Hello all! I'm happy to flick this out into a wider discussion of the topic, but I was interested in running my particular 'case study' by people here, to get some particular thoughts.
So, this girl at my church that I've known for a while is an amazing Christian woman. There are a lot of things I really admire about her as a woman of God. We've both been at the same church since we were kids, but kind of only moved into the same circle of friends once we got over the typical kid 'girls group' and 'boys group' way of having friends through school. We got on really well (as do most of us in the clutch of young adults at my church). For a while now, I've entertained the possibility of seeing whether we could explore the relationship being something more, and got as far as face-to-face asking if she'd like to do coffee sometime. OF course, she's not stupid, and worked out that I wanted to see if we could take things to the 'next level' (hate that phrase), and basically said if that was the case, then let's not do coffee. I said that was indeed what I was thinking, and said 'cool'. And that was that.
So, two things. One, is that soon after this she was dating some other guy (who I actually got on quite well with, and the impression was that this had been in the works for a while, so it made sense). OF course, what I also thought was that potentially a large part of her rejection was this other relationship, which has since ended (I think it lasted a couple of months, I can't quite remember).
My second thought was that perhaps I wasn't necessarily 100% not a possibility, which was the impression I took from the initial nix'ing. Perhaps it just put me further down the list behind other men that she didn't already know as good friends (which, in tandem with the last point, allowed me to rationalise everything in my head without arriving at the conclusion that she would never entertain a relationship with me).
So, my questions are basically this: am I playing games in my head that aren't going to prove fruitful either in a possible relationship or in actually serving this girl as a sister in Christ, while also serving God? Could it actually be that what I was thinking was right, and I should actually make another approach? Could it be that I am friendzoned, or that it was mainly this other relationship, or some other x quality of mine that doesn't make me a likely candidate? If I can reasonably entertain the prospect of making another approach, how should I got about doing this?
Obviously, the ideal situation would be to get to a point where we both feel comfortable to take the time to slowly and seriously spend time together and look towards courting. However, I think barring that, I would actually also really be happy for us to take some time, both aware of exactly where the other is at and why they are there, and pray and think seperately over whether we should pursue anything at all, even if we concluded it wasn't on.
What say you?
So, this girl at my church that I've known for a while is an amazing Christian woman. There are a lot of things I really admire about her as a woman of God. We've both been at the same church since we were kids, but kind of only moved into the same circle of friends once we got over the typical kid 'girls group' and 'boys group' way of having friends through school. We got on really well (as do most of us in the clutch of young adults at my church). For a while now, I've entertained the possibility of seeing whether we could explore the relationship being something more, and got as far as face-to-face asking if she'd like to do coffee sometime. OF course, she's not stupid, and worked out that I wanted to see if we could take things to the 'next level' (hate that phrase), and basically said if that was the case, then let's not do coffee. I said that was indeed what I was thinking, and said 'cool'. And that was that.
So, two things. One, is that soon after this she was dating some other guy (who I actually got on quite well with, and the impression was that this had been in the works for a while, so it made sense). OF course, what I also thought was that potentially a large part of her rejection was this other relationship, which has since ended (I think it lasted a couple of months, I can't quite remember).
My second thought was that perhaps I wasn't necessarily 100% not a possibility, which was the impression I took from the initial nix'ing. Perhaps it just put me further down the list behind other men that she didn't already know as good friends (which, in tandem with the last point, allowed me to rationalise everything in my head without arriving at the conclusion that she would never entertain a relationship with me).
So, my questions are basically this: am I playing games in my head that aren't going to prove fruitful either in a possible relationship or in actually serving this girl as a sister in Christ, while also serving God? Could it actually be that what I was thinking was right, and I should actually make another approach? Could it be that I am friendzoned, or that it was mainly this other relationship, or some other x quality of mine that doesn't make me a likely candidate? If I can reasonably entertain the prospect of making another approach, how should I got about doing this?
Obviously, the ideal situation would be to get to a point where we both feel comfortable to take the time to slowly and seriously spend time together and look towards courting. However, I think barring that, I would actually also really be happy for us to take some time, both aware of exactly where the other is at and why they are there, and pray and think seperately over whether we should pursue anything at all, even if we concluded it wasn't on.
What say you?
. She already said no once so the odds aren't looking too good but if you think it's still a possibility why not take another stab at it?