Controlling the eyes from lust

[SomeDisciple]

Fleeing can't be done during a conversation that is my problem. But as you said praise can be tried because it has been a solution for most of my problem. I will definitely try this. Thanx for your help. One more question, do you also have this same involuntary action of your eyes when you see a woman dressed immodestly ?

Sure. What we are talking about are basic survival instincts, no different than your eye being drawn towards a fast moving object, or a spooky silhouette in a dark room.

Honestly, though, you need to be careful with eye contact too, specifically in the case if this is a woman that is attracted to you too. People flirt with their eyes all the time, so dont be fooled or fool yourself.

If someone notices you glancing, and gives you a dirty look, forget about it. If they didn't want people seeing their nakedness, they would cover it. If they get mad at you, they're in denial of human nature, and are delusional.

 

[Jesus_Leads]

I really agree with cinder. Modesty varies so much and I don't think you can expect one size fits all through various societies and cultures.





My own modesty journey has evolved over the years as God has convicted me of my appearance. Now I tend to dress pretty conservatively. It's interesting how much more respectfully I am treated in my community. It's as if I am surrounded in God's grace.

But it's really not about them. It's about you. That first look is normal, but do you allow your eyes and your mind to linger? Don't forget what Jesus said..

Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Don't wait for the moment of temptation before you pray about this. Sincerely ask God to help you with this, and trust Him that He will! It may be a long battle, or it may be instantaneous. But He hears you and you can trust that He loves you and will help you.

As you encounter women who lead you into lust, take each temptation one by one. It's not all women. (I doubt you have this problem with your grandma.) But as you catch yourself struggling with impure thoughts, deal with that struggle in that moment. Maintaining eye contact is fine! Don't beat yourself up. You are already God's child and you aren't disappointing Him. This is your opportunity to pray and trust God to help you.

Praise God that you have this place you can come to and enjoy the fellowship and advice from these good men who understand your struggle.

Fighting with verse will definitely help yes this is going to be a long battle but I'm sure my Lord Jesus won't forsake me. Thank you for your suggestions.

 

[Jesus_Leads]

Don't give this kind of power to your flesh.

Meaning, recognize that you still inhabit a fallen, dead body. And that body didn't go away the moment you were saved.

IT, still has the same sinful desires it always had. You haven't received your new, glorified body yet. Capture each sinful thought, and give it to Jesus.

So again, recognize it for what it is, acknowledge it, and move on. Don't dwell on it, and give it power to frustrate you and waste time with it, instead of building the kingdom for Christ.

Welcome! And be blessed

Very thoughtful and useful words there. I totally forgot about the carnal man and beating this up on myself. Could you give some more advice on how to overcome carnal nature. I mean demons just go away in Jesus name but you have to crucify the carnal man.

 

[Jesus_Leads]

You were talking about how modesty varies from place to place...

No kidding...

When I was in Brazil close to the Bolivian and Paraguay border those women ran around almost naked.
And if they were wearing pants they looked painted on... even the Grandmothers wore skin tight pants.

Even bikini tops that in no way covered their breasts in the airport... perfectly normal for there...

It was almost to the point of skinny dipping in the swimming pools at the hotel while hanging on to their boyfriends...

And the exact opposite in Slovakia. The women there felt naked in shorts and a short sleeved shirt buttoned almost up to their neck. Even on the hottest days.

Modesty varies from place to place...from almost nothing to almost androgynous clothing.

Israel had a lot of functional nudity going on...it was a nothing for people to change clothes in public. Women wearing short loose skirts while riding bicycles... little boys wearing only their hasidic belts while changing on the main street in the town...cars just flying by.
At the River a couple woman went completely nude and changed in front of us to play in the river. Twice...once to change into bathing suits and once back into dry clothes.

Everywhere has a unique modesty set-up.

Yes I get it John but you know even though modesty vary from place to place there is one modesty according to God because once in Christ all woman dress in a way that won't provoke another man. What everyone is saying here is the culture of people that accepts half exposed dress and not bothered about it like in brazil what they were wearing may not provoke any natives but we definitely know that is sinful clothing. So I'm not asking about acceptable clothing in their region. In my country our traditional costumes is literally mummyfying a woman but it changed. That's not a problem they can dress for their comfort but some girls dress-up like as if they want to attract others with their body so just wanted know what it feels like modest dress for a saved woman because they don't have that intension anymore.

 

[Jesus_Leads]

Sure. What we are talking about are basic survival instincts, no different than your eye being drawn towards a fast moving object, or a spooky silhouette in a dark room.

Honestly, though, you need to be careful with eye contact too, specifically in the case if this is a woman that is attracted to you too. People flirt with their eyes all the time, so dont be fooled or fool yourself.

If someone notices you glancing, and gives you a dirty look, forget about it. If they didn't want people seeing their nakedness, they would cover it. If they get mad at you, they're in denial of human nature, and are delusional.

Lol that sounds very much convincing but these are women I know they don't get mad but are getting into a confused state when this happen because they care for me too. But by God's grace I have gotten many advice in CC and I'm pretty sure it will help me to overcome this problem.

