finding the balance between tenderhearted & emotional distance for survival

[gypsygirl]

we currently live in a world that is full of atrocities, and evil. it seems that at nearly any given time, there are world events that could break your heart if you attempted to grasp the severity of suffering and evil.

currently ISIS terrorists murdering innocent children and martyring christians as the world looks on.

and we don't have to leave our small worlds to see more evidence of despair and loss. one of the high-risk girls (and her brother) whom i have become quite close through the school program i volunteer with was removed last week from her uncle's care amid abuse and molestation accusations. these are girls who already have been through too much during their young lives, and it seems like no one is protecting these young, precious souls.

last night, i drove home and counted 6 people huddled under the bridge and bedding down for the nights, dirty, dejected, disenfranchised, and drinking from their paper bags. my heart sank for each of them. when i offered one closest to my vehicle some money while the light was red, a couple more guys started to walk over, and i started to become concerned and unsafe, being the only vehicle in a dimly lit area.

it frustrated me that even in wanting to offer a bit more, my fear (and good judgment) rendered me feeling even more helpless to take further action. people in my own backyard, so lost. someone's son, brother, and fearfully, wonderfully created and loved by our God.

finally, we all have our own private pain that weighs upon us. sometimes i feel like mine lingers like overcast clouds, threatening like a rainstorm. when life is going well for me, it only seems to magnify the pain and loss of those dear ones around me. pain is never far from us, if you're paying attention.

when God shattered my rebellious, proud heart about 10 years ago, He rebuilt it -- leaving me with a unfamiliar tenderness that can feel often like an enormous liability. i sometimes i struggle to find that balance between sensitivity and yet, not so affected that my emotions push me into a place of being overly-sensitive and too affected.

at some point, we have to strive for balance or we fail, finding ourselves at the extremes of either undesirable condition.


1. are your emotions a liability or asset?

2. how do you avoid becoming hard-hearted in this world?

3. how do you manage to find balance between sensitivity and still remaining capable of living and functioning in this world?

 

[Roh_Chris]

1. are your emotions a liability or asset?

These are wonderful questions and in order to answer them wholly I will have to delve a bit into my past.
My emotions are an asset to me. I think it is a wonderful thing to have the heart of a child when it comes to the emotions. I am talking about emotions that come into play when interceding for somebody or in a relationship. The other times I display only superficial emotions.

2. how do you avoid becoming hard-hearted in this world?

This is a gift given to me through 25 years of pain and suffering. Despite being born into a very affluent God-fearing family, the kind of suffering I went through are unimaginable. I was bullied, abused, threatened, manhandled, what not by everybody around me. I never had a normal childhood. That explains my bi-polarity but that also explains why I cannot be hard-hearted when I see others suffering.

3. how do you manage to find balance between sensitivity and still remaining capable of living and functioning in this world?

Through prayer. I have a balance that the only thing I can do is pray about it. Once I have prayed I leave it in God's hands and I go about with my work. I keep reminding Him that's all.

 

[lav]

whew... this is so challenging. i may need some time to think and respond.

something that just happened was i was watching E! just to relax and try not to think about these things, and then i saw what recently happened at a drake concert... what he put up on a projector screen, yikes.

it's not that i like drake or admire any pop culture, i was just trying to watch something silly after all the sadness we are facing.

unfortunately, there's just so much going on, it's hard to escape no matter where i put my attention.

not that there's anything redeeming or satisfying or nourishing about current entertainment, but i admit... i was searching for a pause from seriously deep thought.

i'd like to answer in a more considered way, but right now i'm just trying to survive because i've been very disturbed and saddened by what is happening.

i know the only place to go is to Jesus' loving arms. i don't want to be superficial, but i get really affected by these kinds of injustices and it's really easy for me to burn-out fast and risk having some consequences that are pretty risky and frightening to my health. i just can't spiral out of control, it won't do any good for anyone... i don't think.

these are serious questions in immensely testing times.

these are the times i wish i had strong, reliable arms to be held by and a loving, God fearing chest to rest my head on... in other words, a stand up husband.

i'd like to come back and answer more specifically, when my spirit feels somewhat restored.

