So... I have a problem... and it's not with attracting women, but... choosing which 1

[DABEARS85]

I think it is highly improbable that you, a mere human, are flaw-free. I don't think the girls were flawless. I am sure they had issues, but that doesn't mean you are perfect. My suggestion was that you figure out what your flaws are -however small and insignificant you think they are- and work on them. If your flaw is that you are too willing to give, then work on holding back some. There is nothing wrong with a giving spirit, but if people abuse that giving by stepping all over it you need to learn to stop giving so much to them.



First, I did not blindly assume anything. The probability of you being flaw-free are slim to none. As such, I was saying if you had flaws, work on them.

Brad Pitt isn't gorgeous, but I get what you're saying. Dating the wrong type of person is definitely a bad foundation for a relationship.



Let me rephrase my previous statement, then. Next time you are in all actuality ready to date, find a woman strong in the Lord. A jaded man should not try to date, because you will end up hurting a woman who is not jaded.

Personally, I would not want some man pursuing me when his opinion about women was less-than favorable. That is unfair to me, and a selfish thing to do on the man's part. I have never done anything to hurt a man, and so I deserve better. Likewise, any woman you decide to pursue, deserves better than a jaded you.

I never said it was easy to find an attractive, Godly person. It is possible, though.



Your standards are higher, but are you still willing to date girls that are not Godly Christian women? If so, forget it. Your standards will do you no good if you continue to date the wrong sort of women.

Women appreciate being the object of affection. You're just dating the wrong women. In relation to your story about driving hours to spend time with that one girl, maybe next time you should find a woman that would be more concerned with your job than with spending time with you. I can't help thinking it was selfish of that girl to allow you to repeatedly risk your job just to spend time with you. I don't think that is romantic. I think it was unduly risky.

Maybe you should find a girl who is more pragmatic, a little less romantic. That way she can keep you grounded while you float away in your romantic feelings.



Mkay.



I guess it depends on what a person is withholding. I don't know what you are talking about that was held back, though, so I can't fairly say whether it was necessary or not. There are times, though, when there is absolutely nothing wrong with people not being an open book. If it serves no purpose to tell a friend something, then I don't think you need to be honest about it.



I really don't know what type of walls you are talking about exactly. Are you talking about her becoming comfortable to act herself around you, her telling you all her deepest darkest secrets, her telling you all her feelings, what?

Trust can be gained back. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has failings. To say trust is gone forever once lost isn't true. Trust is hard to earn back, but when both parties are working to rectify a situation, it can be returned.

I think my whole post was taken out of context in a lot of ways by a lot of women. It looks like (based on a lot of negative rep points :O) that I'm going to have to explain further. Hopefully, a few of you listen to what I'm saying, instead of just judging. I understand how a lot of you see my post as purely negative toward women, but it wasn't intended to be that way. In it's affect, it was just relating my bad experiences with bad women, instead of trying to say ALL women are bad. I also stated, all of those girls were "fake" christians more or less, instead of being true with their faith and relationship with the Lord. That usually has a lot to do with it.

Now, I'm not saying all women are bad first and foremost, and I'm not saying I'm flawless, like you are all suggesting I've said.... I'm saying that a few of my past relationships, they didn't end because of my mistakes. They didn't end because of me being less than perfect. They ended based on the women in those relationships being scandelous in some way shape or form. That is what has made me jaded. I never said I was flawless. I never said I was perfect. I simply said that the past relationships ended badly based on the other girl's mistakes/actions instead of something terrible that I did.

You can all try to blame it on me, but you also don't know my situations. I never stated them, because frankly, I didn't think I needed to. This post wasn't about bashing all women. It was about my own experiences, and my own thoughts. If you don't like it, then stop trying to argue with me saying I'm wrong, and women are always right.

You all want to claim that these past few relationships of mine have clearly ended because of me, and that I am of equal blame, but it simply is not the case. I simply just choose the wrong women, and that was my main point. I don't date good girls, which is what I should do and because of that, I get into bad situations.

THAT is what my intention of this post was. THAT is what my meaning was. I think, for some of you women who are deeply offended by this post (based on a few posts, and negative rep comments), you need to actually reread it with a less judgemental mindset. This was an opinion post, not a factual "woman bashing" post. I was just stating that I feel jaded, and why. It's as simple as that. If you want to take offense to me giving out my own opinions, then perhaps you shouldn't even read my posts anymore? Perhaps you shouldn't give me so many negative rep points for being honest, instead of saying "ALL WOMEN ARE AMAZING, MEN SUCK!!!" like all you women have posted countless times before. One single guy posts something that doesn't consist of "I CAN'T GET A WOMAN" or "ALL MEN ARE BAD, HERE IS A LIST OF ALL THE BAD MEN IN THE WORLD" and you all flip out on me!!!!

