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U
Well, some people have such egos that they love the attention, love the compliments. Yet others are so low in their self esteem that they have to seek out positive affirmations from others any way they can. Its usually pretty easy to tell which is which. Though i believe that the majority that do this are more likely the low self esteem kind.
While i have had some dealings with these people , often times they don't tend to approach me in this manner. The big ego types are usually the center of attention, in a group, life of the party... and i'm the guy in the corner, haha. And the low self esteem types quickly realize i'm not the guy to come to for false sentiment and that i'm more likely to give them a therapy session than a compliment, haha.
Only ones that really bother me are when a girl has a romantic interest in you, that you don't share for her, yet she still fishes for compliments. Nothing more awkward than that girl been putting herself out there, hoping you get the hint, and are ready to profess your attraction to her and shower her with compliments and expressions of desire for her... when all you're thinking is.. 'i'd rather date your sister' hahaha.
While i have had some dealings with these people , often times they don't tend to approach me in this manner. The big ego types are usually the center of attention, in a group, life of the party... and i'm the guy in the corner, haha. And the low self esteem types quickly realize i'm not the guy to come to for false sentiment and that i'm more likely to give them a therapy session than a compliment, haha.
Only ones that really bother me are when a girl has a romantic interest in you, that you don't share for her, yet she still fishes for compliments. Nothing more awkward than that girl been putting herself out there, hoping you get the hint, and are ready to profess your attraction to her and shower her with compliments and expressions of desire for her... when all you're thinking is.. 'i'd rather date your sister' hahaha.
R
Like when people talk about how ugly they are so you will tell them they're beautiful.
Girls are the worst when it comes to this stuff, but some boys do it, too. They'll talk about how they aren't good enough to have a girlfriend for whatever reason and girls will be like, "Oh no! You're totally good enough! Everything about you is amazing!"
It's preying on people's empathy and compassion and I have very little tolerance for it, personally. I refuse to play along. Playing along just enables that kind of behavior and thinking.
Girls are the worst when it comes to this stuff, but some boys do it, too. They'll talk about how they aren't good enough to have a girlfriend for whatever reason and girls will be like, "Oh no! You're totally good enough! Everything about you is amazing!"
It's preying on people's empathy and compassion and I have very little tolerance for it, personally. I refuse to play along. Playing along just enables that kind of behavior and thinking.
J
You know how most people are usually genuinely humbled or even embarrassed by compliments? Some people make you feel that you must give them compliments pretty much every time you see them.
Some are constantly putting themselves down to the point where you feel as if you constantly need to compliment or reaffirm them in some way and it becomes awkward.
But they don't get on my nerves as much as those who are like...HEY! HERE I AM! SEE ME? WHAT??? YOU AREN'T GOING TO TELL ME HOW GORGEOUS I AM TODAY AND FALL AT MY FEET??? I'm just being honest. That reeeeeeeeeeeeally gets on my nerves.
I just want to say... "Ummm...hey...psst...ya got a little something hanging out of your nose," and quietly walk away.
Some are constantly putting themselves down to the point where you feel as if you constantly need to compliment or reaffirm them in some way and it becomes awkward.
But they don't get on my nerves as much as those who are like...HEY! HERE I AM! SEE ME? WHAT??? YOU AREN'T GOING TO TELL ME HOW GORGEOUS I AM TODAY AND FALL AT MY FEET??? I'm just being honest. That reeeeeeeeeeeeally gets on my nerves.
I just want to say... "Ummm...hey...psst...ya got a little something hanging out of your nose," and quietly walk away.
J
I hope I'm not sounding incredibly mean or anything. There are very few things that reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally get on my nerves. This is one of them.
I'm just wondering if there is a better way I could deal with it and how others react to it. I usually just shut it out because nothing I might say sounds nice enough to actually come out of my mouth.
I'm just wondering if there is a better way I could deal with it and how others react to it. I usually just shut it out because nothing I might say sounds nice enough to actually come out of my mouth.
L
When i see something good in a person i usually go and tell them and sometimes it may sound like compliments but I think its important to tell good things to others.
But when i hear a person that is all the time fishing for compliments with no effort to improve their lives then i tend to ignore them.
