How close is too close?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

stilllearning

Well-known member
Oct 4, 2021
520
279
63
#21
also it said Sechem loved Dinah (after he raped her?!) I can understand maybe they would kill Sechem, but then they killed his family AS WELL, even after they talked to them and got circumcised, and then took all their stuff AND their wives. How is that payback?

After being so high and mighty over Dinah, they then treated Joseph very badly.
Yeah why it all fell to Judah to be the one that the king would come from cause Reuben, Simeon, and Levi all had their issues.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#22
apparently was quite common for royalty to marry their cousins and extremely wealthy people like the Rosthchilds

I first read about it in Gone with the Wind where Melanie marries her cousin Ashley. Scarlett then marries Melanies brother Charles so they become sister in laws.

In that story much is made of how different Scarlett and Ashley are and that their 'love' is impossible, but Ashley and Melanie are 'alike' and so its ok because the Wilkes and Hamiltons are always marrying their cousins. I dont think they are first cousins though.

Rhett seems totally unrelated to any of the characters, and Scarletts mother originally wanted to marry a Frenchman, but settled for Irish Gerald instead. Because they are so unalike, it causes trouble for their offspring though...Scarletts somewhat split personality is explained because of her mothers refined/genteel French ancestry and her fathers Irish temper. Though her sisters also inherit this, but not to the same marked degree.... though it is said that all three of her brothers died young in infancy, So I think that explains why she couldnt really be a 'lady' as there were no sons to inherit Tara. Oh but then she steals her sisters boyfriend before marrying Rhett. Huh

Of course this is all fiction...but its the only book other than the Bible that talked about cousins marrying as if it was normal...but it seems like its illegal in some parts of the US.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#23
well the only book I'd read anyway...not that Ive read all the books there might be on it lol

Scarletts vigorous or vital personality seems attributed to her being more of a hybrid than Melanie and Ashleys more inbred lineage. But who knows. Is it better to pair with your opposite DNA counterpart than someone who you have TOO much in common with.
 

soberxp

Senior Member
May 3, 2018
2,511
482
83
#24
However, in ancient China, close relative marriage was considered as marry within the clan.(some kind of blessing)

(This is what the LORD commands for Zelophehad's daughters: They may marry anyone they please as long as they marry within the tribal clan of their father. )How do you think about it ?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#25
However, in ancient China, close relative marriage was considered as marry within the clan.(some kind of blessing)

(This is what the LORD commands for Zelophehad's daughters: They may marry anyone they please as long as they marry within the tribal clan of their father. )How do you think about it ?
you can marry anybody you like as long as its your cousin.

hmm. That narrows it down a bit.
 

SomeDisciple

Well-known member
Jul 4, 2021
1,829
816
113
#26
also it said Sechem loved Dinah (after he raped her?!)
One of David's sons "loved" his sister as he was plotting to rape her, too. Pretty tragic.
I can understand maybe they would kill Sechem, but then they killed his family AS WELL, even after they talked to them and got circumcised, and then took all their stuff AND their wives. How is that payback?
It's not really fair "payback".... But I bet their sister never got raped again :). Gangster justice. Not really God's way, but nobody's perfect.


Incest is a super weird topic to me. Not because of today's social stigma- but it's weird because... if God made all humanity from Adam and Eve... then "incest" isn't inherently immoral. It's immoral, because it violates commandment- but people act like it's inherently immoral and disgusting. I would even wager that the "genetics" cause and effect is backwards. He didn't command it because of genetic repercussions- There were genetic repercussions because he commanded it.

So, if it's immoral because it violates commandment- God's commandments always have a purpose- even if he doesn't say what it is- they were, and are, always meant to accomplish something. I suppose if brothers and sisters could marry and have normal kids then any couple could make a nation out of themselves, and that wasn't what God wanted. Hard tellin.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#27
I dont quite understand incest esp from the beginning where Cain found his wife...unless God did the trick again of making one from his rib.

But things went pretty much downhill from there which was why God had to send a flood. It seems that Noah and his three sons already had wives and in their lineage sisters and daughters are not mentioned or named.

I'd like to know what happend to Dinah after her boyfriend/rapist family got massacred...
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#28
Genesis Chapter 38
Judah sleeps with his daugher-in-law Tamar and gets her pregnant, she has twins.

Later on in Leviticus, its forbidden to do this, unlike the cousin relationships. Tamars excuse was that Shelah wasnt given to her as Judah had promised. Onan also wouldnt give her children. Note that, Tamar didnt have to marry Onan or Shelah, just was told to have sex with them.

I guess if you marry one brother (eldest brother Er) and he dies, the next in line gets to have you.

I dont know if thats common these days for people to marry and then if they become widowed, then go on to their sister or brothers in laws. I suppose it keeps it all in the family....but if you are an only child...its all on you.