Look in the mirror first and foremost. I ask that of you, and then I will look in the mirror myself. We can all do it together as a big group hug mirror session! Sound like fun? Stop taking offense to online posts, and stop giving negative reps just because you don't agree with it. I don't agree that all men are bad in your countless posts stating that, and yet I also don't have me and 10 guys give you negative rep points for it either. I don't bash you women for posting your opinions, so please don't bash me posting mine.


That being said, I'll explain a few things why I don't think I ended my last few relationship Perhaps, you will all stop saying it's constantly my fault, blindly assuming things without even questioning my motives with everything. You take everything as egotistical in it's face value, instead of looking deeper into what a person is saying. Perhaps, just maybe, you are wrong.

My last relationship, the one that really messed with my head, was bad for a few reasons. One, the girl had lost her ex boyfriend in a car accident a few years ago, and that has always affected her sense. She related stories of how every guy she dated since him, she dated him because he reminded her of her ex that passed away. One guy even had green eyes, and so she dated him with it. She had emotional issues from it, manic depressant disorder, and trust issues. She stated that every guy before me, every single one, she cheated on. She did this, because she was afraid to get close to anyone. She lived in constant fear of what happened to her since that one ex had died, and she based all her relationship actions into that.

I was the first one to really break down those walls of hers and get her to open up. I was the first one to not give up on her when she pulled away after feeling she is getting too close. I was the first one to stick by her side when she would cry about all of those past mistakes, and I was the first one to forgive her for them as well. I did my best to correlate God into the relationship, leading her back into things like church and the bible. I did my best to help her get counseling for the things she has gone through, because I related with my own past of losing people that were very close to me. I did everything I could for the girl to help her get her life back on track.

Was she an emotional train wreck? Yes. Did I still love her? Yes. Did I do my best? Yes. Was I perfect? No, but I also never did anything to a point of ending things.

What made us break up? Well, for one... she insisted on having sex. I tried my best to hold off on it, and yet she would push and push and push. I told her, listen... I know your past... and I know what you've done... and I don't want to be one of those guys. If I am going to be with you, then it's going to be as someone special. I refuse to be what every other guy that passed through your life so quickly was, and she understood that. Eventually though, I did cave in. It changed things, and I knew I was sinning, but it is what it is.

So again, what made us break up? A number of things, one which involved her faking pregnancy to get me to marry her. At the time, I didn't know at all that she was faking, so I was preparing to really settle down with her. I'm definitely not a dead beat by any means, and I did love her... so I was preparing to go out... buy a ring... quit school... get a full time job in the union... and support a family. That was my resolve for the situation, and I was happy with it. She was as well, until she one day said "I'm not pregnant" and broke up with me. Come to find out, she just had enough guys circling around her to where they finally got her to end things. She wasn't ready to settle down based on her past... probably never will be until she truly gets counseling (which she claims she will do), and that was that. Eventually, all of those guy friends who hovered around her... eventually she gave into them and dated them, one by one. Slept with them, cheated on them, moved on. She reverted back to her old lifestyle, one which I did my best to help her change.

Eventually, she did explain to me (along with her friend telling me at the time, although I didn't listen) that she faked her pregnancy to get me to marry her. She had asked me to marry her previously before all of that, in which she wanted to go straight to the courthouse and get hitched, one offer I refused. I told her that I wanted to date at least a year first, and that I wanted a real wedding. I told her if we worked out for a year, and planned it right, then I would eventually marry her. Obviously, things didn't work, and she wasn't willing to actually settle down in the first place. It is what it is, but she was an emotional train wreck in which I did my best to help. It sucked all the life out of me, however.


THAT is my story. NOW, tell me IM the one that was wrong there. Please, read that and tell me how wrong I am everyone. If you feel so strongly about defending women in everything you do, please defend her. I've never said anything wrong about the girl in my posts or in real life, but I simply feel jaded after that mess of a relationship. I did get what I asked for, because I should've known not to get involved when I found out about her past, but I fell for the age old problem of thinking you can help someone change who they are. I failed, and therefore I was in a messy relationship that sucked the life away from who I believe I used to be.

Anyway, I hope you all read this, and I hope you all change your negative tune. I never said I was perfect for EVERY girl, and I never even said I was perfect for the last one, but I wasn't the one that ended things. I wasn't the reason for it either. She simply had emotional problems that she has to deal with on her own. She tries to fill a void in her life with men, and it doesn't work. I tried to help her fill it with God, which is the right answer, but she just didn't accept it I guess. It is what it is.

Go ahead and keep on judging me now

 

[johnnyluv]

sounds like you are looking for wonder woman.look through your heart instead of your eyes

 

[DABEARS85]

When I say my standards are higher, I don't mean physically. I mean I expect girls to actually appreciate me, instead of how so many girls take everything for granted until it is too late. That is what has changed in my standards, and I refuse to change that standard. If women want to get upset that I refuse to be unappreciated, then let them. I don't care. I appreciate what anyone does for me, and therefore, I expect to be appreciated back. I mean appreciation as a simple thank you or even a smile. The women that I have dated, the more you give to them, the less they appreciate it. Women tend to expect things from that point, instead of being thankful that a guy will do them. It can be a number of things, as simple as opening a door, to as much as taking her on a multi-thousand dollar vacation. Either way, the point remains the same. I expect a thank you or a smile, and that's it. When I don't get it, I feel unappreciated, and I just won't accept that anymore.


