Going around in circles.

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raebans90

Junior Member
#1
Sep 8, 2015
3
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#1
Hello,
I'm a single lady in need of some wisdom & advice.

I started dating a christian guy I met online a while back, we quickly realised that we shared so many interests & values, and most importantly we both committed ourselves to trusting in God for our future and made a conscious decision to not rush into a relationship until we were 100% sure it was what God wanted. Well I began to feel convinced that this man was part of the future God had for me and I was in love. But suddenly he ended things, not really giving a good explanation other than he felt he wasn't good enough for me and that he had freaked himself out by talking & thinking about marriage, kids etc, too soon. I was heartbroken but after a while, felt God asking me to let go and trust in him because he has bigger plans for my future, and that in time his promise of a husband will be fulfilled.

Well after a couple of months, this guy messages me apologising for being an idiot and says God has been speaking to him, and he has decided he is ready for a relationship and he asked if I take him back. With a cautious heart, I agreed to start dating him again and am half elated because I do love him so much, but also still upset and not sure if I can ever trust in his commitment. (what if he isn't being serious, how do I know he won't change his mind again?!)

Well its now been over a week since I replied and he hasn't made any effort to chat normally. Ive been careful not to jump the gun but just started general conversations, as I would a friend. We agreed to slow things right down. But now, he isn't replying again and if he does, doesn't really ask about how I am and is acting like he's not bothered. So Im left thinking why did he even bother coming back into my life, just to let me down and break my heart again?

Is God testing me, do I need to be strong and resist him because it's not right? Do I need to ignore my own feelings and just listen to Gods voice? I don't know where to go from here and its really hurting me that God is allowing me to go through this emotional pain, going round in circles with this guy.

Please if anyone has experienced similar behaviour in a guy or has any wisdom, please share.
Thank you :)
 
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MissCris

Guest
#2
#2
Did you ever meet this guy or see him on webcam? Was the whole relationship strictly online?

I'm sorry that you've been hurt in all this, but my honest opinion here is that he isn't serious about wanting to be with you. It seems like he ended things at a point when meeting would have been the next step, and then he came back around after a while out of...boredom? Curiosity? Obviously I don't know what's in his mind or heart, but if he's behaving differently than before and being very distant with you...I guess I feel like You are wasting your time on him, then.

I'm kind of assuming the worst here, and I apologize for that. I've had a bit of experience with this sort of thing in the past, and it never turned out well.
 
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raebans90

Junior Member
#3
Sep 8, 2015
3
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#3
Yes, I met him a few times in person. Every time I drove 2 hours to see him, so lots of effort for a relationship!

Thank you for your opinion MissCris, in my heart I feel like you're right and he's not serious.
It just hurts and feels like I've wasted months of my life on this for nothing!
 
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MissCris

Guest
#4
#4
raebans90 said:
Yes, I met him a few times in person. Every time I drove 2 hours to see him, so lots of effort for a relationship!

Thank you for your opinion MissCris, in my heart I feel like you're right and he's not serious.
It just hurts and feels like I've wasted months of my life on this for nothing!
Click to expand...
Oh, whew, I'm actually relieved that you met him in person. Unfortunately, it doesn't change the fact that he came back to you just to ignore you...and I'm truly sorry for your pain, and I hope he stops messing with you and makes a clear choice one way or the other.

But don't look at it as a waste, take it as a learning experience that you can use in the future :)
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#5
Apr 18, 2013
9,379
2,452
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#5
Well, let's keep this simple.

Do you WANT a guy who ignores you?
If that is what makes you happy, and that is what you truly want... then you're all good to go.
 
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ServantStrike

Guest
#6
#6
Well... You've got a pretty good idea of what this guy is like. Ask yourself if that's the kind of person you want to invest time in. If the answer is no then you might as well cut your losses and move on.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#7
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
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#7
YOU drove to meet HIM? BOTH times? That never seemed odd to you?
And, BTW, just emailing again online is not dating. No, not at all. You do not get to know all there is about a person when you only read what they wrote.
 
