Am I a Love Repellent?

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vibrantdaley

Guest
#1
#1
Hi guys! I'm 16 years old and I'm homeschooled. Everyone around me is dating. At first I really didn't care but now I'm not so sure. I've never had a boyfriend before and I've never had a guy (that I know of) like me. I'm starting to feel a little discouraged and scared. I don't have many friends or places where I'd meet a guy and I don't want to end up single for the rest of my life, I mean.. Who does?? I've prayed a lot about it and so far I've gotten no answers. I feel like guys just don't like me.. I have a lot of baggage, and I'm almost positive no one will love me with it. It's a horrible feeling. I feel like I repel love. I need encouragement...
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#2
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#2
First, if you ever want to talk this out (or about anything), you're welcome to PM me.

You are only 16 years old. There is so much time ahead of you for relationships, friends, jobs, etc. I didn't have a "real" boyfriend until I was 18, and at the time I thought "it's about time! I'm soooo old!" However, I'm no longer with him. In fact, I haven't been with him in 11 years. Right now it seems like everyone is dating and everyone will marry/have kids/get the great job before you. But that's not the case. Trust me, I have made many, many, many mistakes in regards to boyfriends and guys. Rushing into something is ALWAYS a bad idea. What if you're supposed to wait until next year because you're going to meet some special guy? Would you want to compromise your current situation so you can feel less lonely? And here's the other thing, a boyfriend WILL NOT make you feel better for long. He won't. Life will settle in and things will change. Sometimes it's better to be single. It's my advice to wait on the Lord. Yes, it's hard and sometimes really annoying to wait on God's timing. I know that feeling all too well... but I highly doubt you repel love. Highly! And as for baggage. PM me. Let me tell you about having baggage and someone loving you in spite of it. I'm serious. PM me.

Keep praying, sweetie. God gives three answers. Yes, No, and wait. I could be wrong, but it sounds like he's telling you to wait. Please wait. It's less pain and a smarter choice. Trust me. In the long run you'll look back and be very glad you did. :)

It's going to work out one way or the other. Sometimes things "working out" isn't exactly the way we thought it would be. However, God's plans are always better.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#3
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#3
If you focus on all of the things that you don't have or that you are missing, life is passing you by.

You have been given an amazing Gift. Do not burden yourself. You cannot worry yourself into a relationship and Anxiety is in fact love repellent.

(From a ten year old child) “Father, what is sexsin?” He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. “Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?” he said. “It's too heavy,” I said. “Yes,” he said. “And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.” And I was satisfied. More than satisfied – wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions. For now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping. - Corey Ten Boom
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You are 16 and God is probably saying no. But you have to be willing to hear No and be okay with it. But what if God is trying to protect you from something, to save you for a time when you are stronger?

To Love to expose the most precious and fragile parts of ourselves to the care and discretion of another person. In high school, what seems like an indefinite relationship, will most certainly end and the pain you feel when it is gone is something that may leave a shadow over what is an otherwise beautiful stage of your life.

God wants what is best for you. He Understands what you are asking for. When He says yes, it will be worth every hour, day, and year that He has ever said no. If you believe in God trust that He believes in you too.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#4
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
79
48
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#4
Hi vibrantdaley, welcome to CC! :)

I feel like I could have written that post when I was 16. That's exactly how I felt. Shoot, I'm 22 and have still never dated or been asked. And I have learned to become okay with that. My identity is not found in whether or not I'm dating. My identity is found in Christ. I don't want it based on anything else, because everything else can change. What if you were to get a boyfriend tomorrow? Would that suddenly make you more valuable or more loveable? What about if he broke up with you the next day? You'd suddenly become unlovable again?

The amount of baggage that you have, or how many guys have checked you out, or whether you are single or in a relationship, none of those things change your value to God or change your value as a person. I have a lot of baggage and I'd wager that most people do. In fact, if someone didn't have any baggage at all, to me that means that they don't have much life experience, they haven't learned a lot, etc. Not saying I want someone with all of the baggage in the world, but I can tell you that my baggage has been able to be used for the good, for God's glory, in ways I literally never thought possible.

I get the feeling from your post that you want a guy in your life so you will feel validated about yourself. I understand that. Up until about 6 months ago, that is how I felt until God revealed this to me and is changing my heart on it. But wanting to feel validated is not a good foundation for a relationship and it will create problems. The only solid foundation for a relationship is a Christ-centered man and a Christ-centered woman who are following God together.

