bunch of chocolate cookies and tell them that they can not touch them until all their work is done and the house is immaculate!
Trust me the last one works! Especially if you have more that one kid. Because when one of them gets all their work done and is sitting their eating their cookies sticking their tongue out at the other one... the other is working twice as fast as you ever imagined they could."
I think you must have had lessons from my Mother! lol I remember her doing the same to me! I thought I was “well smart” not doing my homework but when she gave some sweets to my Sister who watched me cleaning with great amusement, teasing me all the way through... Boy...I sure did do the housework fast! Amazing how shiny things come up when polished in anger! lol

My Mum very rarely smacked me.... but when she did ...I took notice!. She did not need to (though my Dad did all the time) she was very wise indeed. Funnily I took more notice of my Mum than Dad when she raised her voice or said I had done wrong because it was always done in love and she only ever punished when we had done something real bad. Even now that I am 43 I would not do anything in her presence that is naughty or cheeky because she would give me one of her withering stares. Oh those stares…..like laser beams that scourge the soul. lol I love her because she treated us fairly and chastened us when needed but always in love and with wisdom.

There were two things she did when we were very naughty... if we fought with each other she would say "Right you three.... say you are sorry and give your Sister a hug and make it better" Boy this hurt...lol. There is nothing quite like the humbling of saying sorry to your sibling THEN having to hug them! lol It was like trying to hug an ironing board!

Then the worst punishment of all..... she would say those dreaded words...."Choose your OWN punishment!" She would let us go away and think about it then we would have to tell her what we had decided later. I tell you...we always came up with something way worse than she would have! I frequently suffered with dish pan hands! lol lol lol

I love her because she treated us fairly and chastened us when needed but always in love and with wisdom and NEVER with anger. I wish I could say the same about myself as a parent but I confess that I have smacked my children in anger in he past and deeply regret it even now. I am thankful that they are grown men now and I have had time to ask their forgiveness.

Even in the Word it says that we should not spare the rod and that in doing so we are helping them grow in love as responsible family members and citizens.

"He who spares his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him promptly." Prov13:24 NKJV

"The rod and rebuke give wisdom,
But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." Prov29:15

There are many quotes and examples in the Bible of what happens if we do not discipline our children. Our Father in Heaven chastens us and He does it because He loves us. it says …

“ Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects; Therefore do not despise the chastening of the Almighty. Job 5:17 NKJV

“ My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.”

"If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews12:6-11

Look at the story of Hophni and Phinihas the sons of Eli in 1Samuel. Because Eli "did not restrain them" 1Sam3:11-14, and "They would not listen to the voice of their father" (1sam2:25)...and their wickedness was great in the site of the Lord." 1Sam2:17, God had to judge the house of Eli because they had sinned against the Lord.

So I guess in a nutshell I am saying that what ever we do we should do with wisdom, in love and never anger in order that our Children grow up knowing their boundaries and learning that there are consequences for bad behaviour. We should do all in love and be careful not to hurt our childrens development.

I do not condone violence nor abuse but am saying that a little physical dicipline properly and lovingly metered can be helpful in their development. We have lost much wisdom in child care today and we have filled our children with psychobabble and spoiled them and created a generation who know no boundaries nor understand the age old family structure of respecting elders and authorities. So many suffer depression, despair and a sense of loss becuse the family structures that once existed have dissapeared. What has this to do with smacking? Much. By not discipining them we have hurt them much more deeply that a lovingly ministered smack could have done and we have bought future misery upon ourselves and them. God Bless You. <><
 
Feb 9, 2009
1,743
6
0
38
#26
Ok...let's keep this simple. On this topic I say consult the Bible and follow Biblical principles.
 
C

concernedguy

Guest
#27
There was a post earlier asking if it was ever ok to hit a spouse, and there was a consensus that it was never ok. However, I seemed to open up a can of worms when I added that I wouldn't hit (or spank) children. Whatever the Old Testament says about whether its ok or not, I would choose not to. For me personally, I feel it is a backwards way of thinking, unnecessary, and lazy. There are so many ways to discipline a child without having to resort to old fashioned spanking. For example, your child is playing with his food, rather than slapping his hand, just take his food away. I also think it is easier to not get emotions involved when you discipline in this way, so they know its not that you don't love them or are angry, but that this action results in this consequence. I think parents, when they become parents, have the absolute responsibility to give their children the best upbringing and to be the best and most knowledgeable parents they can be, making sacrifices on their child's behalf, and so parents should know all about child psychology and prepare themselves as parents instead of taking the easy way out with a wooden spoon. When someone becomes a parent, their children deserve the best from them; loving and understanding parents. If I ever lifted my hand against a child, I would no longer feel like a man, especially since I know there are so many better ways to discipline a child. That's my opinion on the matter.

