Single and a Mom

Whyllow · May 25, 2011

Let's face it. Being a single mom in a Christian world is like wearing a big sign on your chest that says "TAINTED" and makes a lot of Christian guys run in the opposite direction. It's not easy being a single mom in the Christian dating world. It gets discouraging a lot of the time. I've even had one guy tell me "I'm 27 and a virgin, I know I'm patient. Why weren't YOU?" Without knowing the full story of my situation. Even though God is comforting and helps me through the hard times it's still really hard to go through life taking care of a child by yourself. I used to go on Christian online dating services but even then I had several guys email me and say what a horrible person I am for not being a virgin and how dare I call myself a Christian. It honestly makes me mad at who some people are. We shouldn't be ones to judge because God is the one who is truly judging us. Am I wrong? Who else is or has gone through this? I'd really love some advice. I stopped going online and I've just been going to work and home. I feel like I'm a hermit. The church I go to does not have any single groups where I go. My sister is less then helpful in the situation. I think she's embarrassed about me and doesn't want me around her friend and church.

I'm done ranting now! Lol!

zeroturbulence · May 26, 2011

This just gives more credence to my theory that christians are one of the most judging groups of people on earth.

I happen to have a lot of respect for single moms. I've known some and I know that it is hard work. Whatever you're going through just remember that the Lord sees all that you are doing and all that you are sacrificing so don't think that no one notices or no one cares. Its all being credited to you. Don't let those judging pinheads stop you from looking for a good man. Good men are out there and if you pray and keep trying you will find one who will love you for who you are. God bless.

grace · May 26, 2011

Your *rant* is justified.

I fully understand. I am not married either, and I have three really great kids.

It can be a very lonely place to be.

Zero is right though, keep seeking God, amd serving Him. He is the one that help bare the burden of your circumstances right now. Prayfully a wonderful christian man comes along that will love you and your child(ren) as their own.

Meridoc · May 26, 2011

Whyllow said:

It is very sad the state of things, it sickens me the way many christian guys treat single mom's, as if they, like everyone else, don't have a past they are often not proud of. So many christian guys need to learn humility badly. Christian "men" need to become men of God and realize that if they rule out things like single mom's they could very well be left alone. I mean "27 and a virgin" how prideful is that?!?! He likely will stay that way until he starts humbling himself to God's will not his own "awesomeness".

NukePooch · May 26, 2011

If those who call themselves Christians were truly Christians, they wouldn't act the same way they currently act. If Christians truly read the Bible and believe in an ever-growing relationship with Jesus, then there will be a marked change in their lives.

If someone says they're Christian, then says something like "I'm 27 and a virgin, I know I'm patient. Why weren't YOU?", there should be serious doubts about their Christianity. Yes, we make mistakes, and yes, we are not to judge, but you will know a true Christian by their fruits. If the fruit is rotten....might want to move on...

Don't give up. There are really good Christian men out there. Being a young single mom will actually help you to quickly weed out those who aren't worth your time.

Jullianna · May 26, 2011

Whyllow, guys like that would have said the same sort of junk to our Lord's mother. They are foolish. Don't allow the words of judgmental fools to hurt you. People like that normally have issues of their own. That you are a christian lady who is raising her child on her own speaks volumes about you.

Whyllow · May 26, 2011

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I really do appreciate it. It's nice to know that there are people out there that feel the same way. Where I live I'm cut off from big city style things. So I don't get out much. What I get stuck in my own little world and I feel like no one knows what I'm going through. I'm really glad I found this site. Kinda helps me grasp onto reality a little bit.

It gets hard to trust in God when there is so much back lashing towards single moms. But I know without relying on Him I couldn't have gotten to be where I am today. Especially with my rambunctious 2 year old running around like a mad man.

One of the reasons I am so sad is I really want my son to have a father. My dad won't be around forever. He is a diabetic and doesn't really watch what he eats, nor does he do anything to work out. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't last 10 more years. I don't mean to sound condescending to my dad in any way. I just know he's not going to be around when my son needs a man the most.

I know God says that He will be the father to the fatherless, but it's sort of hard to talk to someone who, even though He listens, doesn't respond in the way humans do, like a hug, or a smack upside the head.

thimsrebma · May 26, 2011

Yo are right in how some people are very much judgemental over your past. I do not have any children but when people find out that I wasnt raised in church or I had a BC life that aint all lilies and butterflies they start to make judgements about who I am. I think that is the most annoying thing. I never claimed to be perfect as you shouldnt either. It is okay to acknowledge my past life for the sake of testimony but its not who I am now so why does it matter.

