Mockery/Passive-Aggressive Remarks vs Godly Correction/Encouragement

[Jullianna]

If we are honestly trying to correct someone, it helps to get them to see things they way that other people do, rather than simply calling them on behavior that they are doing.


sort of like how Nathan gave David a Parable, so that David could feel and understand the emotion behind why what was happening.


I think a lot of times, we do the same thing. We want someone to have a sort of "emperor's new clothes" experience with their activity, to see on their own, what it is that they are doing wrong. So we sort of passive aggressively drop hints and clues to coerce them into agreeing with us.


But human nature is a fickle mistress. She does not understand or take kindly to being poked and prodded into doing anything, understanding anything or changing anything.


Also because none of us have the kind of authority to really go after someone and say, "what you are doing is wrong." We tell those people to shove off. Cause thats kind of the thing with like "Judgemental Christians" and the Westboro baptist church. They tell people they are wrong all day, and it doesn't seem to change much.


So as counterintuitive as it sounds, making fun of something, by making it obvious to everyone just how strange it is, has a better likelihood of changing someone's mind than simply telling them that its wrong.



So rather than saying do this or don't do that, painting a picture that illustrates why doing this is wrong, so that people can discover it for themselves is really the best way to change someone's mind about something.


I think thats sort of the point of most parables.


tl;dr If you push someone, they push back but, if you let them think it was their idea, they agree with you.

That's exactly the thing...it comes down to the spirit behind what is being said. The idea behind a scriptural parable is to give an example of a thing to allow someone to see a truth. In scripture, parables are offered in loving hope of touching the heart of another. I absolutely agree with using them, as we often do in these forums.

I can't think of a passive-aggressive thing I've heard that was born of loving hope, but rather of mockery and/or sarcasm born of frustration/anger/spitefulness, none of which are noble at their core.

 

[DarlinNadia]

i'm often told about my passive aggressive behavior

I do not know i'm doing it half the time, other times I'm purposefully toying with someone and it's not Christlike, and finally times, I see something that bothers me and I ultimate step in to correct what no one else will. I'll break it down.

Unaware: Regarding the times I'm not aware of it, it HELPS to have a strong Christian Brother or Sister point it out to me. I often apologize and acknowledge the error of my ways and feel humbled. I am a very direct and blunt person. My tone and gentleness seem to get lost in my message somewhere, even when I have good intentions, the boldness appears cold and cruel when in reality I'm only being so direct so that I leave little room for misinterpretation, but it come out like overkill.

Toying: I sometimes perceive stupidity, subsequently get bored with perceived stupidity, and toy with a person through what I think is witty and sarcastic brilliance. It's not nice and I try to not do this as much as i used to in the past. Knowing I'm capable of it now is often times enough but I still feel some driving need to toy with stupidity at the expense of the stupid person - it's cruel and heartless and sadly... I do it knowingly and willfully.

Vigilantly: When it happens purposefully but isn't intended to sting as much as it does, it is often resulting from me... seeing something that is unjust or wrong and then me attempting to stay out of it... seriously hoping someone else steps up and handles the situation.... When no one steps forward, I sadly go ten-fold on some poor soul that doesn't need the aggravation.. because honestly by the time I step in, my passive has given me ample time to develop an attitude.... Again... not Christlike.


Edit: hmmmm, I can't recall anyone commenting about my Godly correction, this must be a skill I lack. Gentle and uplifting. Gentle and Uplifting. I do not even know if I'm capable of this.

 

[Angela53510]

In the real world, this is a mental health issue. Passive-aggressive is a personality disorder, very hard to change, and describes people as following:

"Passive-aggressive personality disorder is a long-term (chronic) condition in which a person seems to actively comply with the desires and needs of others, but actually passively resists them. In the process, the person becomes increasingly hostile and angry.

Causes

The causes are unknown, but a combination of genetic and environmental factors are probably responsible.


Symptoms

People with this disorder resent responsibility and show it through their behaviors, rather than by openly expressing their feelings. They often use procrastination, inefficiency, and forgetfulness to avoid doing what they need to do or have been told by others to do.
Some common symptoms of passive-aggressive personality disorder include:

• Acting sullen
• Avoiding responsibility by claiming forgetfulness
• Being inefficient on purpose
• Blaming others
• Complaining
• Feeling resentment
• Having a fear of authority
• Having unexpressed anger or hostility
• Procrastinating
• Resisting other people's suggestions

A person with this disorder may appear to comply with another's wishes and may even demonstrate enthusiasm for those wishes. However, they:

• Perform the requested action too late to be helpful
• Perform it in a way that is useless
• Sabotage the action to show anger that they cannot express in words."
• http://www.nytimes.com/health/guides/disease/passive-aggressive-personality-disorder/overview.html

Not sure how this applies to forums. I guess there are a lot of passive aggressive people out there, and coming to chat forums is a good way to anonymously be what you really are?? Sad, though!

 

[Jullianna]

Good read, Angela. Thanks!