Does Marriage Cure or Even Lessen a Pornography/Sex Addiction? (All Are Welcome to Answer.)

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Does Marriage Cure or Lessen a A Porn/Sex Addiction?

  • Yes, absolutely! Someone find me an altar right now!

    Votes: 2 10.5%
  • No -- it makes marriage worse.

    Votes: 11 57.9%
  • I'm not sure.

    Votes: 1 5.3%
  • I know of marriages in which someone WAS cured/lessened their porn/sex addiction.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I know of marriages in which someone's porn/sex addiction was NOT cured or lessened.

    Votes: 4 21.1%
  • I know of marriages in which someone's porn/sex addiction GOT WORSE.

    Votes: 1 5.3%
  • I know of marriages that separated/ended because of porn/sex addiction.

    Votes: 4 21.1%
  • The church IS effective at helping marriages troubled by porn/sex addiction.

    Votes: 2 10.5%
  • The church is NOT effective at helping marriages troubled by porn/sex addiction.

    Votes: 6 31.6%
  • Singles should be encouraged to marry even if sex/porn addiction exists before marriage.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    19
F

FollowingtheWay

Guest
#41
Well it definitely didn’t stop and it definitely didn’t lessen because of marriage. Marriage only complicated the issue. It buried it deeper and gave me more justification to hide my sin The only thing that changed it was engaging my relationship with God. He gave me a willingness and inner strength to see it as bad and bring it willingly into the light. As uncomfortable as it was to bring it into the light. I had to trust God. Even though the Church is generally Ill equipped to handle those with addictions like this. I still brought it before my pastor, my elders my wife and confessed to them and to God my weakness and this struggle. It’s more common in the churches than we care to admit. Most play church and deny they struggle with their flesh in the sexual area but if their honest many do struggle.
 

arthurfleminger

Well-known member
Aug 18, 2021
1,405
770
113
#42
Well it definitely didn’t stop and it definitely didn’t lessen because of marriage. Marriage only complicated the issue. It buried it deeper and gave me more justification to hide my sin The only thing that changed it was engaging my relationship with God. He gave me a willingness and inner strength to see it as bad and bring it willingly into the light. As uncomfortable as it was to bring it into the light. I had to trust God. Even though the Church is generally Ill equipped to handle those with addictions like this. I still brought it before my pastor, my elders my wife and confessed to them and to God my weakness and this struggle. It’s more common in the churches than we care to admit. Most play church and deny they struggle with their flesh in the sexual area but if their honest many do struggle.
Many will have to struggle with sin, perhaps throughout their lifetime, but it's imperative that they do struggle with it and overcome it.

Satan knows our weaknesses and exploits us where we are the weakest. Most Christians have been caught up in his web of pornography, to include pastors, women, and children:

Mission Frontiers - 15 Mind-Blowing Statistics About Pornography And The Church
 

Handyman62

Well-known member
Jan 10, 2021
593
263
63
Rural South Carolina
#43
Moses_Young, I agree with you that addictions are choices. My objection to using the term 'addiction' is that it indicates that an individual has no choice, when they do have a choice.

It's like classifying alcholism and gambling as sicknesses and addictions. When you do that it tends to take away any personal responsibility and infers that they have no choice. Not so!!!!!!!!!!!

We all have many choices, but accept responsibility for them. When we are faced with such choices, keep a clear mind and reach out for what you choose. For what you choose is what you'll receive.
I personally don't see any bad habits or addictions as a sickness as they all start and end with a choice. I do however see drug & alcohol dependence as a true addictions. True sickness is not a choice and should never be equated with something that somebody chooses to do to themselves.
 
F

FollowingtheWay

Guest
#44
I personally don't see any bad habits or addictions as a sickness as they all start and end with a choice. I do however see drug & alcohol dependence as a true addictions. True sickness is not a choice and should never be equated with something that somebody chooses to do to themselves.