If that means I'm looking for wonder woman... then so be it. All of you are assuming I'm talking about physical beauty, but I'm not at all. I'm speaking about inner beauty at this point, and if my original post didn't help you relate the two, then I apologize. I'm basically saying, I've dated a ton of beautiful women, but they were all bad on the inside. I want a woman who is beautiful on the inside as well as her physical side. If that is too much to ask, then I'll accept being single. I'm jaded, because I refuse to accept anything less than what I believe God has in store for me. If that makes me wrong, then so be it. I'll take some ketchup with that wrong sandwich and eat it all day long.

 

[DABEARS85]

I have read your post I went from moderately impressed in your values to thinking your kind of an egotistically very self-centred in himself. What do you want? You say you are into apparance yet you do not like girls that are pretty because there into themselves you say you want a christian woman yet you bash most christian woman calling us ugly and boring. My issues with these statement is that mind set in guys ignore girls like me(not me girls like me I can care less if your interested in me or not). One problem with this mindset is that your looking for the wrong type and your refusing to see that, your also are not listing to God. You say you put his values first yet you are choosing your mate based on unGodly standards no were did it say in the bible outside appearance matters. Its fine you want to date a woman that you are attracted too I would not date a man I am not attracted to but attraction is not based on appearance and it seem you are basing your decisions on it. As well how can you clam the world is plastic when you seem into the plastic world that is a hypocritical statement. I am taking none of what you say offensively it is just frustrating to hear such words and blame being put on woman(woman are far from perfect but so is man). Your not prefect no human is maybe the girls you dated did have flaws but so did you its great you like love and try to wow them off there feet and you wanting them to be more woman and less manly is understandable, but my best suggestion is take this time of uninterest and listen to what God would like in a woman for you and stop blaming everyone else since it does not matter if they are at fault. Its not a good or Godly mindset to put the blame on others, and I now this from personal experience I dated someone when I should not have and I blamed him when it ended, yes he was wrong in more things than I was but that thinking gets you know were. Once I stopped thinking like that it did me wonders I was able to better myself, and I could not be happier for it.

This is a fair statement, although I think you are judging me just a little bit harshly based on a few posts. Perhaps I sounded very egocentric and self centered, and that blame lies on myself for not being more clear in my posts. I apologize for that, but I can't exactly apologize for being myself!

First things first... what I mean by saying some women are unattractive to me... you have to understand something. Everyone in the world has a different opinion of what is attractive and what is not attractive. What one guy may find attractive, I may not, and vice versa. What you may find attractive in a guy, another girl may not, and vice versa. We are all human! Everyone has different tastes, and mine doesn't begin or end anyone else's in the world. I just know what my own are, but that is by no means saying that other people think a girl in unattractive just if I do! I don't base attraction on just physical beauty either. I should probably have said that first before anything else. Also, what I find physically attracting isn't the be all end all of what anyone else finds physically attractive. I don't judge by weight, height, color, race, etc. I'm not like that, so I'm sorry if I sounded egotistical and self-centered, but I do think you may be a bit wrong while judging me. You may think I base all my decisions in women on ungodly things, but that isn't exactly the case. I may have portrayed that in a post for those of you who may have judgemental eyes, and I am the one who is wrong in that, but I don't agree, simply put.

That being said, I apologize for calling "christian" women ugly and boring. I'm simply stating the ones I know of that are close to me personally. Those of you on christianchat.com are actually QUITE the OPPOSITE of ugly and boring! lol! I'm simply stating my real life issues of those I know physically. I also never used the word ugly I don't think. I simply think... the way some of them act (close to me) just are not very attractive... and that by far doesn't just mean physically. I'm simply stating... I don't know very many "true" christian girls! Girls that go to my church, they aren't really "real" christians to put it plainly. When I see them at bars, sleeping around with random guys night after night, I don't exactly view them as attractive. I'm sorry if you disagree, but it is what it is. I wasn't meaning physically. Also, the other local girls that possible are "real" christians... well... I just don't find them interesting. I simply don't know many of them, but they just don't float my boat. Usually, they all have multiple kids and are divorced. They proclaim on facebook how much they love Jesus, but they all have multiple kids with different guys. I guess I fail to see the value of getting into a relationship with a woman like that. I apologize if that offends you, but it is what it is to me.

Also, I've never really blamed anyone else for my problems. Perhaps I didn't make it clear, but I was just ranting I was adding my own experiences into a post about my own problems. I appreciate the advice, but I don't really understand how you judge me so swiftly, without asking questions. You wouldn't be the first one to do so! We are all christians here, and I believe we should all be supportive of each other, not frustrated with words that possibly could be misinterpreted! Either way, I apologize if what you viewed in my original post frustrated or offended you, but it was never meaning to do that. I was simply stating my own viewpoints on things, and it was simply an opinion of a single guy out of a large majority. My opinion, in the long run, doesn't mean anything, so don't take it too personal

Also, don't bring yourself don't so much! You mention us "guys" don't like girls like you, and I believe you are wrong If there is a fault in you, perhaps it's just the mindstate of viewing yourself less than you are. That's about it. I see nothing wrong with you, so don't view yourself that way either!

