A
Quite honestly, I don't know if this "Gift of Singleness" exists. See, because marriage takes a lot of work and sacrifice, when people talk about the advantages of being single, they often seem to talk about that which does not involve work and sacrifice. In other words, what we like about being single is often self-serving. Now, I get that single people can serve God in ways that married people can't. But I also believe that married people can serve God in ways that single people can't. I don't think that being married or being single makes us less useful to God. Now, I realize that sometimes God keeps us single because He wants us to do something one day that we wouldn't be able to do if we had a family. The example I always think of is a woman at my old church, Bea, who never married. When she was about... 38, her sister found out she had two weeks to live and asked Bea if she'd take her daughter. She chose Bea and not their other sister who was married with two kids because (I'm assuming) she thought that Bea could give the daughter her undivided love and attention. But really think about it, how many Christians who aren't married do you think are that way because they will one day do something for God that they can't do if they were married. Now I know one of you will say "What if you're married and one of you is called to be a missionary and the other isn't?" Then I say that the couple needs to pray until they figure out which one of them is wrong.
What really bugs me is when Christians assume that other Christians who are not married but want to be are some how disobeying God. I guess their rational is that if God wanted them to be married then they would be, and if they're single it must be because that's what God wants. That gets into dangerous territory that the status quo is always God's will and it's not Biblical. Achieving God's will in one's life is something that takes work and prayer and not just whatever we let happen.
See, one of the reasons why I have trouble thinking of singleness as a gift is that singleness is the opposite of marriage and marriage is a sacrament, and we don't think of the opposite of any other sacrament as being a gift. Like we don't talk about being unbaptized as being a gift. Of course Roman Catholics would say that holy orders is one of their sacraments and that many require celibacy. So they have a sacrament that's the opposite of one of the other sacraments. To that I say that being celibate because you've joined a holy order is different than being single, as I'm talking about here. Let me explain, in addition to being skeptic of the "gift of singleness," I'm also skeptic of the "call to singleness." Like, if one where to say that they are called to be single, they are saying that they are called away from marriage, and marriage is a good thing. But with a holy order, you're not called away from marriage as much as you're called towards something that's incompatible with marriage. Or there are other ways that one can be called to something that will make marriage difficult or impossible. But my question is how many people feel called away from marriage for no specific reason, or a reason that they don't know yet? I mean, it does happen, like my friend at my old church. It took many years for her to learn why God kept her single. But it's not like she ever had a specific call to be single, she just never met the right guy. Ok, let me put it this way, how many people who are single feel a called to be single? And out of those, how many know why? What I'm suggesting is that being called to be single but not knowing why, is probably not all that common.
Now in I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Harris talks about how dating takes away from the gift of singleness. But if I remember correctly, most of what he was talking about in that context are things that one grows out of. In other words, one can have the gift of singleness only for a season. Like, the years since I moved out of my parent's house have been a gift in that I've learned independence. But I don't see myself growing as much in the long run if I stay single rather than get married.
Basically, when people decide if they should get married or not, I think they should be less concerned with whether or not they have the gift of singleness and more concern with if they could build a God glorifying marriage. Because if God thinks you can make a commitment to another person and love and serve them with the blessing of others, than He's probably willing for you to get married.
Ok, that's my opinion, feel free to poke holes in it.
What really bugs me is when Christians assume that other Christians who are not married but want to be are some how disobeying God. I guess their rational is that if God wanted them to be married then they would be, and if they're single it must be because that's what God wants. That gets into dangerous territory that the status quo is always God's will and it's not Biblical. Achieving God's will in one's life is something that takes work and prayer and not just whatever we let happen.
See, one of the reasons why I have trouble thinking of singleness as a gift is that singleness is the opposite of marriage and marriage is a sacrament, and we don't think of the opposite of any other sacrament as being a gift. Like we don't talk about being unbaptized as being a gift. Of course Roman Catholics would say that holy orders is one of their sacraments and that many require celibacy. So they have a sacrament that's the opposite of one of the other sacraments. To that I say that being celibate because you've joined a holy order is different than being single, as I'm talking about here. Let me explain, in addition to being skeptic of the "gift of singleness," I'm also skeptic of the "call to singleness." Like, if one where to say that they are called to be single, they are saying that they are called away from marriage, and marriage is a good thing. But with a holy order, you're not called away from marriage as much as you're called towards something that's incompatible with marriage. Or there are other ways that one can be called to something that will make marriage difficult or impossible. But my question is how many people feel called away from marriage for no specific reason, or a reason that they don't know yet? I mean, it does happen, like my friend at my old church. It took many years for her to learn why God kept her single. But it's not like she ever had a specific call to be single, she just never met the right guy. Ok, let me put it this way, how many people who are single feel a called to be single? And out of those, how many know why? What I'm suggesting is that being called to be single but not knowing why, is probably not all that common.
Now in I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Harris talks about how dating takes away from the gift of singleness. But if I remember correctly, most of what he was talking about in that context are things that one grows out of. In other words, one can have the gift of singleness only for a season. Like, the years since I moved out of my parent's house have been a gift in that I've learned independence. But I don't see myself growing as much in the long run if I stay single rather than get married.
Basically, when people decide if they should get married or not, I think they should be less concerned with whether or not they have the gift of singleness and more concern with if they could build a God glorifying marriage. Because if God thinks you can make a commitment to another person and love and serve them with the blessing of others, than He's probably willing for you to get married.
Ok, that's my opinion, feel free to poke holes in it.
