Exes

[jsr1221]

Normally break ups don't end well. Albeit because the couple had a falling out. Or because the two tried to be friends, but it made matters worse.. the latter happened a few months back with my ex. Mental health got in the way. Nothing bad was said about the other, though. I was actually told by her family I did nothing wrong, and she had a bunch of issues she had to go through.

I noticed earlier today, though, that I was taken off Facebook. Which surprised me, because we never had a falling out where one person said angry or hurtful things. So this kinda came to mind... If you acknowledge Christ as your Savior, you'll join Him in Heaven. So why is it that a lot of people from marriages and relationships hold onto grudges, when they are going to get reacquainted with these people in Heaven. You can't take grudges into Heaven with you. Even folks that were hurt tremendously, whether it is emotional, mental, or physical. The one that did the damage can still turn to Christ and accept Him. So why do people go on with life trying to remove every little bit of existence, when the next phase is always there in the afterlife? I don't get it.

She has her reasons, obviously. And I'm not angry. I just find it odd and a little sad that after a few months, this happens. Especially with someone that's God fearing. It seems kind of elementary to me. I don't think you'll be getting rid of anyone in Heaven. This isn't God kicking out Lucifer. So can someone shed some insight? Why do folks hold onto grudges or try to move on like nothing happened in relationships, when they're just going to meet again in the afterlife?

 

[Lenardzw]

I've come to accept that in my life, an ex is just that - an ex. So we get to move on with our separate lives. In some cases this can happen immediately or over a period of time. Perhaps taking you off her Facebook is her way of handling this and it may not be done out of bitterness.

Sometimes people part and agree to be friends and this works for them....for a while or for good. Other times people part ways in a fiery confrontation that leaves them feeling that if they never saw that ex again, it would still be too soon. Friendships can tend to fade over time as people drift apart, often without a fight. It happens. In relationships people have more invested and so are more vulnerable (I suppose this is the beauty and curse of loving someone). When we break up, even amicably some people want to distance themselves. And if I want to cut communication with an ex I'm not exactly thinking about what I'll say when we meet in heaven.

I believe that certain people are in our lives for a season and when that season ends it ends. Whether or not they re-enter our lives at some point in the future is another matter. When I think of "season" here I am not think "fate" or some lassez faire mindset towards relationships. We get to shape our relationships and we get to influence - in some way - how long they last. But we don't control all the factors that influence the paths our relationships take. In this life not all relationships last. In fact very few of them do. That's why we have ex's. Its one reality of this imperfect world we live in with people (ourselves included) who are far from perfect. In heaven the situation will be so different and so mind-blowingly (this double barreled expression needs to make the Oxford dictionary in 2017 - consider this a pitch) beautiful that any awkwardness you may expect in meeting an ex over there will be imaginary - and it has to be imagined now as it won't even cross your mind over there.

 

[jsr1221]

I've come to accept that in my life, an ex is just that - an ex. So we get to move on with our separate lives. In some cases this can happen immediately or over a period of time. Perhaps taking you off her Facebook is her way of handling this and it may not be done out of bitterness.

Sometimes people part and agree to be friends and this works for them....for a while or for good. Other times people part ways in a fiery confrontation that leaves them feeling that if they never saw that ex again, it would still be too soon. Friendships can tend to fade over time as people drift apart, often without a fight. It happens. In relationships people have more invested and so are more vulnerable (I suppose this is the beauty and curse of loving someone). When we break up, even amicably some people want to distance themselves. And if I want to cut communication with an ex I'm not exactly thinking about what I'll say when we meet in heaven.

I believe that certain people are in our lives for a season and when that season ends it ends. Whether or not they re-enter our lives at some point in the future is another matter. When I think of "season" here I am not think "fate" or some lassez faire mindset towards relationships. We get to shape our relationships and we get to influence - in some way - how long they last. But we don't control all the factors that influence the paths our relationships take. In this life not all relationships last. In fact very few of them do. That's why we have ex's. Its one reality of this imperfect world we live in with people (ourselves included) who are far from perfect. In heaven the situation will be so different and so mind-blowingly (this double barreled expression needs to make the Oxford dictionary in 2017 - consider this a pitch) beautiful that any awkwardness you may expect in meeting an ex over there will be imaginary - and it has to be imagined now as it won't even cross your mind over there.

I completely understand why one would do so... I just had a hard time wrapping my mind around why someone would do so months after. I also agree how some people come into a life for just a season. But when you don't get any reason or clarification as to why something happened, you're kind of left out there thinking if it is you or just one of those situations. A person can't just pray to find the answer. Don't get me wrong, prayer is great. We should pray to God. But sometimes it's more than that. If I'm not understanding something in my class, would I say "God, help me understand this lecture"? Or would I ask the professor for some clarification on what he meant? If that person doesn't give you any clarification, you're left on your own. And that can hurt you.

 

[PinkDiamond]

I understand how you feel. I personally wouldn't delete someone from FB that I had dated ( assuming we parted amicably). I do still have one guy on my FB list. I was very happy for him when he got married a couple years ago. That being said, we mutually agreed to part as there wasn't really any strong feelings and the relationship wasn't progressing as it should. We realized we weren't the best match. It might be different if one person was desperately trying to save the relationship and felt "dumped" or hurt by the other.

