BIBLICAL Compability

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K

kayem77

Guest
#1
#1
Hey everyone :).I've seen many threads about compability and what should we look for in a mate. I found this article and I just thought I could share it with you. I thought it was interesting, and it has very good points to consider. I hope you enjoy it, God bless!

The Truth About Marital Compatibility | The Resurgence
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#2
#2
It was interesting, I think most of it is acccurate although there were a few assumptions I don't fully agree with.
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#3
#3
kayem77 said:
Hey everyone :).I've seen many threads about compability and what should we look for in a mate. I found this article and I just thought I could share it with you. I thought it was interesting, and it has very good points to consider. I hope you enjoy it, God bless!

The Truth About Marital Compatibility | The Resurgence
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Great, kayM, great to see your doing a thread on this subject , women need to submit to God well before marriage because according to scripture they are to be 'submissive to their husbands.'

Out of that article I gleaned a lot but my green brains will emphasize submission and argument points.

A girl who argues with you negatively (not building you up) in pre-marriage times will carry it over into the marriage. Now this point doesn't but should speak too that a man must be slow of tongue and not argue for sake of winning Rgument as you BOTH together must accept being wrong so that lessons can be taught. Everyone is wrong sometimes and NEITHER can advance in knowledge and direction of God's plan for their lives without being 'teachable' (reachable?) as this point makes .

And, I.will now add you two together will be called by God to REACH others in all likelihood, because the power of two over one can be GREAT for winning others to Christ, which is the Holy Spirit's job ultimately to plow , so to speak, after YOU AND YOUR MATE having first planted the seed.

Your power together in marriage can be so powerful but only if you are together as one and wives submitting to husbands and husbands 'honoring' their wives as a weaker vessel but ALSO as 'heir to the grace of life' 2 Peter 3:7 given you both massively in that 'wed' blessing
 
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K

kayem77

Guest
#4
#4
Matthew said:
It was interesting, I think most of it is acccurate although there were a few assumptions I don't fully agree with.
Click to expand...
What assumptions? share share Matthew
I think the 5 questions for singles are really good points to consider if you want to discern a sincere christian from a lukewarm christian. Of course I don't think they are the rule, but they can help.

GreenNnice said:
---()---
Great, kayM, great to see your doing a thread on this subject , women need to submit to God well before marriage because according to scripture they are to be 'submissive to their husbands.'

Out of that article I gleaned a lot but my green brains will emphasize submission and argument points.

A girl who argues with you negatively (not building you up) in pre-marriage times will carry it over into the marriage. Now this point doesn't but should speak too that a man must be slow of tongue and not argue for sake of winning Rgument as you BOTH together must accept being wrong so that lessons can be taught. Everyone is wrong sometimes and NEITHER can advance in knowledge and direction of God's plan for their lives without being 'teachable' (reachable?) as this point makes .

And, I.will now add you two together will be called by God to REACH others in all likelihood, because the power of two over one can be GREAT for winning others to Christ, which is the Holy Spirit's job ultimately to plow , so to speak, after YOU AND YOUR MATE having first planted the seed.

Your power together in marriage can be so powerful but only if you are together as one and wives submitting to husbands and husbands 'honoring' their wives as a weaker vessel but ALSO as 'heir to the grace of life' 2 Peter 3:7 given you both massively in that 'wed' blessing
Click to expand...

Mr. Green I agree with you, just yesterday I was reading another article (I like to read online a lot ) about submission and how a woman cant never be submissive to her husband if she isnt submissive to God first. The same with a man, if he isn't submissive to God when single, nothing can assure you that he will be submissive to God when married ( hence abuse, infidelity,etc are more likely to happen).

Everything comes down to you submit to God or not. If you are seeking a godly wife/husband be sure that she/he is submissive even in singleness. This reminds me of'' seek the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you''. I've noticed myself that while I'm walking ''the walk'' the Lord has helped me to point out out my flaws, so He can work with them. There's been no need of ME of saying ok I'll try to be more patient, more submissive, more this or that etc, because He himself has said it haha. The ultimate challenge is letting him work in us right? :)
Thanks for your feedback guys, God bless!
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#5
#5
kayem77 said:
What assumptions? share share Matthew
I think the 5 questions for singles are really good points to consider if you want to discern a sincere christian from a lukewarm christian. Of course I don't think they are the rule, but they can help.
Click to expand...

