Processing emotions without the time to do so

[Donkeyfish07]

I have had my heart shattered to a thousand pieces in the depths of my soul over 10 times. No exagerration there. No matter how bad it feels in the present moment, time heals it. You develop a thicker skin every time it happens. Don't put feeling the emotions off, just accept the entirety of the experience and be willing to feel it all. Once you do that, the pain goes down pretty quick. I usually dont experience anger in the process though, so I can not relate to that part

 

[Tintin]

I have had my heart shattered to a thousand pieces in the depths of my soul over 10 times. No exagerration there. No matter how bad it feels in the present moment, time heals it. You develop a thicker skin every time it happens. Don't put feeling the emotions off, just accept the entirety of the experience and be willing to feel it all. Once you do that, the pain goes down pretty quick. I usually dont experience anger in the process though, so I can not relate to that part

Shugs, brother, that's rough. How do you develop a thick skin without becoming a cynical person who has trouble trusting people?

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Shugs, brother, that's rough. How do you develop a thick skin without becoming a cynical person who has trouble trusting people?

You don't. Trusting people is for suckers in the real world. That doesn't mean you have to be suspicious of everyone, but dont assume anyone has virtue right off the bat. You never can tell.

Thick skin itself though, the more pain....the more gain. Willingness to experience pain is the key

 

[Tintin]

You don't. Trusting people is for suckers in the real world. That doesn't mean you have to be suspicious of everyone, but dont assume anyone has virtue right off the bat. You never can tell.

Thick skin itself though, the more pain....the more gain. Willingness to experience pain is the key

That's painful to hear, but I guess it's necessary. I don't want to be a sucker. People take advantage of you.

 

[Roh_Chris]

That's painful to hear, but I guess it's necessary. I don't want to be a sucker. People take advantage of you.

Never trust people right off the bat. You're just setting yourself up for a lot of hurt. Oh, and trust your intuition about a person, if your intuition is reliable.

 

[manu1075]

I am the other way, I trust people until they give me a reason not to

 

[PoetMary]

Shugs, brother, that's rough. How do you develop a thick skin without becoming a cynical person who has trouble trusting people?

Basically you make a choice to trust instead of being suspicious. I always approach people with trust. There are some who are deliberately wicked and who will look to take advantage. I'm cool with that. I don't think I'm a sucker because I chose to believe the best about people. I think they are tragic for choosing to treat other people like objects.

It is painful to deal with that kind of sin from others, but it's not WASTED. I consider that kind of pain a window into Christ. He trusted and was betrayed, too.

This is why my favorite verse is, "that I may know him and the power of his resurrection and may share in his sufferings becoming like him in his death, so if possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead" (RSV italics added)

Our suffering at the hands of others is a way for us to share in the sufferings of Jesus and become more like him.

 

[cinder]

Shugs, brother, that's rough. How do you develop a thick skin without becoming a cynical person who has trouble trusting people?

I think of things in terms of levels of trust. There's a general trust everyone gets right off the bat, usually something like I trust strangers to be civil, not have intent to randomly harm me while I'm standing in line at the grocery store or walking down the street, to tell the truth when there's no clear advantage to lying to me, etc. But I don't go giving my address or phone number out to random strangers who walk up and ask for it. So for me a deeper level of trust takes time, consistency and along with that usually a certain level of similarity to me (if you react to things like I would react to them I get it, if you don't it seems inconsistent to me and I get a bit suspicious). Also isolation is good for keeping secrets so I would tend to be suspicious of someone who wanted their connection with me isolated from the rest of my world, or theirs.

So my personal rule of thumb is not to be too quick to trust on a personal level, but also realizing that there comes a point when you are in and need to stop playing the negative possible alternative game. But I like to think I have pretty good analysis and objectivity levels too and some people don't do that well, in which case getting a second opinion from someone you already trust is a good backup plan.

 

[Lynx]

"A constant in the chaos"


[video=youtube;ZfFt8QJkjIY]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfFt8QJkjIY[/video]

 

[Tintin]

Never trust people right off the bat. You're just setting yourself up for a lot of hurt. Oh, and trust your intuition about a person, if your intuition is reliable.

I used to be very trusting of people up until about a year ago. I'm not paranoid of everyone, but I do have far more fear in my life.

