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Excellent article. I think I can see how in my own life the idea of becoming a couple, which is what the modern version of dating has boiled down to, has seemed like this big emotional deal. The idea of having dinner with someone with no strings attached and no expectations beyond one dinner definitely sounds attractive. I don't know if I'd call it dating but maybe hanging out one on one, and I would say definitely need to apply the no twice in a row rule to close guy friends to keep from getting too attached as well (at least in my life it would be a good idea). Definitely stuff to think about.
The writer has a very few good points to make and seems to be holding a nasty grudge on homeschoolers...
Quote: I grew up as a member of the homeschool community back when we were hiding from the cops and getting our textbooks from public school dumpsters.
So maybe his family was demented? That doesn't mean everyone's was. I think there's a place for normal courtship if your going that route. Sterotyping like that is pretty lame. Do whatever you feel God is calling you to do, and of course prayer and reading the Bible helps a lot.
My two cents.
Quote: I grew up as a member of the homeschool community back when we were hiding from the cops and getting our textbooks from public school dumpsters.
So maybe his family was demented? That doesn't mean everyone's was. I think there's a place for normal courtship if your going that route. Sterotyping like that is pretty lame. Do whatever you feel God is calling you to do, and of course prayer and reading the Bible helps a lot.
My two cents.
T
The writer has a very few good points to make and seems to be holding a nasty grudge on homeschoolers...
Quote: I grew up as a member of the homeschool community back when we were hiding from the cops and getting our textbooks from public school dumpsters.
So maybe his family was demented? That doesn't mean everyone's was. I think there's a place for normal courtship if your going that route. Sterotyping like that is pretty lame. Do whatever you feel God is calling you to do, and of course prayer and reading the Bible helps a lot.
My two cents.
Quote: I grew up as a member of the homeschool community back when we were hiding from the cops and getting our textbooks from public school dumpsters.
So maybe his family was demented? That doesn't mean everyone's was. I think there's a place for normal courtship if your going that route. Sterotyping like that is pretty lame. Do whatever you feel God is calling you to do, and of course prayer and reading the Bible helps a lot.
My two cents.
What are people's thoughts on this I guess from a non-courtship, but more as we do dating now perspective?
I haven't been on a date in around 4 years and I'm not really willing to unless I feel there is a decent chance of something working out - which generally means I need to know the person well. Interestingly though, I feel that if our cultures view of dating was what was described on that link, I would have asked many girls out in order to get to know them better.
The purpose of that sort of dating seems to be getting to know the other person better, where the purpose of our dating is to? Probably get to know them better also? But a different sort of that? Get to know them intimately?
Hmmm.
I haven't been on a date in around 4 years and I'm not really willing to unless I feel there is a decent chance of something working out - which generally means I need to know the person well. Interestingly though, I feel that if our cultures view of dating was what was described on that link, I would have asked many girls out in order to get to know them better.
The purpose of that sort of dating seems to be getting to know the other person better, where the purpose of our dating is to? Probably get to know them better also? But a different sort of that? Get to know them intimately?
Hmmm.
Well from what I read in the non-Christian corners of the internet (thank you CC that I'm not going there much anymore), being intimate may be the difference between being a couple and just being friends. And for some people it takes both physical intimacy and long term intention to consider it a real dating relationship.
So maybe we should revive the idea that men and women can be just friends for a time and can hang out one on one without sexual interaction or long term romantic commitment. But the corollary to that (as a girl who has had possibly too many close guy friends who were "just friends" with a level of closeness that would have been totally inappropriate if either of us had been dating someone else or married) is that we also need to avoid intimate platonic relationships with the opposite sex. The point is to get socially well mixed so you don't get too emotionally attached to one person until you decide to pursue that attachment. Of course if I apply that rule to my chat room pm behavior I need to start pming more guys or start pming my friends less.
I think another aspect in the discussion would be the fear aspect. There was a time when society had a common moral code and people knew they had to abide by it to remain accepted by society. Most people could be expected to follow the code as it were and there was much less fear of what might happen or of what someone might try. Now the rules have largely been chucked out the window and the trust that forms solid communities has been eroded. No trust leads to more fear, and while I don't consider myself to be someone who is hampered by lack of trust or being overly afraid, I have known several guys that I trusted on the general acquaintance level that I would not have trusted to date my sister if I had a sister.
