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Earlier this week i contacted my ex and told him something personal that i am pregnant. he was very non chalant and didnt seem to care. after he said he would call me and didnt it was late at night and i dont know if it was The Enemy playing with my mind, but i relasped and i called him. make a long story short, he could care less about me or the child and he told me i ruined his life and that he doesnt care about the decision i make whether i keep the baby or get an abortion.he then told me not to contact him for another nine months and hung up in my face. this is the same guy i was engaged too and lived with. i was furious and i lost it. i texted him a VERY mean, ugly, and hateful text and bought up personal issues, about his past abuse. after i sent it i felt awful, and i asked God to forgive me and i kid you not i just knew Satan was laughing at me. i am not a mean hearted person and my ex is the only person that can bring me down to that level. regardless i should know better.a couple of days later i sent him a message via facebook and apologized but told him im not bitter and i dnt want to get back with him, i just lost it for a second, bc it hurt when he kept saying i ruined his life. i also told him that a baby is involved now but i am considering abortion. he hasnt responded back, but i dont expect him too. only concern i have is if God can forgive me for the mean stuff i said... i know some people may say Why is this girl still stuck on him, hes a jerk.. but my ex was very abusive, mentally, and physically. its like he has this mind control over me. even though he could have killed me many times i never left bc i felt like i could save him, and no one else understands him. and it just hurts bc i stayed with him through the abuse, his family abandoning him, job loses, evictions,,no car, cooking cleaning,laundry,making myself look good for him every day, giving my body to him on demand all while working and in school for two years.. for him to just wake up and not love me one day hurts.. now i have a kid in me and he really has disappeared. he has a new girlfriend now so i guess she provided for him more than i could..