 

[PoetMary]

I used to be very trusting of people up until about a year ago. I'm not paranoid of everyone, but I do have far more fear in my life.

Here's something to consider: You have far more fear in your life because of something that happened, so who's winning? Does this fear benefit or hinder you? Is the event mightier than God in your life?

I'm not meaning to be reductive or presumptive. I don't know your experience or your current spiritual walk. However, the bible does tell us that "He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love and of a sound mind." Whenever I've experienced fear, it's always signaled an area where I was lacking trust in God. I was trying to handle something on my own, or I was clinging to an old way of doing things, etc.

 

[Tintin]

Here's something to consider: You have far more fear in your life because of something that happened, so who's winning? Does this fear benefit or hinder you? Is the event mightier than God in your life?

I'm not meaning to be reductive or presumptive. I don't know your experience or your current spiritual walk. However, the bible does tell us that "He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love and of a sound mind." Whenever I've experienced fear, it's always signaled an area where I was lacking trust in God. I was trying to handle something on my own, or I was clinging to an old way of doing things, etc.

I know, I know. I shouldn't let this fear paralyze me. Thank you.

 

[Roh_Chris]

I used to be very trusting of people up until about a year ago. I'm not paranoid of everyone, but I do have far more fear in my life.

Sometimes you can harness a particular fear you have, to be something better. In my case, I fear going back to my old self, who was frail and a misfit, so I push myself to be better and better, both, physically and socially. You could use the fear that you have to improve yourself - to make better choices, to learn from the past and to limit the risks of future hurt. This trick may not hold true for all types of fear, but it can work for some.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

I used to be very trusting of people up until about a year ago. I'm not paranoid of everyone, but I do have far more fear in my life.

It is my personal opinion, and I am aware many people do not agree.....but I believe that strength of heart and willingness to go the extra mile for compassion and Christ's sake will over-ride any need to be fearful of people. Yes, people can hurt you if you let them in........but what about what Christ did? He knew beforehand people would deny him, refuse to acknowledge him even though they knew better, and even hurt his feelings on a deep level.

No human being has ever had compassion for another on the level that Christ had. So is it a good excuse to isolate yourself emotionally because someone might hurt your feelings? Never! Be a soldier. Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. That being said, Christ never let people walk all over him. The pharisees tried and tried to get him to bend to their mental idea of the order of things, but he did not consent.

 

[JFSurvivor]

So as some of you are aware, over a week ago my relationship ended. I thought it was pretty serious, apparently I was wrong. Anyways, initially I was too sick to give much thought or time to it ending, and what little I did I just used anger. Now I'm feeling well enough to have all of it start coming to me, but I'm still in the hospital, which isn't an ideal place to work through painful and mixed feelings.
I will likely be here a few more days, minimum, before heading back to the exes for a day or two. Then my brother and his wife will be coming to drive me back, so there's another 12 hours. And getting home will mean visiting with my dad I haven't seen in over two months.
Just feels like forever till I'll have any time alone where I can deal, and I'm not sure how to handle it since things are suddenly hitting me hard today. Anyone have any tips or suggestions on how to cope with not having the time I need alone when I badly need it.

Journal
Color
Write stories
Write poems
Draw
Listen to music you can relate to
Play an instrument
Write a letter to God
Talk to God
Write all your emotions on a piece of paper and go through it until you understand why you are feeling each emotion. Identify the source so they will be less scary to you.
Watch funny cat videos on youtube.

Hope this helps. Do as many of these however often as you need.

 

[Tintin]

It is my personal opinion, and I am aware many people do not agree.....but I believe that strength of heart and willingness to go the extra mile for compassion and Christ's sake will over-ride any need to be fearful of people. Yes, people can hurt you if you let them in........but what about what Christ did? He knew beforehand people would deny him, refuse to acknowledge him even though they knew better, and even hurt his feelings on a deep level.

No human being has ever had compassion for another on the level that Christ had. So is it a good excuse to isolate yourself emotionally because someone might hurt your feelings? Never! Be a soldier. Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. That being said, Christ never let people walk all over him. The pharisees tried and tried to get him to bend to their mental idea of the order of things, but he did not consent.

Good advice, brother. Oh, I'm not paranoid of most people. And I have plenty of deep and meaningfuls with family and friends. I just trust people far less than I used too. Not strangers or acquantinces though. More people who used to be good friends and just can't be trusted.