Introducing myself, a wanting to believer

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wanting2believe

Guest
#1
#1
Hi,
brothers and sisters in Christ.
Im a 22 soon to be 23.
I am a very shy at first but open to everyone.
I was raised in a thought crown in the streets, but ever since I was young, I always looked for the Lord. Im not going to deny that Ive had some issues with my self because people always make me feel less, yet I try to keep myself composed, but I would be lying if I did not admit that I have a low self esteem.
Ive read the bible a decent amount of times, I have been in many churches. I know it seems bad from my part but I never have really felt God, always limiting my progress in believing in God, always making me reject the idea of God. Honestly I really want to believe, I do my heart wants to believe.
I know its also not related but I feel that without love this life is not worth leaving. I know that I should try my best at finding God's true love, yet if I dont find love of a partner I feel I cant move on in this life. Yes I know I should not blame my procrastination on that but I am being honest, I feel like in order to move forger I need to feel that gap inside my person.
So I pray and cry every night and at a time I even actually hated God and blamed him and hated him for about 1 year til date. Today I made the choice to give myself another try, maybe this time I will reach Gods heart and he can reach mine. I hope he can go inside me and look at what my heart desires and that is to find a true personal mutual love with a nice women, and honestly I want to fill him too. I know I shouldn't go to extremest but I feel that if I were not to find God and this mutual love I wont move on, and end up letting my flesh take over.. and do something dumb.

I am sorry if I took your time but I just needed to say this again. Proof of my heart open up to you fellow brothers and to the Lord, not for the attention but for the hope that maybe the Lord will hear me.

Im really hard headed and so its hard to just believe, I know I hate that about myself but I cant change that. I need proof, I need it, and Im ashamed of it.

Sincerely Uriel.
 
Snackersmom

Snackersmom

Senior Member
#2
May 10, 2011
1,472
135
63
#2
Hi, Uriel :)

I think that most of us here can understand wanting to believe but feeling a lack of faith, but there is good news: the faith by which we believe doesn't even come from us; it comes from God. So, since it comes from Him in the first place, then you can always go to Him for more, like the man who told Jesus "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief!"

God knows that we're only human, and He understands. Do you remember the story of Thomas, who said that he wouldn't believe that Jesus was risen from the dead unless he could put his fingers in the nail holes in His hands, and thrust his fist in the spear-hole in Jesus' side? Well, Thomas had already seen Jesus perform MANY miracles and signs, and wonders, yet he still doubted. And, despite Thomas' doubts, Jesus appeared to him, and let him feel the wounds, so that he would believe. Jesus met Thomas at Thomas' level of doubt, and He can do the same for you, because He loves you.

So, you need to level with Him. Tell Him your doubts, your fears, your shame. Ask Him to show you who He is, and tell Him that you will give Him your life if He does (make sure you mean it ;)). Don't worry about finding a wife right now, that can come later, if that's what God has for you. Just work on getting right with Him first. He loves you, Uriel, and He wants you to seek Him, and love Him back :) -Nichole
 
S

Strong1

Guest
#3
#3
Am I crazy or is this thread all over C.C. ?:D
 
S

Strong1

Guest
#5
#5
Welcome friend :)
 
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wanting2believe

Guest
#6
#6
lol sorry :/ I just dont know how to do this... but thank you guys
 
A

aprilandkeion

Guest
#7
#7
frequently asked question: what on earth am i here for?
the starting place must be with God and his eternal purposes for each life. Real meaning and significance comes from understanding and fulfilling God’s purposes for putting us on earth..