God bless and be with us all. may he have mercy and understanding for where each of us are at, and help us to be better in the image of Christ.

 

[lav]

i don't know if anything i just said made sense. have to wait and come back to this.

 

[DuchessAimee]

We are not part of the Trinity, and we cannot possibly walk through without some hardness of heart. We can't love, feed, care, or clothe everyone. We cannot fix every problem set before us. The bible is very clear about this. Therefore, do what you can for who you can and pray for the rest.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

I try to feel it all. If it's overwhelming, it's time to toughen up. Having a heart hurts sometimes but what's the point of having one if you never use it.

 

[Fenner]

Lately I've shut things out. I pray like Aimee said. I used to watch a lot of news and listen to talk radio. With kids I don't watch much TV. I wouldn't know how to explain some of the stuff on the news to them. The talk radio shows, mostly political, one side bashing the other, really they're all pretty much the same. I can't listen to it anymore. I can't handle all that negativity and fear they try to put into you.

The main thing I remember is God is the king, someday this hatred, war, evil, abuse will all be gone.

Sometimes I look around in here and certain forums you read you'd think some have hearts made of stone, but I don't know that for sure. Sometimes people like to put on a show. They like to boost their own ego. Very sad, not trying make excuses for their behavior but something so desperately sad about human's like that.

I saw Persnikity' s thread from yesterday, I feel bad for whatever she saw, it seemed to really upset her. I have no idea who Fishbait is, he might be one of those legalists who's never wrong. Of he said something awful to her then shame on him.

 

[ww_21]

Honestly... RIGHT NOW AND THIS POINT IN MY LIFE I am unable to balance my emotions. I'm either too happy or too sad. My emotions are definitely a liability since I can never tell when next I will break down in the middle of nowhere. Even in my office, at work. I'm probably becoming hard hearted...slowly but I'm not doing anything about it... I'd rather be cold than constantly in pain.

 

[Aya2011]

I would be very honest. Sometimes in Church during the praise and worship time, whenever I cry (at the middle of my crying) I would sometimes doubt myself if I cry because I'm in awe of God or is it just because of my PMS (which makes me so emotional, moody, and sensitive, by the way).

Recently, by God's grace, I learned not to rely on my emotions. I've made countless mistakes for making decisions based on my emotions. And I learned not to trust myself if I'm just being emotional. I dunno if that's healthy or not.

I'm not sure about this but I think I was more hard-hearted before when I let my emotions rule over me. By God's grace, I feel I'm even more spiritually-sensitive than I was before. But ultimately, it's still the Spirit that should rule us and not our emotions.

 

[rachelsedge]

Are your emotions a liability or an asset?

Both. I'm quite an emotional person. I'm also fairly logical, so sometimes I'm at war within myself. My emotions can drive me to do something; I'm a pretty good go-getter. They can also overwhelm me, to the point where I just don't really know what to do with myself or the emotions, or I make bad decisions based on those emotions instead of waiting for the logical part to kick in.

I grew up thinking that certain emotions were wrong, frowned upon by Christianity. "You're a Christian, you shouldn't feel that way because you have Jesus" sort of thing. So, for years I would stuff certain emotions, but then they would just come out more explosively later. Not really at people, but at myself in harmful ways. I know that I bottle emotions, but I've been trying to feel the emotions as they come. Even if they come at work, or when I'm with people, or in other instances where I truly can't "work through" them as I should at that moment, I don't tell myself, "Rachel, get it together, you can't feel this right now." Instead, I tell myself, "Rachel, you are feeling _______. It's okay. Feel it. Take it to God, realize it's here."

I do not believe we always choose our emotions, but I do believe we choose what to do with them or how far we let them go and fester in our hearts.

How do you avoid becoming hard-hearted in this world?

It can be difficult. Seeing things on the news and reading things going on around the world literally make my stomach hurt. I've seen some terrible things in our own country, when I worked on the reservation, things that made my hurt scream in rage and my blood absolutely boil and made me want to go on a protective rampage for the children and people I worked with. It's hard to be compassionate but not be so affected that you live in constant anger and depression.

