How hard is it now days to get married?

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
9,962
3,620
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#21
the not-western world is sad because so many people have died due to wars and famines, that they kinda need to replace the population.

aside from China, which has had population control for decades. In NZ there is not even enough housing for new families. You need to be a millionaire to buy a house.
 

kinda

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2013
1,451
713
113
#22
Why Ask singles about how hard it is to get married? It would be better to ask married people that question, because they have experience in getting married. Just my take on it.

This world looks crazy right now. The last thing I would want to do is get married.

I'm asking questions like.....

What country looks the safest?
How am I gonna survive this?
Is this the end times?
What should I do to prepare for the future?

O.k. let's just say, you find someone to marry?!?!

Here are some questions to ask....

What happens if we get divorced, will I go bankrupt?
Can I afford kids?
Can this relationship last a life time?
Who benefits most from this relationship?
Do we share common values?
How do you see the marriage relationship in the future?
Am I willing to go the distance, if the relationship goes sour?
 

christian74

Senior Member
Oct 1, 2013
566
250
43
#23
Why Ask singles about how hard it is to get married? It would be better to ask married people that question, because they have experience in getting married. Just my take on it.

This world looks crazy right now. The last thing I would want to do is get married.

I'm asking questions like.....

What country looks the safest?
How am I gonna survive this?
Is this the end times?
What should I do to prepare for the future?

O.k. let's just say, you find someone to marry?!?!

Here are some questions to ask....

What happens if we get divorced, will I go bankrupt?
Can I afford kids?
Can this relationship last a life time?
Who benefits most from this relationship?
Do we share common values?
How do you see the marriage relationship in the future?
Am I willing to go the distance, if the relationship goes sour?

Not trying to be argumentative but singles trying to get married, finding out first hand how easy/hard to get married should provide better feedbacks to the Op's inquiring mind. Personally, I think this is a better time to get married because of what is going on in this world - it will reveal people's true heart, character, and where they stand, thus better opportunity to observe what they are really made out of. And... if you are willing to marry in this time of "craziness," perhaps that's a good indication of how much two love each other.

While I do get questions where you calculate the "costs" of having children and whatnot, if you are asking questions like:

- what happens if we get divorced, will I go bankrupt
- who benefits most from this relationship
- am I willing to go the distance if the relationship goes sour

then I think you are not ready for it.

I find the following quote by Erich Fromm captures well what love is in a non-biblical way:

Love means to commit oneself without guarantee,
to give oneself completely in the hope that
our love will produce love in the loved person.
Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.


Personally speaking, if you aren't ready to give all for him/her, might as well stay single because there is no other way.
 

kinda

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2013
1,451
713
113
#24
Not trying to be argumentative but singles trying to get married, finding out first hand how easy/hard to get married should provide better feedbacks to the Op's inquiring mind. Personally, I think this is a better time to get married because of what is going on in this world - it will reveal people's true heart, character, and where they stand, thus better opportunity to observe what they are really made out of. And... if you are willing to marry in this time of "craziness," perhaps that's a good indication of how much two love each other.

While I do get questions where you calculate the "costs" of having children and whatnot, if you are asking questions like:

- what happens if we get divorced, will I go bankrupt
- who benefits most from this relationship
- am I willing to go the distance if the relationship goes sour

then I think you are not ready for it.

I find the following quote by Erich Fromm captures well what love is in a non-biblical way:

Love means to commit oneself without guarantee,
to give oneself completely in the hope that
our love will produce love in the loved person.
Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.


Personally speaking, if you aren't ready to give all for him/her, might as well stay single because there is no other way.


I appreciate your response. You are correct, marriage isn't for me, but tried to participate in another marriage topic.....lol

Get married, if you want to. Stay single, if you want to. Everyone gets to decide in the free world.

Marriage has a divorce rate of 50%, so I think my questions are valid. You should talk to my neighbor who is divorced, he might change your mind on whether or not my questions are valid, or not.