 

[Jesus_Leads]

I really agree with cinder. Modesty varies so much and I don't think you can expect one size fits all through various societies and cultures.





My own modesty journey has evolved over the years as God has convicted me of my appearance. Now I tend to dress pretty conservatively. It's interesting how much more respectfully I am treated in my community. It's as if I am surrounded in God's grace.

But it's really not about them. It's about you. That first look is normal, but do you allow your eyes and your mind to linger? Don't forget what Jesus said..

Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Don't wait for the moment of temptation before you pray about this. Sincerely ask God to help you with this, and trust Him that He will! It may be a long battle, or it may be instantaneous. But He hears you and you can trust that He loves you and will help you.

As you encounter women who lead you into lust, take each temptation one by one. It's not all women. (I doubt you have this problem with your grandma.) But as you catch yourself struggling with impure thoughts, deal with that struggle in that moment. Maintaining eye contact is fine! Don't beat yourself up. You are already God's child and you aren't disappointing Him. This is your opportunity to pray and trust God to help you.

Praise God that you have this place you can come to and enjoy the fellowship and advice from these good men who understand your struggle.

Praying to the Lord with the verse will definitely help me thank you and yes praise the Lord for CC and caring people in this community.

 

[PennEd]

Very thoughtful and useful words there. I totally forgot about the carnal man and beating this up on myself. Could you give some more advice on how to overcome carnal nature. I mean demons just go away in Jesus name but you have to crucify the carnal man.

I know you said you had porn and lust under control, but this video may be very helpful for what you are struggling with.
Myself, and many other men have found it very useful:

 

[JohnDB]

Yes I get it John but you know even though modesty vary from place to place there is one modesty according to God because once in Christ all woman dress in a way that won't provoke another man. What everyone is saying here is the culture of people that accepts half exposed dress and not bothered about it like in brazil what they were wearing may not provoke any natives but we definitely know that is sinful clothing. So I'm not asking about acceptable clothing in their region. In my country our traditional costumes is literally mummyfying a woman but it changed. That's not a problem they can dress for their comfort but some girls dress-up like as if they want to attract others with their body so just wanted know what it feels like modest dress for a saved woman because they don't have that intension anymore.

I know that I don't know what "sinful dressing" is...

When Paul asked women to dress modestly it wasn't discussing how much skin they covered or didn't cover...he was writing to Romans....famous for orgies, public bathing, and exercising in the nude. (Co-ed)

What he was discussing was how expensively some people dressed vs others who were poor and did good to afford clothing.

So where in some circumstances a woman wearing a bra is overly attracting attention but in other areas wearing a bra is the standard and going without is out of character...

The object is to blend in with the crowd of people.
If everyone is wearing a tuxedo...then wear a tuxedo...if everyone is wearing two piece bathing suits and you have a figure that supports that...then by all means wear a two piece bathing suit.

Quit looking at the bodies and look at the person as a whole. People are more than flesh. I've seen some very physically attractive people who were extremely ugly...and vice versa.

I've always had a thing for smart girls myself...just saying. That nerdy mousy girl who can have an in depth conversation? Hubba hubba!

 

[Jesus_Leads]

I know that I don't know what "sinful dressing" is...

When Paul asked women to dress modestly it wasn't discussing how much skin they covered or didn't cover...he was writing to Romans....famous for orgies, public bathing, and exercising in the nude. (Co-ed)

What he was discussing was how expensively some people dressed vs others who were poor and did good to afford clothing.

So where in some circumstances a woman wearing a bra is overly attracting attention but in other areas wearing a bra is the standard and going without is out of character...

The object is to blend in with the crowd of people.
If everyone is wearing a tuxedo...then wear a tuxedo...if everyone is wearing two piece bathing suits and you have a figure that supports that...then by all means wear a two piece bathing suit.

Quit looking at the bodies and look at the person as a whole. People are more than flesh. I've seen some very physically attractive people who were extremely ugly...and vice versa.

I've always had a thing for smart girls myself...just saying. That nerdy mousy girl who can have an in depth conversation? Hubba hubba!

I think dressing becomes sinfull when the woman dress-up to draw attention with her body. Anyways who are we to judge let God do it. Thanx for your suggestions though.

 

[Jesus_Leads]

I know you said you had porn and lust under control, but this video may be very helpful for what you are struggling with.
Myself, and many other men have found it very useful:

checking on it.

 

[cinder]

An interesting aspect to add to this discussion would be what is modest / immodest dress for men and are men at all concerned with dressing immodestly around women? And how does that impact our thoughts about modesty and proper dress?

 

[Jesus_Leads]

An interesting aspect to add to this discussion would be what is modest / immodest dress for men and are men at all concerned with dressing immodestly around women? And how does that impact our thoughts about modesty and proper dress?

Well I have no idea how men's dressing affect women. And the bible did not ask men to dress modestly. So i thought women had no problem about men's dressing. A women on television once said we have no problem looking at men being half naked (without shirts or in shorts) why does our dressing disturb you easily ? Honestly men don't know answer for this. But what I do know is a man has to try to seduce a woman with his clothings or a good built and exposed physic. But if a woman just woke up from her bed and shows up in tank top even though her intentions aren't to seduce that's gonna drive a man crazy anyway. My understanding is(I'm not saying this is world truth) fleshly instinct of man towards woman is naturally more hyper when compared to attraction of woman to man.