I used to struggle with this more than I do now, on the, "Why, God, why do You allow this?" I'm going to sound un-Christian, but I confess that I've had issues with God more than the world at times. With the world, it's expected. It is fallen, it is evil, we cannot expect anything else from it, however much we wish it to be. God has the power to change it, and yet in His ultimate plan and knowledge and wisdom, doesn't. I am not saying He is wrong. But I do admit questioning why it must be so. Like I said, these past few years I have learned more about His holiness and ultimate power and that has helped me in this struggle a bit. So, before I get lectured/explained this, I believe that God is sovereign, but my finite human mind can't grasp that all the time.

How do you manage to find balance between sensitivity and still remaining capable and living and functioning in this world?

As a very soft-hearted person, it is hard. I can sympathize with just about anyone, put myself in just about anyone's shoes, even the people society tends to look down upon. It is a blessing a burden. The thing that has been stressed here in this thread and in others is to realize we are not alone in the burden. We have the body of Christ as well as the Creator Himself. We also have to realize we can't fix everything. We should help with what we can and pray for everything else.

It's like that starfish story, where the kid is throwing all the washed up starfish from the shore back into the ocean,and as he tosses one back into the ocean, a man walks up and asks him, "What are you doing that for? You can't possibly save all these starfish. It doesn't matter." The little boy replies, "It mattered to that one."

 

[Beckster]

When I was young I hated myself for being so sensitive. I cried when we drove by a stray dog. When I saw the homeless. It was so bad my doctor and therapist both instructed my mom to make sure I did not watch the news. I asked my mom countless times why I was like this. Why wasn't I tough and strong like my friends and everyone else. She said because God wanted me to have His heart. Then I went to God and asked Him why had He made me like this....I haven't gotten an answer yet but I have decided that I like myself this way even though there were days where i did try to harden my heart and become callous.
Oddly, I want to cry. I want to let myself feel for those who are hurting and suffering. It is very difficult to explain why...I can't pin-point it but basically, I feel closer to God when I don't deny myself to feel the hurt of others.
I still battle days when I wish I could control my sensitivity because it can get in the way...always wondered if this was a bad thing perhaps?

 

[gypsygirl]

These are wonderful questions and in order to answer them wholly I will have to delve a bit into my past.
My emotions are an asset to me. I think it is a wonderful thing to have the heart of a child when it comes to the emotions. I am talking about emotions that come into play when interceding for somebody or in a relationship. The other times I display only superficial emotions.


This is a gift given to me through 25 years of pain and suffering. Despite being born into a very affluent God-fearing family, the kind of suffering I went through are unimaginable. I was bullied, abused, threatened, manhandled, what not by everybody around me. I never had a normal childhood. That explains my bi-polarity but that also explains why I cannot be hard-hearted when I see others suffering.


Through prayer. I have a balance that the only thing I can do is pray about it. Once I have prayed I leave it in God's hands and I go about with my work. I keep reminding Him that's all.

chris, thanks for sharing this. i think part of my tenderness also comes from a rather unique background and not un-similar to some of what you shared.

now, looking back, i have a greater appreciation for what God allows us to go through to bring about in us qualities, refine us, and use experiences that He desires for our own good. but i also love that He never gives up on us, and is working to complete in us what He began --we're never too old or out of reach for God to keep chipping away.

whew... this is so challenging. i may need some time to think and respond.

something that just happened was i was watching E! just to relax and try not to think about these things, and then i saw what recently happened at a drake concert... what he put up on a projector screen, yikes.

it's not that i like drake or admire any pop culture, i was just trying to watch something silly after all the sadness we are facing.

unfortunately, there's just so much going on, it's hard to escape no matter where i put my attention.

not that there's anything redeeming or satisfying or nourishing about current entertainment, but i admit... i was searching for a pause from seriously deep thought.

i'd like to answer in a more considered way, but right now i'm just trying to survive because i've been very disturbed and saddened by what is happening.

i know the only place to go is to Jesus' loving arms. i don't want to be superficial, but i get really affected by these kinds of injustices and it's really easy for me to burn-out fast and risk having some consequences that are pretty risky and frightening to my health. i just can't spiral out of control, it won't do any good for anyone... i don't think.

these are serious questions in immensely testing times.

these are the times i wish i had strong, reliable arms to be held by and a loving, God fearing chest to rest my head on... in other words, a stand up husband.

i'd like to come back and answer more specifically, when my spirit feels somewhat restored.