its better to be dead than having a life without God.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#8
#8
wanting2believe said:
Hi,
brothers and sisters in Christ.
Im a 22 soon to be 23.
I am a very shy at first but open to everyone.
I was raised in a thought crown in the streets, but ever since I was young, I always looked for the Lord. Im not going to deny that Ive had some issues with my self because people always make me feel less, yet I try to keep myself composed, but I would be lying if I did not admit that I have a low self esteem.
Ive read the bible a decent amount of times, I have been in many churches. I know it seems bad from my part but I never have really felt God, always limiting my progress in believing in God, always making me reject the idea of God. Honestly I really want to believe, I do my heart wants to believe.
I know its also not related but I feel that without love this life is not worth leaving. I know that I should try my best at finding God's true love, yet if I dont find love of a partner I feel I cant move on in this life. Yes I know I should not blame my procrastination on that but I am being honest, I feel like in order to move forger I need to feel that gap inside my person.
So I pray and cry every night and at a time I even actually hated God and blamed him and hated him for about 1 year til date. Today I made the choice to give myself another try, maybe this time I will reach Gods heart and he can reach mine. I hope he can go inside me and look at what my heart desires and that is to find a true personal mutual love with a nice women, and honestly I want to fill him too. I know I shouldn't go to extremest but I feel that if I were not to find God and this mutual love I wont move on, and end up letting my flesh take over.. and do something dumb.

I am sorry if I took your time but I just needed to say this again. Proof of my heart open up to you fellow brothers and to the Lord, not for the attention but for the hope that maybe the Lord will hear me.

Im really hard headed and so its hard to just believe, I know I hate that about myself but I cant change that. I need proof, I need it, and Im ashamed of it.

Sincerely Uriel.
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MARK 9:
23 “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
24 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

Uriel, the calling that you are feeling, the desire to know God is coming from God, Himself. You are being wooed by the Holy Spirit. And He has already given you the measure of faith that you need to know that He is.

The gap that you are feeling is not a hole to be filled up by another person. It's a Jesus shaped hole. If we look to another human to fill that up, we are setting them up to fail because humans cannot fill God shaped holes, can they?

I'm glad you've joined us. Welcome.

May I make a suggestion? If you will look around this Singles forum, you will see a thread about reading the Bible TOGETHER. Maybe it would be helpful for you to join us. Post your thoughts. Read ours.

He who seeks finds, but he must seek diligently. God bless :)
 
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wanting2believe

Guest
#9
#9
I thank you all,
brothers and sisters.

I understand what your saying I do, and like I said, I have tried many times. This is not the first and probably not the last time. Ive gone to churches and pastors have given up on me. Maybe in the end I am the one at fault.

I just really dont feel anything, Ive read the bible, if your willing I will read it again with any of you, with an open mind, and heart. Yet I dont feel anything, Ive asked for the holy spirit, and I have not felt anything. I just dont want any of you thinking that Im new to this, if I have to start all over I will.

What do you mean by He gave me the measure of faith? I dont honestly have faith... only hope that He is out there, because like I said, He is my last hope to makes sense of this life.

Well I wont even try to fight my case anymore... I honestly dont think any of you can understand anymore.. My first day and Im already giving up on any of you understanding.. but hey I will try to again. I just dont want it to fail. because in my mind then everything would be a lie? and all of you would be? or then again maybe its me.. and God is just not for me.. My heart is willing, but my heart is also hungry for what it wants.. and that is someone.. physically .. but I guess none of you can understand.. but still I thank you and may God bless you all.. and please take care of me. Man I sound like a baby but its what I feel and its real. No lies.

Sincerely Uriel.
 
K

kayem77

Guest
#10
#10
Hello fellow mexican :) welcome to CC

You know, you mentioned something interesting, you said that this life without love doesn't mean anything and you are completely right, but that love you're seeking for comes from God, not from a woman. I'm not saying that a woman's love is not good, but that need you feel for God would fulfill that emptiness you feel inside, and no human can fill that hole in your heart because, as Jullianna said, that hole is a Jesus' shaped hole .