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JeniBean

Guest
#8
#8
STOP chasing your tail (in reference to going in circles) and STOP talking to this DOG! There is a true real godly man out there for you! I am sorry for your experience. Don't regret it, learn from from it and move on! Many blessings and good luck!
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#9
Apr 18, 2013
9,379
2,452
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#9
BTW, if there are other girls on CC looking for a relationship with a man who will completely ignore them,
that just happens to be exactly what I'm looking for.

I'm extremely busy, and I can absolutely guarantee to ignore a girl 24 hours a day... maybe more with a little practice.

So, if you're a nice Christian girl, and you're tired of guys doing all that creepy stuff... like talking to you... or answering email... maybe I'm the guy for you!

Please message me in private.
If I like you, I will NOT write back.
If you DO NOT hear from me, that means we're in a happy, committed relationship.

I would like to thank all the girls of CC for their time,
and I'm looking forward to not speaking with you.

God Bless,
Max
 
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tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#10
Mar 13, 2014
41,323
16,307
113
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Tennessee
#10
No, I don't believe God is testing you. Why agree to slow things down when you want to proceed forward? That looks like the problem, things are going too slow due to fear of commitment issues. Seriously, it seems that this guy is not into you and it is now time to cut him loose and to move forward.
 
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raebans90

Junior Member
#11
Sep 8, 2015
3
0
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#11
Haha thanks for your honesty everyone.
Its very good to hear from people on the outside looking in & I'm sure if I was reading this post from someone else id be saying the same things!
If only dating was easier & everybody was completely upfront & honest with each other!
Definitely going to move on & set my standards higher so I will find somebody who cares for me enough to show it!
 
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Ugly

Guest
#12
#12
He's clearly not committed, no matter what words he uses his actions don't fit.

You basically just took him back too easily. There was no real work on his part, to prove he had changed. And it taught him he can treat you poorly and you will basically just accept him back.

Why did he come back? No one except him and God knows. Could be he is a game player and did it on purpose. But it could also be that though God spoke to him, that doesn't mean his fears magically disappear. Either way it sounds best to move on.

Do I need to ignore my own feelings and just listen to Gods voice? I don't know where to go from here and its really hurting me that God is allowing me to go through this emotional pain, going round in circles with this guy.
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Sorry, but this part really made me say 'did i just read that right?'. Should you ignore your feelings or Gods voice? It's pretty disturbing to think that you even have to ask.
Emotions and feelings generally have little or nothing to do with hearing from God. Particularly if you are hearing from God in a more clear way. It's humans that teach emotions = Gods direction, not the bible.
And the last line seems a bit of an exaggeration do to feeling hurt. You aren't really 'going in circles'. It's not like this has happened numerous times with him.
I've been through some serious emotional pain, as some users here can attest to, but it was your choice to take a man back that disappeared on you, without seeking an answer from God. Correction, it was Your Choice to take a man back that disappeared on you, by Going Against what god spoke to you. God isn't putting you through this, God gave you an answer and you willfully disobeyed it. You're going through this because you ignored Gods voice telling you to stay out of this, and now because you decided to ignore God and do your own will you're pointing fingers at God and blaming Him?

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Hope something here helps. :)
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#13
Apr 18, 2013
9,379
2,452
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#13
raebans90 said:
Haha thanks for your honesty everyone.
Its very good to hear from people on the outside looking in & I'm sure if I was reading this post from someone else id be saying the same things!
If only dating was easier & everybody was completely upfront & honest with each other!
Definitely going to move on & set my standards higher so I will find somebody who cares for me enough to show it!
Click to expand...
I think there'd be a lot more relationships in the world if girls would set their standards lower... much, much, much lower.

And only date at night... so you only see your guy in the dark.
 
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