Single Parents???

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Just_Joe

Guest
#41
#41
I am a Single Father. I have of my 16yr old daughter. She is Developmentally Delayed, she is at a 6yr old level mentally has slight problems with her fine motor skills. She has been such a blessing in my life. I also have a 3yr old daughter that lives with her mother and is too smart and cute for my own good.. hahaha

In my opinion, I wouldn't get into a relationship with a woman unless she were willing to accept my child as her own. I know I would do the same. We are the adopted son and daughters of God through Jesus Christ:
Eph 1:5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,

I hope to find a Woman of God to be my Wife one day. If God sends me a single Mom, it will be much more the Blessing :D

God Bless

Joe
 
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buckeyegirl700

Guest
#42
#42
I am a single parent. My daughter is a very beautiful, and loving child. I made mistakes before she was conceived but I do not consider her a mistake at all. I would not want to date someone who did not want to date me because I had a child by another man. My daughters father dosen't see her at all. It is for the best because he is not responsible enough to be around her. My daughter has a whole other side of her family that she does not know because I want to protect her. Her father and his family are addicted to drugs and they are not responsible at this time in their lives. Her father left me when I was pregnat and later married a woman who was pregnant and addicted to drugs. My daughter asks me about her dad and she met him a few times when she was three. It is really hard for me to live with because I did not know my father when I was growing up. I never met my father he was the same as my daughters father. I do not date because I either find men who are not willing to have a serious relationship because I am a single mom, or I meet men who constantly bring up my daughters father.
 
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buckeyegirl700

Guest
#43
#43
Moviefan2k4 said:
I don't mean to sound cruel at all, and it's my hope you don't take my comments that way...so please bear that in mind.

I can only speak for myself on this issue, and my position is this: I strongly doubt I would be comfortable marrying someone who already has children. The reason wouldn't be due to anyone's fault, but rather the fact that I'm simply not ready for that responsibility at this point in my life. Marrying a single parent essentially means I would inherit (partial) duty as a stepfather, and that's simply not something I want right now. I don't think I'd be any good at being any kind of parent, at least for the not-too-distant future.

Speaking more generally, I think this is one reason why many men recoil at the idea of dating a woman who already has young kids at home. We're barely adjusting to the idea of settling down with any woman at all, and then the notion of her already being a mother hits us right in the heart...it's not something that's easy to fathom or accept for many men...especially if they have a pre-existing fear of commitment in the first place. We start to think to ourselves, "She's asking me to be a husband, and also a father at the same time, to a child who isn't mine...I don't like this." It may be a selfish thought, but it's one I believe almost all men focus on at some point.
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I can see your point because I understand that bieng a parent is a lot of responsibility.
 
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faithhopelove73

Guest
#44
#44
Hello all single parents,

I wrote here awhile back probably 2 years ago and I am a single parent of 2 beautiful God giving children. And I just want to encourage all the single parents here that nothing is impossible for God. If you think that men or women would not date you because you are single parents then they are not for you. Just focus on the Lord and believe with all your heart that He only knows to give the best for His children just because it is who He is, it is His nature (Jeremiah 29:11...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. James 1:17...Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.)

Believe in your hearts that if it is your desires to be remarried, then God will bring someone into your lives. And when the right person comes along he/she will not mind at all that you are a single parent. He/she will love you and your children and consider it as a wonderful blessing from God. Do not settle for less and keep that God given desires in your hearts. Just thank Him in faith for preparing this right person for you and your children (Hebrews 11:6...And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him).

Do not get discourage from rejections, I have experienced the same and I understand it is not easy. Never easy. But I have learned to put my focus on God instead of people and what they think about my situation. I have learned not to be bothered with what people think but what God thinks about me. If what I do pleases Him and give glory to Him. I found joy and complete peace in focusing on Him. I have learned to be content and to just enjoy my singleness.

And when I started to feel happy and content with where I was at, He sent me someone. Someone that does not mind that I am a single parent and divorced. Someone that thinks I and my children are God's blessing to him. We have been courting now for more than a year and to be married the end of this year. We are just learning to enjoy each other and to get to know more about one another. He is willing to get to know my children and spend time just with the children. We both now are attending bible school and involve in ministries.

Please do not think that I am trying to brag here but only to give encouragement that God is a good God, that He only knows how to give the best for His children and His timing is perfect. In His time everything will be beautiful. God bless you all abundantly!
 
