How do you know if it is God?

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M

miji

Guest
#1
#1
Hi all,

I am currently in a difficult and painful situation where I felt I heard God but from all indications it now looks as if I didn't. So I would like to know how you can know if you have really heard from God. How do you know if the answer is yes no or wait?

Also what do you make of this.
I prayed as a child that I would like my future husband to have attended a particular secondary school, be the first-born, have military training and also be into kick boxing.

I finally met a man that met all the above by 100%. Too much of a coincidence? That's what I thought. The chances of a meeting a person who meets even just one of those things is slim. Meeting someone who attended this particular secondary school that I prayed about is 1 in a million.

I also prayed about it and had a dream where he took me first to my pastors wife and then to my pastor to say that he wants to marry me.

But the guy in question yesterday told me he does not see us having a relationship together. Needless to say that I am so distraught and very very confused.

Please advise.
Hurting and crying miji.
 
B

Brandon777

Guest
#2
#2
Well okay. I think a lot of people on here would disagree with me but I don't believe that it's very easy to know what God wants for us to do. I thought without any doubt in my heart that I was supposed to marry someone as well. And then it happened again with another person. And it happened with what I'm supposed to do for a living. And I was wrong every time. I prayed about it. I had set up signs just like you, but I'm with someone new now. Someone who I believe I can be with, but I won't say for certain we are destined by God to be together. I think that's over stepping my bounds because that would make me a future predictor. Which I'm not, obviously. If it doesn't work in real life, it isn't true. That being said, you didn't tell us much about your relationship with this guy. There's still a chance I think that he could be the one for you. I wouldn't give up just yet. Don't be distraught. The Bible doesn't guarentee who we will marry, or that God will tell us who we will marry, or even that He will tell us anything. But we have the promises in the word that He did give us. And we can always go back to Him for comfort.
 
M

miji

Guest
#3
#3
Hi, thanks for responding to my question.

With regards my relationship with the guy. Since I met him, he has been showing an interest in me, asking me really personal questions like if I was in a relationship, what I would do in some scenario, how I would manage certain situations etc. It was like he was trying to get to know me better. At some point, he told me he liked me and at another point said he loved me but that he hadn't heard anything from God.

My relationship with him was just okay in the sense that sometimes we got on and sometimes we didn't. Then two days ago, he told me he wanted me to open up to him a lot more. I told him I hadn't been open with him lately because we argued a lot when I was frank with him about something. I then promised that going forward I would be open with him.

That was just two days ago. Then yesterday he says he doesn't see us in a relationship together. He also said he liked me but never had feelings for me. I then asked him why he asked me really personal questions and why he did the things he did and why he'd spend 2 hours on the phone with me and also chat with me well into the morning.

His response was he was only being nice and that he does that with his friends whether male or female.

I don't understand. I'm trying to be strong but I keep crying.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#4
#4
miji, I'm very sorry you are hurting. I hope you are feeling better today. Even online relationships can be hurtful, can't they?

From the other thread you created and now this one, it does appear that your expectations of this man were extremely high and that there was a mold you were expecting him to fit into. Maybe he felt he couldn't fit into that mold, you know? Seems like a lot of pressure...
 
M

miji

Guest
#5
#5
Dear Julianna,

Thanks for the response.

You know I never thought about it like that. But you may be right. Maybe I did unknowingly put pressure on him. I guess you live and learn and I have to remember this point next time.

Oh by the way, it wasn't an on-line relationship. The guy I'm talking about attends my church. This makes it even worse as I have to see him each Sunday.

God help me!
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#6
#6
Ah :) Okay...from some of the things you said I got the impression that it was someone here.

Well...just hold your head up and give your heart to God for repairs. Be kind. Be gracious. Even when it hurts.

Here's how you know a thing is from God: It works out

If it doesn't, it wasn't from God. If it IS from God, he will change his mind.
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#7
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#7
When I bring something to God, it usually takes at least a few days (about 3) before I feel like I'm getting an answer. It sure would be easier if we could just e-mail back and forth ;)

During those three days, I continually bring the question before Him in prayer, read His Word, and have quiet time. If it's really a big thing, I ask friends to think and pray about it also.

Eventually, an answer forms in my mind...an action (or inaction) settles gently in. Letting things 'percolate' before doing something seems to work for me.

The man may just want to be friends first....which is always a good idea :)

Praying for guidance for you sister :)
 
J

jkalyna

Guest
#9
#9
:) NICE TO TALK TO ANOTHER UKRAINIAN HERE, BUT SORRY ABOUT YOUR DISSAPOINTMENTS. I WILL ONLY SAY THAT IF YOU KNOW IT IS FROM GOD, YOU WILL HAVE PEACE. PRAY PRAY PRAY, OH IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS GUY IS SAYING TO YOU , THAT YOU ARE SMOTHERING HIM AND GAVE HIM NO SPACE. IT'S NOT GOOD TO SET PEOPLE UP LIKE IDOLS, I KNOW THIS I AM SAYING THIS TO YOU AS ONE UKRAINIAN TO ANOTHER. GOD KNOWS OUR NEEDS, AND LET HIS WILL BE DONE, NOT YOURS IN YOUR LIFE. UNDERNEATH ALL THIS YOU HAVE GOTTEN HURT. THE LORD WILL HEAL YOU. THERE ARE MANY MANY GUYS IN CHURCHES IN UKRAINE. AMEN TO THIS AND HIS WORD, KALYNA :p
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#10
#10
LightningClap0002 said:
...in the end...

But how does one know when it's the end?
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When it works out it's the beginning, not the end. :)

So often we look at the right now, don't we? But life goes on. It twists and turns. Sometimes it even comes full circle. Maybe that's why we shouldn't burn so many bridges.