Another thing I see is that men are more judgemental of a woman with a not so Godly past. Thats frustrating because it sometimes feels like some men (mostly church boys) think you are no good if you arent a virgin.

djness · May 26, 2011

Its a funny thing the way sin works.
Here is the thinking .
1. I'm a christian guy why can't i get a girl?
2. Shes a christian girl but shes got a kid.
3. I'm angry because she let some guy have her and i can't get a girl but i hold to biblical principal.
4. This girl must be living is sin, Im better then her!
5. At least I have my pornography to comfort me.....

Pretty much the way it goes. Pretty accurate? I think so. Since I have had those thoughts 1 through 5.

Hopefully you can find some people who are well aware enough of their own sin to see past what little somone else has done.

Whyllow · May 26, 2011

djness said:

You know what else really makes me mad? A lot of Christian guys in this day and age aren't virgins. It's okay for them to go around having sex with women, but how DARE a woman have sex with a guy. I've run into that several times.

And as for #3.... that's a different story... mine is a little bit different in the fact of that. I'm writing my testimony in the Testimony page. Might want to read it.

NMsmile · May 27, 2011

As a single mom I do understand some of these posts. Here are some of my comments about my experiences. First of all I want to encourage all single parents to keep your eyes on Christ. But I want to encourage my fellow Christians to reach out to this often ignored/forgotten group.

Here are my observations:
1. As a single mom I have never been asked out by a Christian man. (I could speculate but I don't think its because I'm crude or ugly.)
2. I believe fellow Christians don't feel like they have anything in common with me therefore they don't respond to my attempts to get to know them.

Lessons Learned:
1. I don't expect to ever be asked out by a Christian man. I just keep my eyes on God.
2. I reach out to single moms...offer help, socialize with them and their children, feed them, just show Christ's love. I've even taken time off work to take care of their sick kids because they needed to go to work.
3. I try and share my experiences with loving Christian men and women to remind them to show Christ's love to single parents.
4. I feel the church is starting to minister to this forgotten group of believers.
5. Christ reminded his "beloved" disciple to take care of his mother. I will remind you to take care of these single mothers and fathers.

Best wishes

Megatron · May 27, 2011

is it bad that at my age, my opinion on single moms is just...well the older i get the more common it will be, why worry about it? i mean there are thousands of things i can think that would turn me off to a woman before a kid...

thimsrebma · May 27, 2011

Megatron said:

I feel the same way. I was chatting a few months ago with some old high school friends and we were duscussing that out of everyone we a\were someoof the only ones that were not married or did not have children. Pretty much when you hit thirty most people have kids. Thats just how it is. I think we have to accept the fact that we may get a partially made family.

Whyllow · May 27, 2011

thimsrebma said:

The thing is, I'm not in my 30's. I'm in my early/mid 20's. Girls my age are given more flack then people in their 30's.

Ramon · May 27, 2011

Whyllow said:

This is my flesh speaking. lol:

Well, I work around many, many women. So I see pregnant women all the time. But when I see this, it makes me feel like I would only be taking up the slack. There is something very personal about this really with me. I mean, it makes me feel like I am sharing, if you know what I mean.

Now, as for the people who scorn you, I really don't get that. If some of the things they think could be played on a megaphone I am sure they would be kicked out of society as a whole.

But actually most of the time I always assume a lady is taken, so that I keep from certain temptations. And if she is pregnant than I assume all the more she is taken.

But as for this whole dating thing, I am staying away from it all really, because I have found a greater source of love in Jesus Christ. Any other form would be diminished. But if I could have a wife, I would love it for the sake of being able to display to her the love the Lord has toward me. This is the perfect love of the Lord and his Church. I have learned so much about relationships between man and woman from the Lord. And have not yet been able to tell anyone, because of the present state.

Well, may Jesus bless you.

Whyllow · May 27, 2011

Ramon said:

This is my flesh speaking. lol:

Well, I work around many, many women. So I see pregnant women all the time. But when I see this, it makes me feel like I would only be taking up the slack. There is something very personal about this really with me. I mean, it makes me feel like I am sharing, if you know what I mean.

