Don't even know how to do this
- Thread starter NewBeginnings22
- Start date
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
I'm not sure why you'd ask that. It makes no sense in this discussion unless you're trying to assume something about me and my situation that you know nothing about. Why would you assume a couple in a terrible marriage would not "think" about marriage counseling? (Are you covertly calling someone stupid here?)
Let me educate you a bit on marriage counseling. When abuse is present, marriage counseling is not recommended and, in 32 states, it's actually illegal for a therapist to recommend marriage counseling. Marriage counseling only empowers an abuser and teaches them how to abuse you in more covert ways. Abusers will often manipulate the counselor just like he or she does their victim and often the result of marriage counseling causes the victim to appear as though they're the abuser and the abuser is the victim. In other words, marriage counseling makes the abuse worse for the victim.
It's a very dangerous suggestion for anyone to give when they don't know the circumstances of the couple's problems. If the problems are based upon abuse, it is NOT a marital issue and marriage counseling is useless. Abuse is an individual problem and it will never stop until the abuser is able to admit their abuse and get help for it. A vast majority of abusers have less than no desire to stop being abusive. They love controlling and manipulating people. It's worked for them their entire lives (in their minds) and so they will continue.
So, yes. To answer your question, I did "think" of marriage counseling, and it was every bit as useless as any experienced therapist would know it to be. Because my husband was an abuser. Our problems weren't marital.
Let me educate you a bit on marriage counseling. When abuse is present, marriage counseling is not recommended and, in 32 states, it's actually illegal for a therapist to recommend marriage counseling. Marriage counseling only empowers an abuser and teaches them how to abuse you in more covert ways. Abusers will often manipulate the counselor just like he or she does their victim and often the result of marriage counseling causes the victim to appear as though they're the abuser and the abuser is the victim. In other words, marriage counseling makes the abuse worse for the victim.
It's a very dangerous suggestion for anyone to give when they don't know the circumstances of the couple's problems. If the problems are based upon abuse, it is NOT a marital issue and marriage counseling is useless. Abuse is an individual problem and it will never stop until the abuser is able to admit their abuse and get help for it. A vast majority of abusers have less than no desire to stop being abusive. They love controlling and manipulating people. It's worked for them their entire lives (in their minds) and so they will continue.
So, yes. To answer your question, I did "think" of marriage counseling, and it was every bit as useless as any experienced therapist would know it to be. Because my husband was an abuser. Our problems weren't marital.
-
1
-
1
-
1
- Show all
I'm a new member here, and I started reading this thread a little earlier. I'm, well, I guess just wide-eyed, in a way. Yet, I already know how intense people get sometimes. As a person who's been single, without any romantic relationship, for over three decades, I pray for all the best for you. Way back when, I asked the Lord to send me the right man or to eliminate my desire for one. He did the latter at that time. Every now and again through the years, I've felt a pull for something, not sure if it's a romantic/marital relationship, or just the closeness of a deep relationship. Nevertheless, God hasn't presented me with anyone. And I am content. My life is reasonably full, and sometimes overly so. LOL Whatever He has for me, I will be content. If your heart's desire is for the right marriage, then continue to seek the Lord's way and trust Him to deliver what He knows is best for you. I pray you will be blessed in your journey.
-
1
-
1
- Show all
Thank you for your response. I have only ever wanted to be a wife and a mom. So long as I was those two things, I felt my life had purpose. I'm still a mom, of course, but I still long to be a wife to an amazing man. I might never get that desire fulfilled, in which case, I do hope the Lord removes the desire. Right now, I can't imagine living the rest of my life alone. I've never known real love my entire life outside of Christ and the thought of living an entire lifespan never having known it, is really too much for me to bear.
-
1
- Show all