The Bible says God corrects those He loves and are His Children. I believe in spanking but not abuse.
To say that spanking is not a way to correct a child is to call God a liar. God was and is clear on this
issue. The world has entered the church and Christians lives to the point that they openly disrespect
God and defend the worldly ways.

God said He corrects those He loves. I agree with another post about this. If you don't correct your
child in a way they will remember, they will do it again. But it is your child and your decision to
disobey God. But remember, God wrote the book on humans and by disobeying you put your
child at risk of harming their self.

My friends are all screwed up but were not spanked when growing up. I was spanked and taught
right from wrong. I have never seen a need for smoking, alcohol or drugs. I don't disrespect my
parents the way my friends do. My friends have no idea who they are or what they stand for. I
know clearly who I am and what I believe in.

It makes a difference.
 
C

concernedguy

Guest
#28
YOU SAID THAT WAY BETTER THAN I COULD!

I have always stood my ground as a follower of Christ teachings. I sat my daughter down when she
was young and I told her that I love her very much. But I told her that because I love you so much
and want the best for you, I will spank you when it is needed. I told her as her father I am
responsible for raising her correctly.Because of this I will spank her. I told her she may get mad at
me and turn me into her teachers at school. I told her she has that right. But if she chooses to
turn me into her teachers, I will sign my my parental rights over to the state. This means I will
no longer be your father and you can do as you please but will be under their authority and not
mine.
As your father my first responsibility is follow Christ. My second is to raise you properly. If raising
you causes me to not be able to follow Christ and you feel your life with me is so terrible that you
need the school to step in, then I will honor your request. This means you value them more than
me. I don't want you to be unhappy by making you live with me when it is terrible for me to be
your father.
I told her I love you but my faithfulness to Christ must come first if she decides to over ride my
authority as her father and get the school involved.
She never said anything to the school. But I always made sure a little while after I spanked her
that I told her I loved her and hugged her and sometimes took her out for an ice cream.

Many may not agree with this but my faith in Christ is not conditional as with many Christians.
Many Christians have many excuses not to follow Christ but Christ never said it was ok to not
follow Him under certain conditions.
Children can accept and endure just about anything as long as they know you love them and
support them in their decisions if they make good decisions.

I never placed my faith in my daughter's ability to not tell her school. I placed my faith in Christ's
Promises that if I do the right thing, He will bless it and it will prosper. And she has.

I think the reason kids today don't know who they are or what to believe in is parents don't
know who they are or what they believe in so they can't teach their kids those things. My
daughter never tried smoking, alcohol or drugs. She has made me proud and God has blessed
her for following Him even when she didn't understand why. But she followed Him because
I taught her that when she feels like she is walking blindly forward, God sees all and she will
never fall.

Don't get me wrong. Parents know what they believe in but it is a belief of convenience. They
are not steadfast and unmoving. They are telling God what is acceptable and not following
God's Word without complaining. They would not do as I did above putting their faith in God's
Promises. If you can't trust God, who can you trust?

By me standing my ground, my daughter learned to stand her ground. She knows who she is
and she knows how to live her life. She learned by me standing my ground that there are things
bigger than us that we need to stand up for regardless of the price.
 
S

Stephanie

Guest
#29
Great answer Grace! Having said that. I will spank my children.

Bottom line.......when diciplining, your goal should to be to break their will ( to do bad things) and NOT thier spirit.

Howver you choose to do that...do it prayerfully and never out of anger.
 
O

oopsies

Guest
#30
I spank my boys! SWAAAAAAACK! and they LOVE IT. In fact, they laugh at me if I am angry. Sooooo for me spanking is not very effective. Although, sometimes I can see a parent using a spanking as an awakening. I'd rather put my kid in tears with a spanking than let them learn what it feels to have someone's front suv bumper embedded in their chin.
I would recommend Focus on the Family as a resource. They have some online radio discussions on how to raise kids if the spanking doesn't work. There was also an interview on corporal punishment - someone in the audience had the same problem that you're facing - the spanking didn't work. They were suggested to make sure the spanking hurts and if they hold in the pain, the say something like "I'm sorry honey, but it's gotta hurt so we're going to do this again." And this time, spank harder. They also stressed that the spanking shouldn't come out of anger. Maybe this will help you with your kids? I got spanked when I was little - I'm the angel in the family ;) My brothers rarely got spanked because my parents succumbed to the whole "new ways to parenting" pop culture. They get into a lot more trouble than I did.
 
