Question for the guys
- Thread starter sweetnshy
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K
I would find it odd to ask ''hey do you really like me or why are you flirting?'' and then the guy would say (and I've heard this response before) ''Im not flirting, its just that im friendly'' 
. Boys you can be complicated! But I think you can discover the real intentions over time...
PS. boys you can be complicated but we love you (ok that sounded weird)
. Boys you can be complicated! But I think you can discover the real intentions over time...PS. boys you can be complicated but we love you
(ok that sounded weird)
M
No, there is no way, converesely we guys have no way to tell if a cute smile is just friendly or a signal that she's nervous around us because she likes us.
The good news is, you don't need to be able to tell.
When a guy flirts with you, or you think he is flirting with a romantic intention, all you have to do is flirt back and see how he reacts because any Christian guy will know it's on him to ask you out and if he doesn't it's either because he is just a friendly guy who flirts for fun, or it's that he just lacks the confidence to take that chance.
You could help him out and make the move, but it is important to remember that if a guy can't get over the first hurdle of asking you for a date, then is he going to be capable of leading the relationship that might develop?
That is a judgement call only you can make, as the person who knows his manner and character etc......
So just flirt back, give him a week, or however long you consider reasonable to build up some confidence, and if nothing happens, just forget aboout it.
The good news is, you don't need to be able to tell.
When a guy flirts with you, or you think he is flirting with a romantic intention, all you have to do is flirt back and see how he reacts because any Christian guy will know it's on him to ask you out and if he doesn't it's either because he is just a friendly guy who flirts for fun, or it's that he just lacks the confidence to take that chance.
You could help him out and make the move, but it is important to remember that if a guy can't get over the first hurdle of asking you for a date, then is he going to be capable of leading the relationship that might develop?
That is a judgement call only you can make, as the person who knows his manner and character etc......
So just flirt back, give him a week, or however long you consider reasonable to build up some confidence, and if nothing happens, just forget aboout it.
I agree.
I must, however, go against what most of the guys are saying on here and tell you DO NOT ASK HIM IF HE LIKES YOU. If you're into him, flirt back, or be a little less subtle, but telling a guy you like him before he tells you or asks you out is asking for disaster. Guys are genetically programmed to pursue a girl to a certain point, and if he can't, he'll be immediately turned off.
See how he acts around other (attractive) girls. Is he flirty with them too? If not, then he may have a thing for you.
I must, however, go against what most of the guys are saying on here and tell you DO NOT ASK HIM IF HE LIKES YOU. If you're into him, flirt back, or be a little less subtle, but telling a guy you like him before he tells you or asks you out is asking for disaster. Guys are genetically programmed to pursue a girl to a certain point, and if he can't, he'll be immediately turned off.
See how he acts around other (attractive) girls. Is he flirty with them too? If not, then he may have a thing for you.
I think your more general phrase was probably more accurate. Flirting is just as subjective as interpreting a smile from a girl. In fact, I'd say the more important gauge is how he acts around other (non-attractive) girls. If it's somebody you know there is very little (or no) chance of him being interested in, and yet he acts the exact same way around them as around you; chances are pretty good that it's just his personality.
That said, I agree with Matthew, though I think his time-table is a little truncated. I know several christian men who either court or treat dating quite seriously. It may take time, he may be getting to know you. It may be a confidence thing, but it may be an entirely deliberate choice as well to not rush into things.
In the end, you end up with no easy answer about flirting. Almost all guys do it, but no two guys do it the same. And I'd guess that a specific guy probably flirts differently with different girls even. I think the safest thing to do is to recognize it, but don't analyze it. In the end, flirting in and of itself can't be the deciding factor about whether a guy likes you or not. But most guys have a much more clear way of showing if they are interested, so it's not hopeless.
That said, I agree with Matthew, though I think his time-table is a little truncated. I know several christian men who either court or treat dating quite seriously. It may take time, he may be getting to know you. It may be a confidence thing, but it may be an entirely deliberate choice as well to not rush into things.
In the end, you end up with no easy answer about flirting. Almost all guys do it, but no two guys do it the same. And I'd guess that a specific guy probably flirts differently with different girls even. I think the safest thing to do is to recognize it, but don't analyze it. In the end, flirting in and of itself can't be the deciding factor about whether a guy likes you or not. But most guys have a much more clear way of showing if they are interested, so it's not hopeless.
