Social Anxiety: I don't get it. Socially Awkward: I don't get it either.

[Seeking-Christ]

I thought about posting this as a blog, or posting it in the Christian Singles. I guess it doesn't really matter. Either way your welcomed to talk with me about it.

I went through a really hard period in my life. When I say I went through a hard period, I mean that I went through a period of time that felt really hard for me to go through. I don't know if my experiences happened to you, if you would come away feeling the way I do or did, or not!

I went through a period of many years where I had anxiety. I even suffered a mini nervous break down. But I don't know exactly what caused it, and why. Whenever I try to talk about this, the only thing I got to point too is the fact that I got bullied in school. I felt really small and helpless from around the 6th grade until I graduated high school.

I often wonder how come I have such a hard time making and keeping friends. Both online and offlline. But after my job put me in isolation, the real life relationships didn't seem to matter as much. There is almost nobody around me to talk too! So my social life moved to the internet. If I hunted around long enough, people would come into my online life, and the leave my online life. It was a cycle that I put up with for many years. After getting banned from Facebook. I like how one of my oniine friends, to whom I lost contact with, said about facebook. He prefers to call it "fakebook" because of how so many people make their lives look better then they really are...

Anyways going back to what I was saying about facebook. After I got banned from it, I decided to do a google search for how to keep online friends. That lead me to a social anxiety forum site. I ended up joining it and spending many years on it. For a period of time, I began to wonder if maybe I actually had social anxiety. But after hanging out with those people, I kinda came to the conclusion that I might just be socially awkward. What I mean is, when I'm around other people, online or offline, my anxiety is not that bad! But I notice that I have lots of trouble fitting into conversations with multiple people at once. That seems to be caused my interest and brain speed.

You might be wondering why am I telling you all this? I saw someone on here who says they have "Social Anxiety". Social Anxiety seems to be something that has been becoming more and more people are suffering from. Those people on Social Anxiety Support, were so bad that some of them couldn't even carry a conversation in private messaging! I was like, wow that is bad! I mean, when it comes to real life, I get it! If the people around me are bigger then me, and kinda mean, sure! I feel fear. But just talking in private messaging??? I mean yikes!

 

[Lanolin]

They must be two different things?

I think most people have problems focusing in a group of more than 3 people when everyone is talking at once. Youve only got two eyes and two ears and one mouth.

I found even in prayer groups that had maybe 10 people, it was hard and would take long to go round, greet everyone, put in all prayers requests and pray all together in a group and it would take forever.

one or two people had to 'lead' and you couldnt all talk at once.

Thats my observation anyway. I think its just a basic thing of, knowing when its your turn to speak, listening, and understanding each other, and I suppose conversational cues. And often its cultural too, like some cultures its ok to be the loudest while others that is just plain rude.

 

[Lanolin]

The theres the people who are like Chandler Bing off Friends always have to do a wisecrack and get the last word in. They ease the tension perhaps but can be annoying if nothing is ever taken seriously.

If he cant crack any jokes he would just go off and smoke a cigarette. Sometimes humour can be a defense mechanism, if everyones laughing at your jokes they are less likely to pick on you.

I think everyone has their moments of social awkwardness to some degree. For example maybe you turn up somewhere in your trackpants and everyones wearing a suit and tie or something. You dont want to stick out like a sore thumb, but unfortunatly those things can happen if you dont know the etiquette.

sometimes people dont tell you or they expect you to smile for the camera, but usually people dont smile ALL the time or they have something stuck in their teeth.....

 

[Live4Him3]

I went through a period of many years where I had anxiety. I even suffered a mini nervous break down. But I don't know exactly what caused it, and why. Whenever I try to talk about this, the only thing I got to point too is the fact that I got bullied in school. I felt really small and helpless from around the 6th grade until I graduated high school.

"The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?" (Proverbs 18:14)

Hey, Seeking-Christ.