God bless and be with us all. may he have mercy and understanding for where each of us are at, and help us to be better in the image of Christ.

i really can understand where you're coming from, lav. i appreciate how much you've shared of yourself in the forum, and admire your courage to be seen. it's inspiring, lav. : )

in spite of all the ugliness, God remains an ever-present help to us, and i love that when the disciples pressed Jesus why He was leaving, He explained the value of why, and Who would come afterward:

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper,[f] to be with you forever, 17 even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be[g] in you.
18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you.
john 14:16-20

These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you. 26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
john 14:25-27

i could go on and on as to why john is my favorite book in the bible. or maybe i just love love. : )

I would be very honest. Sometimes in Church during the praise and worship time, whenever I cry (at the middle of my crying) I would sometimes doubt myself if I cry because I'm in awe of God or is it just because of my PMS (which makes me so emotional, moody, and sensitive, by the way).

Recently, by God's grace, I learned not to rely on my emotions. I've made countless mistakes for making decisions based on my emotions. And I learned not to trust myself if I'm just being emotional. I dunno if that's healthy or not.

I'm not sure about this but I think I was more hard-hearted before when I let my emotions rule over me. By God's grace, I feel I'm even more spiritually-sensitive than I was before. But ultimately, it's still the Spirit that should rule us and not our emotions.

i think you make a wise distinction in that emotions can be very misleading and fickle, especially when they aren't backed up by truth or logic. when they are valued above those things, and when people make decisions mostly with them. people want to think they can trust their feelings as reason to be obedient or to choose right, such as in love. well, we know that love is more about obedience than resting upon our emotions.

i agree wholeheartedly about being more hard-hearted when my emotions weren't necessarily kept in check with what i knew to be true. in the past, i've given them far more power than they should, and when it comes to being sensitive to people, sometimes i still struggle with that. i have a very hard time when i know my actions or words may hurt someone, even when it's the right thing to do. but i'm growing in that area. : )

thanks for sharing aya. : )

 

[Fenner]

When I was young I hated myself for being so sensitive. I cried when we drove by a stray dog. When I saw the homeless. It was so bad my doctor and therapist both instructed my mom to make sure I did not watch the news. I asked my mom countless times why I was like this. Why wasn't I tough and strong like my friends and everyone else. She said because God wanted me to have His heart. Then I went to God and asked Him why had He made me like this....I haven't gotten an answer yet but I have decided that I like myself this way even though there were days where i did try to harden my heart and become callous.
Oddly, I want to cry. I want to let myself feel for those who are hurting and suffering. It is very difficult to explain why...I can't pin-point it but basically, I feel closer to God when I don't deny myself to feel the hurt of others.
I still battle days when I wish I could control my sensitivity because it can get in the way...always wondered if this was a bad thing perhaps?

I like your Mom's response to you, you must have a sweet Mom.

I've always been very sensitive to. I can't watch certain movies because I can't handle it. My Husband and I saw that Robin Williams movie What Dreams May come and I cried through the entire thing. It wasn't even that great of a movie but it was really sad. When I was in the third grade I lost a book my Mom bought me, I was so upset that they had to take me to the nurses office and have my brother come and talk to me. I brought countless stray animals home.

I feel horrible when I know a family is in need and do what I can, but feel horrible when I can't do more. The world can be a tough hard place.