Thanks everyone and God Bless,

DABEARS85 "Chris"

 

[DABEARS85]

`
Dang, I hate being one of the "average" looking ones. So much more pressure to have an amazing personality... Lol, just kidding!

Lol, I think I put my foot in my mouth when I said christian girls are average and boring. BLahhhh

I have this rare thing called foot in mouth disease. It's a real killer. It gets me in trouble quite a bit!

Hmmm... I don't even know how to get out of this one without sounding fake. I guess... the girls locally to me... the ones that I actually believe to be "real" christians... they just aren't attractive to me. They don't interest me.

Now... it's not like there is a sign on everyone's head that says "HI, I'M A CHRISTIAN GIRL!" either! A lot of girls... I really don't know if they are or not. I'm just saying... of the few that I do know are... and there are very very few (so many people say they are christians and do not live even close to the lifestyle, and if I talk about scripture or doctrine with them, they are always WAY off base... meaning they know nothing of the "religion" they follow)... they just are not attractive to me! I can't help it. I'm not saying all christian women are average or boring or whatever. I know for a fact I never meant that, and I know for a fact they aren't all boring and unattractive! Most of you women on CC.com are very attractive actually. I was just stating my viewpoint of where I am locally I guess, which probably is limiting myself quite a bit.

I have done long distance before, and I'm not ruling it out.... but... I also don't exactly have the mindset where I go into things thinking that's what I want either. I don't think anyone does. Everyone thinks locally, but if something a bit further pops up on the radar, they become open to it. It's the way things are.

So, PLEASE... all you women... stop bashing me! Ask me questions first! Investigate my mindset before you all assume I'm saying largely derogatory things about the female race! I am not! Trust me, I'm not! Lol! That would be the exact wrong thing to do, especially when I'm a straight christian man!


Ahhh, ok. I've posted 100 times in here already. I'm going to give it a break and let others respond is they so choose. I'm burnt out

 

[penguingal]

There are actually a lot of good girls out there. Well so you happen not to meet them and yeah it sucks to end up being with the wrong person in a relationship. My sister actually met a non christian guy and ended up marrying him. And he accepted the Lord somewhere along during their relationship. I guess looking for a christian partner for a start doesn't always work. But then again, it's not so bad being single. =)

 

[seetheunseen]

This is a fair statement, although I think you are judging me just a little bit harshly based on a few posts. Perhaps I sounded very egocentric and self centered, and that blame lies on myself for not being more clear in my posts. I apologize for that, but I can't exactly apologize for being myself!

First things first... what I mean by saying some women are unattractive to me... you have to understand something. Everyone in the world has a different opinion of what is attractive and what is not attractive. What one guy may find attractive, I may not, and vice versa. What you may find attractive in a guy, another girl may not, and vice versa. We are all human! Everyone has different tastes, and mine doesn't begin or end anyone else's in the world. I just know what my own are, but that is by no means saying that other people think a girl in unattractive just if I do! I don't base attraction on just physical beauty either. I should probably have said that first before anything else. Also, what I find physically attracting isn't the be all end all of what anyone else finds physically attractive. I don't judge by weight, height, color, race, etc. I'm not like that, so I'm sorry if I sounded egotistical and self-centered, but I do think you may be a bit wrong while judging me. You may think I base all my decisions in women on ungodly things, but that isn't exactly the case. I may have portrayed that in a post for those of you who may have judgemental eyes, and I am the one who is wrong in that, but I don't agree, simply put.

That being said, I apologize for calling "christian" women ugly and boring. I'm simply stating the ones I know of that are close to me personally. Those of you on christianchat.com are actually QUITE the OPPOSITE of ugly and boring! lol! I'm simply stating my real life issues of those I know physically. I also never used the word ugly I don't think. I simply think... the way some of them act (close to me) just are not very attractive... and that by far doesn't just mean physically. I'm simply stating... I don't know very many "true" christian girls! Girls that go to my church, they aren't really "real" christians to put it plainly. When I see them at bars, sleeping around with random guys night after night, I don't exactly view them as attractive. I'm sorry if you disagree, but it is what it is. I wasn't meaning physically. Also, the other local girls that possible are "real" christians... well... I just don't find them interesting. I simply don't know many of them, but they just don't float my boat. Usually, they all have multiple kids and are divorced. They proclaim on facebook how much they love Jesus, but they all have multiple kids with different guys. I guess I fail to see the value of getting into a relationship with a woman like that. I apologize if that offends you, but it is what it is to me.

