In a Complicated but Not Dating Relationship Yet, When it does it turn into Cheating?
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bc btwn last July and Dec, It WAS --- he seemed extremely committed to me w/ his words and his actions and I reciprocated.
Nothing bad happened btwn us after that. It all remained good except he started to change and sometimes he is very close but other times he's not. I have been getting mix signals from him over the past 3-4 months.
Nothing bad happened btwn us after that. It all remained good except he started to change and sometimes he is very close but other times he's not. I have been getting mix signals from him over the past 3-4 months.
I'm Not trying to cheat though. I'm looking for friendships as around here, I don't have any real friends except for him. I want to be able to talk and hang out w/ others too so that's my main goal.
I am dangling because God is sharing things with me and I am trusting him. Last night, I couldn't sleep so, all night I prayed. I prayed and I asked God several different things (in search of answers on what to do and how to handle this whole thing). Each time I asked God a question, he "answered" by giving me peace --- not an answer but, it was peace. It happened each and every time and I was asking him for an answer but nothing yet except peace.
Maybe God just wanted me to feel his love and maybe he has a different ending to all this and maybe he just wants me to rest in him knowing he has everything under control???
That's the only thing I can think of.
I had really wanted to talk to this guy a few times, but, each time I psyched myself up to speak to him, God would tell me, no, not yet, just wait. So, I backed off and waited but, it's happened the last 3 times so, I wait.
I am dangling because God is sharing things with me and I am trusting him. Last night, I couldn't sleep so, all night I prayed. I prayed and I asked God several different things (in search of answers on what to do and how to handle this whole thing). Each time I asked God a question, he "answered" by giving me peace --- not an answer but, it was peace. It happened each and every time and I was asking him for an answer but nothing yet except peace.
Maybe God just wanted me to feel his love and maybe he has a different ending to all this and maybe he just wants me to rest in him knowing he has everything under control???
That's the only thing I can think of.
I had really wanted to talk to this guy a few times, but, each time I psyched myself up to speak to him, God would tell me, no, not yet, just wait. So, I backed off and waited but, it's happened the last 3 times so, I wait.
Oh I know. Believe me I know and if it's not God's answer, then ok. But, God has spoken to me so many times about this guy and he had spoken to someone else to letting us know that one day he and i would be together.
But, I know that God didn't mean for he and I to be together now.
I remember when my mom was beginning to date my dad. Her aunt told her the one day, he will be your husband but, at the time, her aunt had never met her bf but, she said God was telling her that they will get married. They dated for 9 yrs and then yes, they got married.
I had a lady whom I didn't know and she knew nothing of this guy, but, i had posted a prayer request one day about him and she said she was praying for him and for him and God audibly spoke to her telling her that one day, he will be my husband and she said that God doesn't often speak to her audibly, but when he does, it has always come true when she's prayed for others. She told me that God didn't give her any timeline, it was just simple words like that telling her that we will be together.
Those were similar words God gave me about 3 yrs ago. I highly doubted it but, then when God started to slowly answer my prayer requests, I was like, maybe you are telling the truth. Now, yes, he and I are in a huge mixup thing but, about 2 weeks ago, God tested me. He wanted me to give my friend over to him completely and I did and once I did that, I felt complete and total freedom wash over me and felt peace.
God is working. He's working in my life and even though I don't see it, I believe he's working in his life. I'm just going thru a difficult time right now and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I remember, back in 2001, I was going through an extremely tough time. I was talking to this one pastor at the time and he told me in order to get to the peace, I need to weather the storm and then I'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. You know how long it took me to see the light at the end of the tunnel? In total, it took 6 yrs. I deeply struggled that entire time but yet, I still trusted and had faith in God and he brought me through. Was it tough? Yes. Did I want to give up? Yes often times I really did but, I pushed through and never gave up and God showed me the light (his peace)
I am seeking an answer from God. Whether it's telling me he and I aren't for each other after all... ok... but for now, it just SEEMS like he's telling me, not now, just wait.
About a month ago, I was praying outta frustration about he and I, and out of nowhere God audibly spoke to me and was adamant about this. He told me, You need to relax. You need to give me time to work on him but, my plan will work out just as I have shared with you and everything will be ok. You just need to relax and calm down. That is what God told me and after he told me that, I received peace and was able to relax a bit.
But, I know that God didn't mean for he and I to be together now.