But absent of inviting God into the problem we are captive to those addictions. If someone is struggling with addiction or willingly addicted we probably need to be looking to spiritual reasons rather than simple choice. I’m telling ya there is something dark that takes over ones mind in those addictions. You cannot think clearly to choose your way out. There are studies that are showing Porn effects the brain much similar to that of cocaine. The addictive parts of it are very real. It changes how you see people. Every look the opposite sex gives becomes sexually suggestive in your mind even though it’s not in reality. I’ve experienced it and it’s not just simple human choice to get out. You need Jesus Christ to overcome it.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,584
113
#45
I don't believe viewing porn in any amount is an actual addiction. An obsession or a bad habit would be more accurate. Either way they can be beaten and marriage can be a help but that's up to the individuals involved.
I didn't become obsessed with porn until after I was married and found out my wife wasn't very interested in sex.
My marriage lasted 28 years and if I hadn't used porn I would have cheated on her with someone in person. I realize that scripturally I still cheated in my heart but I don't see it that way. I loved her dearly and never wanted to divorce but in the end it was her choice to do so. Although her reasons for it are unclear it didn't appear to be porn related.
Very interesting take on this and thank you for sharing your story!
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,584
113
#46
Many will have to struggle with sin, perhaps throughout their lifetime, but it's imperative that they do struggle with it and overcome it.

Satan knows our weaknesses and exploits us where we are the weakest. Most Christians have been caught up in his web of pornography, to include pastors, women, and children:

Mission Frontiers - 15 Mind-Blowing Statistics About Pornography And The Church
I am friends with a married couple who has been in ministry all their lives.

The wife was telling me about a very large pastor's conference that had booked up an entire hotel just for that conference -- so every single room in the hotel had someone associated with that event.

After it was finished, the statistics came out that over 90% of the hotel rooms had ordered a pay-per-view pornographic movie to their room during that time.

(This was in the early 90's, before the internet really took off, allowing the instant access available today.)
 

arthurfleminger

Well-known member
Aug 18, 2021
1,405
770
113
#47
A lot of people, to include Christians, justify pornography as being sinless because it's being done in private and hurting no one. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, when one views pornography, the following occurs:

1. They are paying the porn industry for the viewings, they are enriching the industry, and they enable the industry to expand. In short, porn viewers are the industry.

2. The porn industry is often run by organized crime. People are murdered for control of the business. Viewers support these murders because organized crime is competing for their money.

3. Porn viewers allow the industry to expand, even to little children. Not only do most children have access to porn today, but the industry even has a lucrative industry featuring children in their films. Porn viewers support this and made it possible, and remember the warning about the 'Millstone' for those who pervert the children.

4. Porn viewers pay and take pleasure and delight watching others sin and denigrate themselves for their enjoyment pleasure. Not only do porn watchers support murder but also the loss of souls of those they pay to watch, reminiscent of the Romans enjoying the entertainment of the lions/christians in the arena.

5. No porn view would want any of their family members, moms/fathers/sons/daughters to be involved in making porn films. Yet they pay to see others denigrate themselves.

If you view pornography and consider yourself a Christian, think about these things as you are viewing. A final note, to sum it up, SATAN IS LAUGHING WITH DELIGHT.
 
F

FollowingtheWay

Guest
#48
Some of my note’s on Sexuality from a mens ministry I follow include this - pardon my shorthand writing. This may be extremely helpful to someone out there still struggling. Reading this.

Sexuality is our greatest Delimma. Gender is a level of soul, eternal, soulful, spiritual. Core . Deep to who and what we are. Therefore it is where the enemy brings greatest assaults. Satan hates the glory of God. You bear the image of God. Satan can’t create like God can.He can only pervert and twist what God created . We see in Song of Songs chapter 7-celebration of sexual intimacy. God put it sex in the middle of the Bible. Central, core. Sexuality is part of life for you. Satan knows that if he can get us to sin sexually he can mar the image of God we bear. It’s a battle much bigger than us humans. It goes back as far as Adam and Eve.

Design- garden- naked unashamed

1.Eve removed from our side- there is an ache - longings - these are the intentions of God. Rich good. Worth fighting for. It’s Not good for man to be alone.

2. Men we Cannot think clearly while still looking to her/eve for validation. It Confuses emotions Remove from her your need to be validated . Masculine Validation Cannot come from feminine source. She thinks she can validate you but she cannot give Validation to you as a man. Feels like validation but it’s not, doesn’t work it is a Dry well. When Adam fell chose Eve over God. Moment where Adam had a choice and he chose Eve over God. Naked the woman’s body is too much of eternity. She can look like a wellspring of life . Men tend to worship at this alter. Not good. Most men are frightened by Eve. If you are frightened of her, you are taking your question to her. Her criticism? You’ve Given her the power to invalidate . You are Asking to be taken out if we don’t take the validation only to God and fellow men.