Note..Judah chose Tamar to be Er's wife. Er had no say. Judah did choose a cannanite woman to be his wife, which is strange that Isaac didnt choose his wife for him, seeing they werent supposed to marry canaanite women. But then his sons ended up doing evil. Its not said where Tamar came from.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#29
sorry not Isaac...Jacob. Well both grandad and dad didnt seem to have any influence on Judah's choice of wife. Her name isnt even mentioned, but her fathers name is.

Not sure what the Caananites did that was so bad but it didnt seem enough to stop the Israelites from marrying them. Or maybe there was just nobody else left to marry in their family....
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,913
8,166
113
#30
For some reason every time I read this thread I hear a song I once heard when I was a kid.

My uncle is my dad
My uncle is my dad
My sister is the mother
Of the shoop we used to had

The last line was grammatically incorrect, but it rhymed with dad. Oh well.

I also keep hearing that redneck comedian:
"If your family tree does not branch... ya might be a redneck."
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#31
On the canaanites...why they were cursed stems from when Ham saw his mum and dad (Noah and his wife) having sex (he was the original voyeuer) and told his brothers to go watch them. This tendency towards porn was then passed down to his son Canaan, from which descended the Canaanites.

His brothers (Shem and Japtheth) refused to watch their parents have sex, but Noah found out and cursed Hams descendants.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#32
The OT was pretty raunchy I must say ...lol

While it isnt explicitly said what men did that was so wicked that God had to send a flood, it was probably that the entire human population back then was having orgies all the time since there were no restrictions on who you could have relations with. Everyone took a wife of whoever they pleased from Eves daughters. Didnt matter if they were sisters, aunties, mothers, grandparents, great greandparents, nieces,whatever.

And it didnt seem to matter how many times as men could have more than one wife.
 

stilllearning

Well-known member
Oct 4, 2021
520
279
63
#33
The OT was pretty raunchy I must say ...lol

While it isnt explicitly said what men did that was so wicked that God had to send a flood, it was probably that the entire human population back then was having orgies all the time since there were no restrictions on who you could have relations with. Everyone took a wife of whoever they pleased from Eves daughters. Didnt matter if they were sisters, aunties, mothers, grandparents, great greandparents, nieces,whatever.

And it didnt seem to matter how many times as men could have more than one wife.
Reckon on how bad they were. The bible says that their thoughts were just continually evil. I for my Genesis 6 worldview also hold to that the sons of God were angels who slept with human women and so not only was sin abounding but our genetic pool had become polluted.
 

Sculpt

Well-known member
Apr 18, 2021
1,044
322
83
#34
I would surmise Eve being taken from Adam was 100% his genetic makeup. Of course this is before the fall and shortly after we see close relations marrying. Reckon although to me being a westerner the mere thought is like, oh yucky. God actually created mankind to marry and procreate with close relations at least for the ones out of the gate.

This is all prefall though, have never found a reason to be glad for sin but just the thought of marrying one of my sisters has me glad sin came in....LOL I jest sorta of course...LOL

The fall of course brought sin into the world and the degradation of us genetically. So by the law you see God spends time telling them the Hebrews you can marry so and so or not so and so because they are to close relation.

From what I have read scientifically speaking first cousins can marry. The avg distance between relations marriage wise is in America is 7th cousins which gives you a chance of 3-4 percent to have children with birth defects. First cousins have a 4-7 percent chance of children with birth defects. 2nd cousins share a 6.25 percent same genetic make up and 3rd cousins just over 3 percent. By your 7th cousin you have no meaningful genetic material in common.

My theory would be as time has moved along we have increased in our genetic degradation so while today even first cousins only have a chance of 4-7 percent of having children with birth defects. In the biblical times is was even lower as sin had degraded them less genetically as it has us today. So first cousins genetically speaking was not problematic.

The mere thought of marrying a cousin of mine makes me wanna go wash myself. I came from a town of a population of like 500 folks so I have made jokes in the past that I left my town to find a wife cause I got tired of our phone book only having one last name in it....LOL

My source for the numbers I have quoted......................

https://www.popsci.com/marrying-cousins-genetics/
That's interesting.

Doing some research, rates vary in different studies/sources, but basically the US avg birth defect rate is 3%.
A source I found reads first cousins is 6%.

Mothers under 35 is 2%
Mothers over 35 is 4%

Birth defects is higher in underdeveloped nations. This is attributed to nutrition and prenatal care. Could probably assume some areas have higher environmental toxin levels.

Your source reads 1st cousins defect rate is 4-7%. Why not give one percent instead of a range? Must be looking at specific types of defects rather than one number of defects together. I tried read the source of the study(s), but the source site required membership.

"Birth Defects" depends on what you consider a defect. Another source reads 70% of defect causes is unknown. Research of percentages merely note correlation, not specific causality.

