Is it a bad witness for a Christian pastor to marry someone 30 years younger?

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Nov 26, 2012
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#21
I do think age difference is realy hard on the yonger spouse though cos apart from having not much in common the older spouse ends up patronising the younger one, more of a parental relationship than a true equal marriage.

its not fun to marry your mum or dad....
However, I think there are a lot of younger women who are more attracted to older men, because of daddy issues.
 
Nov 26, 2012
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#22
What is the general consensus on age difference between people if the man is a pastor? Does his leadership role make a difference if he is thinking about marrying a woman who is 30 years younger than him? Would it be ok for someone else in the church who was not in leadership? Why is it frowned upon?
I think if a pastor, say 55, married a 25 yr old woman then there would be a mixed reaction. The fifty year old women would lose respect for him. The fifty year old men who are devout would think he’s fleshy. The fifty year old less devout men would envy him. The twenty year old men would find him more manly and a better leader. The twenty year old women might find him appealing (it’s a proven psychological thing). In my opinion I think that a successful marriage is based largely on compatibility. As this pastor in his experience would probably start being in his prime as a leader, now is anchored to the responsibilities of new marriage, and possibly late fatherhood. A man in his fifties to a woman in her twenties may not hold the same attraction in ten or fifteen years. When you grow old together a bond is formed. When one grows old, a dependency is formed.
 
Jun 12, 2020
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#23
I think pastors should already be married by the time they are in leadership since letter to timothy states they are to lead their own household/family before they lead the church family.

I think its weird to have a really young pastor who doesnt have his own family and is dating, or conversely a really old single pastor who has ditched his first wife for someone much younger. if he was widowed it might be fine though especially if the first wife was ok with him remarrying after she died. I have heard of some situations like that.
I agree with your remarks. Timothy may have been an exception but having a young pastor who isn't married is problematic.
 
Jun 12, 2020
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#24
What is the general consensus on age difference between people if the man is a pastor? Does his leadership role make a difference if he is thinking about marrying a woman who is 30 years younger than him? Would it be ok for someone else in the church who was not in leadership? Why is it frowned upon?
Awesome question. I am 27 years older than my wife and live in America. As far as I know, few people care about the age difference and treat her well because she is an amazing woman with character. My mother lives with us and she loves my wife too.

But, as for a pastor having a younger wife? Boy that makes me think. My pastor approves of my marriage by the way, it was his idea to look abroad. I would say it shouldn't matter but probably would because of all the speculation from the congregation. As I say that I think in some smaller churches where people can maybe see how he treats her and regards her that might help their relationship be accepted. An age gap of 20+ years in America makes up only about 1% of marriages so that is very unusual.

I would love to hear the questions the board of elders would ask him if he was a canditate for a pastor job.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#25
speculation from congregation just would not exist if the pastor is upfront on why he is 'thinking of marrying someone 30 years younger'. most people in church base their choice of marriage partner on spiritual reasons not age differences. eg they would marry someone because of their christian character, not based on how old they are. Though they do need to be over 18. you cant marry a child.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#26
I wonder why this is posted in the singles forum when its more of a family forum question you would get more answers there and possibly from people who might have that age gap.

I have asked about age gap differences here before and there are difficulties when there are huge differences, not at first but later on they show up. eg when people retire and the younger spouse is not ready to retire, or they have to look after the older spouse and give up their own work to do so.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#27
However, I think there are a lot of younger women who are more attracted to older men, because of daddy issues.
possibly.
or it could be that older men on the whole are more attractive becase they have more money and assets at their disposal, wheras younger men would most probably be in debt. Just to be cynical about it!
 
Jun 12, 2020
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#28
speculation from congregation just would not exist if the pastor is upfront on why he is 'thinking of marrying someone 30 years younger'. most people in church base their choice of marriage partner on spiritual reasons not age differences. eg they would marry someone because of their christian character, not based on how old they are. Though they do need to be over 18. you cant marry a child.
Oh the speculation never ends, that's just people. I am also sure the pastor is looking for spiritual reasons as that is the only requirement. He will look for someone attractive to him, naturally, but he must marry a Christian and they are all over the world.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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#29
I dont think forced marriages are that easy on people I recall those who marry church staff to do missionary work often dont marry for lasting reasons if they dont truly love each other but only the circumstances....these are marriages of convenience, when that convenience is threatened or turns out not-so convenient couples are not so happy.
 
Jun 15, 2020
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#30
I think pastors should already be married by the time they are in leadership since letter to timothy states they are to lead their own household/family before they lead the church family.

I think its weird to have a really young pastor who doesnt have his own family and is dating, or conversely a really old single pastor who has ditched his first wife for someone much younger. if he was widowed it might be fine though especially if the first wife was ok with him remarrying after she died. I have heard of some situations like that.
You do realise that both Jesus and the Apostle Paul were single?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#32
You do realise that both Jesus and the Apostle Paul were single?
yes...they werent pastors though...teachers and evangelists. not everyone is a pastor or bishop or deacon.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#33
I do feel sorry for the young woman who would be willing to marry someone 30 years older. She could be his daughters or sons age and that would make everything awkward.
 
S

Scribe

Guest
#34
yes...they werent pastors though...teachers and evangelists. not everyone is a pastor or bishop or deacon.
Where are we going with this logic? Is it being suggested that Paul would not qualify as an elder in the churches he planted because he was single? Or because he had no children?
 
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LittleMermaid

Guest
#35
I am 30 now...the highest I would go is 45. So I’m willing to go half way lol!!
But no can do on the full 30 years. 60 is way too old...older than my parents!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#36
Where are we going with this logic? Is it being suggested that Paul would not qualify as an elder in the churches he planted because he was single? Or because he had no children?
er...Paul was the one who WROTE the letter to Timothy. Im not being logical its just what Paul himself wrote so ask God about it...I didnt write the Bible am just referring to it?!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#37
Paul wrote that Timothy was his son so...read it how you wanna read it.
evangelist job is quite different from pastoring as you might know if youve ever actually done any pastoring or evangelising. Paul trained Timothy as an evangelist, not a pastor.
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
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#38
I wouldnt mind. The fruit counts. Age is just a number anyway
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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#39
My dad....my husband....my daughter, my wife.
 
Nov 26, 2012
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#40
I wouldnt mind. The fruit counts. Age is just a number anyway
That’s a lovely thought but I wouldn’t say, “...just a number.” Numbers are representatives of things. Where age is concerned, it represents when you should be mature enough drive, or drink alcohol. It’s used to measure, experience and hopefully wisdom. Then finally it’s more of a countdown to when the body begins to deteriorate leading to death. When I was forty, I was in the best shape of my life, fitness model “in shape”. Changing priorities in the last year made me unable to commit to exercise as before. Tendinitis settled into my forearms causing continuous pain. My sons now beat me in sprinting races. They are athletic teens but I used to be faster. I’m almost ready to return to my fitness regime but in the last year I’m no longer seeing age as “just a number.”