 

[gypsygirl]

When I was young I hated myself for being so sensitive. I cried when we drove by a stray dog. When I saw the homeless. It was so bad my doctor and therapist both instructed my mom to make sure I did not watch the news. I asked my mom countless times why I was like this. Why wasn't I tough and strong like my friends and everyone else. She said because God wanted me to have His heart. Then I went to God and asked Him why had He made me like this....I haven't gotten an answer yet but I have decided that I like myself this way even though there were days where i did try to harden my heart and become callous.
Oddly, I want to cry. I want to let myself feel for those who are hurting and suffering. It is very difficult to explain why...I can't pin-point it but basically, I feel closer to God when I don't deny myself to feel the hurt of others.
I still battle days when I wish I could control my sensitivity because it can get in the way...always wondered if this was a bad thing perhaps?

i want to encourage you to never look at your tenderness as a flaw or problem. you were blessed with a powerful weapon that God gave you, as wisely recognized by your mom.

i spent a good part of my life trying to hide from, subvert, even diminish my emotions and emotional capacity. for me, emotions represented pain and a burden. eventually i succeeded, but at the (rather high) price of being eaten alive and acquiring bad habits for slamming those emotions in locked closets.

if you can learn to recognize your tenderheartedness as a gift (as well as something you don't have to be a slave to) you can do great things for the kingdom of God. not everyone has a heart for the unlovely and the hurting. not everyone can see the best in the ugliest, and not everyone can wipe away the tears of those who hurt --it's a calling. even in the beatitudes, it praises those who are merciful, because they will be shown mercy.

thanks for sharing, beckster, and welcome to cc. : )

 

[PopClick]

Random thoughts ahead.

I do feel things very deeply, and sometimes it seems like a liability. But I don't really talk about stuff much, not until it's over anyway. If I do feel very strongly led to ask somebody else to pray for someone or something, I will. But mostly, everything stays inside.

Part of me feels like if I'm talking about atrocities or persecution all the time, it will come across as holier-than-thou... as though I am simply trying to give the appearance of caring. But I'm also not sure that it would do much good to talk about it. If someone is aware of atrocities, and they are not outraged, then I doubt that my words would change anything.


I agree with what tintin said on another thread, that we all have different callings. That shouldn't be an excuse to avoid the unpleasant, by saying "Well, that must not be my calling because it's not happy and fluffy." But we are all different parts of the body, and I have no doubt that some are called to be more involved in one thing, and others are called to be more involved in something else. You can't tell if someone is torn up on the inside or not, or if they are praying their hearts out, or have been crying in their sleep because they know how to keep it together when they're awake. And so what appears to be apathy, may in fact be a person dealing with things the best way they know how, and maybe even the only way that they should. We cannot save everyone (I said everyone, kenthomas ) and if we try, we may very well overlook something that should and could have been changed, right in front of us. Like focusing on everything at once. It's disorienting.

I do not want to be misunderstood about this next part. I am NOT saying that we shouldn't pray for the afflicted. We are commanded to do so in the bible, and it is part of the love that we owe to one another. There are even instances in the bible of God changing His mind when His people prayed. But I have seen it said that God can't do something unless we pray, and I disagree with that. His arm is not shortened, that He cannot save. He doesn't need us to ask Him to do something before He can do it.

 

[christian74]

lav said it's challenging to respond and I agree with her - I tried to respond couple times, only finding myself withdrawing from it at the end. So.. instead of trying to answer three questions, I will just put what I think about the subject if that's okay.

gypsygirl, while I clearly understand your point, the need to strive for a balance between sensitivity and being able to function without being affected by emotion, I am not so sure if it is an absolute necessity to do so. While there are plenty of social injustices taking place all over the world, you don't really have to look further, like you said, because it is happening in your town, right under your nose. And furthermore if you have any unsaved family members or beloved ones, looking from a Christian's perspective how the importance of salvation of one's soul outweighs any social injustice no matter the severity of atrocity in the light of God's Kingdom that has no end, then it imposes another question of shouldn't you concern more about your father's salvation than the social injustice? Don't you think you should prioritize what to do with your life??