The 5 questions were good, but within them was a slightly narrow-minded view and I think when writing any text designed to guide others the author should be careful not to deal in absolutes, and this did in a few places.
Question 3:

  1. How well known and involved is he or she in Christian community? It’s easy to put on a good front when you are attracted to someone and motivated to marry. If he or she is unknown in community, they are unknown to you. Others need to vouch for the person’s character, integrity, and faith.


I think it's right in the core of what it's saying, but in reality a person can be of immense service to the community whilst remaining largely unknown to it, good deeds and service to Christ cannot always be clearly seen and a persons visibility within the Christian community is more to do with personality than anything else and so the idea that a lack of people within the community to vouch for good character is not a fair indicator of a persons integrity or faith.

So like I said, I think it's broadly right, but rather than assumptions I suppose I just think it was not well written, I think the author could have given a bit more detail to provide a clearer explanation allowing for human variation.
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kayem77

Guest
#6
#6
Matthew said:

The 5 questions were good, but within them was a slightly narrow-minded view and I think when writing any text designed to guide others the author should be careful not to deal in absolutes, and this did in a few places.
Question 3:

  1. How well known and involved is he or she in Christian community? It’s easy to put on a good front when you are attracted to someone and motivated to marry. If he or she is unknown in community, they are unknown to you. Others need to vouch for the person’s character, integrity, and faith.


I think it's right in the core of what it's saying, but in reality a person can be of immense service to the community whilst remaining largely unknown to it, good deeds and service to Christ cannot always be clearly seen and a persons visibility within the Christian community is more to do with personality than anything else and so the idea that a lack of people within the community to vouch for good character is not a fair indicator of a persons integrity or faith.

So like I said, I think it's broadly right, but rather than assumptions I suppose I just think it was not well written, I think the author could have given a bit more detail to provide a clearer explanation allowing for human variation.
​
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I was guessing number 3 was the one you were talking about because it sounded narrow-minded to me too, at first. It may seem like the author is implying that everyone should vouch for the person's faith when that's not possible. But I think he meant that when a person has a good character, people always express some respect for him/her , like when you go to a job interview and they ask you to put 3 references for the same reason(although we know many people lie with the references hahaha).

Actually, I don't want to sound judgemental but in my experience, I've seen that usually when people keep saying something about someone, it's usually true, or at least a little bit of true. And even if a person is not involved in a church, friends or family can serve as the ''witnesses'' of that good character. I think that point just helps to prove that a person is reliable, and I think it's very important to know how your romeo interacts with others.
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#7
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#7
kayem77 said:
I was guessing number 3 was the one you were talking about because it sounded narrow-minded to me too, at first. It may seem like the author is implying that everyone should vouch for the person's faith when that's not possible. But I think he meant that when a person has a good character, people always express some respect for him/her , like when you go to a job interview and they ask you to put 3 references for the same reason(although we know many people lie with the references hahaha).

Actually, I don't want to sound judgemental but in my experience, I've seen that usually when people keep saying something about someone, it's usually true, or at least a little bit of true. And even if a person is not involved in a church, friends or family can serve as the ''witnesses'' of that good character. I think that point just helps to prove that a person is reliable, and I think it's very important to know how your romeo interacts with others.
Click to expand...
Hmm, I took this to mean something completely different. :S

It seems more like the author was referring to the idea that people act differently when alone with someone, especially someone that they are trying to impress. It is important to find out (from others or even better by spending time together in the "community") how this person acts in general around other people.

Several marriage counselors have discussed the difference between being "in love" and being "loving". To truly know that someone is loving (not just seem loving because of "in loviness), you either have to spend lots of time together over a very extended period of time or see how they love people that they aren't "in love" with. The "in love" dissipates over time, and a long lasting relationship really requires someone that is "loving"
 
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Matthew

Guest
#8
#8
kayem77 said:
I was guessing number 3 was the one you were talking about because it sounded narrow-minded to me too, at first. It may seem like the author is implying that everyone should vouch for the person's faith when that's not possible. But I think he meant that when a person has a good character, people always express some respect for him/her , like when you go to a job interview and they ask you to put 3 references for the same reason(although we know many people lie with the references hahaha).