Now, as for the people who scorn you, I really don't get that. If some of the things they think could be played on a megaphone I am sure they would be kicked out of society as a whole.

But actually most of the time I always assume a lady is taken, so that I keep from certain temptations. And if she is pregnant than I assume all the more she is taken.

But as for this whole dating thing, I am staying away from it all really, because I have found a greater source of love in Jesus Christ. Any other form would be diminished. But if I could have a wife, I would love it for the sake of being able to display to her the love the Lord has toward me. This is the perfect love of the Lord and his Church. I have learned so much about relationships between man and woman from the Lord. And have not yet been able to tell anyone, because of the present state.

Well, may Jesus bless you.

You kinda didn't make sense on that last part. Are you saying you don't want a single mom because she's not a virgin or what?

And what if it wasn't the girls choice? What is she was raped and had the child through that? Would you hold that against her as well?

Ramon · May 27, 2011

Whyllow said:

OH NO!! WOW! NO!! Sorry. I don't know where it came across that way. Actually the last part was a different direction. I always have that happen, I may start trying to have a normal response, but end up talking about the Lord. I just cannot get enough of Jesus.

But no! It has nothing to do with virginity or anything. Not at all! Thinking carnally, we say unclean things are things that are defiled in the flesh. But God does not see it that way. This is why the Lord had to rebuke Peter in a vision. And the message was, ''THAT WHICH I HAVE CLEANSED, CALL NOT THOU UNCLEAN!!''

So we see the cleaning of the Lord is in the heart, and not on the outside. If the man were a Christian he would not judge this way.

I don't know if this explained what I meant better or not really. I should have never spoken after my own mind seeing as how that and the wisdom of God always cannot go together good. Anyhow. May Jesus bless you.

Whyllow · May 27, 2011

Ramon said:

OH NO!! WOW! NO!! Sorry. I don't know where it came across that way. Actually the last part was a different direction. I always have that happen, I may start trying to have a normal response, but end up talking about the Lord. I just cannot get enough of Jesus.

But no! It has nothing to do with virginity or anything. Not at all! Thinking carnally, we say unclean things are things that are defiled in the flesh. But God does not see it that way. This is why the Lord had to rebuke Peter in a vision. And the message was, ''THAT WHICH I HAVE CLEANSED, CALL NOT THOU UNCLEAN!!''

So we see the cleaning of the Lord is in the heart, and not on the outside. If the man were a Christian he would not judge this way.

I don't know if this explained what I meant better or not really. I should have never spoken after my own mind seeing as how that and the wisdom of God always cannot go together good. Anyhow. May Jesus bless you.

I see what you mean now. Thanks for clearing that up ^.^

eric135 · May 28, 2011

Just because someone says they are "Christian" doesn't mean they actually are. If you call yourself a Christian but don't do anything the bible teaches, you might as well not be Christian at all; I believe Jesus does a parable on that topic. If people are saying you are a bad person because you committed a sin, they obviously haven't looked in the mirror. Just by judging you and not liking you, they are already committing a sin. It's a lot like the homosexual controversy. Just because we all don't agree that it's right, and is not God's way, that doesn't mean we shouldn't shun them or not love them since we are all loved by God.

eric135 · May 28, 2011

However, I can understand where guys wouldn't really see you as a potential spouse. Although I would definitely not hate you, make mean remarks, and would always consider you as a friend, it's not what I'm looking for in a life partner. To me, someone that isn't a virgin means they will always in the back of their mind be comparing you to their previous sexual experience instead of you being all they know. Having a child is a very big step in life too. For someone to enter into a relationship where they instantly need to become a parent and support two people is a big task not many people are ready for. I know I'd personally want to wait a few years even after I was married before I had kids just to enjoy my spouse and get to know them as deeply as I could without having to worry about children. I know that may not seem fair, but that's part of the hole you stepped into when making the decision to have sex and get pregnant. You may have not thought about it at the time, but all of our actions have consequences, and yours is that it will be a lot harder to find a partner in life at your age; But, as time goes on, and people your age start becoming single parents, are able to support a family easier, or they are ready for that step in life, I'm sure your dating situation will improve greatly.

Single and a Mom

Whyllow

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zeroturbulence

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grace

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Meridoc

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NukePooch

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Jullianna

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