I remember when my mom was beginning to date my dad. Her aunt told her the one day, he will be your husband but, at the time, her aunt had never met her bf but, she said God was telling her that they will get married. They dated for 9 yrs and then yes, they got married.
I had a lady whom I didn't know and she knew nothing of this guy, but, i had posted a prayer request one day about him and she said she was praying for him and for him and God audibly spoke to her telling her that one day, he will be my husband and she said that God doesn't often speak to her audibly, but when he does, it has always come true when she's prayed for others. She told me that God didn't give her any timeline, it was just simple words like that telling her that we will be together.
Those were similar words God gave me about 3 yrs ago. I highly doubted it but, then when God started to slowly answer my prayer requests, I was like, maybe you are telling the truth. Now, yes, he and I are in a huge mixup thing but, about 2 weeks ago, God tested me. He wanted me to give my friend over to him completely and I did and once I did that, I felt complete and total freedom wash over me and felt peace.
God is working. He's working in my life and even though I don't see it, I believe he's working in his life. I'm just going thru a difficult time right now and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I remember, back in 2001, I was going through an extremely tough time. I was talking to this one pastor at the time and he told me in order to get to the peace, I need to weather the storm and then I'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. You know how long it took me to see the light at the end of the tunnel? In total, it took 6 yrs. I deeply struggled that entire time but yet, I still trusted and had faith in God and he brought me through. Was it tough? Yes. Did I want to give up? Yes often times I really did but, I pushed through and never gave up and God showed me the light (his peace)
I am seeking an answer from God. Whether it's telling me he and I aren't for each other after all... ok... but for now, it just SEEMS like he's telling me, not now, just wait.
About a month ago, I was praying outta frustration about he and I, and out of nowhere God audibly spoke to me and was adamant about this. He told me, You need to relax. You need to give me time to work on him but, my plan will work out just as I have shared with you and everything will be ok. You just need to relax and calm down. That is what God told me and after he told me that, I received peace and was able to relax a bit.
he basically told me was that we'll be together forever load of dung, unless it's backed up with a ring. It shouldn't come out of a person's mouth unless there is intent of a serious relationship behind it. You can't, after all, be "together forever" if the two of you marry someone else.
When I started dating, I made a significant deal out of it. I told her I wanted to be in a committed, exclusive relationship and asked her if she felt the same. When she agreed, I gave the gf a mizpah. As a result, we have a specific calendar date and specific memories and jewelry for when it became clear and obvious that we started dating.
Playing games when it comes to relationships...grrrrr!
When I started dating, I made a significant deal out of it. I told her I wanted to be in a committed, exclusive relationship and asked her if she felt the same. When she agreed, I gave the gf a mizpah. As a result, we have a specific calendar date and specific memories and jewelry for when it became clear and obvious that we started dating.
Playing games when it comes to relationships...grrrrr!
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For the fact that you are having to ask us, you already know the answer. But you don't want to accept the answer. It is wrong if you are not open about what you are " sneaking" also you need to communicate to your partner that your love language is quality time. That's what a relationship is about. 5 love languages is a really helpful book for all relationships. I read it in 3 hours. It's great. It works. It was fun too. But if your like this with this relationship, when you start to get lonely with the next one, you will do the same situation but different faces. Anyway. Good luck.
Ask him if he's committed to only you. If he says no, then I'd say get out. If he doesn't want to hurt you then he should either commit to you or end the romantic stuff and just be a friend. A long time ago I was in this kind of whatever relationship and it's a bunch of malarkey.
To quote Beyone, whose music annoys the heck out of me by the way, If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it.
Dumb song, but if you know what you want and he's, we'll be together forever when I'm ready, chances are he's not ever going to be ready.
To quote Beyone, whose music annoys the heck out of me by the way, If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it.
Dumb song, but if you know what you want and he's, we'll be together forever when I'm ready, chances are he's not ever going to be ready.
G
This may be something to be concerned about.
