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S
Not trying to be disagreeable but I look at at like this. The bible commands husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. If you think about it, men are typically good respecters and woman are typically good lovers. The problem is that a womans love can come across as disrespectful to a husband and a husbands respect can come across as unloving to his wife. This is an example of the brilliance of the bible....to understand this very nuanced concept 2000 years ago.
J
It's never too late to start. lol 
I like to rub my wife's feet and she likes to rub my back. There we go! Every man deserves a good back massage!
View attachment 137010
I like to rub my wife's feet and she likes to rub my back. There we go! Every man deserves a good back massage! View attachment 137010
Here's what I don't get.
Why is it a woman's job to keep the house orderly.
He's at work doing whatever he does at work all day...that makes him tired.
She's at home meeting the constant needs of children...that makes her tired.
And now she has to keep the house orderly too. Kinda sounds like she has two jobs, to me.
Why is it a woman's job to keep the house orderly.
He's at work doing whatever he does at work all day...that makes him tired.
She's at home meeting the constant needs of children...that makes her tired.
And now she has to keep the house orderly too. Kinda sounds like she has two jobs, to me.
I think if the proverbs 31 does show a wife's major concern is the household needs. That being said, I always thought the idea of women doing the house work and raising the children all by herself and the husband not doing anything in that part... just work and go home and relax was an irresponsible idea of what a husband should be like.
I think it's only responsible the a husband take a major role in raising his kids and his family in general which includes housework. I figured my life when I get married will be a very busy life...wake up.. go to work.. come back to work... take a nap...go back to work as a father and husband... or perhaps do ministry for the lord... go to sleep... repeat. That's the draft "vision" of what life will be like in the future for me and I believe that's how God would want husbands and fathers to be... attentive to their families and attentive to God's kingdom.
S
One thing I forgot to point out is that we tend to love how we want to be loved. A man wants to be loved with respect and a woman wants to be loved with love. Now you could go into a lot of intricate details about the body language, tone and overall demeanor that go into it but to put it as simply as possible....a man needs side by side shoulder to shoulder easy.... light hearted pick up truck rides.... and women need face to face he 'sees' me (he really see's my heart) intimate connection.
If one side of the equation is missing it like a severely out of balance tire going down the highway at 70.
To be perfectly honest (and typically contrary), I don't get the distinction here. Isn't respect an inherent part of love? Do you actually love someone that you can't be bothered to respect? I don't mean the kind of lie-to-yourself-for-the-sake-of-social-acceptance kind of love. I cannot think of one person I've lacked respect for that I loved. If I lack respect for a person, but learn to love them, I will gain respect for them. Part of the process of learning to love a person involves appreciating who they are. It's impossible to appreciate a person you do not respect.
I can have compassion, pity, disdain, indifference...and a wealth of other emotions for people I don't respect, but I don't have love.
Additionally, doesn't love demand that we actually SEE the other person? How is it possible that you can claim to love someone without knowing them? I've never understood that. That's not love...that's a kind of warm feeling you extend to all of humanity, but it's not love. If you claim to love someone, but you can't be bothered to get to know them, is it really love? Maybe it's just attachment based on circumstance (like being born into the same family, or working in the same location). Attachment can be strong, but it's not love. Most of the time attachment is based on some level of denial. Doesn't love inherently involve seeing the other person as they are and accepting them as they are?
I don't really see how this can be parsed so cleanly. There are plenty of men whom I respect, but I don't love. For example, I respect Obama for the office he holds and the fact that he's been the leader of a large and diverse nation. I don't love him, like him, or approve of all his policies, but I can tip my hat with a level of deference for the difficult job he's had.
Is this what you're saying that men want? A nod to their position without regard to their personalities, idiosyncrasies, or even any kind of personal interest? I know lots of men who are well-respected in their careers, but they still seek out a deeper kind of relationship with someone else. It's not because they are lacking respect.
Also, I don't get how it's possible to be intimate with someone (to truly see them) and not have respect for them. Is it possible for a woman to be "seen" and not respected? So there are women out there who are like, "Yeah, he has no respect for me or my work, but he SEES me, so our relationship is good?" Seriously, if a woman feels like a man doesn't respect her, she's going to presume that he doesn't truly see her.
Personally, I think men and women are actually talking about the SAME THING.
Men might say, "I want to be respected," but what they really mean is, "I want you to know who I am, accept me, and appreciate me...flaws and all."
Women may say, "I want to be seen," but what they really mean is, "I want you to know who I am, accept me, and appreciate me...flaws and all."
I can have compassion, pity, disdain, indifference...and a wealth of other emotions for people I don't respect, but I don't have love.