But when i hear a person that is all the time fishing for compliments with no effort to improve their lives then i tend to ignore them.
R
I'll tell ya Jullianna, someone fishing is annoying, but it becomes exponentially more annoying when it actually works. When people start falling all over themselves to shower a person with compliments because they were pretending to be down on themselves- it drives me bonkers. I even get a little angry.
Self-analysis time.
It bothers me more when women do it.
It bothers me more when women do it because makes me think they are weak and manipulative.
As a woman, I want to be better than that. I want to be strong and confident and rational. A weak, manipulative woman is the stereotype I want to defeat.
It bothers me when men react.
It bothers me when men react because it makes me think they are stupid and thinking with their wieners.
As a woman, I seek out smart, rational men. A stupid, horny man is the stereotype I don't want to believe.
It bothers me when men do it because they're acting like weak, manipulative women. It happens less frequently and I see it less as an affront to my gender, so it doesn't bug me as much, I guess. But it is absolutely repellant, to me. Could be a physiological reaction- viewing them as a bad potential partner. Biology style.
Now that the self analysis is done (phew) I have to recognize that not all women want to be seen as strong or confident. They very well may see strong, confident women as controlling, power hungry b-words and very much don't want to be that. They may want a stupid man who thinks with his tenders because that kind of man will satisfy them emotionally- never make them feel stupid and always make them feel beautiful and desirable.
Men may do it for the same reasons... they're seeking out someone who is also very emotional and overflowing with compassion. They may need that for their own emotional well-being. They could just be very needy, and that could be for a lot of reasons.
I can only take guesses as to why people are the way they are when they're not at all like me. But it's interesting. This isn't something I put much thought into before, so thanks for bringing it up. I always like figuring out why I think my thoughts.
Why do you think it bothers you?
Self-analysis time.
It bothers me more when women do it.
It bothers me more when women do it because makes me think they are weak and manipulative.
As a woman, I want to be better than that. I want to be strong and confident and rational. A weak, manipulative woman is the stereotype I want to defeat.
It bothers me when men react.
It bothers me when men react because it makes me think they are stupid and thinking with their wieners.
As a woman, I seek out smart, rational men. A stupid, horny man is the stereotype I don't want to believe.
It bothers me when men do it because they're acting like weak, manipulative women. It happens less frequently and I see it less as an affront to my gender, so it doesn't bug me as much, I guess. But it is absolutely repellant, to me. Could be a physiological reaction- viewing them as a bad potential partner. Biology style.
Now that the self analysis is done (phew) I have to recognize that not all women want to be seen as strong or confident. They very well may see strong, confident women as controlling, power hungry b-words and very much don't want to be that. They may want a stupid man who thinks with his tenders because that kind of man will satisfy them emotionally- never make them feel stupid and always make them feel beautiful and desirable.
Men may do it for the same reasons... they're seeking out someone who is also very emotional and overflowing with compassion. They may need that for their own emotional well-being. They could just be very needy, and that could be for a lot of reasons.
I can only take guesses as to why people are the way they are when they're not at all like me. But it's interesting. This isn't something I put much thought into before, so thanks for bringing it up. I always like figuring out why I think my thoughts.
Why do you think it bothers you?
S
Hmmmm.
I think we all perceive ourselves differently compared to how others actually see us.
I've had people try to fish for compliments before and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Also I find if you give in and compliment them then you've taken the lid off a bursting box just waiting to attack. They'll go on to try and suck you dry and take as many compliments as they can and then wander off to prey on their next victim not even thanking you for the compliments most the time.
However I have been told that sometimes I do it.... I don't go around saying "GIVE COMPLIMENTS!" but I've been told that I act and look like an insecure person. Also I seem damaged. This is actually true and it really upsets me that it shows. I take things to heart and I only needed to be told this once, now I am very careful about the wording I use.
But yeah, it's totally a confidence issue and I think sometimes people don't even realise.
I think we all perceive ourselves differently compared to how others actually see us.
I've had people try to fish for compliments before and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Also I find if you give in and compliment them then you've taken the lid off a bursting box just waiting to attack. They'll go on to try and suck you dry and take as many compliments as they can and then wander off to prey on their next victim not even thanking you for the compliments most the time.
