Is it non-christians' fault that they are non-christian?

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zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#1
Aug 2, 2009
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#1
There is some debate about whether christians should date or marry un-believers, but what if you find yourself attracted to someone who is not a believer and that person is attracted to you too? Do you deny your own feelings and reject them because they aren't christian? I know that a lot of you will say yes, but being a former agnostic myself I know that because I was not brought up in a strong christian family I never took christianity or any religion seriously. It was not my fault that I wasn't a christian. No one ever reached out to me as an adult to tell me about Jesus. My mind was too busy with other things to think about religion and so I didn't find out about Christ until the time God started dropping hints to get my attention.

So, knowing what I said...do you think its fair to reject those who aren't christian just because they aren't christian knowing that maybe no one ever tried to witness to them or that maybe they were given bad information about christianity from somewhere?

I personally don't think its fair to reject someone because they aren't christian. Everyone is the way they are for a reason. I was agnostic because thats how I was influenced to think as I was growing up. How can I go around rejecting people who were misled just like I was? This is why I have no problem dating someone who is not a christian. I will hope that they will convert but I will not write a person off my dating list just because they never accepted Jesus.

So what do you think now that I have told you all this? Do you still think its fair to discriminate against non-christians when dating?
 
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princessbella

Guest
#2
#2
ok, i wouldnt have a problem with dating a non christian, as much as i know it says do not be unequaly yoked in scripture, saying/being a christian does not nesesarily make you a good/perfect person or make a chritian guy any better than a non christian or less likely to unfaithful or watch porn. a non christian can be just as much a moral person as a christian as is shown by the fact that divorce rates for those who are christians are no better than those who arnt...

THe only issue i would probably see is the different views on waiting until marriage to have sex and whether they were ok with that...
appart from that i actually dont see no reason to discriminate and ive been a christian most of my life..

im not sure people will agree with me, but this is coming from a background where my mom became a christian after she married my dad and so have seen where it can destroy a marriage too
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#3
#3
If I was seriously interested in dating someone who was a non-christian and they felt the same way, I would sit down with them and discuss the difficulties a relationship with them might pose for me and for them as well. You never know. If they have never heard the Good News, perhaps they would become open to hearing about it and be saved as a result.

The reason I say this is that years ago an officer I worked with met a christian friend of mine from dance class and wanted to ask her out. She told him that she was a christian and did not date non-christians, but she did it in a very loving way. He started going to church with her to see why she felt so strongly about this and became a believer himself. They married and have a beautiful family, and one of their sons is planning to be a pastor. :)

If they responded negatively during the conversation though, I would have to politely decline.

I know this might work for some people who can be more objective and detached while dating, but it wouldn't work for me. If I fall for someone, I fall hard, so I wouldn't want to set myself up for heartache. My stepdad was an awesome guy, but not a christian until a couple of years before he died and my mom was miserable about certain things for a very long time.
 
Snackersmom

Snackersmom

Senior Member
#4
May 10, 2011
1,472
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#4
I like agnostics, they are generally very open-minded and honest, more so than many "church people". I would never reject them or refuse to be friends, but I would be really careful about dating anyone who wasn't a believer. Not to say that I wouldn't, but I would definitely need a clear go-ahead from Headquarters. I have found that many agnostics are genuinely open to having an encounter with God, they just aren't sure if He's real, or Who He is. So, remain friends if possible, tell them about Christ, love them, pray for them, and encourage them to ask God Himself Who He is, because a personal encounter with Jesus is a life-changing experience that is pretty hard to deny. And, I'm pretty sure that that's what it would take for most agnostics to believe. Not trying to derail the thread, but what was the tipping point for you, Zeroturbulence, if you don't mind me asking? :)
 
jandian

jandian

Senior Member
#5
Feb 12, 2011
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Well....that's a very genuine reason for dating a non-christian.....
So I guess you do not believe that God's advice not to be unequally yoked applies...

Don't get me wrong, reaching out to non-believers is the call on every Christian's life, but if there's anybody's advice I like to take; even if I don't totally understand; its God's
 
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Rachel777

Guest
#6
#6
I used to think wasn't nothing wrong with that,but it is. I was interested to dating a guy but he is a non-christian. although he believes God, there was something that took away God peace from me,because we have differents habits,differents life views, diferrent concepts of christianity, I really tried to make it work but it didn't,thanks God he changed my mind and we never started a relationship.

So, I say I wouldn't date a non-Christian .. that is not about discrimination or reject someone,that's about OBEY God's scriptures.

Clearly : 2 Corinthians 6:14 says:
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Thats says everything.

God tell us to love everyone..OK! but loves everyone doesn't mean dating everyone. I persist ,Why dating or married someone ,that doesn't share my beliefs? It won't work at all.
 
