mizcris, and, others make good points here, even the ones that say to give up and divorce because you HAVE to, as one person caps put it, but , THAT is not the good point they've made. And, my comments may very well be 'null and void' and 'ignorant,' because I've never reallly dated (most dates I've been on with one girl is TWO), let alone been in a long-term relationship. No kids, no illegit kids, no rapes (no sex even. and have I had my chances? You bet! I'm not ugly, I'm not unintelligent, I'm not shy, I've been around girls a ton in my life, parties of all kinds, college for 4 years, etc.), no drunkenness in my entire life, but I was close to drunk once.
THERE, that prefaces what I'm about to say next.
Am I ignorant? Is what I say NEXT null and void? You decide
God NEVER wants divorce. Did you hear me correctly? There is never a "HAVE TO" when it comes to divorce. It's a DECISION--and, NO, I'm NOT sorry when I do caps, the Lord leads, this I HOPE and PRAY, they're for emphasis
) that someone MAKES.
Now, WHY is that decision made ?
Good question, green?
Yeah, it is, isn't it. A good question, hmmm. (And, I may sound glib here, or, something else, no, no, no. And, as I told those arguing about something in streams of consciousness thread yesterday, in so many words, I said, it's AWFULLY hard to convey or 'inflect' my tears, my smiles, my words, even, OVER THE INTERNET to y'all. And, YOU are not immune to this either
)
So, we get to the abuse, finally, and, the answer IS......what IS the abuse? WHY is everything your marriage partner saying abusive TO YOU?
And, if we go a step further than emotional abuse, then, WHY is the person hurting you PHYSICALLY? Did they just suddenly SNAP! and go off on you physically, emotionally, manipulatively ABUSING you? Not likely. There's a reason WHY they began abusing YOU. And, NO, it's NEVER right to be abused, it's NEVER right to think it's YOUR fault, but, it's not right to think it's the abuser's fault either WITHOUT going to Christ, without taking a serious look at WHY they began abusing YOU.
Now, mizcris says she's being abused NOW. Has it been for the whole relationship, from when she first went out with the person? Maybe? Not likely, but, yeah, maybe, But, what likely happened is that something HAPPENED that led to the........abuse. What happened? Did they start smoking and it made the person upset? Drinking? Crack cocaine? Cannabis?
I mean, WHAT happened? Something happened? The person isn't suddenly a raving, abusing lunatic, are they? No.
Maybe, YOU started to do something differently, maybe, YOU started to get upset at them for things, maybe, sports watching, or, going hunting more, or ????? The list goes on and on............Guys like to do a lot of things
And, we don't like shopping !
I say half in jest, half serious. But, yeah.....
And, NO, in all my past posts, two of them, to be exact, I've not said that the abused should stick around in the house if being abused PHYSICALLY, SEXUALLY. But, that's between you and God and His Spirit, who, yes, Scripture tells us, not just me, not just, green
, that He is IN our HEART
That's a powerful, powerful, p--p-POWERFUL Truth of God. He's in us. Wow!
Wow, green.
So, WHY won't they go to counseling? WHAT is there reason?
OK, so they won't go to counseling? Fine, it's a serious problem, but what can you do but pray, at that point. Have faith, too, because, prayer changes things IF its to Him. That's definitely time, if being physically abused to go to your church and ask them--careful, I'm not a professional counselor, so, pray this all over well, to Him, want your heart afte His, contrite even Isaiah 66:2
-- for help. A lot of churches, big churches,at least, like mine, as I've gone to mine for several sessions that helped my relationship with my dad, which WAS abusive in the workplace, become better, become understood. And, guess what? My dad began to TRY To change how he spoke to me at work. That WILLINGNESS to change was all it took for me as I could tell after confronting him, going to counseling both, he was different around me, even, positive, a little. It's so hard to change for an abuser, the ABUSED has to understand that. 'Course, getting slapped every once in awhile is NOT good; you shouldn't EVER be slapped by your spouse. But, back to my dad story, TRULY, the actual confronting him and telling him that he was losing so much productivity, not to mention, relationship future happenings wtih his son if he kept up the never-positive criticism of my skidding, logging, I would not be around to be his son anymore. That hit home, that changed things , for my dad and I
Mizcris!!!! You are not worthless, don't EVER let you think that of yourself, you're soooo funny on c.c. Out of respect for your being married, or, I would be teasing and kidding you a lot more on your posts. I don't do it , for that main reason, just like there ARE girls on c.c. that I like but I DON'T flirt with them because the Lord has NEVER led me to think that I would fly 3,000 miles east to meet them. So...... YOU are very, very, VERY hilarious, flat-out a '10' rating for your humor on cc, to me, anyway. I've never said it before, until now, I just want the Lord to work on people's hearts, but, I SEE the Lord more and more interwoven into your posts and I KNOW that's Christ convicting you to entertain going deeper with Him in your relationship, and, no, 'convict' does not mean 'shame' or 'blame,' God is just seeing your openness to move forward toward new things of Him and He's moving you as YOU MOVE
Now, this is the last thing I will say here, and, I thank EVERYONE for putting up with green's way of speaking, I don't mean no none harm, y'all, I HATE abuse and am EXTREMELY upset at mizcris' situation and, yes, the kids of hers, that's a toughie to figure out best. I hear what zaoofmen is saying about leaving now with kids is better than older, not as 'scarred.' But, that is not even a LAST RESORT in my mind. God doesn't say He 'hates' divorce, and, yes, divorce is a sin, just like ANYTHING that seperates us from God is. And, God doesn't want us to divorce, that's a fact, that's in the bible. But, the bigger point, is, again, to make things work and I'm done with caps now. The two having problems in their marriage need to make things work. If the person being abused needs to seperate and let God work, then, so be it, that is the Lord's leading. But, don't give up on the marriage, keep wholeheartedly in prayer, and, again, really, really, really, take a look at your own self, mizcris, and, ask your husband why you are feeling worthless. Ask your husband why everything he does is right and why everything you do is wrong. Tell your husband that you raised the kids while he worked, that you cook, clean, as best you can, and, if 'I need help cooking and cleaning and raising kids and speaking to you better so you speak to me better then what do you suggest we do? Don't we want to live our lives as the Lord leads us? Don't we want to show our kids a Christian relationship between ourselves? "
And, if they are continuing abuse after confronting them, laying your heart on the line, and, after you have had faith in God to clean even more, cook even more, do things for that person even more, to compliment that person more in the face of being abused, to tell their kids that their dad is a great father who loves them and is taking the family to church.....
When you have done everything that God's put on your heart, mizcris, and, you're still being abused, then, that's the time to leave the home and pray, pray, pray, pray that God will do a miracle while you are still married but are away from him, then, go forever if He leads you that way and you will know, the Lord leads.
But, don't ever give up on God in this time. While you are then still writing him letters, or, calling him, letting him know that you love him but not his actions, and, will not be coming back to the abuse and, still, letting him know that his actions on Earth are to be love, more important than 'faith' and 'hope,' so says 1 Cor. 13.