The simple fact that you pray to God seeking for him, and the simple fact that you are here asking for proof only proves that God is calling you...even though you might don't know it yet. I don't know what else to tell you, I don't know the details of what makes it hard for you to believe, but please don't give up. Seek him with your heart, and you will find Him. God's love is the most amazing gift a human can have, and it's eternal :) I hope you soon enjoy of the gift of his love and the joy of his salvation. Dios te bendiga :)

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. Deuteronomy 4:29
 
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wanting2believe

Guest
#11
#11
Ima sound like such a child lol but Im actually just feeling annoyed lol not because of any of you guys advice.. I really do sincerely and openly thank you. If I were heard, I would ask God to idk give you some chocolate cake or something as a thank you lol cuz chocalate cake is always good.. but idk.. ima just going to say this.. in my belief system..


1 Gods Love (only true love)
2 Love of a mutual partner (hence your new family and also most likely needed if your weak of passions..)
3 Love of family
4 Love of friends

So all of you listen, I understand what you guys are telling me lol I never have said God is second he is first.. yet I am more flesh then spirit.. so I need to be filled in the flesh in order to be filled in the spirit of God.. now all of you will go berserk and tell me it shouldnt be like that.. but.. why cant it? Many people find a wife or husband before they find God and they actually become happier? Why can I be like that.. and honestly thats why I didnt want to even try to be on the site.. because now I feel like a jerk.. because you guys are good and are trying to help me. I find it offensive tho when you will give me the simple answer that Im young or imature, or God doesnt work that way.. or that I should just keep trying.. Well my brothers I try, thats not the problem, so then what is the problem? but I thank you seriously may God bless you with cookies or something nice.. now ima go have some cookies cuz Im hungry..
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#12
#12
What I mean is that God gives us all the faith we need to seek and find Him.

God knows us better than we know ourselves, and we're all human too. We understand a lot better than you think. It's just that we have learned that it is better for God to tell US how it needs to be rather than trying to tell Him how we want things to be, and trying to put Him into the box we think is right. As long as you won't let Him be God in your life, you will continue to be frustrated by trying to do it your own way. :(

I hope this makes sense.
 
D

DrStephgren

Guest
#13
#13
I can understand what Uriel's saying. If you feel that you do need more from God than the "wooing" itself, why is it so impossible to get this? Uriel's not alone, there are many more that feel that they need a whole lot more to be able to believe, but why can it not be there?

I would say, Uriel, that you should start out with loving yourself.
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#14
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#14
wanting2believe said:
I thank you all,
brothers and sisters.

I understand what your saying I do, and like I said, I have tried many times. This is not the first and probably not the last time. Ive gone to churches and pastors have given up on me. Maybe in the end I am the one at fault.

I just really dont feel anything, Ive read the bible, if your willing I will read it again with any of you, with an open mind, and heart. Yet I dont feel anything, Ive asked for the holy spirit, and I have not felt anything. I just dont want any of you thinking that Im new to this, if I have to start all over I will.

What do you mean by He gave me the measure of faith? I dont honestly have faith... only hope that He is out there, because like I said, He is my last hope to makes sense of this life.

Well I wont even try to fight my case anymore... I honestly dont think any of you can understand anymore.. My first day and Im already giving up on any of you understanding.. but hey I will try to again. I just dont want it to fail. because in my mind then everything would be a lie? and all of you would be? or then again maybe its me.. and God is just not for me.. My heart is willing, but my heart is also hungry for what it wants.. and that is someone.. physically .. but I guess none of you can understand.. but still I thank you and may God bless you all.. and please take care of me. Man I sound like a baby but its what I feel and its real. No lies.

Sincerely Uriel.
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I doubt anyone can fully understand what's going on in someone else's head :)

I don't think faith comes in one big bang for most people...it's a on-going process with just taking little steps. I can not point back in my past and say EXACTLY when I was saved. Maybe some people can but not me. So why give up when you're just starting out?

Are you serving other people? Are you making an effort to love others? Sometimes just getting outside of ourselves helps us to see what's happening more clearly. Especially if you're in the midst of confusion.

Or, are your expectations of what Christianity will do for you, unrealistic? Please continue in Bible study asking the Holy Spirit to guide you in the knowledge of our Father. There are also other resources that can help in your understanding...a pastor would be able to direct you to those.

