A honest look at single Christians

[Grace-Like-Rain]

i agree with the OP but i find it impossible to find happiness in Christ. I seem to find happiness in worldly things instead. I mean i read the bible daily, pray, go to church, attend support groups, and even get christian counseling but still feel nothing.

Something to note is that this doesn't happen dramatically overnight. It comes through discipline and practice. Don't be too hard on yourself, just keep reaching for the goal, and every step you take will bring you closer. You are much further down the road than you were a month ago, I bet!

 

[Pipp]

i agree with the OP but i find it impossible to find happiness in Christ. I seem to find happiness in worldly things instead. I mean i read the bible daily, pray, go to church, attend support groups, and even get christian counseling but still feel nothing.

Are you doing it all as routine or are you diligently seeking him ?
I'm not trying to be judgemental... I don't know what you're going through. Hebrews 11:6 says But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Also [h=3]Isaiah 26:3[SUP] [/SUP]Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

If there's a specific thing you're having trouble with try to memorize verses on the subject.
Psalm 119 says Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee.[/h]I hope that was helpful in some way or another.

 

[kenthomas27]

Something to note is that this doesn't happen dramatically overnight. It comes through discipline and practice. Don't be too hard on yourself, just keep reaching for the goal, and every step you take will bring you closer. You are much further down the road than you were a month ago, I bet!

You know, GraceLikeRain, the guy that loses his eyesight at 35 has a greater loss than that guy that never sees at all. They
both are as blind as bats and groping around running into stuff but the one that never saw has the luxury of never remembering sight.

I think that's why MyKim would do well to mark your words.

 

[mykim]

Something to note is that this doesn't happen dramatically overnight. It comes through discipline and practice. Don't be too hard on yourself, just keep reaching for the goal, and every step you take will bring you closer. You are much further down the road than you were a month ago, I bet!

I feel like i have gone one step forward but two steps back at this point. Hopefully, i make a breakthrough in my support group or counseling sessions

Are you doing it all as routine or are you diligently seeking him ?
I'm not trying to be judgemental... I don't know what you're going through. Hebrews 11:6 says But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Also Isaiah 26:3Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

If there's a specific thing you're having trouble with try to memorize verses on the subject.
Psalm 119 says Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee.

I hope that was helpful in some way or another.

I guess it feels like a routine but it is also sort of sincere at the same time. I do admit that my faith is weak.

 

[Searching4Truth]

I been reading this chat for a few days and I noticed a trend. Lots of Christians are waiting for the Lord to send them that significant other. Now, as a christian single myself I know what I'm about to write is going to cut some people's hearts, so I am trying to be very careful with my words and be gentle, and just remember that I am in the same boat as you.

When I prayed to the Lord for a spouse, I would always remind myself of scripture that if we pray for anything in his name, he will grant us. That if we ask our Father for his will, surely he will grant us the prayer.

No doubt all of us here at one time or another asked God for "The One". I remember when I was 16, I felt so lonely I was bawling to myself alone in the woods for a girlfriend. 12 years later, still no GF and I know the answer as to why. The answer was, because I only wanted a girlfriend to fornicate with.

Lets say God granted us our wish.. and we did receive our significant other. We would be rejoicing in the Lord as happy bee's and praising him for his goodness. But then we would be struggling in the flesh. One minute your holding hands, the next minute she's giving you that "look" that makes your mind wander about dirty things.

Now instead of serving God as 2 faithful servants, your fighting your flesh to not do something sinful. Your mind goes from a absolutely resolved NO.. to maybe... then to I hope not.. then to well if we love one another this deeply..

God said not to fornicate for our own sakes. When we hurt ourselves, we hurt him, and surely we couldn't be praying all this time to fulfill a lusty desire? Or perhaps to fill that loneliness void in hearts where HE should be?

Then I realized that I can't pray to God for a girlfriend because I would not only want her for the wrong reasons, but it would completely knock me off my track with God himself.

Soon we would justify our sex life and just hope God would forgive us in the end. And I think the reality is, God is just sparing us from having to ask him in the first place to forgive us for what he will know that we will do.

So, basically what I learned to do is be happy as a Single Christian. Some of you may have already caught me laughing and joking on CC mic and I really am content. But I am extremely heartbroken for all the christian brothers and sisters who are sitting in their room waiting.. wondering.. why hasn't God brought them that special person yet.

I think God is telling us that if we can't find joy in him in our most desperate alone times.. we will never find happiness in another person. We will depend upon them instead of the Lord, and that makes us a burden. This will cause fights and division and feelings of rejection.

I believe we must learn to be happy with just the Lord, and then only then, the happiness that shines forth from your face will draw others unto you, and eventually that special someone. I speak from experience as a sad depressed loner for years. It only pushs people away from you, they don't want to talk to you. But when your happy, laughing, and smiling, regardless of your circumstances, everyone wants to be around you.

I think a lot of loney depressed christians may also inversely push someone God was sending them through a sad countenance.

Just my honest look at the situation. I want everyone who is Single to be as happy as me! Seriously guys, life is too short to sit in our corners and watch everyone else enjoy life. I know what its like, its dark, lonely, and you only withdraw more.