The pull to woman is strongest when we are stressed , hurting, you are longing for life- you are actually looking for God. Not located in woman . Looking for God.

You can Reverse Adams decision- allowing fellowship of men to speak into us. Healing of our wounds and Get validation we need. There is freedom , there is life,

Healing and validation is our rescue. It’s available.

The bad heart is a lie.
Romans2- heart circumcised to God
Ephesians 3-Jesus lives in your heart
Ezekiel- I will give you a new heart
Luke 8- noble and good heart
Col 1:13-

Enemy will attack your heart by making an agreement. Renounce and reject the agreement. It’s a battle - choose integrity.

To learn to love a woman you must first learn to untangle the mess already there. You can take your integrity back . Woman will not like it when you start changing. It’s going to get messy taking it back. Removing the power of validation from her.

-Process -
Beginning with confession.search me God, reveal to me where I’ve been giving my heart.

Begin with sexual consecration prayer.

Renounce that she is life, renounce the agreement- no hope of victory, renounce the claims I’ve made. I give my wounded heart to you . To free me here. Invite Jesus in. Show me the root of it. First sexual experiences? Jesus heal my heart at the root of this, perversion, corruption. Ask his Holy strength fill my sexuality. Restore my strength Jesus. Grant to me a noble and good heart. I reject power of seduction, beauty of false comfort. In his name.


Porn /lust - You will struggle until you experience God as the source source of life . Sanctification happens over time through confession, breaking ties, agreements, time and time again.


Remember-There is an enormous difference between sex and making love. Making love to her heart, soul and body.

Sex can be good. sexuality is part of masculinity and can be made whole through Jesus . Far more than the moment. Wholeness. Ask Father God to Father you here.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#49
A lot of men dont know anything about making love they think sex is the same thing well its not.

To many men and women its just a physical act that is hot and sweaty and means not very much.
 
F

FollowingtheWay

Guest
#50
A lot of men dont know anything about making love they think sex is the same thing well its not.

To many men and women its just a physical act that is hot and sweaty and means not very much.
Those men don’t know , because other men have never taught them what it means to love a woman. When men of God abdicate their role and don’t explain these things to boys. The boys grow up with the fallen worlds definition of what sex is-aka the physical act and it being done for selfish motivations. This is why there needs to be a big push from Churches to encourage mens ministries and enter into the messy things . Who are we called to be as Christs men what does being a Christ centered man look like? What are the practical steps and application. Boys need taught these things by wholehearted men walking with God. Playing church on Sunday isn’t enough. Who are we Monday-Saturday?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#51
The only mens ministry I'd ever heard of happening was a prayer breakfast from time to time but otherwise there seemed to be way more womens ministries in churches than mens.

But I noticed at the womens ministries they were never all about woman things it was just no men went to them. I dont know where the men went when they had them.

One church had separate coffee meetings on the same day, the men would go off to one coffee shop and the women to another different one. I know one wife said she never went to the womens one cos all they did was gossip.

Another church kept inviting me to all these womens things till I got a bit fed up with it like I would never see or interact with my christian brothers because they always separated us. Its like men and women cant even be in the same room together. They probably did have at one point in the past but maybe stuff happened that ruined it.
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
9,150
4,949
113
#52
A lot of people, to include Christians, justify pornography as being sinless because it's being done in private and hurting no one. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, when one views pornography, the following occurs:

1. They are paying the porn industry for the viewings, they are enriching the industry, and they enable the industry to expand. In short, porn viewers are the industry.

2. The porn industry is often run by organized crime. People are murdered for control of the business. Viewers support these murders because organized crime is competing for their money.

3. Porn viewers allow the industry to expand, even to little children. Not only do most children have access to porn today, but the industry even has a lucrative industry featuring children in their films. Porn viewers support this and made it possible, and remember the warning about the 'Millstone' for those who pervert the children.