I went through a period of several months, AFTER I became a Christian, in which I suffered MASSIVE anxiety attacks. My attacks were so severe that I had to quit my job because I literally couldn't drive my car for more than a few minutes without having a MASSIVE anxiety attack. This was before cellphones came out, so I literally always had $20 worth of change in my pockets so I could call someone to pray for me from a payphone periodically throughout my day on the days in which I even attempted to venture outside of my house. Many days, my attacks were so severe that I literally only got about an hour of sleep because I basically was suffering panic attacks continually throughout my day.

Of course, I sought God continually throughout my ordeal as to what the root of my attacks was. Well, one day, I did venture outside of my house, and I walked to a "Blockbuster" video rental store, and I rented the Hollywood movie entitled "The Bible". Basically, it's a movie about the first several chapters of the book of Genesis which covers the stories from Adam and Eve to Abraham. Well, as I was watching the video back at my house, when I got to the part where the flood came during the days of Noah, I had the most MASSIVE panic attack ever, and I literally thought that I was going to drop dead right then and there. At that precise moment, God spoke to me and said, "THIS is the root of your anxiety", with the "this" being CONDEMNATION (the world was being condemned by the flood).

God then began to basically take me for the proverbial stroll down memory lane or he began to replay multiple incidents from my life where others had rejected and/or condemned me. He basically explained to me that I had given such people a godlike status in my life in that I had allowed their opinions of me to form my own self worth. At that point in time, he led me to the following portion of scripture which literally revolutionized my life:

I Peter chapter 2

[19] For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.
[20] For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.
[21] For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:
[22] Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:
[23] Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:
[24] Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.
[25] For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.

During his incarnation, Christ regularly suffered wrongfully. For example, people told him he had a devil, called him a deceiver, and basically sought to kill him wherever he went.

How did he overcome or what example did he leave us to follow?

Well, simply put, in the midst of all of his ordeals, he simply looked up and "committed himself to him that judges righteously" or to his Father in heaven.

And what was the Father's assessment of him?

Basically, that Jesus was his beloved Son in whom he was well pleased.

The only way that we're going to make it in this cruel world is by following Christ's example. Men, women, and even children are always going to say wrong things about us and do wrong things to us. If we're not careful, then we can easily be convinced that there is something terribly wrong with us that is causing such words and actions against us. In every situation, we simply must look up and get our heavenly Father's assessment of the same. If he's pleased with us, then we simply need to remain rooted and grounded in his love. If, however, he's grieved with us in that we've truly sinned, then we simply need to repent and get things right with others and with God himself.

The bullying of which you spoke has taken its toll on you, but I trust that none of it had God's hand in it. Keep your focus UPWARD. I'm telling you as one who has been there myself that this is the only way that you're ever going to overcome and find the victory. It won't come overnight, but your situation will improve gradually and continually if you follow Christ's example in this regard. Of this, I'm sure.

 

[Live4Him3]

P.S.

I really feel that the LORD wants me to add this...

Whatever you do, don't make the mistake that so-called "Christian circles" are all truly Christian. Even in Jesus' incarnation, the primary opposition that he faced was from religious hypocrites, so don't expect your own experiences to be much different than his if different at all.

In my own case, the worst and fiercest opposition that I've faced in my life has come from professing Christians.

Anyhow, strap on your spiritual armor, and look up.

Things will eventually get better if you do the same.

Time for me to head to work.

Have a blessed day in the Lord.

 

[Gideon300]

I thought about posting this as a blog, or posting it in the Christian Singles. I guess it doesn't really matter. Either way your welcomed to talk with me about it.

I went through a really hard period in my life. When I say I went through a hard period, I mean that I went through a period of time that felt really hard for me to go through. I don't know if my experiences happened to you, if you would come away feeling the way I do or did, or not!

I went through a period of many years where I had anxiety. I even suffered a mini nervous break down. But I don't know exactly what caused it, and why. Whenever I try to talk about this, the only thing I got to point too is the fact that I got bullied in school. I felt really small and helpless from around the 6th grade until I graduated high school.