Praying for you...welcome to CC :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#15
#15
Romans 12 tells us that each of us is given a measure of faith to do whatever it is that God is calling us to do. I absolutely agree that our faith is increased from glory to glory as we walk with Him continuously and allow the Spirit to mold us into the likeness of Christ. :) Because He's just that awesome. :D

I also agree that it is NORMALLY not a big bang kinda thing J, though I can’t count it out, as it has happened. (Acts 9; I Samuel) Most of us have to continuously yield our will to His over a lifelong journey. For all of us that journey begins with a humble heart, as

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18 (Uriel, this is what is truly on my heart to share with you)

God is love and His Word says that His sort of love doesn’t demand its own way (1 Cor 13). We won’t get far if we want to continue to try and tell Him how we want Him to do His work in us.
 
Snackersmom

Snackersmom

Senior Member
#16
May 10, 2011
1,472
135
63
#16
wanting2believe said:
Ima sound like such a child lol but Im actually just feeling annoyed lol not because of any of you guys advice.. I really do sincerely and openly thank you. If I were heard, I would ask God to idk give you some chocolate cake or something as a thank you lol cuz chocalate cake is always good.. but idk.. ima just going to say this.. in my belief system..


1 Gods Love (only true love)
2 Love of a mutual partner (hence your new family and also most likely needed if your weak of passions..)
3 Love of family
4 Love of friends

So all of you listen, I understand what you guys are telling me lol I never have said God is second he is first.. yet I am more flesh then spirit.. so I need to be filled in the flesh in order to be filled in the spirit of God.. now all of you will go berserk and tell me it shouldnt be like that.. but.. why cant it? Many people find a wife or husband before they find God and they actually become happier? Why can I be like that.. and honestly thats why I didnt want to even try to be on the site.. because now I feel like a jerk.. because you guys are good and are trying to help me. I find it offensive tho when you will give me the simple answer that Im young or imature, or God doesnt work that way.. or that I should just keep trying.. Well my brothers I try, thats not the problem, so then what is the problem? but I thank you seriously may God bless you with cookies or something nice.. now ima go have some cookies cuz Im hungry..
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Did you say COOKIES!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!.......Share?.....(puppydog face).

Believe it or not, I sort of get what you're saying about wanting a spouse, I used to feel the same way, because I always wanted to get married. Then I realized one day that I was more focused on finding a husband than I was on fulfilling God's plan for my life (long story). So, I turned that area of my life over to Jesus, and I told Him that if a husband wasn't in His plan for me, then that was ok, I would just give all my love to HIM, instead. And, I started focusing on The Lord more, and delighting myself in Him, and trying to show Him more love, which I hadn't been doing enough of. In my experience, if we aren't feeling God's love very strongly, it's often because we aren't showing HIM enough of OUR love. Our relationship with Jesus is sort of like a marriage; you can have a great one, or you can have an "ok' one, ya know? I hope this helps, thanks for the cake! :D

P.S. It's nice to have you here, Uriel. Your comments aren't offensive, I promise :)
 
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wanting2believe

Guest
#17
#17
lol Im actually reading all you guys comments.. but I read my post too.. and I can surely I was and Im still kinda grouchy.. Im so tired. Im tired yes Im tired of this whole situation, but I was mostly tired physically. Man Im tired right now but Im not as grouchy.. Tho your comments do make me say things like "I know what your saying, yes I do get it.. yes I get that tooo!!"

A few of you actually did help. Like the one who said.. you should start loving yourself... actually thats not the first and I probably wouldnt doubt it would be the last. Well if I can say it in words. I do love myself.. and I know my flaws, and weaknesses. I do love myself, but I am humble. I guess some people (man why do I feel like I sound like a jerk!! lol) need me to be like idk happy and all? Im a chill person.. lol .. but I do love myself..but I wont deny my flaws, weaknesses and failures (so if it looks like I dont) but sir thank you.. actually I feel your like you do so I thank you.

