I want to find someone who I can fix!:)

[Theygaveutheirworst]

Has anyone ever dated someone who tried to fix all your problems in life, but it just ended up causing you both to break up? I don't think I could ever imagine myself being that kind of person who would search for someone who has deep problems, then date them so I could try to make their life better. At the end of the day, as much as I wish I could fix someone's problems, I know I don't have the power to get rid of the things that have hurt them the most. We, as humans, can only do so much for someone. So why do some Christian guys and girls want to play the role of our Savior by coming into our lives and thinking that they can make all things better?

"There are some people who try and fix others. This could be something they have a habit of doing or something they do once in a while. And while these people may think that they are helping others, they are generally having the opposite effect.
A bit like how a mechanic may fix an engine or a certain component within a car; this person will try to repair something that they perceive to be wrong or damaged in another person.
And there are many ways and approaches that these people can take to reach their goal and to make their view a reality. But while the fixer may think that they are only trying to help, this behaviour can come across as: controlling and manipulative.
The person who is trying to be fixed can feel: angry, frustrated, resentful, overwhelmed, violated and compromised. And this is due to their boundaries being breach by the fixer."

 

[DuchessAimee]

Most of the time the "fixer" is a woman. When I was younger I thought that's what women were supposed to do. You found someone who you could turn into the ultimate man so you had something to brag about to your friends. (That's a exaggerating a little, but not much.) But now... now I don't want a "fixer upper". I want a man who I love for who he is and who he wants to become in Christ. I know that everyone needs to change, heal, etc, and I want to help him through that process. However, I will not date or marry someone I can mold into the image of my choice. That's playing God, and since I'm not God, I think I'll let the real deal take care of things.

 

[Theygaveutheirworst]

I want a woman who will fix me....





a sandwich! lol

 

[Shouryu]

Most of the time the "fixer" is a woman. When I was younger I thought that's what women were supposed to do. You found someone who you could turn into the ultimate man so you had something to brag about to your friends.

What's the old adage? "Women take a man, expecting he'll change into what they want...Men take a woman, and expect that she'll stay exactly the same." Something like that?

 

[DuchessAimee]

Yeah basically. I think relationships would be much more loving and peaceful if we just love our partners and let them work out their issues with God on their own. Not that we shouldn't confront someone if we're hurt, etc, but prayer works wonders! I've watched God turn a situation around in a matter of moments.

 

[Carm3]

This is something I wrote about fixing people. I had me in mind.

Fixing it
I have this attribute and which i have even written on my CV and it sells; problem solving. I would like to call it fixing it. I love to fix situations and even people. I dont take no for an answer and sometimes its not a very good thing.My friend was telling me the other day to start minding my own business and stop fixing peoples problems and my own too.

Why am i writing this today. Something happened to me the other day. It was a situation that involved a friend and i think he is more like me so he tried to fix it. (or is it fix me). At first i was angry at him (He doesnt Know that) for doing it and all I was thinking was who does he think he is. God has a way of showing us who we are. I suddenly saw myself in him. There are many times i have tried to run my brother`s and even my friends lives by trying to fix their problems. Some told me in the face and i did not get and all I thought was I am just trying to help.

After that incident with my friend i have learnt that i dont have to fix everything. I also learnt that the fear of failing and not accepting that it can`t or won`t work can drive you to do things that will cause more harm than good. I am not saying that we stop trying to find solutions to our problems but then we need to have a limit. It is okay to say no, Its okay to say its not working , and its also okay to giveup sometimes.

I am learning now that:

• there are things in life (mine and others) that i can not fix.
• I have also learnt that it is okay not to have a solution for every problem.
• I need to waiting patiently on God so i can mount on eagle`s wings,(Isaiah 40:31)
• I should be still and Know he is God ( Psalms 46:10)
• I should mind my own business (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12)
• I should let go and let God.

When my sink need fixing next time i will sit back take my phone and call a plumber.
God bless you

 

[DuchessAimee]

I think men and women want to fix things. It's a need to help and make someone feel better. Sometimes it's really good... but a constant jumping in to fix things can be stressful.