Also, I've never really blamed anyone else for my problems. Perhaps I didn't make it clear, but I was just ranting I was adding my own experiences into a post about my own problems. I appreciate the advice, but I don't really understand how you judge me so swiftly, without asking questions. You wouldn't be the first one to do so! We are all christians here, and I believe we should all be supportive of each other, not frustrated with words that possibly could be misinterpreted! Either way, I apologize if what you viewed in my original post frustrated or offended you, but it was never meaning to do that. I was simply stating my own viewpoints on things, and it was simply an opinion of a single guy out of a large majority. My opinion, in the long run, doesn't mean anything, so don't take it too personal

Also, don't bring yourself don't so much! You mention us "guys" don't like girls like you, and I believe you are wrong If there is a fault in you, perhaps it's just the mindstate of viewing yourself less than you are. That's about it. I see nothing wrong with you, so don't view yourself that way either!

Thanks everyone and God Bless,

DABEARS85 "Chris"

Your right in that I may have been slightly judgmental and I will step up and apologise, it frustrates me to no end when people judge me with out knowing that facts and I did that here with you and with out knowing the whole story which I will admit I was wrong. I was trying to be general though when I said guys like you and girls like me since I did not feel the need to say me since I am okay know with myself, I had to go through my own little problems with guys to see my faults only reason I said maybe look at yours. You are not wrong woman need to realize we are not prefect I will admit that some woman are mean, vindictive and manipulative. Yet like yourself and your frustrations with woman not seeing that about themselves is why I had my frustrations with your post, what I preserved in your words was someone talking about outer beauty. I will admit I may have perceived wrong but yes you also did not explain your view of beauty which made me think you solely based you opinions on outer not inner. I fully know people have different standards and need attraction in life for the other to have a good reltionship. Also I said everything in my prior post not to be mean but to be honest for I think lying to someone is questing there intelligence and is just plain wrong. I like that your honest since I fully believe in it which is was why I was being honest back, I could have sugar coated it. However saying that I must be honest and say there was misinterpretation on both are part since I did not want to come off as some negative judgmental person and since I did I apologise to you for it sorry. Forums are great but what we all need to remember myself included is these are words on a screen and what someone perceive may not be what they mean you really can not see emotion through this.

I pray for your search goes well since I know what you mean about fake christians I see many as well were I am from, and a lot of them like to say there the end all to be all of christians but they live the most unGodly lives. I dislike hypocrites that do not see that there hypocrites or willing to admit it, I will at least admit I can be at times.

May God bless you
Seetheunseen

 

[broken4Him]

Dabears85,
i would ask God for contentment, peace of mind. He is always in control and has a plan for you. pray for a desire to please Him and everything will fall into place for His will.

Its all about Jesus!
Jen

 

[DABEARS85]

Dabears85,
i would ask God for contentment, peace of mind. He is always in control and has a plan for you. pray for a desire to please Him and everything will fall into place for His will.

Its all about Jesus!
Jen

Thanks jen I appreciate it. Will do!

If you'd like, and have time, pray for me as well The power of prayer is real! It worked for my niece!

 

[DABEARS85]

Your right in that I may have been slightly judgmental and I will step up and apologise, it frustrates me to no end when people judge me with out knowing that facts and I did that here with you and with out knowing the whole story which I will admit I was wrong. I was trying to be general though when I said guys like you and girls like me since I did not feel the need to say me since I am okay know with myself, I had to go through my own little problems with guys to see my faults only reason I said maybe look at yours. You are not wrong woman need to realize we are not prefect I will admit that some woman are mean, vindictive and manipulative. Yet like yourself and your frustrations with woman not seeing that about themselves is why I had my frustrations with your post, what I preserved in your words was someone talking about outer beauty. I will admit I may have perceived wrong but yes you also did not explain your view of beauty which made me think you solely based you opinions on outer not inner. I fully know people have different standards and need attraction in life for the other to have a good reltionship. Also I said everything in my prior post not to be mean but to be honest for I think lying to someone is questing there intelligence and is just plain wrong. I like that your honest since I fully believe in it which is was why I was being honest back, I could have sugar coated it. However saying that I must be honest and say there was misinterpretation on both are part since I did not want to come off as some negative judgmental person and since I did I apologise to you for it sorry. Forums are great but what we all need to remember myself included is these are words on a screen and what someone perceive may not be what they mean you really can not see emotion through this.

I pray for your search goes well since I know what you mean about fake christians I see many as well were I am from, and a lot of them like to say there the end all to be all of christians but they live the most unGodly lives. I dislike hypocrites that do not see that there hypocrites or willing to admit it, I will at least admit I can be at times.

May God bless you
Seetheunseen

I appreciate your post, and thank you for apologizing! I apologize too, for whatever may have offended you, and I hope that we can move on and just be friends as brothers and sisters in Christ I think we both may have misjudged each other slightly, and well... perhaps we were both wrong! It's ok though! I hold no grudges, and I'm sure you don't either, based on your pretty kind-hearted post... soo... thank you I pray that everything goes well for you as well! God bless hun!

