Gentlemen, I'm curious about something...

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T

Tintin

Guest
#41
Hey now, theyre not hurting anybody. Dont judge them.
stopdah8



But its definitely true that more and more people dont see anything wrong with sex outside of marriage. I often see the argument that "God created it, so theres nothing wrong with it" or even "God said to be fruitful and multiply", as if these things make doing wrong right.

I have really taken a strong standing on self control in my life, and I definitely think that the entire world should really take this stance, too. Ive noticed that people have went from not just saying thats a pointless and boring way to live, but thats its actually now even harmful to ones self to deny your urges.

Evil is literally being called good, and good is literally being called evil. Its really really backwards and crazy. I can understand someone saying something like "pffft whats the point of saying no, Im not hurting anyone and I want to enjoy my life", but people actually claiming that saying no is dangerous, geeesh.
Yes. This. And I understand the temptations. I really do. But God's Word tells us to flee from lust and lustful situations, not to entertain them. Jesus calls us to a higher standard. We need to be vigilant and look out for our girlfriend/boyfriend by honouring them, God and ourselves. Think not, 'what can we get away with?' But 'how can we honour God and each other?'
 
C

crosstweed

Guest
#43
Nah man, that's what prenups are for. Right cross? :p (Welcome back, by the way.)

I'll see myself out.

My grandma used to say (and still does) "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" This means that all the advantages of being married are already free to the guy, why would he bother marrying her? Nowadays women even live together with their boyfriends. Why would the guy bother proposing marriage to her if she's already living with him? He can leave her anytime and not be punished for it through our legal system.

Unless of course, he's a Christian and knows he shouldn't do such things...but that's another discussion. :rolleyes:
Unfortunately, there are many 'professing' Christians who not only have sex before marriage but continue in that sin and see nothing wrong with it. The statistics are not encouraging at all.
Yeah, the whole buying the cow thing came to mind...

That being said, I've heard of Christians who abstained from sex during their entire dating relationship, which still stretched out for numbers of years... and still never got married, which I guess made it even more confusing to me. If they were sleeping together and enjoying the "benefits" of marriage without the commitment, I could see the motive for not getting married... but what's the motive for dating someone indefinitely?
 

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
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#44
Sometimes people not getting married after years of dating is because of commitment issues, but usually it's because either partner knows who they're with isn't the right person. People stay in long term relationships when they know it's the wrong person because they don't want to be alone. The person is simply a placeholder. That's why you can have someone who couldn't commit after 7 years, break up with their partner, meet someone else and be married to them within a year.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,259
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#45
Why bother with a placeholder? I'm not dating at all - not because I'm avoiding dating, I just don't have anybody I want to date - and it's working out pretty well for me. :cool:
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,259
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#46
Besides, the placeholder thing... seems like it would tie up a lot of people in relationships when they could be out finding someone who would fit them better. Just saying.
 

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#47
Why bother with a placeholder? I'm not dating at all - not because I'm avoiding dating, I just don't have anybody I want to date - and it's working out pretty well for me. :cool:
Besides, the placeholder thing... seems like it would tie up a lot of people in relationships when they could be out finding someone who would fit them better. Just saying.


People have placeholders because they're lonely. A lot of people date because they feel less than if they don't, and there's a group who think anybody is better than nobody. It's human nature to want someone and most people will do whatever they need to to fill the void.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,259
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#48
I sure am glad I never got sucked into that. Sounds like a bloody waste of time.

I ever date someone, it'll be because I like being around her, not because "well it beats nothing."

But that's just me. *shrug* Different strokes and all that, I guess.
 
Mar 22, 2013
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Indiana
#49
i been alone 34 years, will be alone till I die and then ill still be alone in the ground.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#50
Sometimes people not getting married after years of dating is because of commitment issues, but usually it's because either partner knows who they're with isn't the right person. People stay in long term relationships when they know it's the wrong person because they don't want to be alone. The person is simply a placeholder. That's why you can have someone who couldn't commit after 7 years, break up with their partner, meet someone else and be married to them within a year.
Hmm... I know a strong Christian couple that had a serious relationship for a total of 9 years before they got married. I'm not sure why it took so long. They were discerning types and vigilant. They were together for 7 years, had a break for like 6 months and then got back together and became engaged about 1 year later and then they were married a year after that. They've been married for maybe 8 years now. Very odd.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
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#51
My wife and I dated, and even lived together, for 4 years. We broke up and over the next 8 years went on to have other girl/boyfriends. But as they came and went, we remained friends. One day we found ourselves consoling each other over another set of breakups. That’s when we came to the realization that while passionate love affairs were going to come and go, we were by our friendship going to be together till death does us part. We got married not vowing to make a new relationship for the future, but to acknowledge the one that already existed.
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#52
My wife and I dated, and even lived together, for 4 years. We broke up and over the next 8 years went on to have other girl/boyfriends. But as they came and went, we remained friends. One day we found ourselves consoling each other over another set of breakups. That’s when we came to the realization that while passionate love affairs were going to come and go, we were by our friendship going to be together till death does us part. We got married not vowing to make a new relationship for the future, but to acknowledge the one that already existed.
I love this!
 
