THIS IS A LONG STORY, please BEAR WITH ME!
We've been talking for almost a year now. It's has always been on and off, 3 to count including at this present moment. The third and last fight, she pulled the plug, and said enough is enough. We still talk, but not like how we use too. She doesn't care so much about my feelings anymore or my concerns. She just want to be left alone. She's putting up a wall against me, and I can't get through. That being said, I've been praying constantly for this girl, asking God if she was the one, and if she wasn't to kill my feelings inside. Through out this process, I feel as if He said yes, she was the one. Even in the half of my prayers, before I could finish praying for God to bring her back and give me a sign. He brought her back, she called me, and said, "something on my heart told me to call you back." Now, we're going through this roller coaster, we weren't going out to begin with, but we have this mutual feelings for each other. She said to me, she doesn't have it anymore and that she never did. But my heart tell me that was a lie.
I'm chasing her like a dog chasing a cat. I can't seem to find myself giving her space, because something inside of me is brewing and telling me, to not do this, but chase after her instead. Matter of fact, I felt like God said to me to chase her, and try to get her back. Almost as if Jacob had to chase after his wife for 12 years of his life. Through out this heart break, I keep crying out to God for a second chance with her, but it all seems futile. She just doesn't want to talk in that way that we use too. Even when we're hanging out, or leaving, she doesn't even give me a "Bai Bai." Instead she just say, "Okay." And walks out.
I am very religious, I preach Jesus to her all the time. At times, I feel like she wanted to get freaky as in, have a freaky moment with me in chats and conversation, but she knows my heart, and she doesn't do it. INSTEAD, I see doing it with other guys, talking freaky in this way with certain guys who gives off that kind of spirit. It makes me very upset, and angry, and I just want to shout, "Why can't you just do it with me?" I hate to bring up certain topics with her, because she get so touchy about it, and we just start arguing again, or she just blocks me out her life again for a certain time. PLEASE understand she just recently got saved, she came to know Christ through me, and I am happy. At the same time I feel as if, I'm suffocating her with my religious views, that she can't be herself. And that she can't express certain emotions with me because I'm just too much of a Jesus Freak. It's like she can't be with a regular boyfriend, and have a regular girlfriend and boyfriend moment with me. I felt very sad at this.
It came to the point, I almost and still deciding rather I should just go back to drinking alcohol to calm my nerves, and just relax with her and just have fun, and show my darker side. But I feel like almost all is lost, and that she isn't going to come back. At the same time, I feel as if, it is not all lost, but I have to keep pursuing after her with all my heart the right way. I then decided to talk to her friend about the situation. And she decided to go ahead and talk to her, and see what is going on with us. Her friend then gave me the advice that maybe I'm just being too much of a Jesus freak. She even tried to get me to go to my darker side, and said to me, "try it on me." I didn't understand this, I thought all was cool. But she kept asking if I wanted to talk dirty to her. There was a guilt feeling over me, and I couldn't do it, cause I only want to do it with the girl that I love. At the end of the day, she finally admit that, she was jealous of her (the girl I like) and that she wanted me to talk dirty to her instead and left. So I'm confused at all of this.
I just want to know what in the heck is going on with girl's thinking. What is she thinking? Is she really calling it off, and is she really pushing me away, and telling me to back off and never to come back? Or should I listen to my heart, and follow what God has told me, or (felt like what God said to do and to chase after her.) Please take note, I can't talk to her, because as soon as I say, lets talk, or can we talk, she acts counter productive, and say no, or choose not too. So what I am suppose to do?
We've been talking for almost a year now. It's has always been on and off, 3 to count including at this present moment. The third and last fight, she pulled the plug, and said enough is enough. We still talk, but not like how we use too. She doesn't care so much about my feelings anymore or my concerns. She just want to be left alone. She's putting up a wall against me, and I can't get through. That being said, I've been praying constantly for this girl, asking God if she was the one, and if she wasn't to kill my feelings inside. Through out this process, I feel as if He said yes, she was the one. Even in the half of my prayers, before I could finish praying for God to bring her back and give me a sign. He brought her back, she called me, and said, "something on my heart told me to call you back." Now, we're going through this roller coaster, we weren't going out to begin with, but we have this mutual feelings for each other. She said to me, she doesn't have it anymore and that she never did. But my heart tell me that was a lie.
I'm chasing her like a dog chasing a cat. I can't seem to find myself giving her space, because something inside of me is brewing and telling me, to not do this, but chase after her instead. Matter of fact, I felt like God said to me to chase her, and try to get her back. Almost as if Jacob had to chase after his wife for 12 years of his life. Through out this heart break, I keep crying out to God for a second chance with her, but it all seems futile. She just doesn't want to talk in that way that we use too. Even when we're hanging out, or leaving, she doesn't even give me a "Bai Bai." Instead she just say, "Okay." And walks out.
I am very religious, I preach Jesus to her all the time. At times, I feel like she wanted to get freaky as in, have a freaky moment with me in chats and conversation, but she knows my heart, and she doesn't do it. INSTEAD, I see doing it with other guys, talking freaky in this way with certain guys who gives off that kind of spirit. It makes me very upset, and angry, and I just want to shout, "Why can't you just do it with me?" I hate to bring up certain topics with her, because she get so touchy about it, and we just start arguing again, or she just blocks me out her life again for a certain time. PLEASE understand she just recently got saved, she came to know Christ through me, and I am happy. At the same time I feel as if, I'm suffocating her with my religious views, that she can't be herself. And that she can't express certain emotions with me because I'm just too much of a Jesus Freak. It's like she can't be with a regular boyfriend, and have a regular girlfriend and boyfriend moment with me. I felt very sad at this.
It came to the point, I almost and still deciding rather I should just go back to drinking alcohol to calm my nerves, and just relax with her and just have fun, and show my darker side. But I feel like almost all is lost, and that she isn't going to come back. At the same time, I feel as if, it is not all lost, but I have to keep pursuing after her with all my heart the right way. I then decided to talk to her friend about the situation. And she decided to go ahead and talk to her, and see what is going on with us. Her friend then gave me the advice that maybe I'm just being too much of a Jesus freak. She even tried to get me to go to my darker side, and said to me, "try it on me." I didn't understand this, I thought all was cool. But she kept asking if I wanted to talk dirty to her. There was a guilt feeling over me, and I couldn't do it, cause I only want to do it with the girl that I love. At the end of the day, she finally admit that, she was jealous of her (the girl I like) and that she wanted me to talk dirty to her instead and left. So I'm confused at all of this.
I just want to know what in the heck is going on with girl's thinking. What is she thinking? Is she really calling it off, and is she really pushing me away, and telling me to back off and never to come back? Or should I listen to my heart, and follow what God has told me, or (felt like what God said to do and to chase after her.) Please take note, I can't talk to her, because as soon as I say, lets talk, or can we talk, she acts counter productive, and say no, or choose not too. So what I am suppose to do?
Maybe at some point you can be with this girl, but you cannot be with her under these circumstances. She needs to understand that you cannot be with someone who is not serious about serving God.