 

[seetheunseen]

I appreciate your post, and thank you for apologizing! I apologize too, for whatever may have offended you, and I hope that we can move on and just be friends as brothers and sisters in Christ I think we both may have misjudged each other slightly, and well... perhaps we were both wrong! It's ok though! I hold no grudges, and I'm sure you don't either, based on your pretty kind-hearted post... soo... thank you I pray that everything goes well for you as well! God bless hun!

Your right I hold no grudges do not see the point in them just a waste of energy, we all have to learn at one point or another that we have our own faults and its best to admit them. Of course we can be friends since weather or not we agree or disagree we have one thing in common we both are trying hard to fallow God and are brother and sisters in Christ. I am far from were I need to be but I am really trying to learn and do what's right may slip up hear and there but we all do makes us human we just need to not foregut that. As for your situations I wouldn't worry to much about it you will never be able to save someone who does not want to save them selves I use to try the same thing with my friends and tried it with one guy friend once back in the past but it back fired majorly. Looking back and looking at myself I could never save them I wasn't right I would have been one of those emotional tran wreaks as you put it so nicely. Yet I went to my pastor and his wife we prayed for realise of all of it since than God has done so much wonders in my life released me of my pain and fear of rejection so I am well aware only God can and will do it in his time.

So I pray you find you way and God will show you what you would like to see and find

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

So....... i have a problem........ i cant decide between carrot top 1994 or carrot top 2007.

 

[haley4jesus]

Hey DaBears,

Haven't seen you in forever. I am totally with you on so much of what you posted. I know that most people on CC who know me regard me as being really cynical and I know that sadly I am. I don't trust easily and I actually assume people will let me down, it saves having disappointment later and makes getting over it easier. I know that outside of God there is no way I will ever let myself trust enough again to completely give myself to someone again wholeheartedly. I know love exists, I see relationships that work and where two people are living happily with each other, satisfied in knowing who they belong to. But, it seems too much to dare to hope for that something like that exists for me. I am reasonably happy and love my own company so don't really get lonely all that much so I'll survive. But anyway, good to see you again. Talk to you in CC sometime.
It's been nice hearing from you.

 

[BrokenAndBeautiful]

Um, I didn't go through all of the posts on this thread...but I did read your first one. It's not always your "ideal" that's gonna make you happy. You can't expect anyone to be everything you’ve ever wanted. Even in the best relationships, there's gonna be SOMETHING about that person that will make you want to strangle them at one time or another...trust me. A completely functional, loving, happy relationship isn't going to just fall in your lap. That person isn't going to be perfect, nor will you be. It takes allot of work, and communication. A "sweep you off your feet" overly romanticized relationship is not only unrealistic, from what I've come to learn, it is non-existent. My sweetie and I have been together, and very much in love for close to nine years now, and not all of it was sunshine and roses! I wasn't in love with him right off the bat. I thought he was cute, and sweet, but I honestly never thought it would go anywhere. But as time went by, I found myself slowly realizing that I couldn't see my life without him, and I didn't want to.
Don't be too afraid to let someone in...even if you think they're not what you want. Sometimes, God gives you something you didn't even realize you wanted, or needed. People make mistakes, they hurt those they love, and if you're never able to forgive those that you truly cared about, you really could be missing out on something great. Love is exiting, yes...but it's also allot of hard work, scary, frustrating and totally worth it all, if it's true.

 

[lil-rush]

You all want to claim that these past few relationships of mine have clearly ended because of me, and that I am of equal blame, but it simply is not the case. I simply just choose the wrong women, and that was my main point. I don't date good girls, which is what I should do and because of that, I get into bad situations.

I don't know about the others, but I never tried to say your relationships ending was even half your fault. I pointed out that no one is without flaws, and that if your only apparently flaws were that you were too kind and dated the wrong girls, then work on those flaws in particular.

For example, some guys have the flaw of having a "hero complex." You know the type, the guys who want to date girls with the hope of somehow "saving" them from some life issue or another. These guys could be great fellows, but it is still a flaw to date girls they know are trouble just because of some antiquated ideal of being a hero.

So for you, your "flaw" is that you date girls you know have issues. This doesn't make you a bad person. However, it does present you with a character flaw you should work on so as to avoid painful relationships with girls that will leave you feeling even more jaded than you feel now.

From the start, my only aim in responding to this thread was to try and give you advice. I never responded to try to attack you or say you were horrible. Those thoughts did not cross my mind. It would have been a malicious thing to do to speak ill to you in a thread where you were expressing obvious hurt. So if it sounded like I was speaking ill to you, I do believe you misconstrued my intent.

 

[Jennifleur]

Lol, I think I put my foot in my mouth when I said christian girls are average and boring. BLahhhh

I have this rare thing called foot in mouth disease. It's a real killer. It gets me in trouble quite a bit!

Hmmm... I don't even know how to get out of this one without sounding fake. I guess... the girls locally to me... the ones that I actually believe to be "real" christians... they just aren't attractive to me. They don't interest me.