4. Porn viewers pay and take pleasure and delight watching others sin and denigrate themselves for their enjoyment pleasure. Not only do porn watchers support murder but also the loss of souls of those they pay to watch, reminiscent of the Romans enjoying the entertainment of the lions/christians in the arena.

5. No porn view would want any of their family members, moms/fathers/sons/daughters to be involved in making porn films. Yet they pay to see others denigrate themselves.

If you view pornography and consider yourself a Christian, think about these things as you are viewing. A final note, to sum it up, SATAN IS LAUGHING WITH DELIGHT.
I read also the porn industry is often linked to pedophilia and slave trafficking. Those participating it are therefore supporting modern day slavery and pedophiles (not to mention murder, adultery, and all the other vices you outline are a result of porn).
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
12,927
8,659
113
#53
This is why I am also very troubled by people automatically judging why people are seeking or got a divorce.

I know this sound strange, but people have talked to me about their personal lives since I was a teen (my Mom always joked I must have a disclaimer on my forehead reading, "Tell Me About Your Most Personal Problems.")

I have talked to Christian women who are in tears because their husbands prefer anal sex to anything else within their marriage, and some force their spouses to oblige. The husbands feel they are doing no wrong because they're doing this to a woman and not a man.

I know people will fiercely debate over what to do in that situation, but if I had a husband who preferred and demanded sex in the same manner as one would have with a man, I would leave, and if need be, stay single forever, because I've learned how to be single.

And I would hate the feeling that I would somehow have to tell the whole world what was going on behind closed doors. No matter what you said or did, a good number of people would judge and condemn you anyway.

I do wish that people were allowed more privacy as to why they separate and/or divorce, because it's between them and God.

If the decision is against God's will, then He is the one to judge that, not the court of public opinion.
Didn’t read all responses but porn is ALWAYS bad.

There is NO situation or rationalization that makes it ok.

In fact the word itself is “fornication”.

4202. porneia
Strong's Concordance
porneia: fornication​
Original Word: πορνεία, ας, ἡ
Part of Speech: Noun, Feminine
Transliteration: porneia
Phonetic Spelling: (por-ni'-ah)
Definition: fornication
Usage: fornication, whoredom; met: idolatry.

So now that we have that part said, to the question, I believe if someone has a fornication addiction before marriage, it will not go away just because they got married. And it may get worse.

Unfortunately, even Christians, can and do struggle with this sin after conversion.
Walking in the Spirit is the ONLY thing that will stop it. Not marriage or secular therapy or anything else. Only a reckoning that our flesh has been crucified, and daily picking up our cross. Not for Salvation, but to remember that it has been crucified.

Brothers and sisters, don’t be swayed by arguments. Don’t dabble or rationalize. Fornication is ALWAYS sinful and bad.​
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#54
There's a christian doco/film called Nefarious that addresses the sex slave industry.
 
