The forgiveness thread got me thinking about what's the difference between being forgiving and being a victim / doormat who puts yourself in situations that God wouldn't want you in because of a skewed view of forgiveness. On the other side would be the people who maybe don't practice Biblical forgiveness because they are afraid of being taken advantage of or think that any forgiveness means they have to allow that person to be a repeat offender.
And the other thought I had was that oftentimes abusive and unscrupulous people (as well as well meaning but misguided people), will use the idea of forgiveness to manipulate people and especially christians. Tell someone their behavior is wrong and you won't allow it around you anymore (or really either one of those things) and they'll probably retort "I thought Christians were supposed to be forgiving".
So how do we define proper forgiveness and how do we know when our forgivenessometer (please tell me we can make that a real word) is improperly calibrated and we aren't doing forgiveness in the best, healthiest, most Godly way? What experiences have helped shape your idea of what forgiveness is? In what circumstances do you feel you've forgiven too much or too quickly? In what circumstances do you feel you've been stingy with the forgiveness?
Its important to learn to understand a persons position first .. For example a few years ago when i would go into cc voice chatroom
there was this one woman who pretty much raged and verbally assaulted/ bullied everyone who was in the room. I watched her
dwindle down an entire room full of people until it was just us in there. Then because i was the last one in there
she went after me for a good 20 minutes before giving up and asking why i didn't leave. I forgot what all i said after that,
but after a while she finally opened up and started to talk.. It turned out that her ex husband had raped her daughter and to top
it off he was a pastor, so she was going around taking out her revenge on other Christians. I wish the story had a happy ending
but i did pray for her and we had a decent chat for a bit, she calmed down,even laughed a bit, and i never saw her on cc again.
Sometimes that type of thing requires certain levels of discernment/patience/understanding and grace.
As for forgiveness goes, I like to forgive people for their mindsets that cause them to do what they do.
To me a person is just a medium for whatever understanding and mindset they are under. A person is not their mind, but
a product of it in motion.. Scripture tells us to renew our minds, and people need to be forgiven for not doing so.
As for being doormat, forgiveness doesn't mean enable. For example i have a guy added on another site who is a snake, all he does
is manipulate and abuse people. I understand 100% why he is the way he is, and i forgive him for his mindset,
but i can't afford to have that type of energy in my already tiny inner circle. In the past i tried to help him, but it is what it is, it's not my job to fix his mind or to change his behaviors. I planted a few seeds for him though, but after that what he chooses to do after is
between him, and God. I don't talk to him much though, maybe 3 or 4 times a year for a few minutes then im off again, he doesn't have access or the ability to contact me outside of that platform or the time that i allow.
So yea, for me forgiveness is understanding a persons position, accepting it for what it is, and not trying to change the person,
but instead working through it, around it, or departing from it and them while trusting God to continue to work with that person.
I have no issues forgiving people, but i also set limitations, limiting contact, accessibility, time, etc.
Sometimes forgiveness is just understanding a persons position. Sometimes it requires you to both understand and demonstrate it by saying " i forgive you" when a person realizes that they did wrong... Sometimes they don't care or want to hear it though... Doesn't matter though, just as long as you're right with God all is good.
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