Depending on what this really means, you should probably:
1) wait ( for a little while, not forever; i.e. - "give him some space" ) - because he is only trying to sort out his feelings for you. ( Or, something else - see below. )
I am thinking that this is certainly possible - but not probable - in this case -- based on what I can gleen from your comments thus far. ( Particularly because of the 3-4 months period of time... )
2) talk with him about it - because the communication between the two of you needs to be honest and open at all times
This really never hurts. It is the foundation of a good healthy relationship. ( Please understand the intended context of what I am saying here. I am most certainly not suggesting that God should not be at the center of your relationship with this man. )
The only reason I can imagine that this might not be good "at this time" is if it would drive him in the "wrong" direction - while he is trying to sort out his feelings - and, only if what is going on with him is truly 'innocent'. But, I think that this would be a [ very ] "rare case" situation, at best.
3) steer clear of him completely - because he is "playing you"
Otherwise, he is being "drawn away" from you by another woman...?
See the range of possibilities?
There is no way for us ( on CC ) to know; therefore, we should all be very careful in giving any advice to you.
And -- please forgive me for saying this, if it actually turns out to be true
- as, I would not want to diminish the intended 'effect' of it - if it were to occur...
The 'mystery' and 'mixed signals' part of this "sounds a whole lot like" a scenario where the guy was setting up a surprise proposal... ( Or, otherwise, some "really nice" thing he wanted to do for you - i.e. - on your birthday, etc. )
I am really only pointing out this possibility to illustrate that we do not know ( CC members ) what is really going on.
Please don't tell this girl what she should do with her relationship based on "a little bit of information"...
( And, [ CC members ] don't get mad at me for saying this. I would not want her to be hurt by a guy who was being selfish, either. )
The lack of "sufficient information" makes me want to ask:
"What exactly is the 'complicated' nature of your relationship referred to in the thread title?"
And, there are some other questions that come to mind - based on what is "lacking" in the 'story' of what has been told so far.
There is something you are not telling us. I am not saying that you are deliberately being deceptive. That is not what I mean. I just simply mean that "there is something missing, here"... ( lack of 'detail' -- which, I am not saying "you must tell us" - that is your prerogative )
However, I know this much -- if he has any problem with you doing the exact same thing that he is doing ( forming / having other opposite-sex [ just- ] friendships ) - there is probably-most-definitely something wrong with that...
The most important thing is that -- all of your other 'friends' ( yours and his ) truly need to be "just friends" for your relationship to work [ well ] as it should.
In any case, it sounds like - more than anything - you need to better understand the true intent of his heart.
If I have / had any advice, it would be this:
Talk to him...
"clear-the-air"
Don't just 'guess' or 'wonder' - "find out" - you have that right.
As for you forming / having other [ just- ] friendships, my only question to you at this point is -- are you only looking for male friends ( as opposed to "male or female - whatever I chance to do - whoever I chance to meet" ) - and, if so, this could be 'telling'...
Depending on what this really means, you should probably:
1) wait ( for a little while, not forever; i.e. - "give him some space" ) - because he is only trying to sort out his feelings for you. ( Or, something else - see below. )
I am thinking that this is certainly possible - but not probable - in this case -- based on what I can gleen from your comments thus far. ( Particularly because of the 3-4 months period of time... )
2) talk with him about it - because the communication between the two of you needs to be honest and open at all times
This really never hurts. It is the foundation of a good healthy relationship. ( Please understand the intended context of what I am saying here. I am most certainly not suggesting that God should not be at the center of your relationship with this man. )
The only reason I can imagine that this might not be good "at this time" is if it would drive him in the "wrong" direction - while he is trying to sort out his feelings - and, only if what is going on with him is truly 'innocent'. But, I think that this would be a [ very ] "rare case" situation, at best.
3) steer clear of him completely - because he is "playing you"
Otherwise, he is being "drawn away" from you by another woman...?
See the range of possibilities?
There is no way for us ( on CC ) to know; therefore, we should all be very careful in giving any advice to you.
And -- please forgive me for saying this, if it actually turns out to be true
- as, I would not want to diminish the intended 'effect' of it - if it were to occur...The 'mystery' and 'mixed signals' part of this "sounds a whole lot like" a scenario where the guy was setting up a surprise proposal...
( Or, otherwise, some "really nice" thing he wanted to do for you - i.e. - on your birthday, etc. )I am really only pointing out this possibility to illustrate that we do not know ( CC members ) what is really going on.
Please don't tell this girl what she should do with her relationship based on "a little bit of information"...
( And, [ CC members ] don't get mad at me for saying this. I would not want her to be hurt by a guy who was being selfish, either. )
The lack of "sufficient information" makes me want to ask:
"What exactly is the 'complicated' nature of your relationship referred to in the thread title?"