I often wonder how come I have such a hard time making and keeping friends. Both online and offlline. But after my job put me in isolation, the real life relationships didn't seem to matter as much. There is almost nobody around me to talk too! So my social life moved to the internet. If I hunted around long enough, people would come into my online life, and the leave my online life. It was a cycle that I put up with for many years. After getting banned from Facebook. I like how one of my oniine friends, to whom I lost contact with, said about facebook. He prefers to call it "fakebook" because of how so many people make their lives look better then they really are...

Anyways going back to what I was saying about facebook. After I got banned from it, I decided to do a google search for how to keep online friends. That lead me to a social anxiety forum site. I ended up joining it and spending many years on it. For a period of time, I began to wonder if maybe I actually had social anxiety. But after hanging out with those people, I kinda came to the conclusion that I might just be socially awkward. What I mean is, when I'm around other people, online or offline, my anxiety is not that bad! But I notice that I have lots of trouble fitting into conversations with multiple people at once. That seems to be caused my interest and brain speed.

You might be wondering why am I telling you all this? I saw someone on here who says they have "Social Anxiety". Social Anxiety seems to be something that has been becoming more and more people are suffering from. Those people on Social Anxiety Support, were so bad that some of them couldn't even carry a conversation in private messaging! I was like, wow that is bad! I mean, when it comes to real life, I get it! If the people around me are bigger then me, and kinda mean, sure! I feel fear. But just talking in private messaging??? I mean yikes!

Interesting. Decades ago, I discovered a truth about myself that I did not understand. I could cope with a small group of people. I could also handle a large group. But there was a certain number that sent me into a panic attack. The Lord showed me why. I was something of a chameleon. I knew how to fit in, presenting a certain version of myself depending on the people. If the group was small, it was easy to do. In a very large group, I could be invisible. With a certain number of people, I could not juggle the versions of myself and it was much easier to escape.

The problem was basically being self conscious. I did not like myself or accept myself as I was. So, I fabricated a persona to suit the circumstances. The Lord has set me free from that destructive attitude. I'm hidden in Jesus now, so what I used to be no longer matters.

 

[Lynx]

Ah yes...




But...

 

[Lanolin]

one scripture that was important for my walk, indeed anyones walk in Christ is that God accepts Jesus
He says of him to anyone out loud who could hear

' This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased. hear ye him'

This is before Jesus had even done anything in his ministry. Why because Jesus is Gods son. God is like a father who is so happy Hes got a son, even though the son has just been born and not even DONE anything...he's alive! Then He had watched him grow.

This is what God thinks of you, He accepts you. Unlike many human parents who do NOT accept their children for who they are, or that they are growing, God sees right past this.

 

[Lanolin]

I noticed a lot of younger smaller kids/teens get bullied by older bigger peers...this is rife in schools and some families are very bad for this type of behaviour. If the child doesnt have older siblings, they often get bullied by their parents. Its a power imbalance.

some people seem to think this behaviour is meant to be the normal ..fight and claw your way to the top, dont care who you step on the way up there.
Of course this is going to cause a lot of anxiety for people who are then disempowered if they know they are at the bottom of the heap.

I was small and young for my age group at school, I remmeber in some ways that was good cos I was the 'baby' of the group, always picked up and sort of mothered, but in other ways, worked against me as the annoying little sister, too smart, or to puny to run with the big kids in a game of bullrush lol
always picked last for sports teams because I couldnt match the bigger kids physical strength...this happens to children the world over, its not unique to anyone.

when any group of younger and older kids mix you need to be prepared for fights. ALWAYS. This is why older and younger need to learn the best way to get along. Sometimes they cant and its best to separate them.

when God had twins Esau and Jacob in Rebeccas womb, he specified that the older shall serve the younger. He didnt make them totally equal, cos He knew there would be a power imbalance, one had to be born first.