J

jollyduckpepper

Guest
#31
Woweeee, what a topic. My mum had a wooden spoon and used it often, haha! It was definately an effective discipline tool for me, until I hid it under the dinner table, then she got a plastic spoon that hurt even more! bahahaha. I guess the way we discipline our children is between us and God. Good luck!
 

sweetnshy

Senior Member
Sep 10, 2003
219
4
18
#32
I was spanked as a child. In fact, it was pretty much the only form of punishment in our house--you did something bad, you got spanked. Personally I feel like that was too much. I can still remember times when I did something wrong, and though I definitely deserved to be punished, I still to this day think that a spanking was too harsh. I used to say I would never spank my kids because of that. However, after becoming a teacher, I realized that there are some kids out there that just need to be spanked--taking away privileges, time-outs, etc. doesn't work for all kids. So if I ever have kids, I think I would try to focus on taking away privileges, but I won't rule out spanking because I may need to use it someday!
 
O

oopsies

Guest
#33
My parents spanked a lot and HARD. So hard that we would go through spoons, rulers, and feather dusters. Then they would buy another one, tear off all the feathers, and I would hide the duster LOL
 

Kathleen

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2009
3,570
6
38
#34
My dad hit us : ) nd i think all 6 of us turned out great ( if i may say so myself ) lol
It is a biblical thing to do and that is what you should go by-
therefor I am goin to hit mine :) - if just.
 
M

Mearna

Guest
#35
Hitting your children, no. Spanking them, yes. This generation is so rebellious because their parents didn't spank them as punishment. It is a great tool, and if I wasn't spanked then I think I would have poor manners.

However, my uncle (who is an excellent Christian) does not hit his children, instead he has a very smart way of disciplining them. Him & his wife are, like, the MASTERS of discipline.
 
O

oopsies

Guest
#36
However, my uncle (who is an excellent Christian) does not hit his children, instead he has a very smart way of disciplining them. Him & his wife are, like, the MASTERS of discipline.

Teach us, please!
 
W

Walt

Guest
#37
One time I told my dad to shut up and he spaked me 12 times. I never even thought about telling him to shut up ever again.
When my parents spanked me they would tell me 'this hurts me more than it hurts you'. But I still think it hurt me more (they were not the ones crying).
I still have fond memories of picking out the belt if it was my dad and the wooden spoon if it was my mom to get spanked with.

I'll for sure beat my kids, its an effective way to curb bad behavior.
 
O

oopsies

Guest
#38
One time I told my dad to shut up and he spaked me 12 times. I never even thought about telling him to shut up ever again.
When my parents spanked me they would tell me 'this hurts me more than it hurts you'. But I still think it hurt me more (they were not the ones crying).
I still have fond memories of picking out the belt if it was my dad and the wooden spoon if it was my mom to get spanked with.

I'll for sure beat my kids, its an effective way to curb bad behavior.
You got to PICK the spanking utensil? My parents just grabbed the closest one!
 
L

Leilaii425

Guest
#39
my mom would hold the belt in one hand and our arm in the other and we would run around in circles and she would just swing the belt around and where ever it hit us, thats where it hit us. on the face on the arms our back, our legs. i remember once she chased me around the house with the belt sceaming at me to get back here.. yeah right like im gonna willingly get hit with something! My nana would often provoke me like telling me to kick her and what not, and i'd say no im not gonna kick you! but she would pester me and pester me until finally i would kick her, just to get her to shut up! then she would run to my mother and my mother would run around the house hitting me with any random object. Now when i was with my nana, which was alot, she would get me in the mirror for punishment and tell me how ugly i was. I found that to be much worse than any hitting. I would spank my child, but not in the way my mother did it.
 
L

LinaLinaLina

Guest
#40
I always thought I'd be the mom who would never have to spank her kids. I worked in a day care for three weeks and this completely change my way of thinking. There's just some kids that won't listen any other way, but I do think it does depend on the child. Even my career goals changed after the daycare experience, so I really believe you must experience being with a child who needs it, to really base your conclusions on.

Btw I was, and I turned out just fine. No childhood traumas or hating the parents as some people think will be the outcome. The bible is also plain clear about the subject.