I need some advice

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Pheonix

Pheonix

Senior Member
#21
Jan 17, 2007
578
7
18
#21
The key word there is PAST Aedin. What happened before you got together has no bearing on your current relationship or desire for one. There is no reason for you to forgive her. What happened before you is between her and God. The only thing that matters to you is what happens while you are together. Forget about forgiving her, and accept her as she is, not as you wish her to be. Accept that she's made mistakes and remember you have too. Anything else and you shouldn't be together.
Accept her with love or not at all.

I wish the best to both of you. If she is willing, I'd suggest you both talk about her past and yours , not in an accusing manner, but a loving and caring one. She may already feel quilty enough as it is without you rubbing it in. move past it. Grow together.
 
X

xspinningisfun

Guest
#22
#22
According to God, when you have him in your life, all old things pass. They don't matter. I think as humans, we need to do the same. But I know how extremely hard it is. But I think you just need to keep praying. Have you talked to your girlfriend about this? If not, communication is a big part in a relationship. Just be honest! :)
 
A

Aedin

Guest
#23
#23
If everyone who posted here could read my new prayer thread, and pray, please, that would be appreciated. She and I both really need it.
 
S

Shoey

Guest
#24
#24
There is a lot of talk about if virginity should be a big issue in relationships. I don't know if this will help you Aedin but I'd like to share. I believe that God's main reason for all relationships is to bring both people closer to Him. I believe that is a general rule in regards to all relationships, including all friendships. Our friendships with Believers should result in bring us closer to Him. Our relationships with unbelievers should show them God's pure nature, Love, Grace, and His Salvation. That kind of relationship lasts forever. God gave us marriage for two main reasons. First to further His Kingdom with partners/workers who are equally yoked to carry out His will here one earth. The other is to bring life into this world with children.

Yahweh wants His best for you. And ultimately ONLY He knows what or whom the best for you is. That is why it is so important to SEEK Him.

I think a good question to ask when it comes to all relationships/friendships is this... Does this relationship/friendship bring both of us closer to God? If the answer is yes, then the Lord is probably in it. If the answer is no, then its a good time to seek Him and see if you should be involved with the person.

Now from my own personal experience, i can tell you that the Lord has brought women into my life that i thought were the one. i took the ball and ran with it and got hurt because i didn't wait and ask Him if this girl was the one. i acted on my selfish will and didn't test what i was hear to make sure that it was Him. but i have now learned to test and make sure that it is Him i am hearing instead of my own selfish desires. the hope that He has given me is that good things come to those that wait, and that He truly does have my best interests in mind.

I don't know if that helps, but that's my 2 cents...

God Bless
 
A

Aedin

Guest
#25
#25
Thanks Shoey. How does one tell if the relationship/friendship helps bring you both closer to God, and how can you tell if someone is the right one for you? ALso, please read my new prayer thread and respond to that.
 
K

KingDavid

Guest
#26
#26
Aedin said:
Hey all, I'm new to this message board, and I'm not well-known here, but it was the only place I could think of to come ask for advice. There's a girl I really like, and we're pretty serious. She really likes me too. The only thing is, she's had some sexual experiences before (I post this in the singles forum because I couldn't find a relationship board, sorry if this is the wrong place to put this) and it really hurts me. We're both Christians, and I've been praying to God to bless our friendship and relationship, and to help us know if we're the people he has planned for each other, and what she did just really hurts me, and I'm having a hard time figuring out how I'm gonna forgive her. I want to be with her, I don't want her past mistakes to ruin things with us, but I'm just finding it really hard to forgive her.
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It sounds as though she had these sexual experiences while you and her where together or getting together. I am not sure what the history really is, but her sin is not for you to forgive that is between her and God. He put her in your life for a reason, it could only be friendship and it could be more, you must keep in prayer on the relationship that God will guide you! I would recomend that you do not let someones past interfere with the present. Be a good friend and God will show you what to do!
 
J

Jaykay104

Guest
#27
#27
We are all given the freedom by God to have opinions. Our opinions are definitely going to conflict with other people. It's the way we portray those opinions that really matter. Jesus said, "Love you God with all you heart, and your neighbors as you love yourself".

Mahoganysnail - I think you need to sit and have a talk with God and the concept of being a stumbling block. You definitely have a gift, but I think that you are missing the mark man. God has given you great potential, but your lack of loving kindness will be your downfall.

Aedin - (Cool name by the way) I truly believe that this woman is in your life for a reason. Imagine the love and admiration that she will give you once she knows that you have truly forgiven her and she has a good shoulder to cry on. You yourself are going to be lifted when you realize your huge capabilty for love.

KristinNicole - Thank you, your post was a blessing
 
A

Aedin

Guest
#28
#28
To KingDavid, no, she did not have them while we were together or getting together, and I found out they weren't even her choice.
 