Pheonix

Pheonix

Senior Member
#45
Jan 17, 2007
578
7
18
#45
While I am open to dating someone with kids, the whole idea freaks me out. Not because of the kids, but because of what could happen if I screw it up. I'd ben hurting two people instead of one. I come from a broken home, with a horrible example of a father. Its so bad I can't even go to him for advice on women because he isn't even interested in women and doesn't understand them. He ran away instead of trying. So I'm scared that I'll do the same thing if things ever got bad. Almost the same thing. Unlike my father I'm very interested in women. I have heard one thing though. When dealing with single mothers, its not the woman you are interested in you have to win, but her kids. If she's got more than one, the oldest is the one you have to win and the rest will follow suit.

Maybe I'm completely wrong about that I don't know. If I am, feel free to correct me.

With all the above in mind, sometimes you just have to close your eyes and step off the edge, trusting that you either learn to fly or the ground isn't as far down as it looks. Personally I think it would be exciting to get to know both the woman you are interested in and her kids, as scary as that thought is. Yes I know I've just contradicted myself. Welcome to my fuzzy and muddled world.

I think backwards, insideout and upside down.

I guess Its mostly just a matter of thinking about the other person first and where her priorities lie. Then making them yours. Simple I supposed, but sometimes the simple things are the hardest to grasp.
 
Pheonix

Pheonix

Senior Member
#46
Jan 17, 2007
578
7
18
#46
OryenWon1 said:
This is the exact question I was going to ask, but im sure Lee put it a lot better than i could. It is very true, i can't find anyone that won't flee when i mention a kid, Im a very timid, fun-loving person just looking for a decent guy to not only be my boyfriend but to be a responsible father to my newborn son. He deserves the best not someone who drinks and partys all the time. I haven't seen very many ppl from the Niagara Region on here though :(
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There are a few of us Canucks on here. I'm from Goderich myself and I'm in the same boat you are. No one from this area on here. Does anyone know where Goderich is?
 
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mencor

Guest
#47
#47
what about separated mom that raised her son by herself without any help from the dad that still saying that he loved us so much, but no support by any mean. i made up my mind that i will stay single because everybody told me that i'm not allowed to marry based on the bible, my son's dad commit adultery and accepted but said i pushed him to do it because i pay too much attention to the baby. at this point i enjoy life as a single mom, but i have some guys that i know for couple years now and offered to marry me and i keep telling no because i can't get married again, anything that can bring light to the issue will be greatly appreciated.
 
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mencor

Guest
#49
#49
it is a problem based on the bible that said if anyone married a person that was married before is an adulterous, both of them are, and i was told that the bible also said that God allowed the divorce but not the remarry part unless the spouse died.
 
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lesnes

Guest
#50
#50
HeavenLee said:
Would anyone here be ok with dating a single parent? Just wondering because it seems to be really hard to find a good hearted person who doesnt run when you mention kids. Im just wondering if there are people out there who dont mind...we all make mistakes, and I dont think of my daughter as a mistake...she is a beautiful gift from God and I feel anyone should feel lucky to know such a lovely little person. I do. Any thoughts on this? Thanks.
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Well
your touching on a very senseitive subject for me, and i feel compelled to answer. My situation was a lil similar and i think i can shed some light. I was in a relationship for 13 years back and forth, during which tim i was no longer active in the church or following Christ. I had drifted away, now keep in mind im only now 31, i was 17 when i met her. She wasnt raised Christian where as I was. Now we would break up, for about a year usually and she would go and have a few other realtionships, then comeing running back, and i d go back...but i didnt date anyone during the break up....I couldnt. Anyways she got pregnant on our last break....the father tried to kill her and the baby cause she wouldnt get an abortion...this is why she was still pregnant. I got wind of this and started contacting her we got back together the day the baby was born. We stayed togethe till just after his 3rd birthday....and hes turning 4 in may. I know this is getting long, bear with me. I loved him, and still do like hes mine, hes my step son, I hardly get to see him and it kills...I dont think any less for people being more skeptical when there is kids around... let me put it this way, I dont know how my step son feels. to know he cant see his Daddy when ever he wants, Children through a whole other dinamic in a love relationship, they are a reminder of what love should be like. You can and will find the right person, but your daughter needs to be an active role in accepting and finding that partner. If its the children that are scaring potential partners away, then its cause they havent got close enough to you AND your daughter before considering life altering decision if you know what i mean.

I hope thjis helped
 
whiteknite

whiteknite

Banned
#51
Jan 9, 2009
819
4
0
#51
HeavenLee said:
Would anyone here be ok with dating a single parent? Just wondering because it seems to be really hard to find a good hearted person who doesnt run when you mention kids. Im just wondering if there are people out there who dont mind...we all make mistakes, and I dont think of my daughter as a mistake...she is a beautiful gift from God and I feel anyone should feel lucky to know such a lovely little person. I do. Any thoughts on this? Thanks.
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Personally, I don't mind dating a lady who has kids.
What I found in my experience is that when I am out with her and she brings the kids along (which I don't mind as long as it's not all the time) Other people think that I am thier father.
So if the kids do not behave themselves, it seems to make me look bad. And that is embarrassing for me, which makes it hard keeping the relationship going.