Dec 30, 2020
868
226
43
#55
I've always wondered about the sex drive of animals to copulate. Is it a chemical reaction of the body? I know that as a male there is a buildup of semen that needs to erupt. I compare this to an itch that needs to be scratched. If the itch is intense enough, you scratch in order to get rid of the itch, even if it is only temporary. If a woman is not available, your right hand becomes your best friend. In my early years I was a slave to my libido. In my later years after I got married for the wrong reason, I hated my sex drive because my wife would not give it up many times and I did not want to be unfaithful. After my divorce, I realized what a slave I was to my libido and hated it even though I succumbed. I hated it and like the itch, I scratched mainly to get rid of the itch and prayed to God to help me to overcome. In my later years, God finally answered my prayer when I developed ED. After repeated attempts with three different women, I realized that searching for women for the purpose of eventually copulating was meaningless. I know that there was medicine to increase the sex drive, but none to decrease. Jesus said that even if you lust after a woman, you have committed sin in your heart. I don't think pornography at that time was anywhere close to what it is today. I believe that Jesus' remark about lusting after a woman was directed towards a real life woman that a man might have contact with. My focus then changed to reading the Bible and eventually I was filled with the Holy Spirit, full of love for God first and my neighbors second. Any thoughts of a sexual nature with anyone I come in contact with is non-existent. My love for my fellow man prevents me from disrepecting them with thoughts of sex . I don't know if it's wrong to fantasize about someone you have zero chance of ever meeting in order to get rid of the itch. I try to be real and apologize if anyone is offended.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,584
113
#56
I've always wondered about the sex drive of animals to copulate. Is it a chemical reaction of the body? I know that as a male there is a buildup of semen that needs to erupt. I compare this to an itch that needs to be scratched. If the itch is intense enough, you scratch in order to get rid of the itch, even if it is only temporary. If a woman is not available, your right hand becomes your best friend. In my early years I was a slave to my libido. In my later years after I got married for the wrong reason, I hated my sex drive because my wife would not give it up many times and I did not want to be unfaithful. After my divorce, I realized what a slave I was to my libido and hated it even though I succumbed. I hated it and like the itch, I scratched mainly to get rid of the itch and prayed to God to help me to overcome. In my later years, God finally answered my prayer when I developed ED. After repeated attempts with three different women, I realized that searching for women for the purpose of eventually copulating was meaningless. I know that there was medicine to increase the sex drive, but none to decrease. Jesus said that even if you lust after a woman, you have committed sin in your heart. I don't think pornography at that time was anywhere close to what it is today. I believe that Jesus' remark about lusting after a woman was directed towards a real life woman that a man might have contact with. My focus then changed to reading the Bible and eventually I was filled with the Holy Spirit, full of love for God first and my neighbors second. Any thoughts of a sexual nature with anyone I come in contact with is non-existent. My love for my fellow man prevents me from disrepecting them with thoughts of sex . I don't know if it's wrong to fantasize about someone you have zero chance of ever meeting in order to get rid of the itch. I try to be real and apologize if anyone is offended.
Thank you for this incredibly honest and insightful testimony! 🌹

I learn a lot when others openly share, and I'm sure the community does as well.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#57
sorry what is ED

I think lust is a problem and the devil sure likes to use sex as a way for demon entry. Because demons like to inabit bodies and if you consent its easy for them to gain entry. Its not about loving the person its more about coveting their body and having power over them

People seem to be naive about this and act like demons dont exist
 

arthurfleminger

Well-known member
Aug 18, 2021
1,405
770
113
#58
One of the best ways to end one's attachment to pornography is to remember all that it does to one's family life, to others, to children and to one's soul. And don't forget, when you make the decision to watch pornography and watch it; GOD SEES WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!!!!!!!!!
 
F

FollowingtheWay

Guest
#59
sorry what is ED

I think lust is a problem and the devil sure likes to use sex as a way for demon entry. Because demons like to inabit bodies and if you consent its easy for them to gain entry. Its not about loving the person its more about coveting their body and having power over them

People seem to be naive about this and act like demons dont exist
ED-erectile dysfunction.
It’s a very real thing and they are finding a link between it and pornography and yes I have experienced it. Not good, very embarrassing and frustrating To have happen to especially a young man. It was happening to me at 25. Guess what when the porn addiction went away so did the ED . Coincidence? probably not.
 
F

FollowingtheWay

Guest
#60
One of the best ways to end one's attachment to pornography is to remember all that it does to one's family life, to others, to children and to one's soul. And don't forget, when you make the decision to watch pornography and watch it; GOD SEES WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!!!!!!!!!
That works if you are actually converted and have Holy Spirit and are receptive to moral standards and rebuke . Unless you are an unbeliever like I was. My conscience was seared at the very least. I was blind . You could have told me all those things an I wouldn’t have cared from a morality standpoint. I was dead in my sin. The only thing that woke me up was Holy Spirits conviction in my heart some time shortly after my surrender to Christ only after then did this stuff begin to click . The ED issue I lived with from 25 to 32. I’d blame on everything but me and my porn habit and felt justified in blaming even my wife. I can see where Satan was deceiving me into believing I wasn’t attracted to my wife. Ow he would attack me when I’d deflate halfway through sex and try to convince me I was a Homosexual. Then He would then tempt me to prove that I wasn’t Homosexual by watching convincing me to watch porn. The physiological games that Satan played on my mind kept me a slave to porn as it worked cylindrically . I was a twisted wicked piece of work internally and Satan was having his way with my mind back then. No concept or care about Spiritual armor and worst part is I identified as a Christian culturally but I really believe I was living in a false childhood conversion-self deception because I had zero remorse for my folly. Zero Holy Spirit conviction.