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U
Most people who hold this mindset are quite rigid and unmoving. And if they ever do move it is over time. There's likely nothing you can say. I've dealt with these types for years and haven't seen one change their mind.
So for now you just have to honor him and once you get out on your own then you can choose what you want.
So for now you just have to honor him and once you get out on your own then you can choose what you want.
S
Annie,
I agree. It seems as though Ugly did cover quite a bit of great advice for you in his post; however, I felt the need to reach out to you as well.
My father was a pastor too. He was ordained when I was 9 years old. I turned 30 this year. (My age on my profile is wrong - my mistake.) I grew up under very rigid instruction and teachings that there was only a certain kind of music that I was supposed to listen to. The instruction that I was taught went way farther than that, but I won't get into all that in this thread.
My father believed in only blue grass music, which was very old fashioned to me. When I was younger I had a very hard time handling the music. I wanted to listen to country, rap, rock, you name it. My father called me many names because I just did not "feel" his music at that time in my life. I wasn't really "saved" and didn't really care either so that didn't help. I just listened to whatever at that time and my father and I constantly clashed. There did finally come a time in my father's life where he realized that he was pushing me away. This came AFTER I left home and went through a lot of bad choices on my own.
Pastors, who are also parents, must raise their children with the world watching. It's hard on the children. Pastor's children are ultimately pushed to do a lot that a normal child is not pushed to do. Whereas you do have the choice what you do when you leave the home, you will still be a "pastor's daughter" until your father steps down from that position or leaves this walk of life. If you choose not to be a "pastor's daughter" then you will be stepping away from your father. THAT is what I believe is concerning your father MORE than the music. I see you are 17. Your father probably wants to see you leave home and STILL be "the pastor's daughter", not the "rebel without a cause". I hope that makes sense?
I left home and still continued to be "the pastor's daughter". I had to come to Jesus and his loving grace on my own. I did alter my music, but I still listened to things my father did not like and I had to make him understand that I was just going to do some things on my own. I stopped listening to the music with cursing in it, but I still listen to Christian rock and uplifting Christian music.
Once my father stopped pushing me, I actually began enjoying blue grass and began singing it with him. (Seriously.... I never imagined that!) Perhaps you could sit down with your father, as a maturing woman, and explain to him that you will always be "the pastors daughter" (if you choose to), but you are going to have some of your own qualities as well.
I know that this is a hard time for you. I can feel that because I have been right there in your shoes. However, I know that you will get through it. The important part is to be OPEN with your father. Tell him that he is pushing you. Tell him that you understand the pressure he has to be perfect in the world's eyes. It's hard! Remember that he was a teen once too and I'm CERTAIN that he has done far worse than what he is attempting to accuse you of. (Just don't tell him that part....)
I hope that helps you and I will keep you in my prayers.
Blessings~
Sunny
I agree. It seems as though Ugly did cover quite a bit of great advice for you in his post; however, I felt the need to reach out to you as well.
My father was a pastor too. He was ordained when I was 9 years old. I turned 30 this year. (My age on my profile is wrong - my mistake.) I grew up under very rigid instruction and teachings that there was only a certain kind of music that I was supposed to listen to. The instruction that I was taught went way farther than that, but I won't get into all that in this thread.
My father believed in only blue grass music, which was very old fashioned to me. When I was younger I had a very hard time handling the music. I wanted to listen to country, rap, rock, you name it. My father called me many names because I just did not "feel" his music at that time in my life. I wasn't really "saved" and didn't really care either so that didn't help. I just listened to whatever at that time and my father and I constantly clashed. There did finally come a time in my father's life where he realized that he was pushing me away. This came AFTER I left home and went through a lot of bad choices on my own.
Pastors, who are also parents, must raise their children with the world watching. It's hard on the children. Pastor's children are ultimately pushed to do a lot that a normal child is not pushed to do. Whereas you do have the choice what you do when you leave the home, you will still be a "pastor's daughter" until your father steps down from that position or leaves this walk of life. If you choose not to be a "pastor's daughter" then you will be stepping away from your father. THAT is what I believe is concerning your father MORE than the music. I see you are 17. Your father probably wants to see you leave home and STILL be "the pastor's daughter", not the "rebel without a cause". I hope that makes sense?
I left home and still continued to be "the pastor's daughter". I had to come to Jesus and his loving grace on my own. I did alter my music, but I still listened to things my father did not like and I had to make him understand that I was just going to do some things on my own. I stopped listening to the music with cursing in it, but I still listen to Christian rock and uplifting Christian music.
Once my father stopped pushing me, I actually began enjoying blue grass and began singing it with him. (Seriously.... I never imagined that!) Perhaps you could sit down with your father, as a maturing woman, and explain to him that you will always be "the pastors daughter" (if you choose to), but you are going to have some of your own qualities as well.
I know that this is a hard time for you. I can feel that because I have been right there in your shoes. However, I know that you will get through it. The important part is to be OPEN with your father. Tell him that he is pushing you. Tell him that you understand the pressure he has to be perfect in the world's eyes. It's hard! Remember that he was a teen once too and I'm CERTAIN that he has done far worse than what he is attempting to accuse you of. (Just don't tell him that part....)
I hope that helps you and I will keep you in my prayers.
Blessings~
Sunny
Kudos to the others commenting on this thread -- good advice. I've never been in this situation, but as a church musician, I do understand why your pastor/dad is trying to keep you from the more contemporary music. Try to introduce him to some more "middle of the road" contemporary stuff -- like the Gettys or Stuart Townend. Their lyrics are beautiful (and biblical and Godly) and the Gettys in particular write music in a hymn structure, so they are, from a musical perspective, hymns. You can ask him if he's heard this great new hymn, then play "Speak, O Lord" or "In Christ Alone." I would specifically call them hymns to him so he understands that they are NOT just contemporary songs, but songs written in a contemporary style specifically for worship.
Hope that helps.
Hope that helps.