Also keep in mind that sometimes having the mindset of "No one will love me" can turn people away. I'm not saying that you are. I'm saying that people are attracted to confidence. Confidence doesn't have to be throwing all your baggage out on the table the first time you meet someone. I'm talking about godly confidence, the sort where you're comfortable being yourself because your identity is in Jesus. That attracts people. That's hard to get to sometimes when you feel like you have to have all your suitcases (baggage, get it? Eh.) neatly hidden behind you. I understand that!

Case in point: Your value is in Christ and Christ alone. :) I'm praying for you because I know pretty much exactly how you feel. Don't be discouraged!
 
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Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
First, you're 16. Don't worry about dating. Dating is about finding a spouse. Are you ready for marriage? Nope. Just because 'everyone else' is doing something doesn't make it good, wise, or right.
Second, you're homeschooled now, but you won't be in a few years, so you will be of age for marriage, first of all. And second, you'll be out and able to go to more places and meet more people. So stop worrying about things that aren't a good idea, and wait til you're old enough and your situation changes anyways.
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#6
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#6
rachelsedge said:
Hi vibrantdaley, welcome to CC! :)

I feel like I could have written that post when I was 16. That's exactly how I felt. Shoot, I'm 22 and have still never dated or been asked. And I have learned to become okay with that. My identity is not found in whether or not I'm dating. My identity is found in Christ. I don't want it based on anything else, because everything else can change. What if you were to get a boyfriend tomorrow? Would that suddenly make you more valuable or more loveable? What about if he broke up with you the next day? You'd suddenly become unlovable again?

The amount of baggage that you have, or how many guys have checked you out, or whether you are single or in a relationship, none of those things change your value to God or change your value as a person. I have a lot of baggage and I'd wager that most people do. In fact, if someone didn't have any baggage at all, to me that means that they don't have much life experience, they haven't learned a lot, etc. Not saying I want someone with all of the baggage in the world, but I can tell you that my baggage has been able to be used for the good, for God's glory, in ways I literally never thought possible.

I get the feeling from your post that you want a guy in your life so you will feel validated about yourself. I understand that. Up until about 6 months ago, that is how I felt until God revealed this to me and is changing my heart on it. But wanting to feel validated is not a good foundation for a relationship and it will create problems. The only solid foundation for a relationship is a Christ-centered man and a Christ-centered woman who are following God together.

Also keep in mind that sometimes having the mindset of "No one will love me" can turn people away. I'm not saying that you are. I'm saying that people are attracted to confidence. Confidence doesn't have to be throwing all your baggage out on the table the first time you meet someone. I'm talking about godly confidence, the sort where you're comfortable being yourself because your identity is in Jesus. That attracts people. That's hard to get to sometimes when you feel like you have to have all your suitcases (baggage, get it? Eh.) neatly hidden behind you. I understand that!

Case in point: Your value is in Christ and Christ alone. :) I'm praying for you because I know pretty much exactly how you feel. Don't be discouraged!
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Rachel, awesome post! You've got a good head on your shoulders.

The only thing I'd like to add is that after seeing 14-18 year olds dating (and for the most part, up to age 20 or so) I can tell you that exactly none of them see it as a positive experience two years later. So basically, dating before you're 18 is more likely to leave you with regret or bitterness than a husband. It isn't so much a maturity thing, it's just that stage of life where you move out of your parents house that makes all the difference.
 
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vibrantdaley

Guest
#7
#7
Thank you guys! I understand the reason for dating, and I do understand that I'm still very young, I was just curious as to why I was the only one without a significant other. Now, I understand what God is doing, and I know I need to be patient and go wherever he leads me! I've accepted this, and I'm okay with it. Thanks again!:)
 
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vibrantdaley

Guest
#8
#8
I meant "only one in my group of friends" not "Only one in the world without a significant other." Sorry, I worded that wrong :p
 
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Relena7

Guest
#9
#9
If I had dated at 16, it would have been a disaster. I probably would have been too clingy and suffocating at that age. xD

Anyway there's no such thing as a love repellent person.
Just because someone is in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean they are in love. And just because someone is not in a relationship does not mean they are not loving, or unloved.
 
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