1605998929953.jpeg
 

christian74

Senior Member
Oct 1, 2013
566
250
43
#25
I appreciate your response. You are correct, marriage isn't for me, but tried to participate in another marriage topic.....lol

Get married, if you want to. Stay single, if you want to. Everyone gets to decide in the free world.

Marriage has a divorce rate of 50%, so I think my questions are valid. You should talk to my neighbor who is divorced, he might change your mind on whether or not my questions are valid, or not.

View attachment 222922

I do get what you are saying - it has become harder to find success story (or only the failed marriage story makes the news), and I believe the divorce rate is different for Christian couples (I know there are contradicting numbers out there regarding the divorce rate within Christian community but do believe it is significantly lower). They do make you look and think again about the possibility of marriage. But wha I've also learned is not to place them in my life, don't let them influence you but rather place my hope and faith in God and hopefully I do my part faithfully. Thank you for sharing.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
9,962
3,620
113
#26
most singles have no intentions of getting married otherwise they would.
its only the very young people who are already coupled up but cant get married so they are fornicating that you need to ask
 

TheIndianGirl

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2019
901
602
93
#27
While I do get questions where you calculate the "costs" of having children and whatnot, if you are asking questions like:

- what happens if we get divorced, will I go bankrupt
- who benefits most from this relationship
- am I willing to go the distance if the relationship goes sour

then I think you are not ready for it.
I believe it depends on how the person was raised on why he/she may be calculative. Some fathers warn their daughters not to marry a poor boy. Other fathers tell their sons not to marry since he might be ruined financially if the son gets divorced. These type of thoughts are ingrained in the kids.

It would be interesting to get input from divorced people on this, on whether they wished they were more calculative when they first got married.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
9,962
3,620
113
#28
my dad never said anything to me about marrying or not marrying.
My mum was not pushy with marriage either although I dont think any of us offspring were that interested. I do remember her trying to push me into buying a house, which was weird because I had no reason to really.
I think it was because she didnt want me around, but then she changed her tune when I left home and begged me to come back, possibly so she could use me again. Im a bit cynical of my mothers motives.

she did say its better to be unmarried than married and miserable. since divorce is costly and ruinous as well.

Im not too keen on buying a house, I think its so much work to renovate an old one, but if you buy new its going to be just as expensive and then you have to relocate your whole life. The whole house buying thing I look at as nest building, but if you not going to have children to fill it, and to keep them, safe in, its kind of vanity.

A lot of people are just buying up homes to rent out to other people to make money, in my part of the world.
 

true_believer

Active member
Sep 24, 2020
398
220
43
#29
I believe it depends on how the person was raised on why he/she may be calculative. Some fathers warn their daughters not to marry a poor boy. Other fathers tell their sons not to marry since he might be ruined financially if the son gets divorced. These type of thoughts are ingrained in the kids.

It would be interesting to get input from divorced people on this, on whether they wished they were more calculative when they first got married.
Parents usually give much more complex answers when choosing a mate. Plus most of the time we do not listen to our parents or family when it comes to choosing a spouse. Especially in the 21st century. My paternal side is South Asian and Middle Eastern and they have been frustrated with me ignoring their marriage suggestions for over 25 years.
 
Nov 15, 2020
1,897
352
83
Newcastle, NSW, Australia
#30
Is it "harder" to get married ? I dunno, maybe times have changed since, for example the 1950s.
Maybe attitudes, expectations, the digital age, and whatever else, has something to do with it.
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,203
38
48
#31
I'm sure it's not the case everywhere, but within a year of getting married, 8 of my friends (who mostly go to the same church) have also gotten married. Which in a way is a bit of a bummer considering almost none of them had normal weddings, but they all are happy even so. I just thought it was funny.
 
Nov 15, 2020
1,897
352
83
Newcastle, NSW, Australia
#32
I'm sure it's not the case everywhere, but within a year of getting married, 8 of my friends (who mostly go to the same church) have also gotten married. Which in a way is a bit of a bummer considering almost none of them had normal weddings, but they all are happy even so. I just thought it was funny.
A "normal" wedding ?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
9,962
3,620
113
#33
they were abnormal weddings?

Im a bit over weddings, even the people getting married dont really like having them.