And, there are some other questions that come to mind - based on what is "lacking" in the 'story' of what has been told so far.
There is something you are not telling us. I am not saying that you are deliberately being deceptive. That is not what I mean. I just simply mean that "there is something missing, here"... ( lack of 'detail' -- which, I am not saying "you must tell us" - that is your prerogative )
However, I know this much -- if he has any problem with you doing the exact same thing that he is doing ( forming / having other opposite-sex [ just- ] friendships ) - there is probably-most-definitely something wrong with that...
The most important thing is that -- all of your other 'friends' ( yours and his ) truly need to be "just friends" for your relationship to work [ well ] as it should.
In any case, it sounds like - more than anything - you need to better understand the true intent of his heart.
If I have / had any advice, it would be this:
Talk to him...
"clear-the-air"
Don't just 'guess' or 'wonder' - "find out" - you have that right.
As for you forming / having other [ just- ] friendships, my only question to you at this point is -- are you only looking for male friends ( as opposed to "male or female - whatever I chance to do - whoever I chance to meet" ) - and, if so, this could be 'telling'...
U
Again. The cheating was not really my point.
And second, if you're going to ignore everyone's advice and play the "God's directing me" card then what's the point of this thread? Sounds to me like you're just lonely and feel a bad man is better than no man. Otherwise you'd be listening to others instead of defending your own choices.
And second, if you're going to ignore everyone's advice and play the "God's directing me" card then what's the point of this thread? Sounds to me like you're just lonely and feel a bad man is better than no man. Otherwise you'd be listening to others instead of defending your own choices.
S
There seems to be two very clear things going on here.The 1st point is about you feeling guilty and insecure by interacting with other guys in whom you have already expressed you have no desire to be with anybody else, which to me is fine because your're not looking for any kind of romantic/emotional dynamic with other guys.However are you feeling like it's a kind of cheating because your finding other guys enjoyable to interact with ect which subconciously you have kind of deprived yourself off experiencing due to your commitment to this guy?Having other males friends to chat with and enjoy their company is perfectly normal..it can only be an issue when their presence in your life compensates for the lack of proper interaction with this other guy and you find yourself actually preferring their company and social interaction more that his?
The second point is that it is perfectly normal to want to know where is this thing going with this guy am I right in saying there is kissing and cuddling happening between you both??Then clearly he sought to me giving you the security you need by confirming what is going on.He says he doesn't want to hurt you,yet are you a kind of friend to him with romantic benefits which he's happy to maintain without truly committing to you?
If you are both having friends of the opposite sex which are just FRIENDS why should you be telling each other about this anyway?you both should have independant lives outside of each other but I am just a bit concerned that you have placed this guy inside your heart and it has made you insecure regarding mixing with the opposite sex which makes me wander just how much have you devoted yourself to him.?
Does he love you?Do you love him?
You seem a bright intelligent person and God loves you deeply.
seek him and allow him to reveal the truth as to what's really going on and if this guy is wasting your time then you will need to have the courage (with gods help) to walk away.Having other male friends ect is titally fine so long as your motives are right towards them..however this has also revealed your lack of confidence to be yourself.(feeling your somehow cheating in wanting to just have male friends).
May god guide you into all truth and empower you to make the right decision to be who god wants you to be!
The second point is that it is perfectly normal to want to know where is this thing going with this guy am I right in saying there is kissing and cuddling happening between you both??Then clearly he sought to me giving you the security you need by confirming what is going on.He says he doesn't want to hurt you,yet are you a kind of friend to him with romantic benefits which he's happy to maintain without truly committing to you?
If you are both having friends of the opposite sex which are just FRIENDS why should you be telling each other about this anyway?you both should have independant lives outside of each other but I am just a bit concerned that you have placed this guy inside your heart and it has made you insecure regarding mixing with the opposite sex which makes me wander just how much have you devoted yourself to him.?
Does he love you?Do you love him?
You seem a bright intelligent person and God loves you deeply.
seek him and allow him to reveal the truth as to what's really going on and if this guy is wasting your time then you will need to have the courage (with gods help) to walk away.Having other male friends ect is titally fine so long as your motives are right towards them..however this has also revealed your lack of confidence to be yourself.(feeling your somehow cheating in wanting to just have male friends).
May god guide you into all truth and empower you to make the right decision to be who god wants you to be!