I don't know what to do in a situation like that, and that makes it hard on me to keep purusing the lady. Especially if it is a 1 st or 2nd date.
 
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HumbleSaint

Guest
#52
#52
mencor said:
it is a problem based on the bible that said if anyone married a person that was married before is an adulterous, both of them are, and i was told that the bible also said that God allowed the divorce but not the remarry part unless the spouse died.
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That is correct, that is what I believe.
 
Johnoble

Johnoble

Member
#53
Apr 24, 2009
76
2
6
#53
Hello Ms. Lee

Seems to me like most guys here would not want to take care of a baby that's not theirs, which I find very intolerant. I've always seem myself as a "double adopted" child, Once spiritually by God and one naturally by my adoptive parents. I know that if God lead me to a girl with a kid and if I truly loved her and knew she's the one for me, I wouldn't mind "taking over" her child as well, I think it's a great way God has chosen for us men to portray naturally what he accomplished spiritually when he adopted us. And that whole idea of I'll never do it cause then she wouldn't be a virgin for me seems thoughtless and selfish. Jesus hung around with prostitutes and forgave them and yet many young Christians today place virginity as a MUST requirement for a relationship, unrealistic.
 
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Chivalri79

Guest
#54
#54
My biggest fear dating a single mother is dealing with the kids. I have seen multiple situations where mom feels like she screwed up, so is lax on discipline. When the guy dating her tries to correct the kids, it turns into a "you aren't their father" argument, and either he leaves, or if they marry, or stay together, the man leading the house has little or no authority. Or the dad comes around just enough to undermine their role. I have no fears of being a parent, or dating a single mother, but it takes communication and work to get a balance...of course, thats any relationship, isn't it?
 
phil36

phil36

Senior Member
#55
Feb 12, 2009
8,345
2,159
113
#55
In my view there is nothing wrong with dating or even marrying a single mum. I think what we have to remember is that you should make sure that you are right for each other, before really introducing the kids. However that is sometimes very hard to do, babysitters etc.

I have noticed alot of the younger guys, who are looking for partners, why not a single mom, vice versa. They are children of God also. There is also the opportunity to impact a Godly role model for a child.

I don't think it is a problem for us older guys as most of us will have kids, I do, and I certainly would have no problem dating a single mum. I noticed in a post above someone mentioned a child was badly behaved, that should be no excuse not to date the mum,..you could be a good influence to them.

I'm not sure if I worded that correctly, but I hope you get the idea of what I am saying.

In Love

Phil
 
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Gud1

Guest
#56
#56
My wife has left me and I am ending up with the children (thanks and praise to GOD for that at least).

I expect that when/if I am ever ready to remarry that I will seek a woman with children. I cant imagine someone with no children wanting to marry someone with 4 kids.

But its most important that they love God, that they live the love they claim, that they be mostly healthy and emotionally stable, not addicted to anything, that they be honest and trustworthy, and that they love my kids.
 
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shanaynay-deleted

Guest
#57
#57
Gud1 said:
My wife has left me and I am ending up with the children (thanks and praise to GOD for that at least).

I expect that when/if I am ever ready to remarry that I will seek a woman with children. I cant imagine someone with no children wanting to marry someone with 4 kids.

But its most important that they love God, that they live the love they claim, that they be mostly healthy and emotionally stable, not addicted to anything, that they be honest and trustworthy, and that they love my kids.
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A friend of mine had two boys and married a woman with 5 kids. They are having one of their own now.
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#58
Jan 8, 2009
7,576
23
0
#58
I'd never date a single parent, divorced or separated person or similar, unless I was in the same state.
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#59
Sep 8, 2006
1,064
11
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51
#59
Thanks goodness not everyone has the same views. I never thought I would marry again, I did not think anyone would want to take on a relationship with a woman and therefore end up with a ready-made family.

Thank goodness that the man I am dating now does not have the same views as some obove do.....he and I were friends before he pursued a relationship with me and knew all I had in my life with my children and why/how my marriage ended etc.

It took a LOT of open communication from both sides as to what our expectations and fears, asperations and challenges would be with the whole of the situation.

I do agree with what phil said above about not introducing children into the mix until things have progressed. I waited to introduce my kids to the situation until the relationship progressed quite a few months. I will never regret that decision.

Never once has he made me feel like my kids are a burden or dragging him down. He asks about them all the time and spends time with them playing games and talking.

Soooo..take heart....there are men (and women) out there who do not have a situation that would mirror yourr own and are willing to take it on into their own life. :)

Be Blessed. :)
 
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