B

Bistra

Guest
#29
#29
Hi!There is one very useful book,which I have read some years ago.It was ans is so useful for me even I am merried for 14 years..The book is:
"I Kissed Dating Goodbye." by Joshua Harris 1997 Published by Multnomah Publishers ,Inc.
204 W.Adams Avenue,P.O.Box 1720-Sisters,Oregon 97759 USA
God Bless You
Bistra
Bulgaria
 
B

believin_in_him

Guest
#30
#30
Some ppl may have a big problem with being with someone that wasn't "pure" when they got together but I think that God knows what he is doing...I was completely commited to saving myself for my husband, which I did and I found that he had not. I struggled with this and it litteraly made me sick to think that he had already been with several ppl. I had never dated anyone that made me feel the way that he did..i fell in love with him first night I met him. I was very confused with this and I prayed alot about what I should do..My husband was not a christian when he did these things and I know now that he repented and God forgave him and so I had nothing to hold over him...I truely believe that the Lord lead us to each other..many ppl didn't because of the way that he was but I always did in my heart...and we are now both in church and have a wonderful marriage and have been married for 14 yrs...God knows who and what we need if we will just let him lead us we will never go wronge....
 
K

KingDavid

Guest
#31
#31
Aedin said:
To KingDavid, no, she did not have them while we were together or getting together, and I found out they weren't even her choice.
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If this was not her choice, then it must have been by force. In this case then there is nothing to forgive her for! If she has been forced into a sexual act then she truly does need a good friend someone she can trust and count on and help her spiritually,this may be why God has put her in your life. If it were me I would be in deep prayer with the Father and ask for guidence!

I have been thinking about this situation you are in and the holy spirit has led me to the book of Ruth. It is a great story about some stumbling blocks and Gods guidence and love.
 
A

Aedin

Guest
#32
#32
Thanks KingDavid. You're right, there's nothing for me to forgive her for, now the only thing is for me to get over all of it.

And more prayers would be good, I Think we might be breaking up for a while, maybe permanently.
 
A

Ancilla

Guest
#33
#33
Bistra said:
Hi!There is one very useful book,which I have read some years ago.It was ans is so useful for me even I am merried for 14 years..The book is:
"I Kissed Dating Goodbye." by Joshua Harris 1997 Published by Multnomah Publishers ,Inc.
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I agree but Josh Harris' book Boy Meets Girl is the one I'd recommend in this situation. See, in I kissed dating goodbye, he talks about how he works so hard to stay pure. He abstains from sex even though he struggles with unpure thoughts. When I read that I read "Wow, what a righteous guy. I just know God will send him a woman who's also very pure." Well, he talks about how he courted and fell in love with his wife. From when she 14 until when she became a Christian in her 20s, she had sex all the time. He didn't think of him and his wife to be as "virgin and not virgin" he described them as just "two sinners at the foot of the cross."
 
A

Ancilla

Guest
#34
#34
I agree with KingDavid, whether or not she had consensual "relations" it's not for you to forgive. Any sexual sin she's committed in her past (and Jesus said that lustful thoughts are as bad as adultery so really none of us are innocent in that respect) was against God and her future husband. And since it doesn't sound like you're planning to marry her, you have nothing to forgive her for. Not that it makes your situation any easier...
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#35
Jan 8, 2009
7,576
23
0
#35
Mahoganysnail - I think you need to sit and have a talk with God and the concept of being a stumbling block. You definitely have a gift, but I think that you are missing the mark man. God has given you great potential, but your lack of loving kindness will be your downfall.
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And Jaykay104 you need to have a chat with God about not being a busy-body and mind your own business you don't even know me to say such things. How rude.
 
J

Jaykay104

Guest
#36
#36
Mmmm, busy-body. Not heard that in awhile. This being a public forum and all. Unfortunately you have not taken the time to fully understand the situation. I had no intention of insulting you, and if you think that, my apologies. I truly hope that we can get to know each other, because I see potential for greatness in you.
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#37
Jan 8, 2009
7,576
23
0
#37
No hard feelings Jaykay, I have nothing against you. This was probably a communication breakdown - my misinterpretation of what you said /intended.
 
T

TJ1780

Guest
#38
#38
"Second hand goods" whoo, that's a bit too much. Why never a single man say this word to himself? Forgiveness is the greatest thing one should do to each other. What if you're not virgin yourself? I'm sure she can forgive you easily, why don't we think in the opposite side? For me it doesn't matter if he is virgin or not. The only thing I care is how much he loves God. No offend, but if you love her enough. The past is the past, so let it go.
 
D

dovey

Guest
#39
#39
wow...I have never dated in the world of Christians...I was saved several years ago drastically and powerfully by God, I was never a hypicrite, I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to and was in the worst kind of pit you could imagine for years...but since getting saved I have lived like a nun ...I was never extremely permiscuis sexually, I was always more interested in death and numbing the pain I felt...it is a long story and if you heard the whole thing you would understand....but I have noticed that the best Christians where at one point usually the best sinners...they dont half heartedly walk in any direction. When I read this it makes me value God's love even more, and realize that only someone with scars could ever understand me, and value what God values in me.
 
L

Leilaii425

Guest
#40
#40
Aedin said:
Hey all, I'm new to this message board, and I'm not well-known here, but it was the only place I could think of to come ask for advice. There's a girl I really like, and we're pretty serious. She really likes me too. The only thing is, she's had some sexual experiences before (I post this in the singles forum because I couldn't find a relationship board, sorry if this is the wrong place to put this) and it really hurts me. We're both Christians, and I've been praying to God to bless our friendship and relationship, and to help us know if we're the people he has planned for each other, and what she did just really hurts me, and I'm having a hard time figuring out how I'm gonna forgive her. I want to be with her, I don't want her past mistakes to ruin things with us, but I'm just finding it really hard to forgive her.
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I agree with mahogany, why would you want a girl whos messed around with other guys before. Dump her
 
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