Tell me this, gentlemen. Why when a woman tells you about a problem or situation do you tell her how to fix it? Why not just listen and ask her what she thinks or wants to do?

 

[Shouryu]

Sorry, Ames. I can't help it.

[video=youtube;-4EDhdAHrOg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg[/video]

 

[woka]

Generally the person who is being fixed often does not feel manipulated, or overwhelmed as they very often do not have boundaries hence all the problems in their lives. Does it mean we must step in and fix nope, it means that should they ask advice is always available. People have to live the consequences of the decision they have made or there is never a learning curve.

My son decided to spend all of his money this weekends, none left for gas for the week, so his dad said he would have to walk home from work yesterday. This is harsh and all to often we want to jump in and rescure and say hey the poor kid, but he will be wiser next pay day.

When people have not been given responsibility by their parents as youn teens or adults they never learn to put the boundaries in place, they always depend on other's for support, advice and become the kids that need the help of the fixers.

I am not saying fixing is right but understand where the need for it comes from.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Sorry, Ames. I can't help it.

[video=youtube;-4EDhdAHrOg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg[/video]

LOL, okay, I see your point. But I'm proactive. I'm not the type to complain about the "nail" in my head when I know it's there. I will do something about it. I'm talking about sometimes you can't even get the rest of the story/problem out before the guy you're telling says, "Well, here's what you should do..."


However, I will concede that most women are like that chick in the video. I have friends like that... it's annoying.

 

[MissCris]

There was a girl in my Sunday school class when I was in 3rd grade who befriended me for two reasons:

1. I had these really awesome earrings and she didn't have pierced ears yet so I was the coolest person EVER (bahaha...hahahaha...ahem. Sorry.)
2. The more she got to "know" me, the more she saw I needed to be fixed.

I didn't even realize for a long time what she was doing; she was always asking super personal questions, she often gave me guilt trips about everything...when we were younger, they were about getting more involved at church. As we got older, she would tell me that this friend or that friend of mine was no good, I should get away from them, or that boys were evil and would ruin my reputation...

We got in a fight one day, and I asked her why she couldn't just leave me alone and let me live. She said, "Cristen...you're so messed up you don't even see how bad off you are! I notice nobody else is trying to help you- so who's your real friend? Me? Or them?"

It feels really, really, really bad when somebody comes into your life because they think you're a disaster. It feels even worse when THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU....and that person just can't appreciate who you are- or at least shut up about your ten zillion faults.

I've never gone into a relationship with the intention of "fixing" the person. Granted, I've caught myself starting to do that anyway, from time to time, but I try very hard to never do that. Not to my husband, not to my friends.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Ha ha, I actually had a girl tell me that one time when I was younger.......she kept trying to change me and help me through my so called "Problems" (Which weren't problems, to me anyway). She got frustrated one day and said "I can't help it, I just like to fix people"......But what she didn't understand, is what she was focusing on wasn't broken. lol

 

[xXErraticEmilyXx]

UGH!!! This annoys me!
If you don't like someone, just don't become friends/date them in the first place -_- go find someone else.
No one will be perfect either. You can't expect for each other to always agree and get along. You'll have your differences, but you won't be able to change them. You'll just have to decide whether or not it's worth it.

 

[xXErraticEmilyXx]

I'm talking about sometimes you can't even get the rest of the story/problem out before the guy you're telling says, "Well, here's what you should do..."

I find it helps if you start with, "I don't want any advice, but could you lend an ear?" I'm not saying that always works, either lol For some reason, most people think that when you're upset about something, it's because you don't know how to fix it. Sometimes you just want to vent.

 

[kenthomas27]

Wow xXEmily!! I didn't know anything annoyed you. Going forward, I think we need to try alot harder.

More to the point, you know when you go to the dentist and get something done and they numb your mouth and for the rest of the day it feels like the whole side of your face is drooping off. It doesn't really look that but it really feels like your skin and lips are falling inside out and your're drooling all over and your chin is fallen down on your neck? Well - in my case it really does look like that.

Well now I've forgotten what my point is. ...you shouldn't do too many things at once. That's my point.

 

[arwen83]

Women may not be able to 'fix' men, but they can whip them (and some men allow it)