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Sarah88

Guest
#7
#7
zeroturbulence said:
So, knowing what I said...do you think its fair to reject those who aren't christian just because they aren't christian knowing that maybe no one ever tried to witness to them or that maybe they were given bad information about christianity from somewhere?

I personally don't think its fair to reject someone because they aren't christian. Everyone is the way they are for a reason. I was agnostic because thats how I was influenced to think as I was growing up. How can I go around rejecting people who were misled just like I was? This is why I have no problem dating someone who is not a christian. I will hope that they will convert but I will not write a person off my dating list just because they never accepted Jesus.

So what do you think now that I have told you all this? Do you still think its fair to discriminate against non-christians when dating?
Click to expand...
I don't consider that it is a discrimination to not date an unbeliever. It's just one of the must have's that I look for. We all have our list of things or qualities or whatever that we look for in another person to begin a relationship. When I'm attracted to a guy I look for those things in him. If I don't see the essential ones, then I know it isn't going to work out. I'm not discriminating or rejecting that person, I'm just looking for something else.

For me the Bible is clear on that issue. If it's not very clear for you and you are unsure then pray and ask God. Ultimately, it's your choice and that's between you and God.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#8
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
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#8
Sarah88 said:
For me the Bible is clear on that issue. If it's not very clear for you and you are unsure then pray and ask God. Ultimately, it's your choice and that's between you and God.
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But actually it is clear for me. The difference is in our interpretations. I am going to post a thread soon about the yoke scripture and what it really means. I heard a pastor speaking about how it is misunderstood and I will be sharing that with people in a new thread soon.

Jandian, I will be posting a new thread about that scripture and how a pastor I heard explained how it is misunderstood.

Snackersmom, I will answer your question in a bit :)

Rachel777, I see your point, but not all non-christians are like that person was.

Princessbella, thank you for pointing out that the divorce rate among christians is just as high as non-christians. Its a sad fact, but it shows that marrying a christian doesn't necessarily mean you will have a more successful marriage.

Julianna...I think talking about whats expected before getting into a relationship is a awesome idea.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#9
#9
But really, what is the relevance of Why someone isn't christian when it comes to dating? It doesn't matter if you were never told, or if you were raised in it and chose to refuse it. Bottom line is, no matter what the reason, you are not a christian. That is the point, and the priority.
Not to mention that only complicates things. Now it adds a separate set of rules about who is and isn't acceptable to date. Now you have to find out Why this person isn't a christian so you can determine if they have the 'right reasons' for not being a christian, therefore they are acceptable to date, or that they are not christian for the 'wrong reasons' and not good to date.
To label that its 'not fair' holds no water. For every woman you don't date there are reason you chose not to date them, some of which may not be in their control. Where is the line? Is it unfair to not date over political differences? How about spending habits? Wanting or not wanting children? Pets? I mean there are a million different things out there that cause you to not want to date someone, if to say one isn't fair, then you should have to say the same about all these things.
We all have lists in mind when it comes to dating/marriage of what we like... and don't like. Thats normal and natural and there's nothing unfair about saying i don't want to date someone not christian.. or not a certain height.. or any other number of things we use to not date someone. People have preferences, thats life, and has nothing to do with 'fair'.
 
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violakat

Guest
#10
#10
zeroturbulence said:
There is some debate about whether christians should date or marry un-believers, but what if you find yourself attracted to someone who is not a believer and that person is attracted to you too? Do you deny your own feelings and reject them because they aren't christian? I know that a lot of you will say yes, but being a former agnostic myself I know that because I was not brought up in a strong christian family I never took christianity or any religion seriously. It was not my fault that I wasn't a christian. No one ever reached out to me as an adult to tell me about Jesus. My mind was too busy with other things to think about religion and so I didn't find out about Christ until the time God started dropping hints to get my attention.

So, knowing what I said...do you think its fair to reject those who aren't christian just because they aren't christian knowing that maybe no one ever tried to witness to them or that maybe they were given bad information about christianity from somewhere?

I personally don't think its fair to reject someone because they aren't christian. Everyone is the way they are for a reason. I was agnostic because thats how I was influenced to think as I was growing up. How can I go around rejecting people who were misled just like I was? This is why I have no problem dating someone who is not a christian. I will hope that they will convert but I will not write a person off my dating list just because they never accepted Jesus.
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Yes and no.
To the first part, is it their fault, if they have heard of the Gospel of Salvation and they reject it, yes it is their fault. However, how can they believe unless they are hear? How can they hear unless they are told? How can they be told unless someone goes? So if no one has ever shared with them, them I don't think it's their fault.

As for the second part, the Bible says to not be unequally yoked. It does not give any qualifiers. Whether this means marriage only or also dating, that between God and you. However I do believe can bring someone into your life like this, so that you might witness to them.