Now, having said all this, I don't think I've ever tried to strive for a balance (because I'm such a care-free person, living without Plan B all the time haha..), and I think it's okay as long as you do what is right, doing what Jesus told us to do - love one another. If you see a car that's broke down or out of gas and one person is pushing it, then pull over and help them. If you see a homeless person, standing near a freeway on-ramp, asking for help, then give what you have even like leftovers from lunch. If you see people with disability, then hold the door for them. If you hear about a natural disaster that caused deaths and injuries, then pray for them and help them with donation if you can. If you have parents who are unsaved and believe that they will be saved through you honoring them, making them wonder what has gotten into this boy and later understand it's because of Jesus, then you honor them as if their salvation depends on it. And like someone said in other thread, if you hear feel that Holy Spirit nudging you to go and talk to this person sitting by himself, looking all depress, then you go and talk to him if he is alrite even if you don't know what to say and he's scary looking. And if God's calling for you is to dedicate your life, getting involved in defending and helping the helpless and the victims of horrible social injustice, then obey His calling and do that. I guess the focus, although it's extremely difficult at times especially when you are caught up in your own emotion (and as I am a very emotional person), just be aware at the end of the day that you are doing it so the glory of God may reveal. And you are helping others more often and in more depth because you love Jesus, his love and grace enabling you to do more, therefore, you happen to obey his commandment - not necessarily because you are suppose to do all this IF you love Him to prove your love. I guess what I am trying to say, speaking from my experience, is being caught up in your own emotion, even if it is for a good and just cause which leads you to help other at the end, might be based on your own pride and yourself if God is not in the picture; therefore, make sure that God is the underlying reason and motivation, for whatever you are doing - do everything for the glory of God. Like Moses who was simply trying to help fellow Israelite by committing a murder, his action, what might seem justifiable under the circumstance, was a result of going with his emotion, believing that was the right thing to do. Let God decide and tell you what to do with your life, whether it's helping with the door or dedicating your life for a noble cause and He will take care of the rest, including the need to strike a balance; don't think it's my responsibility haha..

 

[Beckster]

I like your Mom's response to you, you must have a sweet Mom.

I've always been very sensitive to. I can't watch certain movies because I can't handle it. My Husband and I saw that Robin Williams movie What Dreams May come and I cried through the entire thing. It wasn't even that great of a movie but it was really sad. When I was in the third grade I lost a book my Mom bought me, I was so upset that they had to take me to the nurses office and have my brother come and talk to me. I brought countless stray animals home.

I feel horrible when I know a family is in need and do what I can, but feel horrible when I can't do more. The world can be a tough hard place.

You dont know how much better I feel, knowing I am not alone. My mom got used to the whole me bringing stray animals home. And it was War if you tried to take them away from me and to the shelter. I cannot walk in there without crawling into a corner and crying. And with me, it wasn't just bringing them home and placing them in a box. They got my room and bed to my mother's horror

When I was in 4th grade, i noticed one of my best friends was always coming to school tired and hungry. One day she finally told me that sometimes there isn't food at her house. My mom found me crying in the kitchen while I was making extra sandwiches for school the next day. We weren't well off ourselves (though no one told me that my mom was close to filing for bankruptcy, I could feel it in my heart just by seeing my mom's tired and strained face). I asked her if I could share my food with my friend who was hungry. I was so surprised when my mom not only said yes, but she took me to the grocery store and helped me pick out snacks and more sandwich meat. I was so excited to go to school the next day and hand her the lunch bag I had even decorated myself. She opened it, took a look inside before throwing it back at me in front of her friends. (I can't believe just writing this has me choking up!) After school as I sat outside and waited for my mom to come, i took out the other sandwich of pita bread stuffed with lettuce, chicken, and some mayonnaise, and I set it across from me on top of a book covered with a napkin. Then I took out my own and said "Lord, will you eat with me? Jenifer didn't want it but I hope you like it. It has pita bread. Didn't you grow up with pita bread?" It wasn't long before I was smiling again. I felt God's joy as he partook in my little makeshift date

Yes, this world can be a tough hard place. Especially now with what is happening in Iraq...
I am so thankful that we can always run to God and cry in His arms.