So maybe we should revive the idea that men and women can be just friends for a time and can hang out one on one without sexual interaction or long term romantic commitment. But the corollary to that (as a girl who has had possibly too many close guy friends who were "just friends" with a level of closeness that would have been totally inappropriate if either of us had been dating someone else or married) is that we also need to avoid intimate platonic relationships with the opposite sex. The point is to get socially well mixed so you don't get too emotionally attached to one person until you decide to pursue that attachment. Of course if I apply that rule to my chat room pm behavior I need to start pming more guys or start pming my friends less.
I think another aspect in the discussion would be the fear aspect. There was a time when society had a common moral code and people knew they had to abide by it to remain accepted by society. Most people could be expected to follow the code as it were and there was much less fear of what might happen or of what someone might try. Now the rules have largely been chucked out the window and the trust that forms solid communities has been eroded. No trust leads to more fear, and while I don't consider myself to be someone who is hampered by lack of trust or being overly afraid, I have known several guys that I trusted on the general acquaintance level that I would not have trusted to date my sister if I had a sister.
B
This article really had some valid points. It was crazy that I even read it, because I was like "Psh this is poop" but it was actually a very informative article. These past few years as a youth in church, I always thought courtship was the way, but knew it would never work for me. I go to church by myself, as no one in my family is Christian. So my main problem was that if someone asked my dad to take me on a date, my dad would laugh in their face and call them a loser. My family wouldn't want to chaperon dates. So hearing that there is another way other than courtship really gives me hope!
W
Abso-
-wait for it-
-lutely.
1. To be blunt and up front, I suck in groups. You put me in a group of people and I'm gonna be the guy stuck in the middle without a clue. Not at all an easy way to get to know anybody well, male, female or unsure.
2. I was fortunate to have come to Christ as a college student, outside of youth groups and other courtship-heavy groups, so I heard much more about the courtship model than I ever experienced. Still, it never made sense that you were expected to jump from knowing a girl exclusively in a group context to wanting to marry her.
It sounds nice on paper, especially if you want to protect your kids (especially daughters) from repeating some of your pre-Christian mistakes, but there's too much of a "what in-between" gap for it to make sense. That's why I really liked where the author tells girls who are in their late twenties and dateless to ask their dads how many guys they ran off.
Wait, wait, there's PIE?
-wait for it-
-lutely.
1. To be blunt and up front, I suck in groups. You put me in a group of people and I'm gonna be the guy stuck in the middle without a clue. Not at all an easy way to get to know anybody well, male, female or unsure.
2. I was fortunate to have come to Christ as a college student, outside of youth groups and other courtship-heavy groups, so I heard much more about the courtship model than I ever experienced. Still, it never made sense that you were expected to jump from knowing a girl exclusively in a group context to wanting to marry her.
It sounds nice on paper, especially if you want to protect your kids (especially daughters) from repeating some of your pre-Christian mistakes, but there's too much of a "what in-between" gap for it to make sense. That's why I really liked where the author tells girls who are in their late twenties and dateless to ask their dads how many guys they ran off.
Wait, wait, there's PIE?
J
yeah,I wouldn't know about any of this,I've never been on a date with a girl,never flirted,about the closest I've had to calling on a girl was when I told a friend I liked her on facebook or when I wrote a note to a girl on a half day before school was ending asking her out but I was so nervous that I didn't write my name on the paper lol I'm more of a joking type guy and sometimes I've been a bit of a know it all in the past too and the rest of the time a quiet loner,actually my main focus in school was to hurry up and graduate so I could get away from some annoying relatives,and I write songs but only for God for no profit,so no courtshipping in that field lol but oh well what matters to me in a woman is her righteous soul and her being zealous for God,looks,fashion,height,or weight don't mean a thing to me,just that beautiful righteous soul is what I'd care about most in a woman if I ever find "HER".