how fast do you emotionally invest in a relationship?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
W

ww_21

Guest
#41
#41
relatively speaking, how long does it take you to become attached, or emotionally invested in the relationship beyond a casual interest?

A very... long time. All of my relationships have been based off friendships so if we can't be friends there's no way I'll be interested in you. And I mean really good friends- a guy has to be my best friend for me to even notice him haha.

do you tend to be the one who is "invested" first? or are you the one who is playing catch up, emotionally?

In all of my previous relationships I was the one who was emotionally invested first and more than the other persons however in this one, I had to play catch up. He was at "I love you" and I was at... I like you... you're a cool dude. That quickly changed though.

in whatever means you care to quantify, please share what your "speed" is (if you can).

I believe if it's meant to work out, it will so why rush things?

what affects your "speed" or "rate" of "investment"?

That depends on how much time and effort that person puts into getting to know me. If he's busy trying to date me and others at the same time, forget it.

do you have any particular reason or insight as to why your "rate" of "investment" is the speed that it is?

I am a person who has never and will never date multiple people at once, hence I appreciate when others grant me the same courtesy that I do them, if they do, I take it as a positive sign. I guess I appreciate commitment and such.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#42
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#42
maxwel said:
Okay....
So what if I have an "intent to begin a romantic relationship", but the girl does not.
Is she still in a pseudo relationship with me?
I'm thinking SHE IS!

This is excellent news.
: )
Click to expand...
I do believe it works both ways but, I think its important that THEY know you are romantically intentioned or you know that they are. If its a secret, then its not really anything, I don't think.

If you ask a girl out, and she says no, but she still comes over on a Sunday night to bring you dinner, I'd call that a Pseudo Relationship. If she says no, then you both plan to see a movie later that week, I would say that is a thing.

If you know that going out with someone else would probably hurt her, I would say its definitely a Pseudo Relationship, in spite of the fact that she said she wasn't interested.


However, if you hang around and don't tell her anything, then... you're probably just in the friendzone.
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#43
#43
Question: Can you be in the friendzone with someone who doesn't know what the friendzone is?
OR do you both have to agree on the definition to be in that zone??
 
B

BananaPie

Guest
#44
#44
Well, ya'll can call me "FaceTimer," but frankly, you'll be surprised how much milage 15 minutes of truth can yield when you both exist for the love of Christ.

The Lord may even surprise you with... ...uh, flowers delivered to your door, perhaps?
...or Lavender delivered to your front porch?
...or good ol' fashion mail written in real ink, brought to you by USPS; stamp and all!
...or special delivery box-load of chocolates, perhaps?
...or a sweet lunch outing, perhaps?

It's amazing what God can do with 15 minutes day-by-day. :)


 
J

just_monicat

Senior Member
#45
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
17
0
#45
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
Question: Can you be in the friendzone with someone who doesn't know what the friendzone is?
OR do you both have to agree on the definition to be in that zone??
Click to expand...
sometimes i think what you're describing is frienlationship ambiguity. i'm not sure if i'm reading your query right, but...

if it's the girl doing the quasi-friendzoning, i think that it's a lower state than psudeo relationship, but potentially above the friendzone. like figuring things out, or being willing to see a guy in a different light than she may have seen him before.

i really have no idea why some people act so surprised when a guy escapes the friendzone. it happens all time.

if it's the guy doing the quasi-friendzoning, i'd be suspicious he was just bored and looking for pleasant distraction. or he's socially retarded.
 
Last edited:
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#46
#46
just_monicat said:
sometimes i think what you're describing is frienlationship ambiguity. i'm not sure if i'm reading your query right, but...

if it's the girl doing the quasi-friendzoning, i think that it's a lower state than psudeo relationship, but potentially above the friendzone. like figuring things out, or being willing to see a guy in a different light than she may have seen him before.

i really have no idea why some people act so surprised when a guy escapes the friendzone. it happens all time.

if it's the guy doing the quasi-friendzoning, i'd be suspicious he was just bored and looking for pleasant distraction. or he's socially retarded.
Click to expand...
Socially retarded......yes! I think you might be on to something.
 
K

kenthomas27

Guest
#47
#47
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
Socially retarded......yes! I think you might be on to something.
Click to expand...

awwww ....Nod....you were thinking about me, weren't you. So here's me getting a haircut....

Prettygirlhaircutter "so, what will it be? How do you want this cut?"

me "uhh.....shorter?"

Prettygirlhaircutter, snip snip....."so, how's been your day? You workin?"

me "oh yeah, it's been ok - I mean my day, you know - and I'm working, only...not right now, of course. So uhh...what do you do?"

Prettygirlhaircutter "uh....cut hair mostly."

me "yeah"
 
Markum1972

Markum1972

Senior Member
#48
Mar 25, 2013
1,165
32
48
#48
just_monicat said:
i've talked a bit about this subject with a few of you around here, but i'm really curious to hear what you all have to say about this:

so, let's say that you're spending time with someone, getting to know one another and you both have a connection that appears founded in genuine compatibility.

relatively speaking, how long does it take you to become attached, or emotionally invested in the relationship beyond a casual interest?

do you tend to be the one who is "invested" first? or are you the one who is playing catch up, emotionally?

in whatever means you care to quantify, please share what your "speed" is (if you can).

what affects your "speed" or "rate" of "investment"?

do you have any particular reason or insight as to why your "rate" of "investment" is the speed that it is?
Click to expand...
It has always taken a different amount of time depending on the person. There is only one that was immediate; for her and for me. We still have contact, still love each other, and never want to be without the other. But we are not together. She is lost and confused as a product of this society in that she thinks it is too desperate or needy to love someone that much. So she fears it and keeps her distance.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.