Actually, I don't want to sound judgemental but in my experience, I've seen that usually when people keep saying something about someone, it's usually true, or at least a little bit of true. And even if a person is not involved in a church, friends or family can serve as the ''witnesses'' of that good character. I think that point just helps to prove that a person is reliable, and I think it's very important to know how your romeo interacts with others.
Click to expand...

I agree, I think you're right that his meaning was different to how it came across, my concern is that people who take those kind of pieces without a second thought could be mislead, which is why I say I think it's crucial when writing a piece like that to make certain that what you write is clearly expressing what you're trying to say, I just thought it fell short in a few places.

But I agree with it in general, and the 5 questions generally were very useful things to remember.
 
K

kayem77

Guest
#9
#9
LightningClap0002 said:
Hmm, I took this to mean something completely different. :S

It seems more like the author was referring to the idea that people act differently when alone with someone, especially someone that they are trying to impress. It is important to find out (from others or even better by spending time together in the "community") how this person acts in general around other people.

Several marriage counselors have discussed the difference between being "in love" and being "loving". To truly know that someone is loving (not just seem loving because of "in loviness), you either have to spend lots of time together over a very extended period of time or see how they love people that they aren't "in love" with. The "in love" dissipates over time, and a long lasting relationship really requires someone that is "loving"
Click to expand...

Hmm no... I think we got the same meaning LC haha but we expressed it differently maybe. I also think the author was referring at how the person acts around others, hence, the necessity to know what others say about that person as witnesses. I agree that there's a diff between being ''in love'' and being ''loving'', as you said, the ''in love'' fades away over time. It would be a terrible surprise to discover that your boyfriend was playin g a role the whole time he was with you, while he was playing another totally diff role when he was with others, uggh.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#10
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
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#10
I just to say hi. Hi!! :D

I did read the link and also feel that I disagree with a few points, but overall it was pretty good. :)
 
K

kayem77

Guest
#11
#11
Haha hi Mr. Gabe! :) we are all free to agree or disagree, it's always interesting to see what others think. A lot of famous reality shows are based on people who disagree in everything living together, that's what makes them fun! (at least thats what people say) I just hope I don't find a Snooki here! haha. Thank you all for your feedback! :D
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#12
#12
kayem77 said:
What assumptions? share share Matthew
I think the 5 questions for singles are really good points to consider if you want to discern a sincere christian from a lukewarm christian. Of course I don't think they are the rule, but they can help.




Mr. Green I agree with you, just yesterday I was reading another article (I like to read online a lot ) about submission and how a woman cant never be submissive to her husband if she isnt submissive to God first. The same with a man, if he isn't submissive to God when single, nothing can assure you that he will be submissive to God when married ( hence abuse, infidelity,etc are more likely to happen).

Everything comes down to you submit to God or not. If you are seeking a godly wife/husband be sure that she/he is submissive even in singleness. This reminds me of'' seek the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you''. I've noticed myself that while I'm walking ''the walk'' the Lord has helped me to point out out my flaws, so He can work with them. There's been no need of ME of saying ok I'll try to be more patient, more submissive, more this or that etc, because He himself has said it haha. The ultimate challenge is letting him work in us right? :)
Thanks for your feedback guys, God bless!
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Correct amundo , KayM, there is no need to question your walk with God going right IF you are already.in submission to Him :) TRUST in Him to lead you, and, then when something during your day goes different , whether it's God testing you or the Devil allowed to hurt you, like happensd to Job, you will understand how to get through it.
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The 3rd point makes sense to me, a potential partner should have a good name, now, that said, submitting to God will provide you your answer but also God shows us if this guy/gal is ok and they should he WELL RESPECTED in their church . 'Well known' , as author says, I don't think that important. But I don't know and that doesn't matter that I do know , God knows and submitting to Him will give you the truth of a potential compatible mate. He knows the one best for you, just submit to Him . :)
 
S

Stuey

Senior Member
#13
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
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#13
I strongly disagree with this. - I believe these things are important but I also believe that our 'worldly' compatibility is also important. Just because a girl is a lovely, submissive and godly person does not mean I can marry her. - You need to be attracted to them mentally as well.. to be able to be content with who you are planning to marry - living with someone forever is a massive commitement and not to be done flippantly thinking - well, I don't like her now but I will learn to like her. If you don't get on with someone it doesn't necessarily mean you will after spending a lot of time with them.

