Black and feel invisible

ManonFire63 · May 12, 2015

I moved from Washington State to Tennessee. God directed me to a Church when i got there. It happened to be a Black Primitive Baptist Church, and I was the only white man. I tried to be Baptized, but I kept getting arrested. Walking home from a bar on a deserted street with no side walks and being held for 27 days on a public intoxication charge because the cop doesn't like you and you have no co-signer for your bail is a real kick in the pants.

Anyway, I might check out a Jack White concert. I am just try to lighten it up a little.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frfFjLP8yQI

Faithful_Fay · May 12, 2015

Anemone24 said:

Part of building your confidence in God is taking the focus off of your physical and giving it to God. One of my favorite verses is in Psalm 139.
13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.

14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.

Remind yourself that God created you when you're tempted to be influenced by what the world considers beautiful. Instead of the superficial try to be confident because you're sure of God and His purpose in your life. That sort of reasoning. You can remind yourself of people in the bible who also had to turn to God because of confidence issues. God is awesome in picking folks who don't usually considered themselves the best and using them amazingly. Consider Moses or even Gideon.

I'm a firm believer in making sure your foundation of confidence is with God instead of trying to build up your self esteem in appearance. That sort of reassurance is temporary. The standard of beauty is ever changing and its really tough on girls. You'd be pulled in too many directions for something that fades so quickly. But, when your confidence is due to God, that doesn't shake as easily.

Miri · May 12, 2015

Anemone24 said:

Hi, some beautiful versus for a beautiful lady

Isaiah 61:1-3 NKJV
[1] "The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, Because the LORD has anointed Me To preach
good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to
the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; [2] To proclaim the
acceptable year of the LORD, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who
mourn, [3] To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The
oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That
they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified."

You might find my testimony interesting as I had to deal with racism as a child both
externally and also within my own family, but Jesus showed me His love. It's in the
testimony forum, sorry I don't know how to copy the link here.

If you want to chat any time you can send me a PM. I have sent you a friend request.

God bless
x

butterfly712 · May 12, 2015

All I can tell you is that you shouldn't need to fit in,as long as you love yourself,and god loves you.

Breeze7 · May 12, 2015

anemone24

I've often looked around and don't feel like I fit in anywhere. Hopefully you can at least know your not entirely alone. I'm being honest. In highschool I bounced between every different group but never found the one I belonged to. I have two close friends now but ones in the air force and I hardly see em and the other is drifting from me because he doesn't share faith like myself. If ever ya wanna chat feel free to shout out. god bless.

Calmador · May 13, 2015

Anemone24 said:

Hey Anemone, I'm sorry you feel this way and wish I could make you feel better. It's hard to find the right words when someones dealing with things like this. In part, I understand where your coming from because I happen to have brown skin myself and have experienced my dose of being judged by my appearance.

I've had several people ignore me. I believe it was based on my skin color. Of all places... it was at a church thing. I stopped going to that church because of those people. I couldn't stand it.

I was once called a nigger by two girls. I'm not black but it still felt insulting... after while... I laughed because it was unexpected.

I smiled at an elderly couple and said hi... the woman held her purse tightly as if I was going to steal. I purposely started a conversation with the man to show her I wasn't a bad guy.

Technically, I suppose these experiences are not exactly what your dealing with but to some extent... I think I understand being judged by what you look like.

I believe the right way to look at someone is to look at his/her soul. In the forums, I've argued with people on this subject and about the place appearances has when looking for someone to marry. Personally, I believe that the most ideal way is to look at a person is the way God does so which is to only to see his/her heart... who the person is. This is the truth about a person. However, I'm not against look for apparent signs of who a person is... for example, a girl who is always smiling... may indicate that she's often happy or a content person. Haughty eyes... or the clothes she wears may say something about a person as-well.

All that being said, I need to inform you that while your hurt by the idea that people judge you for what you look like. You make yourself a hypocrite by saying that your very attracted to "white men." Basically, when you say that... your doing an inverse form of what others have done to you. I think you should do your best to simply look for a Godly man... not for a "_(insert race here)_ man."

It's easier said than done... but I think it's the Godly way to go about things.

