Being Told How To Run Your Life vs. Advice

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1

1still_waters

Guest
#21
#21
Depends.

If a person comes to another person for input, they can't complain when the input they receives steps on their toes.

On the other hand, if someone comes to you and steps on your toes without the invitation to step on said toes, then yeah, highly obnoxious.

Also a proverb comes to mind...

Proverbs 27

5 Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.

6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Sometimes wounding is more beneficial than soft kisses, because it changes necessary behavior.
 
N

NMsmile

Guest
#22
#22
I have 2 accountability partners. They pretty much have permission to say, tell, advise, blab at me about anything. Sometimes it's hard to take. But again it's about accountability, trying to see a situation from a different point of view and/or getting a godly perspective. Do I have to take the direction, advise, counsel? The answer is no, but I am responsible enough to know that they mean well and that I have given these women permission to do what they do. Do I sometimes get "hurt/offended/upset" at what or how they say something? Answer is yes. So why do I continue to allow them this kind of access to my life? Answer: So that I will become the woman of God I am called to be.
 
R

rainacorn

Guest
#23
#23
NMsmile said:
I have 2 accountability partners. They pretty much have permission to say, tell, advise, blab at me about anything. Sometimes it's hard to take. But again it's about accountability, trying to see a situation from a different point of view and/or getting a godly perspective. Do I have to take the direction, advise, counsel? The answer is no, but I am responsible enough to know that they mean well and that I have given these women permission to do what they do. Do I sometimes get "hurt/offended/upset" at what or how they say something? Answer is yes. So why do I continue to allow them this kind of access to my life? Answer: So that I will become the woman of God I am called to be.
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Brilliant!

God makes powerful changes in our lives, but we have to actively participate. Growing in Christ means making constant improvements to yourself and your lifestyle. It's not easy. Accountability partners are excellent for showing us the things about ourselves that we try to ignore (and the sins we refuse to let go of).

Thanks so much for posting this. :)

Accountability partners are great. We have so many blind spots lol
 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#24
#24
I am gonna attack this from the advice giver perspective.

I have always been the "good advice" friend. You know the one that thinks things out clearly and everyone comes to for help. I was the one that most boyfriends hate because they somehow know I am going to shine the light on his darkness.

There have been a few times that friends have accused me of being "bossy" or trying to run their lives, but it never fails they came back to me weeks, months or year later, saying "you were right" or "I should have listened to you."

We do it out of love. Not out of wanting to run soeone elses life. We don't want to see you hurt or in a real messed up situation and then asking for help out of it when you could have not been in that situation in the first place.

Alot of people are looking for cures when they should have been focused on prevention.

This next part is a rant. If you are easily offended when people give you advice because you often make bad decisions do not read!

I do have one friend though that I repeatedly warned about the men she gets envolved with and she never listens. She is the type that has to have a man in her life for validation. Well now she has 2 kids, 3 and 5 by this guy thats in jail and he will be released soon. She is hoping that they will be together as one big happy family. To be honest, I highly doubt that will ever happen. He has several other children by several other women that he runs back and forth with when he's not in jail. But I don't say anything to her anymore because she is beyond all human help. The only thing left is if God knocks her over the head with something more drastic than two babies she can barely afford to feed. (One would think that would do it)

I am sorry if my words sound harsh to anyone. Some of you may feel annoyed when people try to give you advice but it is very annoying when the same person comes to you time after time with the same ridiculous mistakes and expects you to be all warm and gentle. Grow a brain and use some sense.
 
W

Whyllow

Guest
#25
#25
I honestly don't mind people giving me advice when asked for. If I go to a friend for advice I hope to hear the harshness of reality and the rebukes from them so I can see the truth.

Thing is, with him, he gives me advice with me NOT asking for it. He'll start telling me what to do and how to live the way he thinks I should live my life without me asking for any advice. I stopped talking to him about a week ago and he started in on me saying "I know the reason why you stopped talking to me! You're sleeping with a guy aren't you!? You need to quit being a slut and get back to reality!" When in fact... I just don't want some 26 year old nagging at me like an old lady!
 
W

Whyllow

Guest
#26
#26
thimsrebma said:
I am gonna attack this from the advice giver perspective.

I have always been the "good advice" friend. You know the one that thinks things out clearly and everyone comes to for help. I was the one that most boyfriends hate because they somehow know I am going to shine the light on his darkness.

There have been a few times that friends have accused me of being "bossy" or trying to run their lives, but it never fails they came back to me weeks, months or year later, saying "you were right" or "I should have listened to you."

We do it out of love. Not out of wanting to run soeone elses life. We don't want to see you hurt or in a real messed up situation and then asking for help out of it when you could have not been in that situation in the first place.

Alot of people are looking for cures when they should have been focused on prevention.

This next part is a rant. If you are easily offended when people give you advice because you often make bad decisions do not read!