 

[EmilyNats]

It's only a sin if you are lusting. I am a 100% straight female, but when a woman with giant jugs walks by you can bet your life that I'm going to look, whether I want to or not. And that is exactly the reaction that clothes that expose those body parts are meant to get. I'm not lusting when I do it, but I'm absolutely judging them so still not great for me.

And yes, we notice if you're looking.

 

[JohnDB]

It's only a sin if you are lusting. I am a 100% straight female, but when a woman with giant jugs walks by you can bet your life that I'm going to look, whether I want to or not. And that is exactly the reaction that clothes that expose those body parts are meant to get. I'm not lusting when I do it, but I'm absolutely judging them so still not great for me.

And yes, we notice if you're looking.

I agree with everything except for the 100% female part...
I'm USDA inspected 100% grade A US Male.

YMMV

 

[Jesus_Leads]

It's only a sin if you are lusting. I am a 100% straight female, but when a woman with giant jugs walks by you can bet your life that I'm going to look, whether I want to or not. And that is exactly the reaction that clothes that expose those body parts are meant to get. I'm not lusting when I do it, but I'm absolutely judging them so still not great for me.

And yes, we notice if you're looking.

Hey that sounds soooo much relieving. This is exactly my situation. I wasn't lusting, It's out of my control and I don't get anything out of it. But if a woman faces this too then this is not my problem any more. Thank you so much God helped me through you.

 

[Jesus_Leads]

One more tiny teeny help. You said you notice if a guy is looking. What do you think about that guy and does all guys do that or like 50/50?

It's only a sin if you are lusting. I am a 100% straight female, but when a woman with giant jugs walks by you can bet your life that I'm going to look, whether I want to or not. And that is exactly the reaction that clothes that expose those body parts are meant to get. I'm not lusting when I do it, but I'm absolutely judging them so still not great for me.

And yes, we notice if you're looking.

 

[EmilyNats]

One more tiny teeny help. You said you notice if a guy is looking. What do you think about that guy and does all guys do that or like 50/50?

I would say that all people - including men - do it, but not all are lusting. Like the other day, I went to an exotic animal show where we were helping my husband's family sell stuff, and the vendor across from us was a GIANT lady with GIANT jugs who was wearing a blouse that basically let it all hang out. To make matters worse, right in the middle of the two was another small fat bubble, so it looked like there were three of them. I literally could not look in that whole direction without my eyes going straight there. And I know she saw me, too. Found out that literally nobody in my family could help but look, too. It was just so in your face. But there was definitely no lust lol.

I will say that if a guy does it to a woman who is wearing appropriate clothing then I find it creepy because it seems like a more intentional act then.

 

[Lynx]

I would say that all people - including men - do it, but not all are lusting.

We don't dunnit. Not all of us.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

You were talking about how modesty varies from place to place...

No kidding...

When I was in Brazil close to the Bolivian and Paraguay border those women ran around almost naked.
And if they were wearing pants they looked painted on... even the Grandmothers wore skin tight pants.

Even bikini tops that in no way covered their breasts in the airport... perfectly normal for there...

It was almost to the point of skinny dipping in the swimming pools at the hotel while hanging on to their boyfriends...

And the exact opposite in Slovakia. The women there felt naked in shorts and a short sleeved shirt buttoned almost up to their neck. Even on the hottest days.

Modesty varies from place to place...from almost nothing to almost androgynous clothing.

Israel had a lot of functional nudity going on...it was a nothing for people to change clothes in public. Women wearing short loose skirts while riding bicycles... little boys wearing only their hasidic belts while changing on the main street in the town...cars just flying by.
At the River a couple woman went completely nude and changed in front of us to play in the river. Twice...once to change into bathing suits and once back into dry clothes.

Everywhere has a unique modesty set-up.

Much of the "savage" world prior to colonialization did not wear tops. The women in South America, Africa, and the Polynesian islands were topless. Breasts were not considered sexual in these places during these times. The men also wore thongs. There are still a few places like this. However, Western men and women found that going topless was too sexual. While I think that going topless is extreme, I think the burden of guilt falls on the person feeling lust not the person showing extra skin (unless the person is being intentional/provocative).

 

[SomeDisciple]

Much of the "savage" world prior to colonialization did not wear tops. The women in South America, Africa, and the Polynesian islands were topless. Breasts were not considered sexual in these places during these times.

The idea that a woman can walk around with her breasts out without shame is utterly foolish. The vast majority of men, whether they will admit it or not, are aroused by exposed breasts, and a significant amount of women are too. It's grossly irresponsible to pretend otherwise.

hen she carried on her prostitution openly and exposed her naked body, I turned away from her in disgust, just as I had turned away from her sister. 19Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 21So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.

No sane person can read Ezekiel 23 and be like "breasts aren't sexual!!!".