Break up diaries...Reasons why someone dumped you or why you dumped someone...

[Roh_Chris]

Ok guys my ex bf of four yrs who i use to live with has broken up with me so fsr its been a yr since the breakup n ever since then he has always been at my apt spending time with me i cook for him n we do things as if we were together i asked does he see us together again n he says he doesnt think it will work in the past we did argue but the problems we had were tiny so now he is in the process of buying a big homr n ut breaks my heart because i wish it was also mine n we can build a family there instead he wants to live alone i took care of him n did everything catered to his needs and all n never cheated i was so good to him he also asked if i would decorate it for him and i just broke down because i dont wanna help him when im stuck in an apt in a state where i have no family cause i took a risk n changed my life for him he still comes here everyday and doesnt understand how much it hurts all he says is sorry i understand its so hard for me to shut him out of my life cause i love him so much he told me to stay in the statr in my apt n not move back home but i feel like if i stay i would just be here waiting for him and who knows he might end up meeting someome n giving them everything he never gave men i will sit here n rot

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It is clear that your ex has been using you all along. While you have put yourself out there giving him your best, he has clearly lived off you. I call such people 'parasites'. No matter how much you love him, I would advise you to throw him out of your house. You need to put yourself and your needs first. If somebody is clearly not worth your love, then quit wasting your emotions on such a person. Please move on with your life. If you don't, you're the one who is going to be left 'high and dry' in the end. I am not sure if somebody has advised you before. Quit trying to 'win him back', because it is not going to happen. Oh and one more thing. He is going to play a lot of drama if you tell him to get out of your life. Don't let his emotional blackmail affect you. Be firm in the decision you have taken and throw him out of your life. Right now.

And by the way, please break up your sentences. Punctuation will make your text more reader-friendly.

 

[Roh_Chris]

Another post to answer the question. I have been in two serious relationships until now.

In the first one, I dumped her. I had enough of living in the dilemma of 'Does she love me? Does she love me not?' for 3 years. She was emotionally unstable, fluctuating between wanting to serve God as a sister and wanting to marry me. It gave me a lot of pain. I messed up my college grades, my final project, my health and my friends. I had to eventually call it off.

The second one is nearing the end stage. It was a beautiful relationship which lasted a little more than a year. We were perfect for each other, and it felt like I was in a dream. The reason why we wanted to end it was because we didn't share the same faith and our personalities were different. But I have no regrets that I met a person so beautiful as her. She taught me what it is to love and to be loved in return. I know that no matter what I have made a very good friend.

 

[Abster]

I ended it because everything he said he was contradicted what I actually noticed, how he behaved and what he said... emotional threats like " I need you" scare me.... he also began to call me names lol... think if I was a weak woman who didn't know Christ, I would have most probably believed what he called me... But in saying this, I am glad that I learned earlier than later.... a lot of people tend to learn after marriage...

Amen! Words and actions should be congruent. A major red flag is when I see contradiction. I'm glad that you left after the emotional threats. Its a huge burden to bear the responsibility of someone elses happiness, and emotional well-being.

 

[JesusLives]

Why do husbands and wives in our day sometimes keep things from each other? What can be done to remedy the situation?

I have found talking with each other works pretty well....

 

[CatHerder]

Not really break ups since the relationship never progressed to that level, but reasons why I discontinued dating:

Gal #1:
being way too physical and aggressive
saying stuff like "I'm big into communication; I text all the time" (what are you, thirteen?)
general flooziness

Gal #2:
proposing that we be sex buddies (I said "no")
proposing marriage (I said "no")
finding out she was still married during all this

Gal #3 AKA "Worst Woman to Date Ever:"
Having our entire date "scripted." - picked her and her bicycle up to go on bike trail. Had tire pump ready but her brakes were shot too ("You're the guy, you should know how to fix this"). Managed to fix one of the brakes. She made sandwiches before the trip which we ate at her place ("because I'm the girl...you're supposed to pull my chair out for me.") Put bikes on rack of car and drove to trail.

Once on the trail, she is in too poor shape to handle the trail at a leisurely speed (mild annoyance), at least I don't have to worry about her going so fast so that she can't stop in an emergency with only one brake. Chain came off ("You fix, because you're the guy") "Dammit, Jim! I'm a musician, not a mechanic! She did not get the Star Trek reference, but some eavesdroppers at the park did (I should have dated them instead!).

At ice cream shop after ride she complained about the price, even though I was buying and had a two for one coupon. She then proceeded to treat the waitstaff like crap.

This horrible date happened after another horrible date with her, several weeks earlier...because I am a slow learner. We were to go out for dinner, then to a play for which I got free tickets at work. At the Mexican place, she complains about her chicken enchilada. I have a bite of it, and it is fine. On way to the theater, my window mysteriously fell off its track. The part of town is not where I want to leave a car with a window open, so we do not go to the play. I silently thank God for my car falling apart as we end the date early.

Shortly after the bike ride, I see her at church, where she says she can't date divorced men, citing Matthew 5:32. Alrighty, then!

I've also gone out with some very nice, Christian, non-crazy women, one of whom I may follow up on. It seems to be about 50/50 normal to crazy ratio.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Not really break ups since the relationship never progressed to that level, but reasons why I discontinued dating:

Gal #1:
being way too physical and aggressive
saying stuff like "I'm big into communication; I text all the time" (what are you, thirteen?)
general flooziness

Gal #2:
proposing that we be sex buddies (I said "no")
proposing marriage (I said "no")
finding out she was still married during all this

Gal #3 AKA "Worst Woman to Date Ever:"
Having our entire date "scripted." - picked her and her bicycle up to go on bike trail. Had pump ready but her brakes were shot too ("You're the guy, you should know how to fix this"). Fixed one of the brakes. She made sandwiches before the trip which we ate at her place ("because I'm the girl...but pull my chair out for me.") Put bikes on rack of car and drove to trail.