If you love someone, there's nothing that says you have to stop loving them just because things didn't work out or didn't work out at the moment. You probably really won't anyway. If you truly love someone, a part of you always does, no matter the outcome. At least it's been that way for me.
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#11
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#11
But we aren't promised for things to work out until the end. :O
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#12
#12
Except for Christ, Himself, we aren't promised a spouse at all, are we? :)

I don't know about anyone else, but God blesses me everyday. Always has. The greatest blessing will come at the end of my life here, but it will still be only the beginning. :)
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#13
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#13
Gr, you're supposed to let me win!

Miji, I know all too well what you're going through. I wish I had answers for you. Unfortunately, there really aren't any beyond what's already been shared. And yet it feels so inadequate some times.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#14
#14
Okay...you win :D;)
 
G

GRA

Guest
#15
#15
jkalyna said:
:) NICE TO TALK TO ANOTHER UKRAINIAN HERE, BUT SORRY ABOUT YOUR DISSAPOINTMENTS. I WILL ONLY SAY THAT IF YOU KNOW IT IS FROM GOD, YOU WILL HAVE PEACE. PRAY PRAY PRAY, OH IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS GUY IS SAYING TO YOU , THAT YOU ARE SMOTHERING HIM AND GAVE HIM NO SPACE. IT'S NOT GOOD TO SET PEOPLE UP LIKE IDOLS, I KNOW THIS I AM SAYING THIS TO YOU AS ONE UKRAINIAN TO ANOTHER. GOD KNOWS OUR NEEDS, AND LET HIS WILL BE DONE, NOT YOURS IN YOUR LIFE. UNDERNEATH ALL THIS YOU HAVE GOTTEN HURT. THE LORD WILL HEAL YOU. THERE ARE MANY MANY GUYS IN CHURCHES IN UKRAINE. AMEN TO THIS AND HIS WORD, KALYNA :p
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Is your keyboard stuck on ALL-CAPS? :confused: :D ;)
 
B

Brandon777

Guest
#16
#16
miji said:
I then promised that going forward I would be open with him.

That was just two days ago. Then yesterday he says he doesn't see us in a relationship together. He also said he liked me but never had feelings for me. I then asked him why he asked me really personal questions and why he did the things he did and why he'd spend 2 hours on the phone with me and also chat with me well into the morning.

His response was he was only being nice and that he does that with his friends whether male or female.

I don't understand. I'm trying to be strong but I keep crying.
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Promising to go forward and to be open with him strongly seems like a mistake to me because the Bible warns us against an attitude of free reign over one's heart, I'll explain later.

You're welcome. He said he liked you but never had feelings for you? I don't know what he could have meant by that and nor could you. It sounds to me like a complete contradiction. Were these personal questions asked all at once? It sounds very unhealthy to me. I understand why you were so attached, and I'm sure he saw that and had some fun. Sometimes men will have fun with emotional flings. To what degree this was malicious, I don't know, but the fact remains the same that he treated you poorly and hasn't manned up to what he did. I studied psychology for 4 years in college and I know that doing or saying things that are perceived to be unique to a given context develops intimacy. I mean he should be held responsible for knowing that talking into the early morning and asking very personal questions are unique to growing intimacy.

He needs to treat you with more respect. That should make you feel better because now you can be sure that it wasn't just you being naive, it was him being disrespectful. When I say you were naive, I mean that you didn't know yet about the fact that one doesn't gain God like future predicting abilities about anything including a mate. The Bible says we plan and God directs our paths, there is nothing about knowing ahead of time what the path will be and preparing for it accordingly. That's just not how the world works. Also many people are unaware of this verse in Proverbs "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." It means, let people in slowly, only after having the honor of earning your trust. It goes into loving yourself, as the second most important command of Jesus.

I wish you well, and your heart healed. Maybe consider a breather from this guy. He already broke your trust once. Unfortunately you were not prepared for this encounter, and you learned the hard way how not keeping diligence over your heart (as another translation puts it) may make it too easy for people to hurt you. May God bless you and comfort you, mame.
 
M

miji

Guest
#17
#17
hmmmm sigh! God teach me and give me wisdom. Thank you all for your posts and comments. I really appreciate it.
 
M

miji

Guest
#18
#18
Dear Brandon,

Please could you kindly explain this bit though

"Promising to go forward and to be open with him strongly seems like a mistake to me because the Bible warns us against an attitude of free reign over one's heart"

Thanks
 
F

famu20bly

Guest
#19
#19
I can't say I know what was meant by the quote, but I can take a stab at it. When it says to go forward and to be open I take it to mean speak to him and be honest and direct about how the relationship and feelings developed and that his conversation led you to believe that he was interested in more than friendship. You can tell him that to say you like someone and love someone and then say you never had feelings for them is contradictory in nature and that is why things have been confusing for you. As far as guarding your heart goes you need to pace the relationship and just kind of take it as it comes don't be so invested in it that you cancel out all other possibilities, because it has not reached that stage yet. If it helps think of him the same way you would think of a female friend and just get to know him.
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#20
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#20
famu20bly said:
I can't say I know what was meant by the quote, but I can take a stab at it. When it says to go forward and to be open I take it to mean speak to him and be honest and direct about how the relationship and feelings developed and that his conversation led you to believe that he was interested in more than friendship. You can tell him that to say you like someone and love someone and then say you never had feelings for them is contradictory in nature and that is why things have been confusing for you. As far as guarding your heart goes you need to pace the relationship and just kind of take it as it comes don't be so invested in it that you cancel out all other possibilities, because it has not reached that stage yet. If it helps think of him the same way you would think of a female friend and just get to know him.
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I was more curious about the Bible reference myself.
 
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