However I have been told that sometimes I do it.... I don't go around saying "GIVE COMPLIMENTS!" but I've been told that I act and look like an insecure person. Also I seem damaged. This is actually true and it really upsets me that it shows. I take things to heart and I only needed to be told this once, now I am very careful about the wording I use.
But yeah, it's totally a confidence issue and I think sometimes people don't even realise.
I
I completely agree with you Julianna, it is a really awkward thing to be around.
This thread got me to thinking though, about how I probably do this every day without intending to... let me elaborate.
I work in a womens fashion store. The highlight of that is you get to try on all the new clothes as they come in. My colleagues and I constantly pull new stock out of boxes, try them on, twirl around through the store in front of each other, (mainly just for laughs), but when one of comes out in something really nice, it is always lovely to hear 'Wow. That looks really great on you'.
I suppose it's not really fishing for compliments, none of us do it intentionally (and I do know what you mean, because I have experienced people like that in my life too), but it is nice to get the compliments... all part of the job we say haha.
On another note, I remember years ago working with a woman who was rather large.. I would say borderline obese, particularly because she was also short. She lacked self confidence, and would always seek out compliments whenever she could, and it was difficult to handle, because the fact was, she really DID need to lose weight, for health reasons, and well, because it is a turn off to guys.. (lets face it, if a girl is 400lbs - yes I did a conversion for all you Americans reading this) most guys are probably not going to find that attractive. It's harsh, but it's the truth. And that was one of the things she whined about, never having a boyfriend, and how she was single, and wanted us all to tell her she was beautiful to make her feel better, when in fact she was attractive, and was a lovely girl, if she lost some weight, she'd probably have had guys knocking her door down.
The thing that bothered me the most, was a few years later, a new girl started in the company, who was also a larger girl, and the the first girl used this as an opportunity to run around to everyone and say 'Oh my gosh isn't such and such so huge? At least I'm not as big as her'...*shakes head* Irony was she was actually bigger.
Okay, so that was a little off the track, but my point is that it is really awkward when people are obviously vying for attention by putting you in a situation where you're expected to give them a compliment. I especially struggle with this, when the compliment is expected, but I don't actually believe it. ie: The person wants me to tell them they look beautiful, when in fact I think they look ridiculous in that getup. Make sense?
This thread got me to thinking though, about how I probably do this every day without intending to... let me elaborate.
I work in a womens fashion store. The highlight of that is you get to try on all the new clothes as they come in. My colleagues and I constantly pull new stock out of boxes, try them on, twirl around through the store in front of each other, (mainly just for laughs), but when one of comes out in something really nice, it is always lovely to hear 'Wow. That looks really great on you'.
I suppose it's not really fishing for compliments, none of us do it intentionally (and I do know what you mean, because I have experienced people like that in my life too), but it is nice to get the compliments... all part of the job we say haha.
On another note, I remember years ago working with a woman who was rather large.. I would say borderline obese, particularly because she was also short. She lacked self confidence, and would always seek out compliments whenever she could, and it was difficult to handle, because the fact was, she really DID need to lose weight, for health reasons, and well, because it is a turn off to guys.. (lets face it, if a girl is 400lbs - yes I did a conversion for all you Americans reading this) most guys are probably not going to find that attractive. It's harsh, but it's the truth. And that was one of the things she whined about, never having a boyfriend, and how she was single, and wanted us all to tell her she was beautiful to make her feel better, when in fact she was attractive, and was a lovely girl, if she lost some weight, she'd probably have had guys knocking her door down.
The thing that bothered me the most, was a few years later, a new girl started in the company, who was also a larger girl, and the the first girl used this as an opportunity to run around to everyone and say 'Oh my gosh isn't such and such so huge? At least I'm not as big as her'...*shakes head* Irony was she was actually bigger.
Okay, so that was a little off the track, but my point is that it is really awkward when people are obviously vying for attention by putting you in a situation where you're expected to give them a compliment. I especially struggle with this, when the compliment is expected, but I don't actually believe it. ie: The person wants me to tell them they look beautiful, when in fact I think they look ridiculous in that getup. Make sense?
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