Julianna thanks for your help.. but il explain what your doing.. I feel that you believe that by posting bible verses that I have read quite a few times and do understand them (thats awesome I do believe the word of God is perfect in all) .. but honestly.. personally his word? does not connect with me personally.. so it fails (sad and also annoying).. but thank you.. (man I feel like Im all grouchy lol so I apologize if I offend you.) and I guess I will end up frustrating myself.. because I cant.. even if I try.. to make him first.. that lack of my person .. makes me..not move forward.. so its my fault yes.. do I feel bad.. yes.. why? because I know Im wrong to be like that... Thanks tho :) and honestly may God bless you.

Snackersmom lol yes I know right lol and after I ate some cookies I felt fine and passed out in the couch.. well Idk good point. I know I should.. but I cant focus.. even if I try I just get bored with that.. cuz I never feel anything.. but I already posted what I feel when I try to do stuff for God.. and Idk with you I cant really get annoyed cuz your so nice and Thank you.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#18
#18
wanting2believe said:
lol Im actually reading all you guys comments.. but I read my post too.. and I can surely I was and Im still kinda grouchy.. Im so tired. Im tired yes Im tired of this whole situation, but I was mostly tired physically. Man Im tired right now but Im not as grouchy.. Tho your comments do make me say things like "I know what your saying, yes I do get it.. yes I get that tooo!!"

A few of you actually did help. Like the one who said.. you should start loving yourself... actually thats not the first and I probably wouldnt doubt it would be the last. Well if I can say it in words. I do love myself.. and I know my flaws, and weaknesses. I do love myself, but I am humble. I guess some people (man why do I feel like I sound like a jerk!! lol) need me to be like idk happy and all? Im a chill person.. lol .. but I do love myself..but I wont deny my flaws, weaknesses and failures (so if it looks like I dont) but sir thank you.. actually I feel your like you do so I thank you.

Julianna thanks for your help.. but il explain what your doing.. I feel that you believe that by posting bible verses that I have read quite a few times and do understand them (thats awesome I do believe the word of God is perfect in all) .. but honestly.. personally his word? does not connect with me personally.. so it fails (sad and also annoying).. but thank you.. (man I feel like Im all grouchy lol so I apologize if I offend you.) and I guess I will end up frustrating myself.. because I cant.. even if I try.. to make him first.. that lack of my person .. makes me..not move forward.. so its my fault yes.. do I feel bad.. yes.. why? because I know Im wrong to be like that... Thanks tho :) and honestly may God bless you.

Snackersmom lol yes I know right lol and after I ate some cookies I felt fine and passed out in the couch.. well Idk good point. I know I should.. but I cant focus.. even if I try I just get bored with that.. cuz I never feel anything.. but I already posted what I feel when I try to do stuff for God.. and Idk with you I cant really get annoyed cuz your so nice and Thank you.
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No, I'm not offended, just confused. If you want to know God and are truly searching for Him and want Him to speak to you , why would you find the things He has to say via the scriptures troubling and annoying? :confused: Is it because you don't like being told that you can't do it your way?

I do apologize that I'm not much on sugarcoating the truth .
 
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wanting2believe

Guest
#19
#19
Actually right now your not sugarcoating anything? The truth? Sorry but what truth?

Ok.. let me explain since your confused.. maybe if I explain you will be less confused.. I hate being confused. I read the bible and probably will keep reading the bible. No I dont find them troubling (scriptures).. wait.. by troubling what do you mean... annoying well you may be partially right. I like to read the bible. people need to read the bible, they would honestly be better people... I get annoyed.. a bit not alot.. because I do hold it dear.. the bible is in part a great part in my life morally. anyways il stop beating around the bush.. I dont connect with the word of God I see the word of God as just that.. a book that was inspired by the Lord.. but it not connects to my person... now if you dont understand why not? I will honestly say I do not know either...