 

[cinder]

I went through a period of many years where I had anxiety. I even suffered a mini nervous break down. But I don't know exactly what caused it, and why. Whenever I try to talk about this, the only thing I got to point too is the fact that I got bullied in school. I felt really small and helpless from around the 6th grade until I graduated high school.

So through most of the years when you're transitioning from being a child to an adult and learning how to be an adult you felt small and helpless. It would kind of make sense that feeling helpless (and not knowing if new people would attack or not) would push someone towards being a more anxious and nervous individual (there's probably 100 different components and aspects or more, but this one fits).

I often wonder how come I have such a hard time making and keeping friends. Both online and offlline. But after my job put me in isolation, the real life relationships didn't seem to matter as much. There is almost nobody around me to talk too! So my social life moved to the internet. If I hunted around long enough, people would come into my online life, and the leave my online life. It was a cycle that I put up with for many years.

I decided to do a google search for how to keep online friends.

Very few people (especially in the younger generations) have a lot of long term real life friends. Life has become much more transitory for everyone (it's so much easier to change jobs and cities and churches etc than it used to be a generation or two ago: the interstate system that makes cars and distance commuting and travel so much easier is less than 100 years old (heck affordable cars were a brand new thing 100 years ago)). So I think a lot of our entertainment depicts the ideal of a close group of friends that always have time for each other and do stuff together regularly, but that's our fantasy not our reality. Reality is I moved 60 - 90 minutes away from the town I went to college in and I'm only about 45 min away from the town I grew up in, and I almost never see any of the people who used to be my friends (and are still in the area) when I lived in those places.

More recently I changed churches and even though there were a few people I would consider friends and like to hang out with more from my old church (and I left on good terms with everyone); we don't make time for each other even though we live in the same town. It may be a negative feature of modern life, but I doubt your life is that much different from most of ours in this area.

But after hanging out with those people, I kinda came to the conclusion that I might just be socially awkward. What I mean is, when I'm around other people, online or offline, my anxiety is not that bad! But I notice that I have lots of trouble fitting into conversations with multiple people at once. That seems to be caused my interest and brain speed.

That sounds like you might just be introverted. Or at least a lot of that could be explained by a tendency to introversion.

You might be wondering why am I telling you all this? I saw someone on here who says they have "Social Anxiety". Social Anxiety seems to be something that has been becoming more and more people are suffering from.

Alternative theory: Society encourages people to identify all their problems as stemming from a medical disorder that they can then be medicated for (after all if people are just organic robots you should be able to make them function properly if you can just get the right chemical cocktail swirling through them). So much so that we have discussions about the number of people with such and such a disorder instead of how to help people learn new more socially acceptable behaviors. How much guilt or responsibility for sin can we own if we think of ourselves as sick or defective and that's why we sin?

 

[Lanolin]

just read a book
its not awkward and its something you can do most anywhere
on a train you do not have to talk to the person sitting next to you if you dont want to

if you want to talk to someone you introduce yourself if nobody is there to introduce you and find something to talk about usually the weather, dont ask TOO many personal questions, and then go from there.

You can look up 'icebreakers'

some things anyone can talk about

the weather
what food they like
any brothers and sisters?
gardening
cars
what book are you reading.
what are your thoughts on jeans

maybe lay off the 'are you married, how old are you, whats your address, what is your job, what school did you go to, how much do you earn in a year, who do you vote for ' type questions. You are not the IRS.

 

[Lanolin]

i think with the suburbanisation and the impact of the motorcar means everyone is in a rush
the pace of life is fast, if you on the motorway and can drive 100 km an hour and expect to be somewhere in 15 minutes

that doesnt allow you time to stop and smell the roses and appreciate your surroundings. You cannot form deep connections with the land if you spend most of your time driving over it having to be somewhere else.

 

[Lanolin]

sorry that was a tangent observation

It doesnt matter what others think of you thats their opinion and they can think well or less of you it doesnt matter ...even though this can make or break you if you allow it

What truly matters is what God thinks of you