I do have one friend though that I repeatedly warned about the men she gets envolved with and she never listens. She is the type that has to have a man in her life for validation. Well now she has 2 kids, 3 and 5 by this guy thats in jail and he will be released soon. She is hoping that they will be together as one big happy family. To be honest, I highly doubt that will ever happen. He has several other children by several other women that he runs back and forth with when he's not in jail. But I don't say anything to her anymore because she is beyond all human help. The only thing left is if God knocks her over the head with something more drastic than two babies she can barely afford to feed. (One would think that would do it)

I am sorry if my words sound harsh to anyone. Some of you may feel annoyed when people try to give you advice but it is very annoying when the same person comes to you time after time with the same ridiculous mistakes and expects you to be all warm and gentle. Grow a brain and use some sense.
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I know exactly how you feel. My friend Tim does the same thing to me. He wines and complains about how terrible his life is and he needs advice. I ended up just shrugging him off because no matter how much advice I could give him he didn't really want it. He just wanted someone to complain to.

I on the other hand, welcome advice from others whom I trust in.

But when advice is given when not asked for, that's when I tend to get a little frustrated.
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#27
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#27
I have been guilty, I think, of giving my children too much advice...but they really did need it. I'm doing better..really!

A side note about something that drives me CRAZY:

Anytime my husband sees me using a knife in the kitchen, he just HAS to say "be careful with that knife". Like I don't know how to use a knife after 30 years? It's like he has to say it or something awful will happen, but it makes me feel like he thinks I'm stupid. Well, I did cut my finger the other day but it was a freak accident :) I have a good success rate.

Anyway, the way somebody tells you something makes all the difference. You can tell if it's in a loving way or I don't think you have any sense so this is what you need to do.
 
L

Liz01

Guest
#28
#28
When i ask to my family or friends an advice i like to hear their opinion and then analyze it, but when person that i dont know very well try to give me an advice of how to run my life i listen all his advice, i say "thanks" and then i try to focus in doing what i really want to do.
And when that person is persistent and he is trying to get more involved into my life i cut the conversation as soon as posible and then i go to pray to calm down myself and ttry to forget it.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#29
#29
Wow Whyllow
A person like that is straight out controlling. Controlling has nothing to do with advice, helpfulness or concern for others. I'd say you did the right thing by hanging up.
When it comes to my friends i can sometimes be a bit pushy about advice. Not always, i do have my moments. Luckily the people i get to be good friends with recognize that I am only like that out of a genuine concern. I have a 'guardian' personality & it sometimes riles me up when i see friends making what i believe is a bad choice. Though I've learned to try to monitor myself & if i catch myself getting pushy I'll back off & apologize. But i would never say anything like the person you talked to, about how you 'need to listen' or whatever the exact line was. If i feel a person isn't going to accept my advice, fine, I'll drop it.
 
W

Whyllow

Guest
#30
#30
Ugly said:
Wow Whyllow
A person like that is straight out controlling. Controlling has nothing to do with advice, helpfulness or concern for others. I'd say you did the right thing by hanging up.
When it comes to my friends i can sometimes be a bit pushy about advice. Not always, i do have my moments. Luckily the people i get to be good friends with recognize that I am only like that out of a genuine concern. I have a 'guardian' personality & it sometimes riles me up when i see friends making what i believe is a bad choice. Though I've learned to try to monitor myself & if i catch myself getting pushy I'll back off & apologize. But i would never say anything like the person you talked to, about how you 'need to listen' or whatever the exact line was. If i feel a person isn't going to accept my advice, fine, I'll drop it.
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What's actually really funny is I was talking to a guy friend of mine online that I've known for a couple years last night, He was teasing me saying that I'm dropping too much weight too quickly! He was being flirtatious and I'll admit it, it was nice to be flirted at! I was laughing and I was flirting back and I suddenly got a private message from the controlling friend saying I needed to cut the flirting out and I look like a whore/slut/easy flirting with him. That's what made me snap. I started yelling at him, saying that he needs to stop controlling me and his response was "Well someone needs to control you!" I /ignored button on his tush and continued talking to my other friends.

Let's just say. He's not my friend as of last night.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#31
#31
I'm one of those "if you don't wanna know the answer, don't ask the question" folks. My friends and family are extremely important to me, so if I talk with them or they with me, I will listen to whatever they have to say whether I agree with it or not. I might not HEED it, but I will listen. And if they are telling me something that I feel may be harmful to them in some way, I love them enough to say it as tactfully as possible.

The only time the advice thing has ever really gotten on my nerves was a relative who responds to pretty much everyone with, "Oh! You don't want to do that!"....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... Some folks are just ...downers.

Oh...and being spoken to like a child gets on my nerves too. :)
 
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D

Dawnydoll

Guest
#32
#32
The bible gives all the advice that we need and how to live our lives.
 
O

ob77

Banned
#33
Mar 8, 2014
273
3
0
#33
Options.....you need options. You do or say a certain thing and it does not work. Ok, time for plan B. Advice should simply be that, and not commandments, for often times the commander cannot find his or her tail end with both hands.
 
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U

Ugly

Guest
#34
#34
Zombie thread will eat your brains!
 
G

GodIsSalvation

Banned
#35
Dec 18, 2013
6,733
45
0
#35
Meh as long as they tell you how to run your life for the good and seek not that you run it for what would be bad for you then I would say it is sound advice.
 
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