U
As a guy i disagree. I'm with Bridget on this one. I'd rather people were more direct. Including women. I am also not into the game and would be fine with a woman stating attraction. So no its not 'genetically programmed' into all guys. Some guys may feel differently and may prefer the pursuit, and be turned off by the woman speaking up... but no way is it all guys.
C
If a guy is flirting with you then there is something about you that he likes. Chances are he's just testing the waters to see how you will respond.
A lot depends on whether or not the guy is actually saved. I personally wouldn't date someone outside of the church, but that's me. You may feel differently.
If this outside of the church and you think you might be interested, you should strike up small talk at first. You really want to check this guy out long before you ever decide that you are going to go out with him. Unfortunately, most younger guys today (namely the unsaved) are only after one thing. You guessed it... sex. I'm sure that if you have been saved for any amount of time that sex outside of marrage is a no-no so you really don't want to get mixed up with this kind of guy. They'll dump you in a heart beat once they realize that they're not going to be rewarded for their efforts or if the opportunity comes up to be with someone they find more desirable. Watch how he acts around girls, is he very friendly toward them, even the married ones. Does he go out of his way to talk to them. etc. A player is easily spotted, especially by another guy. I would get the opinion of a male friend that you have that you can trust and get his opinion.
I said what I said from a psychological perspective. People want what they can't have, and often it's the mystery of the whole "does she likes me or doesn't she?" that creates attraction. If you know a girl likes you, you get a high from it at first, but then you tend not to think about it. But when you're not sure, you think about it a lot more, and are more likely to feel a connection with the person. It also goes along the lines of a well-known psychological fact that "people want what they can not have". Once you know you can have it, your psyche no longer desires it.
It's kind of hard to convince someone of this however, as it's really hard to see what is going on in the human subconscious. And everyone is convinced that they are somehow exempt from this way of thinking. They think "Sure, that subconscious psychology crap might be true for everyone else, but Jedi mind-tricks don't work on me. I'm above that, completely in control of my own thoughts." Because of this, I welcome and expect any disagreement with my above statements.
It's kind of hard to convince someone of this however, as it's really hard to see what is going on in the human subconscious. And everyone is convinced that they are somehow exempt from this way of thinking. They think "Sure, that subconscious psychology crap might be true for everyone else, but Jedi mind-tricks don't work on me. I'm above that, completely in control of my own thoughts." Because of this, I welcome and expect any disagreement with my above statements.
I think this is being taken too seriously.
Flirting is just another level of conversation. Its like an interview, on an intuitive level.
Do you understand my jokes?
Do my jokes make you laugh?
Do you understand my language?
Do you see the world the way that I do?
Do you know that you are pretty and I was wondering if that correlates to any depth of personality?
...so rather than asking any of these^ silly questions. I (men) flirt with you (women) to see if you have the capacity to feel it the way I do. This also creates a rapport and from that level of give and take, comes interest.
Typically, I will see a woman doing something that I find interesting, (tennis analogy) I will float her a soft serve right down the middle. If she takes a hard swing at it, I will throw a faster return but, if she just watches it go by with her radar gun out, I know that its really not worth playing this game anymore because we are not on the same wavelength. If the game intensifies and we exchange volleys, keep score, take deeper slices at the ball, then I know that we are both still in play and depending on how well we play the game, there could be an interest that builds into an open provocation of a relationship.
So in my opinion flirting is no more a sign of interest than fishing is a sign of whats for dinner.
Flirting is just another level of conversation. Its like an interview, on an intuitive level.
Do you understand my jokes?
Do my jokes make you laugh?
Do you understand my language?
Do you see the world the way that I do?
Do you know that you are pretty and I was wondering if that correlates to any depth of personality?
...so rather than asking any of these^ silly questions. I (men) flirt with you (women) to see if you have the capacity to feel it the way I do. This also creates a rapport and from that level of give and take, comes interest.
Typically, I will see a woman doing something that I find interesting, (tennis analogy) I will float her a soft serve right down the middle. If she takes a hard swing at it, I will throw a faster return but, if she just watches it go by with her radar gun out, I know that its really not worth playing this game anymore because we are not on the same wavelength. If the game intensifies and we exchange volleys, keep score, take deeper slices at the ball, then I know that we are both still in play and depending on how well we play the game, there could be an interest that builds into an open provocation of a relationship.
So in my opinion flirting is no more a sign of interest than fishing is a sign of whats for dinner.