That being said, I think that these things are very important... but to dismiss the personality of someone apart from Godliness??
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#14
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#14
kayem77 said:
Hmm no... I think we got the same meaning LC haha but we expressed it differently maybe. I also think the author was referring at how the person acts around others, hence, the necessity to know what others say about that person as witnesses. I agree that there's a diff between being ''in love'' and being ''loving'', as you said, the ''in love'' fades away over time. It would be a terrible surprise to discover that your boyfriend was playin g a role the whole time he was with you, while he was playing another totally diff role when he was with others, uggh.
Click to expand...
Maybe the author also struggled with writing something that everyone could understand. Maybe it's just a difficult topic to explain. :D
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#15
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#15
kayem77 said:
Haha hi Mr. Gabe! :) we are all free to agree or disagree, it's always interesting to see what others think. A lot of famous reality shows are based on people who disagree in everything living together, that's what makes them fun! (at least thats what people say) I just hope I don't find a Snooki here! haha. Thank you all for your feedback! :D
Click to expand...
Not disagreeing with you, Ms. K. :) Just with some points of the article ;)
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#16
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
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#16
Stuey said:
I strongly disagree with this. - I believe these things are important but I also believe that our 'worldly' compatibility is also important. Just because a girl is a lovely, submissive and godly person does not mean I can marry her. - You need to be attracted to them mentally as well.. to be able to be content with who you are planning to marry - living with someone forever is a massive commitement and not to be done flippantly thinking - well, I don't like her now but I will learn to like her. If you don't get on with someone it doesn't necessarily mean you will after spending a lot of time with them.

That being said, I think that these things are very important... but to dismiss the personality of someone apart from Godliness??
Click to expand...
Agreed. ******** (dots for character count)
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#17
#17
zeroturbulence said:
Agreed. ******** (dots for character count)
Click to expand...
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If you submit to God, man or lady, then your answers will be made known, and, that goes for mental, physical, social, etc, including, of course, spiritual :)
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#18
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
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#18
Stuey said:
If you don't get on with someone it doesn't necessarily mean you will after spending a lot of time with them.
Click to expand...
The point is that if you are able to truthfully answer those questions in the affirmative, then you WILL "get on with them". Clashes and conflict come from sin (through selfishness). A strong christian man and woman who are seeking God's will and righteousness will be loving with God's love, quick to forgive, and selfless. In the times when selfishness creeps in on one side, the love and selflessness from the other partner will compensate and it will be forgiven. I have seen this myself, I know such relationships exist. Furthermore, the Bible does demonstrate them.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#19
#19
I liked this a LOT:
If he or she likes to argue, they are more concerned with being right than being made righteous. When you think you’ve won an argument in marriage, you’ve actually lost. Marriage is about humbly maturing, realizing you have much to learn for the rest of your lives.

I'm thankful for this: Ladies, if he does not submit to godly authority, he is a dangerous man. Period. Men, if she doesn’t submit to godly authority now (as a single man, that’s not you by the way), she is the kind of woman Proverbs warns you to avoid.

Some guys think you should submit to them before you ever really KNOW them....

I still think compatibility is very important though. Personalities and skillsets are what they are. Sure, you can WAIT for the person you marry to be molded into the person that will fit with you and vice versa, but...wow.....marriage is tough enough without that.
 
K

kayem77

Guest
#20
#20
Yeah I think both compabilities are important, I've been thinking...maybe they go hand in hand? I don't think that someone will even bother to see if they are spiritually compatible if he/she doesn't like him as a friend for starters. Or that he/she will bother to see if they can be MORE than friends if there isn't that ''chemistry''. It goes naturally, or should I say... miraculously ;). If you married someone, that guy/girl was supposed to be your best friend, usually you are friends with a person that shares similar interests so, in that logic, you naturally find a mate that is compatible in ''wordliness''. If there's no chemistry I don't think its good to force it, you can keep that person as a brother or sister in Christ thou. I don't know if that makes sense...probably it doesnt hahaha

I personally thought those 5 points were very good points to consider the if I want to find a godly man because I've seen a sad quantity of ''godly'' men who like to put on the christian mask just in private or in church, or just with certain people. Even if a man is compatible with me in everything else, but he is not submitting to God and is not willing to, that throws it all to the trash because at some point that other compability won't be enough and will result in problems and bitterness.
 
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