I think for many people it is easier to make a fresh start and move on if they sever ties completely with their ex boyfriend/girlfriend. Unfortunately, no matter how much we may desire to remain amicable or friends with an ex, it's always going to be an awkward friendship at best. It's rare for most people to be able to go from strong romantic feelings for a person to just casual friendship. I also think that when someone is starting a new relationship they may want to remove all traces of their former relationships. I think this can really depend on how the relationship ends and how attached or serious both parties were about each other. It's definitely not a nice feeling to get deleted from FB, but it is probably for the best for both of you. It's not going to be any more pleasant for you to see updates or pictures of your ex's new life ( when she starts dating again). I wouldn't take her actions to delete you as a slap in the face or an insult. I would read her action that she is ready to move on. The few months elapse actually makes more sense. It seems less reactionary. If she had deleted you right after the breakup, I'd assume she was upset. She probably feels it is best to move on

 

[Lynx]

At least y'all broke up WITHOUT one of you trying desperately to hold onto it.

Because "I'm nothing without you" is a really messed up sentiment.

 

[jsr1221]

I understand how you feel. I personally wouldn't delete someone from FB that I had dated ( assuming we parted amicably). I do still have one guy on my FB list. I was very happy for him when he got married a couple years ago. That being said, we mutually agreed to part as there wasn't really any strong feelings and the relationship wasn't progressing as it should. We realized we weren't the best match. It might be different if one person was desperately trying to save the relationship and felt "dumped" or hurt by the other.

I think for many people it is easier to make a fresh start and move on if they sever ties completely with their ex boyfriend/girlfriend. Unfortunately, no matter how much we may desire to remain amicable or friends with an ex, it's always going to be an awkward friendship at best. It's rare for most people to be able to go from strong romantic feelings for a person to just casual friendship. I also think that when someone is starting a new relationship they may want to remove all traces of their former relationships. I think this can really depend on how the relationship ends and how attached or serious both parties were about each other. It's definitely not a nice feeling to get deleted from FB, but it is probably for the best for both of you. It's not going to be any more pleasant for you to see updates or pictures of your ex's new life ( when she starts dating again). I wouldn't take her actions to delete you as a slap in the face or an insult. I would read her action that she is ready to move on. The few months elapse actually makes more sense. It seems less reactionary. If she had deleted you right after the breakup, I'd assume she was upset. She probably feels it is best to move on

I unfortunately learned how awkward it got. Especially when mental health got in the way of it. I can understand those that move on because of severe situations. You're not going to keep someone around that physically abused you. It still kind of boggles my mind, though, when it happens the way it did. Like I mentioned earlier, you're kind of left wondering if it was something you did.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

I unfortunately learned how awkward it got. Especially when mental health got in the way of it. I can understand those that move on because of severe situations. You're not going to keep someone around that physically abused you. It still kind of boggles my mind, though, when it happens the way it did. Like I mentioned earlier, you're kind of left wondering if it was something you did.

Sometimes we just have to accept the choices people make and not be too hard on ourselves because we also make choices that hurt other people.

 

[PinkDiamond]

I unfortunately learned how awkward it got. Especially when mental health got in the way of it. I can understand those that move on because of severe situations. You're not going to keep someone around that physically abused you. It still kind of boggles my mind, though, when it happens the way it did. Like I mentioned earlier, you're kind of left wondering if it was something you did.

I know

It doesn't really sound (from the info you shared) that you really did anything to cause her to remove you from her Facebook. Sometimes we never get an explanation or closure. Honestly, I find it far more painful and upsetting when friendships end like this than romantic relationships. It's horrible when someone you considered a friend turns on you or just drops you like a hot potato and you have no explanation. I know what it's like to go over and over things and wonder what caused the person to sour. I think in all these situations the best thing is to try to focus your attention on meeting a new person or making new friends. It's very hard to save or resurrect failed friendships. It is easier and healthier to form new attachments. I've had to put my own advice into practice many times throughout my life. It does get easier ( with repeated experiences ) to do this. As was stated earlier in this thread, sometimes we have to accept that people pass through our lives for a season. It shouldn't be this way, but it is often the case, unfortunately

 

[melita916]

i deleted my ex from facebook months after we broke up. we agreed to be friends, but i couldn't handle seeing his posts on fb, especially when he started dating someone new. i hid him from my newsfeed to help me, but he still was able to comment/like/whatevs on my fb. every time i saw his name, i would get angry/sad all over again. i'm the one who couldn't handle it, so i felt i needed to delete him so i could heal.

ah to be honest, i didn't even have the strength to delete him myself. i would gather up the courage to go to the page to delete, but then i would say to myself, "wow. i'm being a jerk. maybe i shouldn't delete him." i had to ask a friend of mine to do it for me lol. she gladly did because she knew how much i was hurting. afterwards, i hoped he didn't contact me to ask why. about 3 months after, he emailed me with a prayer request. i replied cordially. a month later, he emailed me again for my bday. i replied with good manners. last time he emailed me was about 3 yrs ago.