And it's not impossible... 2 girls I fell for taught me that you can fall in love with anyone. You can fall for someone who's extremely different, who's morally bad, is dating someone else... , a secular, and you can fall for someone who isn't physically attractive. The ugliest girl I ever met... I liked. Reason is that she was a nice girl, Godly... and that was good enough for me. Unfortunately, we didn't work out... we both decided it was better not to be together.

So, you hang in there okay? Lots of love to ya

Calmador · May 13, 2015

Anemone24 said:

Hey sis, this is something that helped me...

1 Samuel 16:7

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

God bless

Miri · May 13, 2015

Calmador said:

Hey sis, this is something that helped me...

1 Samuel 16:7

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

God bless

Good point amen to that.

jeremyPJ · May 13, 2015

Sorry to read of your issues, you have many great responses too.
Too bad you're across the pond, I think you would be very interesting to meet..

Some guys here in the states I know like black ladies, and oh my with a Brit accent too!

I bet there are men over there who would find you interesting too...like others here have said, Satan will push people's buttons any way he can. Happens everywhere, every day. Wishing you much love and many blssings...

Jilly81 · May 13, 2015

Miri said:

Sister Jill to the rescue

! Anemone, I hope you read it when you have a chance. It's a real tear-jerker, but it paints such a beautiful picture of how God can be a Father to the fatherless and lead his children into truth :'). In fact, I shall go bump that thread right now!

http://christianchat.com/testimonie...ildless-father-who-discovered-father-god.html

Jilly81 · May 13, 2015

Another thing I wanted to mention as well is that probably a LOT of the guys who "don't seem overtly interested" are actually QUITE interested; the sweet ones tend to be a bit shy

. That's another reason to hang out here at least some of the time; the guys here can be a blast to chat with. Many of them are great at making the girls feel special. Side note: at least three of the white guys here have mentioned that they like black girls, and that's just what I can think of right off the bat; most of them haven't mentioned race. Many just want a sweet, Christian girl with whom they are compatible, personality-wise. This brings me to another thing I wanted to say; ask Jesus to help you express your awesome personality. Maybe I should phrase it "ask Him to develop your coolness and help you not only shine for Him, but also sparkle in as many ways as possible". Guys love fun girls (at least most of them do! If they don't, that's not the kind of guy you want anyway =P). I'm sure you're already QUITE fun, but sometimes our fear of what others may think of us makes it hard for those around us to see our uniqueness; it sort of hides our adorableness. And BELIEVE ME, Sister, you are one adorable lady, pic or no pic

.

Anemone24 · May 14, 2015

Hello again everyone!

I have been keeping abreast with your responses, and once more I am overwhelmed.

Miri I read your testimony and it is truly extraordinary. Thank you for kindly fishing it out for me Jiilly and, of course, for your post.

I really am bowled over by the responses I've had- I will be sticking around for sure

God bless you all.

bluebirdchaser · May 15, 2015

Hey, Anemone!

I know, you've got a lot of posts already, but someone shared this with me because they said they felt led to do so, and it struck me because I am going through the same sort of struggle with trying to understand where I stand as an woman of color following God and what that means and all that and how I fit in to that. I guess at this point there isn't much that I can say that hasn't been said already, but I guess I'll say that God made you, every part of you, for a purpose. It wasn't a coincidence that we were made as we were made. Granted, race isn't everything of course the soul is what is important, but you being you God did for a reason.

"We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them." (Ephesians 2:10) (Workmanship, crafted, thought out.)

And in Romans 9 (specifically around 19-21) Paul is talking actually about those who resist God's will, but in it he says something that I think applies here too about a pot asking its maker why he made him the way he did, but the maker made the pot for his purpose.

There is a history that you are a part of that God can use to help reach others. Just look how many people have come to this post! I know reading all of these things was a comfort to me and they made me feel unalone. God is going to do such marvelous things in you how he fashioned you and how he is continuing to fashion you. Hang in there, sis

Rachel20 · May 15, 2015

Hi. I made a post here and then deleted it.

Here is what I posted.

"Hi.