Now... it's not like there is a sign on everyone's head that says "HI, I'M A CHRISTIAN GIRL!" either! A lot of girls... I really don't know if they are or not. I'm just saying... of the few that I do know are... and there are very very few (so many people say they are christians and do not live even close to the lifestyle, and if I talk about scripture or doctrine with them, they are always WAY off base... meaning they know nothing of the "religion" they follow)... they just are not attractive to me! I can't help it. I'm not saying all christian women are average or boring or whatever. I know for a fact I never meant that, and I know for a fact they aren't all boring and unattractive! Most of you women on CC.com are very attractive actually. I was just stating my viewpoint of where I am locally I guess, which probably is limiting myself quite a bit.

I have done long distance before, and I'm not ruling it out.... but... I also don't exactly have the mindset where I go into things thinking that's what I want either. I don't think anyone does. Everyone thinks locally, but if something a bit further pops up on the radar, they become open to it. It's the way things are.

So, PLEASE... all you women... stop bashing me! Ask me questions first! Investigate my mindset before you all assume I'm saying largely derogatory things about the female race! I am not! Trust me, I'm not! Lol! That would be the exact wrong thing to do, especially when I'm a straight christian man!


Ahhh, ok. I've posted 100 times in here already. I'm going to give it a break and let others respond is they so choose. I'm burnt out

Lol, I think we all suffer from foot in the mouth disease sometimes. It's too bad that the Christian girls you know in your area aren't attractive. It doesn't help that we "good girls" are boring too. Don't apologize; I know I'm boring. I'm a nerd, too. I embrace my...*yawn*... well, I'm a dork, and I'm okay with it.

But, bashing you is so much fun! Hehe. So, ask questions instead, hmm....? What kinds of questions? How about... "What's your idea of a perfect date?" Lol. Okay, no question ideas. Wow, I think I'm even goofier tonight. Lack of sleep does that to me.

I seriously need to go pack. And then sleep.

 

[zeroturbulence]

So....... i have a problem........ i cant decide between carrot top 1994 or carrot top 2007.

Thats a tough one fo sho!

 

[Jullianna]

I keep seeing the word "pursue" in so many threads. Why does anyone have to chase after anyone, male or female? I don't chase men and I don't like it if they chase me. The best relationships are more comfortable than that. Give and take. This leads to the sort of trust that allows true intimacy in a relationship. It's just as true with men/women relationships as it is with our God relationship, you know?

I've been blessed to have had several very loving relationships in my life (that didn't work out for reasons that were no one's fault...just circumstances). Every single one of them bloomed from being friends with someone for a time first. They didn't start from physical attraction...how much money a guy made...whether one of us was better/stronger/had a better job, etc.... They came from watching how the guy acted around other guys....was he respectful to women...did I see him cheat on the girls he dated...did he have a strong bond with his family/friends....did he walk the walk of faith or was he a pew sitter...how did he react with children....and, most importantly, did he like dogs???? These are things you learn from being friends first because it's easy for people to fake these things in the first stages of a relationship (and I so agreed with you about long engagements, sir....because these things can only be hidden for short periods of time).

I know I joke around alot on here, but real love is out there. It's worth waiting for.

 

[sandstorm7]

I'm pretty impressed with myself for reading the majority of this thread... most likely due to my insane boredom at work haha

I'm going to have to agree with what some others have said to you about this. I think you need to focus more on YOURSELF and not on the women that you have had some bad experiences with in the past. Use this time of being single to work on yourself- God's will for you, what you can change, core qualities you want to see in a woman. Use this time to your advantage, stop looking into the past. Instead of talking about how badly women have distorted your views on relationships, start using those experiences as examples. Learn from them. That's what the past is there for. Maybe God is working in your life and pushing you to change certain things. You are NOT going to find the woman you want with the kind of attitude you've been having.

I used to be a lot like you in a sense. I've dated A LOT of guys in the past. But it was only when I became on fire for God and desired to live for Him alone that I realized how silly it all was. Of course my relationships weren't working out! I needed to place God in my life first and foremost. How was I supposed to enter into a loving relationship with someone when there were still so many things that God needed to change in my life? I still date guys, but there are core values that I will not compromise on in a man. My perspective on relationships and dating has changed significantly, and it's all because God opened my eyes to it's true purpose in my life. So spend some time with God, pray, and I hope that He opens your eyes to this knowledge as He did for me.

 

[DABEARS85]

I'm pretty impressed with myself for reading the majority of this thread... most likely due to my insane boredom at work haha

I'm going to have to agree with what some others have said to you about this. I think you need to focus more on YOURSELF and not on the women that you have had some bad experiences with in the past. Use this time of being single to work on yourself- God's will for you, what you can change, core qualities you want to see in a woman. Use this time to your advantage, stop looking into the past. Instead of talking about how badly women have distorted your views on relationships, start using those experiences as examples. Learn from them. That's what the past is there for. Maybe God is working in your life and pushing you to change certain things. You are NOT going to find the woman you want with the kind of attitude you've been having.