According to one study first-cousin offspring generally have twice the birth defect rate compared to 7th-cousin-plus offspring, and that's a good reason they should not have children, but one has to wonder how large the sample size was, and how defect was defined. The study would need to be studied.

Absent a very large sample size, and diversity of region and other factors, many may not consider the increase defect rate among 1st cousins, from 3% to 6%, to be statistically significant.
 

Sculpt

Well-known member
Apr 18, 2021
1,044
322
83
#35
....

I am wondering, does this make Isaac and Rebekah first cousins (once removed?) and ok...but isnt this a bit too CLOSE? ...
With all the birth defect talk, First cousin marriage/sex is not specifically prohibited, but within close family relations is. I think God's prohibition has more to do with problems these relations cause.


Leviticus 18

6 “‘No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the Lord.

7 “‘Do not dishonor your father(H) by having sexual relations with your mother.(I) She is your mother; do not have relations with her.

8 “‘Do not have sexual relations with your father’s wife;(J) that would dishonor your father.(K)

9 “‘Do not have sexual relations with your sister,(L) either your father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether she was born in the same home or elsewhere.(M)

10 “‘Do not have sexual relations with your son’s daughter or your daughter’s daughter; that would dishonor you.

11 “‘Do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your father’s wife, born to your father; she is your sister.

12 “‘Do not have sexual relations with your father’s sister;(N) she is your father’s close relative.

13 “‘Do not have sexual relations with your mother’s sister,(O) because she is your mother’s close relative.

14 “‘Do not dishonor your father’s brother by approaching his wife to have sexual relations; she is your aunt.(P)

15 “‘Do not have sexual relations with your daughter-in-law.(Q) She is your son’s wife; do not have relations with her.(R)

16 “‘Do not have sexual relations with your brother’s wife;(S) that would dishonor your brother.

17 “‘Do not have sexual relations with both a woman and her daughter.(T) Do not have sexual relations with either her son’s daughter or her daughter’s daughter; they are her close relatives. That is wickedness.

18 “‘Do not take your wife’s sister(U) as a rival wife and have sexual relations with her while your wife is living.

19 “‘Do not approach a woman to have sexual relations during the uncleanness(V) of her monthly period.(W)

20 “‘Do not have sexual relations with your neighbor’s wife(X) and defile yourself with her.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#36
According to scripture its about honoring your relations and their existing bonds rather than 'dont do it because of birth defects'

I think with cousins there is no direct bond so its seems like its not mentioned, the closest prohibition to that is dont have sexual relations /uncover the nakedness of you aunt..verse 14 but says nothing about your aunts sons and daughters.

grandchildren, neices and nephews are forbidden in verse 17

It seems Abraham, Jacob and Judah all would have violated these rules

Abraham married his (half) sister (verse 9)
Jacob had two wives who were both sisters. (verse 18)
Judah had sex with his daughter-in-law (verse 15)

with the birth defect thing....Sarah had Isaac in her old age and it didnt seem he was defective. hmm
Or maybe he was we just didnt know it. Didnt he go blind when he was old? If he had been perfect, the whole Jacob ruse with the venison wouldnt have worked....
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,374
204
63
#37
Yes they were cousins of sorts. Sarah was Abraham's half-sister. Marrying relatives, with the exception of direct, full siblings, was the norm during that time. It is extremely weird and rare in this day and age and very much frowned upon, but things were not the same back then.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#38
I recall one of my cousins married (he went overseas and married an american!) though their son was born with a cleft lip. as far as I know my cousin and his wife weren't directly related. Though they only had one son.
Apparently that is caused by genetics but some say its actually caused by a lack of folic acid.

In NZ folic acid has now been mandated to be added to bread to prevent this.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#39
you can fix a cleft lip with surgery so its not the end of the world, but sadly its not easy for a baby to feed if they are born with this and arent able to afford surgery.

I think with the rise of things like autism and allergies and that seem so common in children though they are not as serious and obvious birth defects like say downs and cerebal palsy that require lifelong care it doesnt seem like a birth defect is even related to genetics since, it can be so random...like couples may have one child with symptoms and the next child they have is completely symptom free. And there is absolutely nothing they can do about this.

All genetics screening can tell you is a risk percentage and its like anything, if you marry theres a 50% chance it will end in divorce, stuff like that, but people still do it.

Even if a child is born with challenges, it would seem its faith that will get parents theough everything so Ive always been kind of sceptical of the way people judge children that arent 'perfect' as if their parents were somehow comitting incest.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#40
on further thought when Jesus healed the blind man who had been blind from birth, he wouldnt be drawn into peoples speculations that this man had sinned, or was it his parents sinned -- people tried to imply that his parents had done something wrong by having him.