Learn to walk with God and be happy in him, then I believe, he will send you the woman or man you desire, but the funny thing is.. when you get them.. suddenly you realize you don't want them as much now, because your content in the Lord.

God Bless.

ILikeCheese​

 

[Liamson]

i agree with the OP but i find it impossible to find happiness in Christ. I seem to find happiness in worldly things instead. I mean i read the bible daily, pray, go to church, attend support groups, and even get christian counseling but still feel nothing.

I read my Bible daily, I pray, I go to church...

but I don't know that there is any emotional warm fuzzy going on. I don't "feel" anything. I simply pursue the course that I believe to be right. I'm not looking for an emotional experience.

I get happiness by doing things that make me happy, by singing, by laughing, by joking, but I don't consider them Worldly things. I believe God has a sense of humor. I believe He intended for us to have fun, be merry, work, play, all of it.

Watching Honey Boo Boo to me a worldly thing. No thanks. Most worldly things, much like sin is simply a shortcut to doing what is good and as God intended. But There is no alternative to doing what is right.

I think if you want to have fun at church go to a potluck and bring Liars Dice. To me its a Duty.

 

[Truebeliever4ever]

Wow Praise God I really needed this, it was much comfort to me. May the Lord Bless you, in Jesus name.

 

[Witness45]

I believe we must learn to be happy with just the Lord, and then only then, the happiness that shines forth from your face will draw others unto you, and eventually that special someone. I speak from experience as a sad depressed loner for years. It only pushs people away from you, they don't want to talk to you. But when your happy, laughing, and smiling, regardless of your circumstances, everyone wants to be around you.

So what if being sad, depressed, and lonely pushes people away from you... Should it? If people did as they should and reached out to those in this shape then maybe they wouldn't be sad, depressed, and lonely anymore. Goes back to the Golden Rule. If you've experienced loneliness and depression in the past, then tell me, what was the one thing you wanted most? Someone to reach out to you. You should know that there is no way to magically make yourself happy without giving an Oscar-winning performance of "happiness" to the public around you. And God doesn't always just magically make you happy either. If you were to lose everything in one night, including your loved ones, and end up with nothing; and were to then respond happily and continue to be happy from then on, you'd be insane. Job didn't respond with happiness when God took everything from him, he responded with faithfulness. There's a difference.

I, sir, am currently sad, depressed, and lonely. Just loving and being faithful to God isn't going to change the fact that my current life circumstances cause me extreme depression. It may secure my eventual outcome and help m to cope, but it will never alone make me happy.

Don't expect others to do the same. God doesn't always supply happiness. He only always supplies security and love.

 

[ServantStrike]

So what if being sad, depressed, and lonely pushes people away from you... Should it? If people did as they should and reached out to those in this shape then maybe they wouldn't be sad, depressed, and lonely anymore. Goes back to the Golden Rule. If you've experienced loneliness and depression in the past, then tell me, what was the one thing you wanted most? Someone to reach out to you. You should know that there is no way to magically make yourself happy without giving an Oscar-winning performance of "happiness" to the public around you. And God doesn't always just magically make you happy either. If you were to lose everything in one night, including your loved ones, and end up with nothing; and were to then respond happily and continue to be happy from then on, you'd be insane. Job didn't respond with happiness when God took everything from him, he responded with faithfulness. There's a difference.

I, sir, am currently sad, depressed, and lonely. Just loving and being faithful to God isn't going to change the fact that my current life circumstances cause me extreme depression. It may secure my eventual outcome and help m to cope, but it will never alone make me happy.

Don't expect others to do the same. God doesn't always supply happiness. He only always supplies security and love.

Hi, I'm Chris!

I'd gladly reach out to you man. Seriously, sometimes the best conversations you can have is when you go somewhere and there is an entire crowd of people, and you see one person standing off to the side.

That's the one who has the stories to tell, and the scars that go with them.

 

[buckets]

So what if being sad, depressed, and lonely pushes people away from you... Should it? If people did as they should and reached out to those in this shape then maybe they wouldn't be sad, depressed, and lonely anymore. Goes back to the Golden Rule. If you've experienced loneliness and depression in the past, then tell me, what was the one thing you wanted most? Someone to reach out to you. You should know that there is no way to magically make yourself happy without giving an Oscar-winning performance of "happiness" to the public around you. And God doesn't always just magically make you happy either. If you were to lose everything in one night, including your loved ones, and end up with nothing; and were to then respond happily and continue to be happy from then on, you'd be insane. Job didn't respond with happiness when God took everything from him, he responded with faithfulness. There's a difference.

I, sir, am currently sad, depressed, and lonely. Just loving and being faithful to God isn't going to change the fact that my current life circumstances cause me extreme depression. It may secure my eventual outcome and help m to cope, but it will never alone make me happy.

Don't expect others to do the same. God doesn't always supply happiness. He only always supplies security and love.

I believ my only job in this entire world is to follow Christ's commandment

John 15:12
This is my commandment. That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

So if you want a young friend who will like you for you yep I'm your girl

 

[wisebeardman]

I gave up on the whole love thing. im not sad nor depressed nor lonely. I just quit caring.