Additionally, doesn't love demand that we actually SEE the other person? How is it possible that you can claim to love someone without knowing them? I've never understood that. That's not love...that's a kind of warm feeling you extend to all of humanity, but it's not love. If you claim to love someone, but you can't be bothered to get to know them, is it really love? Maybe it's just attachment based on circumstance (like being born into the same family, or working in the same location). Attachment can be strong, but it's not love. Most of the time attachment is based on some level of denial. Doesn't love inherently involve seeing the other person as they are and accepting them as they are?
I don't really see how this can be parsed so cleanly. There are plenty of men whom I respect, but I don't love. For example, I respect Obama for the office he holds and the fact that he's been the leader of a large and diverse nation. I don't love him, like him, or approve of all his policies, but I can tip my hat with a level of deference for the difficult job he's had.
Is this what you're saying that men want? A nod to their position without regard to their personalities, idiosyncrasies, or even any kind of personal interest? I know lots of men who are well-respected in their careers, but they still seek out a deeper kind of relationship with someone else. It's not because they are lacking respect.
Also, I don't get how it's possible to be intimate with someone (to truly see them) and not have respect for them. Is it possible for a woman to be "seen" and not respected? So there are women out there who are like, "Yeah, he has no respect for me or my work, but he SEES me, so our relationship is good?" Seriously, if a woman feels like a man doesn't respect her, she's going to presume that he doesn't truly see her.
Personally, I think men and women are actually talking about the SAME THING.
Men might say, "I want to be respected," but what they really mean is, "I want you to know who I am, accept me, and appreciate me...flaws and all."
Women may say, "I want to be seen," but what they really mean is, "I want you to know who I am, accept me, and appreciate me...flaws and all."
S
Imagine a man on a jobsite has a conflict with another man. The other man corners the other guy and stairs intently into his eyes with his shoulders squared up to the other guy in a demanding emotional way. This is the body language of aggression and disrespect to a man. It often escalates the situation. This is also the same body language of a woman who is trying to love........ and or.... a woman who is craving connection and to be loved.
Maybe Jenibean can help explain it better as I know she gets what i am saying.
Maybe Jenibean can help explain it better as I know she gets what i am saying.
J
Okay so the purpose of this thread is the realization as Sirk is going through his divorce and healing moving on stage is that the other night when he was at home doing paper work that he looked around his home and realized that wow my home is tidier in a physical and emotional way. His previous relationship was emotionally and physically toxic...as in he would come home from a hards day work to an absolute mess. While finishing his paperwork and cleaning up he wanted to in his manly way make a thread about this realization based on the thread that was started about what a woman deserves. Sirk has absolute respect for woman and respects their abilities. He was simply saying...hey every one guess what every man deserves to come home to peace and an orderly environment. As in if your environment isn't peaceful and in order...talk to your significant other to bring back the peace and order. Give him a break guys ..he is growing and learning what he wants and desires in life. All is good he IS NOT trying to offend or cause any one to think he disrespects a woman's position. I hope this makes sense as I'm on my cell phone.
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One of my core values is reasonable discussion in the middle of disagreement.
I don't like yelling... ever. If we need to take some time to cool off, let's do that. But there should be no bringing up of past grievances that have been dealt with, there should be no insults. We can be mature enough to discuss our frustrations and irritations without making character assassinations. Discuss, find ways to make changes (perspective and/OR actions), forgive, move on and let's choose to love each other.
By the way? That part about letting the past be the past is around little things around the house/between us and/or how we treat each other in public and private; not damaging each other with lies, betrayals, or physical harm. Those things have higher value and honestly are cumulative. Adultery that is unrepentant and ongoing is one of my deal breakers. (But cumulatively, if I find you are lying to me... it's going to have to take more than one conversation - and likely one in front of a qualified christian marriage counselor... for example)
I don't like yelling... ever. If we need to take some time to cool off, let's do that. But there should be no bringing up of past grievances that have been dealt with, there should be no insults. We can be mature enough to discuss our frustrations and irritations without making character assassinations. Discuss, find ways to make changes (perspective and/OR actions), forgive, move on and let's choose to love each other.
By the way? That part about letting the past be the past is around little things around the house/between us and/or how we treat each other in public and private; not damaging each other with lies, betrayals, or physical harm. Those things have higher value and honestly are cumulative. Adultery that is unrepentant and ongoing is one of my deal breakers. (But cumulatively, if I find you are lying to me... it's going to have to take more than one conversation - and likely one in front of a qualified christian marriage counselor... for example)
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It's never too late to start. lol I like to rub my wife's feet and she likes to rub my back. There we go! Every man deserves a good back massage!
View attachment 137010
I like to rub my wife's feet and she likes to rub my back. There we go! Every man deserves a good back massage! View attachment 137010