No.. its not because I dont like being told that you cant do it my way.. but what is my way to you? Jullianna? That I want to be fulfilled, maybe blessed first? I know I should seek God first.. but what if I tried and never seem to get anything?

thank you for your apology, but what are you sugarcoating? What truth?

but hey I apologize because I am acting in defense.. because I feel your trying make me feel like Im new to all this and that im just refusing Gods way.. and its all about me..When even tho I do not know it all, I have tried to do it your way too (Traditional way??) and no its not all about me.. but its about me finding God and feeling fulfilled.. :) but maybe if you tell me how you found the Lord, maybe if I follow what you did maybe it works for me? right?

Thanks :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#20
#20
wanting2believe said:
Actually right now your not sugarcoating anything? The truth? Sorry but what truth?

Ok.. let me explain since your confused.. maybe if I explain you will be less confused.. I hate being confused. I read the bible and probably will keep reading the bible. No I dont find them troubling (scriptures).. wait.. by troubling what do you mean... annoying well you may be partially right. I like to read the bible. people need to read the bible, they would honestly be better people... I get annoyed.. a bit not alot.. because I do hold it dear.. the bible is in part a great part in my life morally. anyways il stop beating around the bush.. I dont connect with the word of God I see the word of God as just that.. a book that was inspired by the Lord.. but it not connects to my person... now if you dont understand why not? I will honestly say I do not know either...

No.. its not because I dont like being told that you cant do it my way.. but what is my way to you? Jullianna? That I want to be fulfilled, maybe blessed first? I know I should seek God first.. but what if I tried and never seem to get anything?

thank you for your apology, but what are you sugarcoating? What truth?

but hey I apologize because I am acting in defense.. because I feel your trying make me feel like Im new to all this and that im just refusing Gods way.. and its all about me..When even tho I do not know it all, I have tried to do it your way too (Traditional way??) and no its not all about me.. but its about me finding God and feeling fulfilled.. :) but maybe if you tell me how you found the Lord, maybe if I follow what you did maybe it works for me? right?

Thanks :)
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I hope this makes sense. I'm typing in my sleep. :)

The truth I was talking about is that a woman or man will not fill the place in us that only God can. If we try to fill it up with a man or woman, we will continue to move on from person to person to person. Some of us will find a mate because that's God's plan for us. Some of us will not. But we know that God desires a relationship with all of us.

And that we can't say, God, if you really are here and are who you say You are and really love me, you'll give me what I want. What we want isn't always the best thing for us when we think it is. And we really don't like knowing that.

I didn't take it that you were "new to all of this". I thought you meant this was simply something you've been struggling with for awhile. All of us struggle in one way or another, no matter where we are.

I can't apologize for quoting scripture. When I say something, I feel that it is important to back it up with God's Word rather than my own, you know? This IS a christian forum after all. :)

I don't know that there is a typical or traditional way to find God. Everyone's experience is different. We're all so different and God knows exactly what we need (even when we think we do and don't) and when we need it. There is no magic formula. There are no magic words.

How did I find Him? Well, I grew up in church. I heard the sermons. I sang the songs. I heard the stories in Sunday School. I watched family members of great faith living their lives right in front of me all of my life. And, while there was a part of me that was always tender toward the things of God, like you, I just didn't get it for a long time... but I thought I did. And I tried to do it my own way until the day I tried to take my own life, picked up a Bible and read the entire thing in a week. THAT's why scripture is so important to me. That's why I want what I say to people to be HIS words and not my own. That's why I wanted to lovingly share His words with you. :) Because I know the power in them firsthand. Because I know the scriptures say that in the beginning was the Word and the Word WAS God and IS God.

I'm not going to lie. There have been times when I didn't want to read scripture. I didn't want it to shine a light in my life. I was in the midst of a spiritual battle that was holding me back.

I don't know why you are experiencing what you are, but I do know that God knows. And even if I annoy you, I want you to know that everything I have said to you has been said out of genuine concern for your heart. :) You seem like a guy who appreciates honesty. So, there it is. :)
 
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