I used to be a lot like you in a sense. I've dated A LOT of guys in the past. But it was only when I became on fire for God and desired to live for Him alone that I realized how silly it all was. Of course my relationships weren't working out! I needed to place God in my life first and foremost. How was I supposed to enter into a loving relationship with someone when there were still so many things that God needed to change in my life? I still date guys, but there are core values that I will not compromise on in a man. My perspective on relationships and dating has changed significantly, and it's all because God opened my eyes to it's true purpose in my life. So spend some time with God, pray, and I hope that He opens your eyes to this knowledge as He did for me.

To be honest, and it's no offense to you, but everyone that says "use the time you are single to work on yourself" to me is just making something up in a way to give a response that sounds intelligent. I'm not saying anything is wrong with it, but I have far more experience in life than to just say "I will work on myself now that I am single" compared to any other time in my life, single or otherwise.

I don't think I'm in a position where I need to do much of anything regarding working on myself, at least not to a point where I need to put more attention to it than I already do. As people, we learn and grow everyday, but being single isn't a reason to do it. To work on yourself simply only when you are single is a character flaw, plain and simple. I work on who I am everyday, but it isn't because of any relationship, good or bad, or because I am single.

Being single has it's good and bad points, which part of it is more free time. That is a good point, so being single can help you work more on yourself, but I also don't need that in this situation. I feel like a lot of you women just copy and past the same response to every guy in here, despite what they are saying or their circumstances. I just don't agree with what you are saying at this point, because I don't feel I need to place extra attention on myself regarding being single.

I am more than okay with being single, and I enjoy it actually. I can do as I please, date as I please, and generally have more free time for myself. If I chose to get into a relationship at this point, I could pretty easily. I'm not struggling to find a date, and I'm not worried about it either. My original post was simply to explain that I feel jaded, because after dating so many women and giving my heart out one too many times, I just don't feel it necessary to do it again for a while. I feel that I need what I need to be happy, and if a girl doesn't live up to it, then I simply wont date her. If that offends some of you, so be it, because I can't change who I am or what I want out of life and out of a relationship. I was simply relating my story to all of you. I didn't really need advice, although I understand and am happy that you all are giving it. I simply just wrote something down for myself, as it helps me be me. I'm an English major, and I write, and so when I need to just say something, I write it down. I guess some of you took offense to some things I've said, but I think everyone has to understand that although this is a public forum, I wasn't really writing it TOWARD anyone. I wrote it for myself.

As far as learning from my relationships, I have done that. Learning from them has made me change my viewpoints on what I want. I understand that a lot of you women simply don't agree with it, but I know who I am and what I want to be happy. I base that off of what I've learned in past relationships. As far as bettering myself as a man, romantic relationships with woman have nothing to do with it at all. My other life experiences have molded me into who and what I am, but women sure have not contributed as much as the world would like to think. If anything changed who I was, it was my experiences in the military that did it. Past relationships have only made me realize how hard they are, and how it is very difficult to find a person that is "perfect" for you. I mean simply that it is hard to find someone you agree with, and someone you can generally stand being around for a very long time. There is no one that is ever going to be "perfect" for you, but the saying where "all women are crazy, but you marry the girl that has the type of crazy you can live with" is true.

Also, I know you've said that I will not find the right girl with the attitude that I have, and I strongly disagree with you on all levels. I'm sorry to bring the age factor into it, but I am far older than you, and my life experiences probably outweigh yours in a general level. You are too young to really have done a lot of things, and so for you tell me that I am wrong in knowing the type of person that I want, and yet your own values in a person are correct, is somewhat naive. I mean that in the nicest way possible hun, but I also know not to listen to everyone that gives advice for the sake of giving it. What I want in a woman is definitely not unattainable by any means. I want someone that is honest, caring, and beautiful inside and out. Perhaps it is a very high bar to set, but I would rather stay single than let that bar sink any further than it is. I am content with that, plain and simple. For me to know that I want a girl that has a big heart and personality, someone who is honest and trustworthy, someone who will not act like a little brat simply because men treat her nice for being pretty, I believe that is something that is worth striving for. If you find that unattainable, then perhaps it is the women of the world that need to really look in the mirror and realize the flaws of society and themselves. For me to simply want a girl that actually takes CHRISTIAN values to heart, unlike the majority of women in the world, and for me to set my bar to the point where she needs that instilled in her, I find that to be a quality standard. If you do not, then perhaps all of you so called "christian" women need to change yourselves, instead of giving advice to those that know what they want already.

Simply put, I know what I want and I will make sure I get it. I won't lower my values or my standards in the spouse that I want just because a few women are angry that I set my standard as being beautiful both inside and out. Before, my bar was set simply on the outside, and the inside was always lacking. That is why I'm jaded, and therefore I regress, I have found that the inside of a person matters just as much, if not more so, than the outside. I won't change that, I won't accept less, and if you are offended by that, so be it.

Thanks,

DABEARS85 "Chris"