I am glad this subject is brought up. I noticed churches in the late 1980's and 1990's around my hometown were starting to have singles ministries. I went to many activities at various of churches to enjoy fellowship.. some had coffeehouse style events, some had games such as board and card games.. my old church I used to go to has a singles ministry (large Baptist) and they usually play volleyball. I was not into that. But most of those members are/were very athletic. None of them were my types. And I was more outcasted because of my deafness. They all are hearing. The Deaf ministry I was part of has many singles but there were no singles for the Deaf ministry at all. Too small! About six to ten of us. However, at the time I was there, three seniors (all has long since passed away), four singles men but no singles females except for two are older women with children and was seeing someone else (one was married but divorced for a good reason). But they were not our age (the single men including myself). It was totally out of balance in the Deaf Ministry.
As 2000's approached and beyond, many churches dropped singles ministry and many singles left. I noticed several reasons for this problem. Churches that dropped are very family oriented and because of their doctrines which I disagree say that they want to focus on everyone, not groups. Hard for me to explain. Many of you got answers correct. Family oriented, but also like many singles and married in here in this site say, "Oh wait on the LORD!" "Pray to the Lord and the right one will come along but focus on the Lord" Since I am way smart and heard this too many times really tells me differently. What they really mean is "forget them, only must you focus on the Lord!!" Ok, yes, we all must focus on God first then someone else. That is what they are saying. They do not want to fix you up with someone. They do not want to help you at all. No encouragements that the singles want to hear. This is why many singles left as I noticed through out the 90s. That is why I could not find anybody in church. I found my ex wife IN a singles dance that is not affiliated with any denomination. The singles dance according to my sweet friend who has been with the Lord since 2004 said that he surveyed the singles dance attendees and found that about 85 to 90 percent of those regularly attended the single dances ARE Christian singles! Many are faithful since I recalled many including my best friend passed away were talking about God at the dances! See? That was church right there.. Jesus said in the Bible that a church is not a building. Right? You all think that way. Stop it. Think of fellowshipping with other believers and that is church, period.
Churches today need to stop too family focused. Maybe they misinterpreted what family oriented. They need to think everyone IS one family including singles. But churches today misinterpreted that the family oriented meant many couples who are married and have children are what they described. It is an error.
Your advantage as a single is.. you need to show churches the proper way of what family oriented mean.. what I just described. Show them the proper way. Show them they need to show God's love for the singles.
Many churches do not use the word, singles and there is no singles ministry.. They are aliening the singles like we say we do not want the illegals in our country. That is exactly the same attitude which needs to stop.
I am not a physiologist or a dating expert like any of those authors but I can see for myself by observation that I can see from the singles' point of view that they see churches have no singles ministries means they are unwanted. The singles are not misunderstanding. I understood where they are coming from. Please listen to what I am going to say. Singles do feel unwanted and they do feel lonely. They want to have activities and be able to meet other potential mates. I know churches are not dating services like this site! But God said in bible very clearly churches are the place to meet someone. He did not say it clearly. but it is there.. Example, a man find his wife receive good favor in the Lord. How?? A single man attending church can find his mate there! And God describe what a woman should be as found in Prov. 31. God even allow long distance (Genesis 24) and show you how to pray!! I did this and I received clues who my bride is!
Churches need to have singles ministries again with a new focus: comfort those singles who are so lonely and share with God's word and allow each other to find each other with that encouragement so they can marry! Churches are trying to throw down throats as I saw they want people to remain unmarried. Wrong!! If God gives you desire to marry, listen to God. If not, focus on God entirely! Paul wrote that.
And the women I met at churches' singles ministries were giving me rejections by saying, "Hmm. Wait on the Lord" That line really means, "NO, I do not like you so get out of my way!" I am not kidding. I am 49 so I know enough jokes.
Another thing, pastors are usually married and pastors forgets his former life as a single person. Pastors perhaps were told by their wives not to set up singles ministries because wives will think their pastor husband might cheat! Silly! I know so because when I got married, my wife said no singles ministries, no singles dating, no this or that. I understood why.
That is another problem. I know because I am Deaf and the Deaf prefer Deaf pastors than Hearing pastors to preach God's word. Singles want pastors who are singles as well. Someone on the same level. Singles feel they are inferiors to the married counterparts.
I know you will have harsh words on me. Please keep that to yourself. Please think about it. I am a believer very different than most of you.