B

biblerahel

Guest
#53
i been alone 34 years, will be alone till I die and then ill still be alone in the ground.
once we go to heaven we are never alone. Jesus is our bridegroom. If some of us are alone now at least , I try to compare that person with love Jesus has, maybe we shouldn't. I will pray for you that you will not be alone and that you will experience the love that you deserve.God bless you wisebeardman.

 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,259
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#54
Thank you. That was the one thing this thread was missing, a Jesus-juke.

*Lynx checks that off the list.
 
C

crosstweed

Guest
#55
People have placeholders because they're lonely. A lot of people date because they feel less than if they don't, and there's a group who think anybody is better than nobody. It's human nature to want someone and most people will do whatever they need to to fill the void.
^^^ This is a valid point, and seems a very probable explanation for a lot of those cases.
Hmm... I know a strong Christian couple that had a serious relationship for a total of 9 years before they got married. I'm not sure why it took so long. They were discerning types and vigilant. They were together for 7 years, had a break for like 6 months and then got back together and became engaged about 1 year later and then they were married a year after that. They've been married for maybe 8 years now. Very odd.
That's definitely different, even for an example of an unusually long-term dating relationship.
My wife and I dated, and even lived together, for 4 years. We broke up and over the next 8 years went on to have other girl/boyfriends. But as they came and went, we remained friends. One day we found ourselves consoling each other over another set of breakups. That’s when we came to the realization that while passionate love affairs were going to come and go, we were by our friendship going to be together till death does us part. We got married not vowing to make a new relationship for the future, but to acknowledge the one that already existed.
That's pretty cool and rare. I'm glad you have a friendship like that!
 
Aug 2, 2009
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#56
Hmm... I know a strong Christian couple that had a serious relationship for a total of 9 years before they got married. I'm not sure why it took so long. They were discerning types and vigilant. They were together for 7 years, had a break for like 6 months and then got back together and became engaged about 1 year later and then they were married a year after that. They've been married for maybe 8 years now. Very odd.
Maybe they were saving up for the wedding. :rolleyes:
 
Jan 24, 2009
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#57
I know that some girls do this too, but from what I have observed it seems to be more common in guys. I've run across articles about it, heard about it, and personally observed one of my dad's friends doing it.

Why do some guys date their girlfriends for 3-7+ years and never marry them? I don't understand it. Is it the commitment? If so, why is that so scary? What implications make it so much more intimidating than dating?

Also, why does it seem to be more common for guys to want to date indefinitely than girls? Or is that just an illusion created by the fact that guys are generally and traditionally the ones who propose?

Give me insight into your funny man-brains!
Why do some guys date their girlfriends for 3-7+ years and never marry them? I don't fit in the category, but when a guy can get the benefits of marriage without marriage, some of them take advantage of it. Why spend a lot of money in a commitment when a woman will give married life benefits without marriage?
 

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#58
I know that some girls do this too, but from what I have observed it seems to be more common in guys. I've run across articles about it, heard about it, and personally observed one of my dad's friends doing it.

Why do some guys date their girlfriends for 3-7+ years and never marry them? I don't understand it. Is it the commitment? If so, why is that so scary? What implications make it so much more intimidating than dating?




Also, why does it seem to be more common for guys to want to date indefinitely than girls? Or is that just an illusion created by the fact that guys are generally and traditionally the ones who propose?

Give me insight into your funny man-brains!
Sorry if this is a little blunt, but generalized statements are generally not overly reliable. In that regard, I certainly cannot speak for every man, or even a set group of them...

What I can say, is that... if sexual relations are a factor in that pre-marriage relationship, then the slightly harsh old adage applies, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

For some, at least, that's why commitment is never really a thing. He's getting what he wants out of the relationship, so what's the problem? (Selfish? Horrible? Some other statement? Yeah, I know...but there's an aspect of our humanity that's exactly like that. *see Jeremiah 17:9)
 
M

Miri

Guest
#59
Interesting that a few have mentioned the financial problems men have if they
walk out of a marriage. There has been several high profile cases over here where
a marriage has broken down and the women gained financially.

But the other side of it has been that while the man had been busy working building
an empire. The woman has been mostly at home and bringing up the family.
This has far more value long term as we are talking about investing in people rather
than an external job. More often than not it is also the woman who ends up looking after
the children afterwards and this costs money, while many men walk away without
any financial responsibility,

I'm not saying this applies to everyone, there are a many men who do take their
responsibilities seriously or who end up looking after the children.

But for many men, unless the courts step and say they have to pay something. Many
never would. in fact I know several in the UK who still don't while their partner lives
in poverty paying for everything and bringing up his children single handed.

Man can be quick to say don't get married, she will take you for everything if you split
up. But mostly it is the woman who suffers raising the children's and taking full responsibility
for them single handed. Woman have far more to lose if a marriage goes sour and children
are involved. Due to having and raising children generally speaking, a woman's earning
power is less and her retirement pension etc is less than a mans. While the man is free to
go off and continue to build his financial empire.


That being said if two people won't get married in case they break up, then I would suggest
they are not right for each other if that is in the back of their minds. what kind of a
relatioship is it where one or both partners even thinks like that.

Im not sure what the tax and benefit rules are in other countries, but there are certain
financial and legal advantages to getting married in the UK.


Why getting married leaves you better off - Telegraph