 

[Shawn2516]

So what if being sad, depressed, and lonely pushes people away from you... Should it? If people did as they should and reached out to those in this shape then maybe they wouldn't be sad, depressed, and lonely anymore. Goes back to the Golden Rule. If you've experienced loneliness and depression in the past, then tell me, what was the one thing you wanted most? Someone to reach out to you. You should know that there is no way to magically make yourself happy without giving an Oscar-winning performance of "happiness" to the public around you. And God doesn't always just magically make you happy either. If you were to lose everything in one night, including your loved ones, and end up with nothing; and were to then respond happily and continue to be happy from then on, you'd be insane. Job didn't respond with happiness when God took everything from him, he responded with faithfulness. There's a difference.

I, sir, am currently sad, depressed, and lonely. Just loving and being faithful to God isn't going to change the fact that my current life circumstances cause me extreme depression. It may secure my eventual outcome and help m to cope, but it will never alone make me happy.

Don't expect others to do the same. God doesn't always supply happiness. He only always supplies security and love.

You don't have to tell me this. I was you for YEARS. Alone.. depressed.. the kid off the side. No one cared. No one looked at me. No one made waves. No one came over to see how I was doing. Everyone avoided me and I avoided them.

No one is going to come save you. Thats just reality. You have to take responsibility for your own emotions, your own attitude, and pull yourself up out of the pit. It doesn't sound fun, it doesn't sound exciting.. especially when in all the movies we see, when you get really down and depressed, then comes the hero to save you out of your situation, but that is not real life.

You can stay in the pit, you can stay depressed.. but only YOU can pull yourself out and change your life. I spent YEARS in a pit that I never needed too.. and my goal is to save YOU and others just like you, from someone who has been there, from being it in longer than you need to.

Again, its up to you to pull yourself out of the pit. People here can cheer you on, say loving things, but at the end of the day its just you in that dark room wondering if people really do care. You have to get out.. ask Jesus to get you out.

Otherwise, you'll just spend more years miserable, when you could of spent them happy. Its up to you.

 

[Rachel20]

Hey this thread is nice, groundshaking down to earth reality stuff.

I am sure though if people really started seriously looking for a husband/wife they'd get one.
Atleast here. (unless God has called you to be single)
In India, getting married is not a big deal at all. Kids just tell their parents. "Mom I want to get married." Boom. They're married.

I think some of the problems/sadness occurs when people affix labels like ''soulmate'' and stuff like that to people.
Come on, at the end of the day, the other person is still a human being.

God should have the first place in our life. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

 

[Rachel20]

I like your style

Yes He is very stylish.

Adult skills are natually enhanced by big boy Transformer pants.

[/QUOTE]

 

[Rachel20]

oh no *horror*

messed up the quote. Well to rectify that http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/80656-put-your-big-boy-pants.html#post1318565

 

[sheen]

I believe we must learn to be happy with just the Lord, and then only then, the happiness that shines forth from your face will draw others unto you, and eventually that special someone.

AMEN!
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well (Matthew 6:33)

 

[sheen]

I feel like i have gone one step forward but two steps back at this point. Hopefully, i make a breakthrough in my support group or counseling sessions



I guess it feels like a routine but it is also sort of sincere at the same time. I do admit that my faith is weak.

Just out of curiosity, have you invited God in your life? for him to work and be in control of your life?

 

[Kham]

I tend to agree here.

 

[mykim]

Just out of curiosity, have you invited God in your life? for him to work and be in control of your life?

Yes I have but that does not mean much when I got many things that cause misery and that I cannot deal with in my life.

 

[cubfan716]

I agree that we have to learn to be content with Christ. I used to fight the loneliness and struggle with the fact I had no romantic prospects. Then I gave God the pen to write not only my life story but my love story. I'm not perfect and have had struggles in my walk with the Lord but then i think back and try to remember if He has ever let me down. NEVER!!! Even when I felt the outcome was not what I wanted at the time I reflect back and see he had done was right for me at the time.

I am learning to delight myself in the Lord...Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.(Psalm 37:4). Singleness is also a time to grow content in Christ and allowing Him to use you in ways you can never imagine, especially for those destined to be in a leadership position in the future. Singleness make you tougher. When the time comes God will bring that special person into your life.

People cannot trust in their own ways of thinking. We have to put our faith in Christ. I'm not saying we have to shut ourselves off with the rest of the world. We need to be a beacon of life...imitators of Christ.

From the physical angle, I don't think their is anyone who has never been attracted physically to someone. Its a struggle for many. I myself have struggled as well as many others with things like lustful thoughts. That is why we must it all to the one who died for us on the cross to renew our minds...Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22) The task is not easy but in Christ we can!

In sum, we should allow God to take the pen of our lives and script our love story. If we do not surrender this part of our lives then it may lead to what we want (our selfish desires) as opposed to what He wants for us! All of the other things that come with a love story (the physical and emotional side) will come out in due time as long as we put Him first!

God is good all the time!!!

In Christ,

Luis