 

[DuchessAimee]

 

[jeremyPJ]

we currently live in a world that is full of atrocities, and evil. it seems that at nearly any given time, there are world events that could break your heart if you attempted to grasp the severity of suffering and evil.

currently ISIS terrorists murdering innocent children and martyring christians as the world looks on.

and we don't have to leave our small worlds to see more evidence of despair and loss. one of the high-risk girls (and her brother) whom i have become quite close through the school program i volunteer with was removed last week from her uncle's care amid abuse and molestation accusations. these are girls who already have been through too much during their young lives, and it seems like no one is protecting these young, precious souls.

last night, i drove home and counted 6 people huddled under the bridge and bedding down for the nights, dirty, dejected, disenfranchised, and drinking from their paper bags. my heart sank for each of them. when i offered one closest to my vehicle some money while the light was red, a couple more guys started to walk over, and i started to become concerned and unsafe, being the only vehicle in a dimly lit area.

it frustrated me that even in wanting to offer a bit more, my fear (and good judgment) rendered me feeling even more helpless to take further action. people in my own backyard, so lost. someone's son, brother, and fearfully, wonderfully created and loved by our God.

finally, we all have our own private pain that weighs upon us. sometimes i feel like mine lingers like overcast clouds, threatening like a rainstorm. when life is going well for me, it only seems to magnify the pain and loss of those dear ones around me. pain is never far from us, if you're paying attention.

when God shattered my rebellious, proud heart about 10 years ago, He rebuilt it -- leaving me with a unfamiliar tenderness that can feel often like an enormous liability. i sometimes i struggle to find that balance between sensitivity and yet, not so affected that my emotions push me into a place of being overly-sensitive and too affected.

at some point, we have to strive for balance or we fail, finding ourselves at the extremes of either undesirable condition.


1. are your emotions a liability or asset?

2. how do you avoid becoming hard-hearted in this world?

3. how do you manage to find balance between sensitivity and still remaining capable of living and functioning in this world?

to answer your questions-

1) they can be both. For many years they were a liability. I learned the hard way that I can't afford to keep being this way, as it hurts my soul. I automatically allow them only to be an asset if possible. If not, I try to leave some wisdom and go on. If I can't, I walk away. my soul has been hurt enough.

2) I failed miserably at that for a long time. But in time you realize that hard heartedness only hurts yourself and leaves a bad taste on those who look up to you. Feel Jesus and lead with his wisdom. It's not nearly as hard to do now that I'm not around foul people anymore. Avoid negativity if at all possible. And when it comes to you, realize it's not your fight, it is Theirs.

3)I try to exercise sensitivity in my dealings with other people, but with an inner strength. Yes, some days this is harder than others. Sometimes even harder. I figure that after what I've been through, and I'm still allowed to be blessed by Jesus, why get so entangled in silliness anymore. It isn't worth it generally. And yet being a bit more introvert than an extrovert, I sometimes come home and contemplate and pray to stay "grounded" for my own good. This is key.

 

[lav]

You dont know how much better I feel, knowing I am not alone. My mom got used to the whole me bringing stray animals home. And it was War if you tried to take them away from me and to the shelter. I cannot walk in there without crawling into a corner and crying. And with me, it wasn't just bringing them home and placing them in a box. They got my room and bed to my mother's horror

When I was in 4th grade, i noticed one of my best friends was always coming to school tired and hungry. One day she finally told me that sometimes there isn't food at her house. My mom found me crying in the kitchen while I was making extra sandwiches for school the next day. We weren't well off ourselves (though no one told me that my mom was close to filing for bankruptcy, I could feel it in my heart just by seeing my mom's tired and strained face). I asked her if I could share my food with my friend who was hungry. I was so surprised when my mom not only said yes, but she took me to the grocery store and helped me pick out snacks and more sandwich meat. I was so excited to go to school the next day and hand her the lunch bag I had even decorated myself. She opened it, took a look inside before throwing it back at me in front of her friends. (I can't believe just writing this has me choking up!) After school as I sat outside and waited for my mom to come, i took out the other sandwich of pita bread stuffed with lettuce, chicken, and some mayonnaise, and I set it across from me on top of a book covered with a napkin. Then I took out my own and said "Lord, will you eat with me? Jenifer didn't want it but I hope you like it. It has pita bread. Didn't you grow up with pita bread?" It wasn't long before I was smiling again. I felt God's joy as he partook in my little makeshift date

Yes, this world can be a tough hard place. Especially now with what is happening in Iraq...
I am so thankful that we can always run to God and cry in His arms.

your response really touched me, especially the part about the sandwich and what you said. how sweet xx