To judge someone based on their looks is one of the most ridiculous things of the planet.

Among us is such utter stupidity and absurdness that it is hard to articulate the extent of it.

As humans we have been blessed by God to have diversity among ourselves across different regions Has that changed our human nature ?

Humans across the world have done devastating things to their fellow human beings and the planet. From slavery to destruction of the environment we have even justified these with Bible verses.

Honestly, when someone says that they are only attracted to a certain race of people, my opinion of them is that they are not that educated or well traveled to have seen the beauty that exists in all of us in all our diversity.

Have you SEEN Lupita Nyong’o??

She has to be the most beautiful woman on the planet. I saw her once and I was stunned by her appearance.

Her lips are so luscious and her eyes are dark and enchanting. Her features just stand out.

She is black.

She is just one woman. I can think of Naomi Campbell, Beyonce, Tyra Banks, Bipasha Basu, Chitrangada Singh and so many other women.

Has their skin colour made them any less attractive?

Please don’t waste your time feeling bad about some uneducated people who try to look down on you for your skin colour.

It doesn’t matter what the colour of your skin is as long as your heart is well.

Take care of yourself. Exercise , eat well, sleep enough and be proud of who you are.

God made you wonderfully and fearfully.

There is beauty in the way God has created all of us. Learn to appreciate that.

I have seen beautiful women in all skin colours, eye colours, hair colour sizes and what not.

Physical beauty is only so much. There’s something wonderful in a woman who is confident in the way she looks and carries herself.

The woman who is secure in her appearance because she knows looks are just one aspect of herself.
She doesn’t have to worry so much about her body or her clothes because she knows she is already beautiful.

Anything she does is just something to accentuate her best features.

Don’t be the woman who is caught up in the opinions of others.

All that matters is what God thinks. That’s it.

God bless you.

"

prodigious1one · May 24, 2015

Hi, Anemone,

I have gone through something similar to you. I didn't always feel that I fit in with other blacks, even though I've been around them since I was a kid. That's due to my parents' original cultures: Haitian father, Honduran mother and my Jamaican stepfather.

I used to keep myself apart from kids in general--I was very reserved and quiet as a child. I found black culture a little too brash or outspoken at times. However, now at the age of 29, I appreciate black American culture better. I've learned to understand black southern culture and to empathize with blacks as well as with whites and other peoples. The race thing is a doozy.

I did find myself wanting to live more freely like white kids that I knew in high school. It just seemed to me that the black kids were a little culturally constrained whereas the white kids seemed more free to be themselves without as much pressure to conform to stereotypes.

I think that you'll find a genuine, Christian, guy, whether white or of another skin color who will love you. Life is just complicated in some ways and the racial culture thing is one example. Continue to be brave and resilient. Your life sounds OK, just appreciate who you are and have maintain your self-respect and self-love and things will be good. Also have comfort in God's love for you.

In grace and peace,

Aaron

Anemone24 · May 24, 2015

Hi prodigious1one, Rachel20 and bluebirdchaser,

Many thanks for your responses

I have taken note of all you have said and your wisdom is a real blessing!

secularhermit · May 24, 2015

I´m who I am. I don´t care being black or white and I don´t care being "invisible" being old or too young for those who really know their getting older...

The truth is, is a person do not accept who he / she is, any enemy, any person, could be playing those games and no matter how rich or poor you think you are: Rejection is rejection and don´t think that "invisibility" (that is not) would change your outter condition unless you yourself change from the inside out.

If I were there, if I liked you as any man could be liked, I won´t be that blind: You are young, childless, thin, never married, etc. etc. Those are things any man would see in you (unless you are deluded or lying)

secularhermit · May 24, 2015

Hey!

By the moment I checked, your profile had 73 visitors... Invisible hah?

Cute! And be patient (in prayers).

And don´t get too old to marry someone, that love bus do not wait that long at the bus stop.

Anemone24 · May 25, 2015

Hi Secular Hermit,

Thanks for your kind words! That picture actually isn't me- it's a portrait by a Malian photographer called Seydou Keita. The subject is indeed beautiful- she is probably in her 70s now as the picture was taken about 50 years ago

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