Once on the trail, she is in too poor shape to handle the trail at a leisurely speed (mild annoyance), at least I don't have to worry about her going so fast so that she can't stop in an emergency with only one brake. Chain came off ("You fix, because you're the guy") "Dammit, Jim! I'm a musician, not a mechanic! She did not get the Star Trek reference, but some eavesdroppers at the park did (I should have dated them instead!).

At ice cream shop after ride she complained about the price, even though I was buying and had a two for one coupon. She then proceeded to treat the waitstaff like crap.

This horrible date happened after another horrible date with her...because I am a slow learner. We were to go out for dinner, then to a play for which I got free tickets at work. At the Mexican place, she complains about her chicken enchilada. I have a bite of it, and it is fine. On way to the theater, my window mysteriously falled off its track. The part of town is not where I want to leave a window open, so we do not go to the play. I silently thank God for my car falling apart as we end the date early.

Shortly after the bike ride, I see her at church, where she says she can't date divorced men, citing Matthew 5:32. Alrighty, then!

I've also gone out with some very nice, Christian, non-crazy women, one of whom I may follow up on. It seems to be about 50/50 normal to crazy ratio.

** ​gotta watch the language, CatHerder!! :/

 

[CatHerder]

** ​gotta watch the language, CatHerder!! :/

Yes, well, I figured since it was aired in the 60's, it was probably okay to write out here. But in hindsight, I should have used *%^&#)$ or something.

 

[Lynx]

Catherder: The part about her treating the employees like the crud under the fridge would be a red flag in itself. Quote for the day: "A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."

 

[Trailblazer]

Then the men in your country must be alot more faithful than the ones here in America!! LOL!

Funny! I read in a singles paper some years back. A woman warning men. Do not date/marry American women. Go to Europe where the women treat there men good.

Ive only been burned twice, back to back. The woman that got me going to church. She had issues because I mentioned my exes are good people.She actually had dreams that I was cheating on her with my exes. thinking it was from God. My next GF who I met at church and works at a ministry. She got me kicked out of church with a 100% lie.
The Pastors never spoke to me before making there decision. They said it was a corporate decision per a phone call. I'm a little bitter about that church not doing a single thing per the scriptures. I feel sorry for the first girl. and pray and wish the very best for my 2nd church girlfriend.
This all came about due to a nasty spiritual war which came about after ignoring a few warnings from God.
The whole ordeal has kept me single for over two years, and nearly out of Church. But my faith in the Lord is even stronger.

 

[Trailblazer]

Before the above nightmare. Post#69
I am into good health and exercise. Differences in lifestyles had me bail.

After the nightmare.
Jesus loving Christian women only. Troubling hearing a women accepting other Gods and worldly ways.

 

[jsr1221]

I was burned hard twice. The first took a whole year to get over and the second happened last month. The way both happened caused me to have trust issues. Not sure how I can allow myself into a relationship again without questioning if a girl actually has feelings for me.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

I was burned hard twice. The first took a whole year to get over and the second happened last month. The way both happened caused me to have trust issues. Not sure how I can allow myself into a relationship again without questioning if a girl actually has feelings for me.

Love like you've never been hurt before...and hope for the best.

 

[jer2911]

1.) Have I been dumped? Yes mam, I have. Four times actually. Once for each of my four stupid boyfriends. LOL.

2.) What was the main reason? To put it simply, they were (and still are) sex maniacs. They love sex from anyone they can get it from. It was'nt really a shock, because most bf's cheat on their gf's anyway!!


Ever since then, I have been single, and I love it. The way I look at it is, they lost the best thing they ever had in me when they cheated. They all went on to other gf's who treated them like crap. Lesson learned on my part, never to be repeated again. I've had my fill of men for a lifetime.

1) Have i been dumped? Yes dear, four times once for each of my loved ones (my father, my eldest brother and another brother, and a brother from the church). You will never be dumped by someone you didn't love.

2. What was the main reason? They were/are not sex maniacs. They become addicted to it. They lusted for it. It wasn't really a shock because that was their choice. They don't have relationships with the Savior.

Ever since then I've been thinking if singleness is my gift or maybe I chose to be that way. Do I love it? Sometimes yes, sometimes not. I'm wondering I will lost the best thing If I will not allow God to take control, and to trust him eventhough the 'men' in my life did not set a good example. A 50/50 chance to meet someone who fears the LORD and he may hurt me, yet to lose hope is my regret for a lifetime. Though I'm hopelessly devoted to God, I'm still confident of his best choice.

 

[jennymae]

To quote my dear ole grandma: "Folks of today aint knowin what love is if'n'it was made outta concrete...love is hard work, not lil miss uppity sittin on the back of her husband all day long doin nothin".

Well, she sure had her ways, but I think she was right about folks being too spoiled today. Folks expecting everything from their husbands/wives, but the same folks are not contributing, and when they dont get what they "earn", they'll fly over to the next one.

 

[jer2911]

To quote my dear ole grandma...

Nice, "ole grandma".

 

[brie]

love has to be nurtured... dumped or not... both parties get hurt... better be dumped than holding on to a one-way relationship..love has to reciprocated otherwise, it will eventually fade out..