So what do you think now that I have told you all this? Do you still think its fair to discriminate against non-christians when dating?[/QUOTE]
 
jandian

jandian

Senior Member
#11
Feb 12, 2011
772
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#11
You are suppose to enlighten us as to what
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers"
mean according to what you have heard
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#12
Aug 2, 2009
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#12
Ugly said:
To label that its 'not fair' holds no water. For every woman you don't date there are reason you chose not to date them,
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What you wrote doesn't make sense to me.

First, you said labeling it 'unfair' holds not water, so that means you think it IS fair to reject someone just because they are non-christian...

But then you start showing how one has to weigh different reasons before deciding whether to accept or reject that person.

So which one is it?
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#13
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
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#13
jandian said:
You are suppose to enlighten us as to what
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers"
mean according to what you have heard
Click to expand...
I know I'm sorry.

I heard a pastor on the radio one day say that this scripture means to not be yoked with someone whose non-christian faith is stronger than your own because the stronger animal will pull the weaker animal in its direction. A yoke is a bar that sits across the neck of two animals for pulling a plow. The pastor said that it does not mean to reject non-christians, but only to reject those who might cause you to convert to their faith.

When Paul wrote that verse: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14)
There were a lot of pagan churches all over Corinth and many christians were leaving for these pagan churches. The context of the scripture had nothing to do with marriage or dating.

Of course there is the other, more popular school of thought that the scripture means to reject non-christians all together.

BUT... one has to ask themselves ... WHY did Paul put the word UNEQUALLY in there??
 
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violakat

Guest
#14
#14
jandian said:
You are suppose to enlighten us as to what
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers"
mean according to what you have heard
Click to expand...
To be unequally yoked is multifaceted. The first meaning is someone who is not a Christian. That is the basis most people use. It is my understanding that it does mean even in dating relationships, not to be dating a non-Christian, because you are considering this person for a lifetime marriage.

It is far too easy to fall in love with a person, and if they are a non-Christian, they can drag you off your walk from Christ, especially if you are not a very strong Christian.

Everyone thinks they can change someone, but the fact is, you can't. That person has to want to change. This goes for the non-Christian as well. We think that if we date someone whose a non-Christian, that they will automatically become a Christian, because we deem they will. However, the reality is, they may hate Christianity. And they more work just as hard or even harder to convert you to there religion.

And then, what if you happened to decide to get married, and eventually have children? What religion are you going to raise the child in, or are you going to let the child choose for themselves?
 
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violakat

Guest
#15
#15
zeroturbulence said:
I know I'm sorry.
Of course there is the other, more popular school of thought that the scripture means to reject non-christians all together.
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What I said above is probably an example of what Zero is referring too.
 
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Sarah88

Guest
#16
#16
zeroturbulence said:
BUT... one has to ask themselves ... WHY did Paul put the word UNEQUALLY in there??
Click to expand...
Look at other translations of the verse:

Contemporary English Version

14Stay away from people who are not followers of the Lord! Can someone who is good get along with someone who is evil? Are light and darkness the same?

God's Word Translation

14Stop forming inappropriate relationships with unbelievers. Can right and wrong be partners? Can light have anything in common with darkness?

Holman Christian Standard Bible

14 Do not be mismatched with unbelievers. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?

The Message

14-18Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil?

New Century Version

14 You are not the same as those who do not believe. So do not join yourselves to them. Good and bad do not belong together. Light and darkness cannot share together.

You get the idea...
If you want to look at some more here's the link: BibleGateway.com - Over 50 online Bibles in 35 languages, in text and audio format.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#17
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
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#17
I can't believe I forgot to put the word UNEQUALLY in the scripture again! Ahhhhhhh!
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#18
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
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#18
Sarah88 said:
Look at other translations of the verse:

Contemporary English Version

14Stay away from people who are not followers of the Lord! Can someone who is good get along with someone who is evil? Are light and darkness the same?

God's Word Translation

14Stop forming inappropriate relationships with unbelievers. Can right and wrong be partners? Can light have anything in common with darkness?

Holman Christian Standard Bible

14 Do not be mismatched with unbelievers. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?

The Message

14-18Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil?

New Century Version

14 You are not the same as those who do not believe. So do not join yourselves to them. Good and bad do not belong together. Light and darkness cannot share together.

You get the idea...
If you want to look at some more here's the link: BibleGateway.com - Over 50 online Bibles in 35 languages, in text and audio format.
Click to expand...
The original Greek manuscript from which the bible is based has the word "heterozugeo" which means "yoked unequally to one another".
 
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Sarah88

Guest
#19
#19
So the only "right" translation is the King James Version? *Sighs* I see that no matter how many proof there is you want to believe that. Oh well...
 
jandian

jandian

Senior Member
#20
Feb 12, 2011
772
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#20
All truth is parallel. Do not be unequally yoked pertains to any partnership that are opposing in nature (Light versus darkness)......Emotions are fickle; but the word of God will stand forever
 
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